Twilight Sparkle: Grand Galloping Gamer

by Blank Slate

Firing Range

Firing Range

A violent story by Blank Slate.
All character rights reserved by their owners. All rights to game concept of Halo copyrighted to Bungie.

It had been four months since that day. Four months spent becoming part of Equestria's top-ranked fighting team. Four months spent in front of her own personal television set. Four months of a flashback that concluded as a message blipped onto her screen, written in cyan text.

[Player AGENT RAINBOOM signed in]

Rainbow Dash's voice cut in over the blip noise. "Hey, Twilight! I guess that if you're on, you've got the Twi-Fi up again?"
"Rainbow, why don't you stop using that name? I called it the 'Disconnected Fidelity' charm."
"Yeah, that's boring. Twilight's Disconnected Fidelity. Twi-Fi. It fits."
"But any unicorn can do this spell; the game came with the instructions!"
"I still think we oughta name it after you."
"You know, I can disconnect you at any second. I cast the spell, I make the rules."
"Fine, fine, I'll stop naming awesome stuff after you. Hey, I just messaged the others, they oughta be on soon."

The very second she said that, another message appeared on Twilight's screen, this one written in pale yellow script.

[Player STEALTH BOMBER signed in]

"Umm, hello? Anypony there?"
"Fluttershy? Oh, good, you made it!"
"Well, I don't really have much else to do, so I figured I may as well blow some ponies up."
Rainbow was still not used to Fluttershy's love of Haylo. The pacifistic animal lover had initially been sickened by the warning labels, to say nothing of her discovery of the multipony objectives. But then, in one game, she found it. A small blue ball rotating lightly in its place. She had asked Twilight what it was, but the studious unicorn had no clue, and instead settled for the manual's description. "It says here that's a Cloaking Spell Field. It turns you invisible for a small time. Wow, wish I'd found that before..."

And now, Fluttershy's alter-ego, Stealth Bomber, was the bane of all snipers. Her skill with the auxiliary explosive spells while cloaked was infamous. And if not up close lobbing explosive spells into the fray, her long-distance aim with the Magic Missile spell was more than sufficient. She had, in two weeks of playing, racked up more explosive-spell-based kills than Twilight and Rainbow put together had in four. "It's really not that important, Rainbow. You know I can't play this game right unless nopony can see me," she would always say, but her records showed quite the opposite. In fact, the only one in the group with a higher kill ratio was...

[Player BALLOONATIC signed in] flared across the screen in bright pink.

"Oh, sweet Celestia... It's my turn to be against her, isn't it?" Rainbow spoke into the microphone. As if on cue, a high-pitched voice filled with entirely too much happiness shrieked into the headsets of all three ponies, attracting much more attention than was called for. "Aaahh! Oh. My. Gosh. Girls, it's been, like, foreveeeer since we played this! I mean, eight whole hours without my Haylo fix? I can't believe I'm even still sane!"
That's debatable, Twilight murmured to herself. Rainbow and Fluttershy spoke in unison. "Hello, Pinkie." The party pony in question already had her controller suckered onto her hooves, and was jabbering wildly into her mic. "Hey girls! I'm so excited for practice today, and Dashie? You bet you're on Twilight's team today! You always play on my team, and if you never play with Twilight, we'll lose the harmony we have when we get split up an' have to blow ponies up in squads!"
"Pinkie Pie, we always split into sets of three. Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity cover us, and you, AJ and I always go hunting up front. It's how we always play."

Pinkie blew a raspberry over the magical airwaves. "Yeah, but what if you get zapped in a two-minute respawn game? We'd be left without a decoy, and AJ hates fighting from a distance!"
"Yeah, I know she is. Gah, why is she so dead set on using her hooves for every kill anyway? I mean, there's a reason for the Bird's Eye spell, right? And to top it off, she even wonders why she has the worst kill/killed ratio of us!"
"Uh, sugarcube? Ah can hear every word yer sayin'."

Rainbow Dash's heart stopped momentarily. She had failed to see the lettering at the top of the screen, reading [Player BLACKJACK signed in] in pale orange. "Oh... hey..."
The farmer jiggled her headset a bit more comfortably before responding. "Yeah, hey. Listen, Ah don't really mind y'all talkin' about mah playin' style, but leave mah records out of it. So what if Ah'm usually the most killed? Does it really matter?"
"I guess not. Sorry about that, AJ."
"Not a problem, just take more care when- Ah, there's little miss fussbudget."

[Player GLORIOUS signed in] Was lit in bright white on each pony's screen, and a cultured voice suppressed a yawn. "Good afternoon girls. Sorry I couldn't sign in earlier, I had a big order to fulfill, and I'm somewhat tuckered out from the effort. I'm afraid I'll only stay awake for training today." Twilight's gamer grin slowly grew. All six members of the team were there now. Sniper Rarity. Decoy Dash. Support Gunner Twilight. War Machine Pinkie. Assassin Applejack. Demolition Expert Fluttershy. Time to commence the game.

"Alright girls," she spoke into her microphone, "today, I'd like to see us split into pairs. We'll be playing VIP mode, and the endzone's gonna be behind me. Pinkie, you're with me. Applejack, you and Fluttershy are our close quarters specialists, so see if you can get past us while Rarity and Rainbow cover you."
"What?" The cyan pegasus yelled. "I don't do cover work, remember? I have the worst aim of all of us!"
Rarity took a sip of some drink before adding her piece. "Exactly why we're training. If Pinkie is our best fighter, and you can cover Applejack and Fluttershy from her, then we'll know you've improved."
"Besides that, Ah'm just dying to see how well you complete yer mission knowin' that it's just gonna improve mah record." Applejack gloated. Rainbow sighed, getting into her comfy position. "Fine, I'll go along with this, but really, AJ, don't count on this working out too well..."

A few clicks from the control sticks and a map was chosen, a game was selected, and a countdown commenced. Five seconds elapsed until the male narrator's voice spoke up again.

Very Important Pony.

Six unicorns appeared on six seperate screens. Twilight was delighted, as usual, to see her character now no longer the gruff looking stallion from her first day of play, and instead a slender, armored mare. A purple starburst adorned both flanks, and the lilac body plates were accompanied by a deep purple faceplate. She looked at the five others around her. One unicorn, bright blue in appearance, was jumping up and down impatiently, waiting for orders. Next to it was a bright white mare in the slenderest armor choices available. The orange unicorn beside her, by contrast, had the bulkiest, sturdiest looking suit on, despite it having no functionality. Lastly was a pink and yellow pair, totally identical excluding colouring and of course the balloons and butterflies stamped on their respective flanks. Everypony tested their controls a bit before turning to face Twilight's avatar, Laser Lilac. Twilight adopted a more serious tone, their little pre-game tradition, before issuing her commands.

"Glorious, Rainboom, each of you find a long-distance spell and get up on that hilltop there." A stream of bright green balls of light hit the side of a far off hill, adorned with plenty of rocky cover. Although the top of the hill was wide open, the lower sides made excellent sniper nests. "There's a Bird's Eye up there for one of you, and on this map, there's a fifty-fifty chance of a Magic Missile appearing over near Green Base, near the auto-turret. Dodge it, and the book is yours.

"Blackjack, Bomber, I want you to start over at the sniper den with them. There's a short, clean trench with little cover to the right of the peak, or down on the left is a long, sheltered one. Or, if you think you can dodge mine and Balloonatic's magic, you could charge right at us. As clean as Glorious' aim might be, there's still two targets, and leaving one alive might be a mistake."
"Hey," a cyan speaker replaced the lavender one on everypony's screen, "I may be a lousy shot, but I'm still not that bad! I can probably get you both before she lines up a shot!"
"Good attitude, Rainboom. Balloonatic, grab any spell you want and head to Orange Base, near the VIP point. I'll get some Ear-Piercers and find you, okay?"
"Roger!" came the reply. Lilac turned and faced each pony in the group individually. "Alright then, Elemental Forces, move out!"

The ponies split up into four directions, with Blackjack, Glorious, and Stealth Bomber heading toward the hill Lilac had shot at earlier. Agent Rainboom, being the greatest of the team's decoys, ran for the supposed Missile spell, immediately encountering heavy streams of rapid spellfire. Balloonatic had totally vanished from anypony's screen, but they knew well enough not to question her methods. This left Lilac to run toward the bottom corners of the map to find her own weapons, picking up caches of hidden pamphlets along the way.

"Ah'm in position, C'mander Lilac. Glorious got herself a Bird's Eye, and Ah'm set up with a Concussion Pulse. How d'you want us goin' about this?"
"Wait for Bomber to get her equipment, then take either of the trenches below. I can't see Balloonatic anywhere, but I can see Rainboom headed your way. No clue what she's armed with." It turned out to be, of all things, the infamous Hyper Beam book. Her horn glowed an ominous black, with tendrils of red fading from it. She ducked behind a sheet of rock next to Blackjack before climbing up next to the sniper in white. "Hey, Glorious, think this'll work for long distance?"
"Good heavens! Where did you find that?"
"This map has a hollowed out rock behind the auto-turrets. You'll get hurt going there, but the Hyper Beam's always there!"
"Well, you'll have to show me once we're done with practice, alright? Oh, Pinkie- er, Balloonatic's set up near Orange Base, keep a bead on her while I scout around for Lilac."

Twilight, in the guise of Lilac, had to restrain herself from shouting into her mic. "Girls! We haven't started fighting yet! The best way to succeed is to prepare your spells first, remember? I'll say when we actually start. Balloonatic, you heard them, right?"
"Yuh-huh!"
"Good, then keep under cover. Rainboom's gonna put a hole through you if you stay in one place."

Eventually, Laser Lilac had gathered a small army's worth of spell-pamphlets and her beloved Ear-Piercers, charging up the steps that lead to Orange Base. She activated a private conversation between herself and Balloonatic. "Alright, I dropped a PA-Mine spell on the stairs as I climbed. Any smart pony's going to shoot that thing apart from a distance, so I'll need you to monitor where the attack comes from. Glorious will be the one to shoot it down if Rainboom's carrying a Hyper Beam. What spells have you got?" Balloonatic had all her favourites on hand, and made a clear show of it. "I got jelly-bombs, a Party-Piercer, and a Crystal spell!" Her horn glowed pink and a volley of gems passed right over Lilac's helmet. "Hey, watch out where you cast those things!"
"Whoops, sorry!"
"It's fine, just practice caution. Now, have you got anything for long-range?"
"Mmm... not really, Commander."
"It's fine, but now, Glorious is going to be harder to tackle. Now, Blackjack and Bomber, on the other hoof, should be easy. Blackjack loves an open fight, so expect her to come around on your left. She'll follow the exposed trench, so you can try to bomb her out. Bomber will doubtlessly take the sheltered path. As much as I wanna surprise her at that corner there, I'll need to back you up in case one of them slips by. Have any tertiary spells?"

"Oh, yeah! I picked up a Super-Jump Pad back there!"
"Good, let's trade places. As soon as Bomber slips that fourth wall there, I want that Pad sliding under her hooves. I'll take her down while she's in the air, got it?"
"Got it!" Lilac switched the private chat to open. "Alright, ladies, everyone in position?"
"Yup!"
"Yes!"
"Eeyup."
"Roger!"
"Same here."
In the real world, Twilight blew out her candles, darkening her room and making the television seem brighter. "Game on!"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Blackjack and Bomber decided not to split up at all. Both ran down the covered trench, Bomber hiding just behind the bulkier unicorn. In Lilac's zoomed-in perspective, only the orange mare could be seen. She fired off a few needles from her horn, forming a straight line across Blackjack's path. Unperturbed, the juggernaut continued running, dropping into a crouch simultaneously with Bomber as they dashed behind a wall. There were several light clinking noises as more needles bounced off the stone surface they hid under, followed by a wave of pink crystals popping up above. Blackjack activated her private chat with Stealth Bomber. "Hoo-wee, that was close! Glad she started out with warnin' shots! You really think she can't see you behind me?"
"Oh, certainly. Your brother and I tested it out with Vinyl Scratch, and she couldn't spot me either."
"Hold on- Big Macintosh plays?"
"Yes, lots of ponies we know do. I'll introduce you to them after practice. Eep!"

One of Lilac's auxiliary spells detonated near their cover, jarring the two into action. "Right, you stay here, Ah'll run the other way. Ain't nopony besides me that knows yer back here, so Ah'll go lead Lilac and Balloonatic's fire off yer hide. When you wanna move ahead, git Rainboom to open up that Hyper Beam on 'em. The distraction oughta get you time to run behind more cover. Ready?" The pale yellow mare's horn glowed white, extending a forked blade of white light. "Let's do this! ...If that's okay with you..."

While the close-quarters duo discussed tactics, Agent Rainboom and Glorious were arguing back and forth over who would shoot Balloonatic.
"C'mon, princess! I'm the one who has something to prove here!"
"Your spell's charge is too precious to waste unless she stands still, and we both know that won't happen." Far off, near the Orange Base, the pink unicorn in question kept bouncing in figure-eights, as if to prove Glorious' point. "Why not take down Lilac instead? She's a much easier target."
"Because, she's only third best of all of us! If I take down Balloonatic, I'll get more respect!"
"I think that should only be done if we're in the middle of a real game, not a simple training exercise. Even if your scores improve, it'll only be against us, not against those ruffians that play and devote their lives to this game."

Rainboom pointed her horn at Glorious' purple faceplate, the red and black light on the tip growing larger as she prepared the spell. "Here's how it's gonna work: You never miss, so you take down Lilac. I'm awesome, and have the best magic, so I get Balloonatic. If you refuse, I blast you. I mean, she's what, number four on the All-Equestrian boards? I'm number thirteen! If I take her down, I'll be legendary, so let me do it, alright?"

Glorious jumped at the last second as the spell, which Rainboom forgot she had been charging, vaporized the space the white mare previously occupied. Her character stepped closer to Rainboom, and the red button on Rarity's controller clicked in. She kicked Rainbow's avatar upside the head, depleting her forcefield. "Watch where you aim that thing, you loose-cannon lout! You nearly shot your own ally!"
"Heh-heh, sorry..."
'I should hope you are! Now, I can see Lilac's armor from here. I'll take her out right now if it means you'll focus on the game, not being number one on some silly statistics board."
"Rainboom, Glorious, once again, you forgot to check who's listening."

In reality, both Rarity and Rainbow gasped, with the white unicorn instinctively pressing the button inside the right stalk. A thin beam of orange light escaped her horn, nearly grazing Lilac's right back leg as she dodged behind cover. "Next time, girls, try private communications! Now, Balloonatic!" Two cameras turned to the point Pinkie's character had been bouncing at. She wasn't there. The two snipers knew that she was least dangerous when visible. They turned slowly, knowing the fate that faced them. Two jelly-bombs stuck to the faceplates of either unicorn as a third one, dressed in bright pink armor, hopped nimbly over and dropped down the side of the hill rapidly.
"Happy trails, girls!"

Blue light flashed everywhere, and two armored corpses sailed in different directions. Two more notches on the butt of Pinkie Pie's party cannon. She giggled, and ran back to Orange Base, skirting the side of the open trench from behind. There was nopony in it. Her mind twigged on the only valid explanation, and she ran off to her nest at the foot of the massive orange building.

The private chat icon blipped onto Twilight's screen. She pressed the appropriate button, regretting her decision immediately. "TWILIGHT! Er, I mean, COMMANDER LILAC! Nopony's in the big open trench over there, and you know what that means?"
"I can guess! Sneak attack!" She spun in place, pushing down on both stalk-buttons and firing a double spray of metal spikes clean through Stealth Bomber, who had been preparing an auxiliary spell from behind. One of Lilac's needles hit the ball of cyan light on the end of Bomber's bladed horn, detonating the jelly-bomb just before it could be fired. Fluttershy had no chance of survival. She set the controller down, shrugged, and took the explosion in stride. Applejack, however, would not be so easily rebuked. She had stayed hidden in the trench, but with respawns disabled, the only way she could win would be to take down two of her three most skilled friends. She sighed, and broke cover.

More metal spikes whizzed over head, one or two biting into Blackjack's forcefield. She continued her charge, the gray light on her horn building and building until she stepped close enough. Her entire shield bar was now drained, but this was her only chance. There was a massive woosh! as Blackjack released her spell. Gravity took its toll on Laser Lilac, propelling her deceased form into the sky. In the real world, Twilight groaned, but saw the silver lining in this situation. It was now a one-on-one deathmatch. Pinkie Pie's home turf.

"Oh, Blackjack? Where are you?" Balloonatic paced around the VIP zone, pointing her crystal-coated horn in an odd direction every once in a while. She was certain the orange mare would poke her helmet over a rocky outcrop eventually, opening herself to a firestorm of pink jewelled death. Eventually, her curious nature got the best of her, and she made her way down into the covered trench. There was the smoking crater where Stealth Bomber had detonated. Further on, she saw a row of metal spikes. But no Blackjack. Not a single solitary speck of orange to be seen. She frowned, and pointed her character back up to the VIP zone when an explosion rocked the screen. Blackjack's corpse bounced off a wall, killed by the pressure-activated mine Lilac had set up on the stairs in the opposite trench. Balloonatic hopped up and down in her joy.

"Yay, Applejack's dead! I win, I win!" As confirmation, the six friends' screens all darkened, showing a scoreboard of who had done what. The narrator's voice chimed in. "Player four wins." On Pinkie Pie's personal television, a blinking light showed her her own national scorecard. Her profile picture immediately went up a space, knocking a random green pony down to fourth place. Pinkie could hardly hold her excitement. "Ohmigosh! I'm number three now! I have the third best score in all of EQUESTRIA!!"

Her friends all applauded by clapping their hooves, offering encouragement. "Way to go, Pinkie!"
"Just two more ta go, then yer on top! Get 'er done, Balloonatic!"
"Um, I know it's kinda your thing and all, but I think we should have a party, if that's okay..."
"Fluttershy, you're a genius! I'm gonna go throw us a party!"
Twilight unintentionally brought the hammer of buzzkilling down. "Well, we should probably celebrate once you get to the top."

An awkward silence followed this comment. Everypony just sat there, unsure of what to say next. The tension forced Twilight to regain ground as quickly as she could. "Er, not that it'll be difficult for you. It'll just warrant an even bigger party once you're the best of the best, right? Only two ponies against the most feared six-mare team imaginable. What're their profile names? I wanna organize a match between us and them."

A scoreboard appeared on Twilight's screen, detailing everypony in the top two-hundred on a kill/killed ratio. Her own lavender avatar rested comfortably at spot number eight. Rainbow was, as she had said, number thirteen. Fluttershy, in a further contrast from her personality, held spot six safely. Fluttershy, as the highest ranked of the six beside Pinkie, read the top five out loud. "Number five, a stallion named Aegis. Four, who just got dethroned, another stallion, this one named Bubble Beat. Three is Balloonatic, and number two is a mare- I think it's Princess Luna!" She moved her control stalk onto the picture, clicking the button. Sure enough, a navy-suited mare with heavy leg armor and a black splotch on her rear, accented by a small white moon, showed up on the screen, under the incredibly fitting name NightMare Moon. The kill/killed ratio was a ridiculous 8313/0. The stuff of nightmares. Twilight let out a low whistle. "Girls, she's going to be tough to beat..."

Rainbow's voice came in loud and clear to everypony. "Holy hay! Look at the number-one player!" Everypony clicked out of their menus, opening the scoreboard up. At the very top was a picture of a pure black stallion in light armor, the very image of terror. Even the faceplate had been changed to black. The cutie mark on the side of the armor was either not there at all, or the same colour as his armor. At the top of the profile, two words were lit in gold text. Split Screen. He was, to put it bluntly, untouchable. Zero deaths on field. No damage ever taken. Besides Pinkie Pie and Luna, he was the only player with no deaths. But it was his kill count that was to be feared. 9826/0.

"IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!" Pinkie screamed into her headphones. Her own was a rather impressive 8106/0, but she was a whopping one-thousand seven hundred kills behind. "Twilight, Fluttershy, you have to help me kill some ponies, fast! Let's join a game, and you rush them to me. I'll burn them when they get close by!"
"Now, hold on there, Pinkie," Applejack called into her mic. "Don't rush this, just find some new players to go against and get a few easy kills."
"Applejack, I don't think that's exactly sporting, is it?" Rarity shuddered at the thought. "Taking down the weak and inexperienced will get her nothing. I say she should gather up a weaker team and challenge us! We won't hold a grudge, the other players will get some good training, and Pinkie gets more practice and kills. She's already proven she can beat any of us, so we can't train with her. This Aegis fellow, now he sounds like a good competitor. Maybe you should team up with him and rally a horde to fight Split Screen?"

Twilight found one flaw in the logic. "Wait, wait, who'll organize them? Pinkie can't organize the laces on her snowboots!"
"You're just saying that so you can be team leader, aren't you?"
"No, Rainbow, I'm not. We always win in team fights because we each know what we're supposed to be doing. If there's nopony in charge, Pinkie's team will get destroyed!"
"An' how exactly do you know this, Twi?"
"Shining Armor is Aegis. He's led an entire ten-pony team against somepony he called 'the crack-shot colt.' Everypony got killed in five minutes, and only ten spells were fired. Split Screen, I'm guessing, is him. Look at his hit/miss ratio."

Once again, they each opened up the scorecard. Split Screen had never missed a shot. The chilling thing was his amount of spells fired. Nine-thousand, eight-hundred and twenty six. Every spell he'd ever cast killed somepony. "See, girls? Even my brother, who's better than most of us, got killed in one shot, along with another nine players. We can't compete against Split Screen by ourselves, or with some ragtag group of gamers. We need the best team we can muster to fight him." Nopony heard her. They were all transfixed by his record. "He never misses!?" Rainbow cried. "He won a one-on-ten match in only ten spells? Who is this guy?"

Twilight clicked on the "biography" button on her screen. Split Screen's personal details popped up.

Age: N/A
Gender: Male
Location: N/A
Breed: N/A
Coat: N/A
Mane/Tail Colours: N/A
Currently Feeling: Unrivalled
Cutie Mark: N/A
Interests: Haylo
About: I am Split Screen, destroyer of worlds. Come one, come all, play against me alone or in groups, and see what futility truly is.
Online: Yes.

"Well, he's an awfully... reclusive stallion, no?" Rarity clicked her hooves together uncomfortably.
"Geez, he's awfully sure of himself, huh?" Rainbow tried to suppress the jealousy she felt for his rank.
"More like full o' himself," Applejack remarked.
"Oh, my... I bet he plays like a dragon..." Fluttershy whimpered.
"Even Shining Armor and his nine best soldiers couldn't stop him, apparently..." Twilight shook her head. They'd need all fifteen of the sixteen player slots available to stand a chance against Split Screen.
"I know! Let's get a whole bunch of ponies together and stomp this guy!" Pinkie was smiling once more. "It'll be like a big old Pinkie Party! Only, not a party, more like a war against a super-accurate death-dealing pony soldier, but still! Let's get all the gamers in town to pitch in and finally tear this guy apart!"

Fluttershy liked this idea. "Pinkie? I know a few good gamers in town we should try. Applejack, can you ask Big Macintosh if he'll try? And Twilight, see if you can get your brother to help, too. With all the right ponies for support, Pinkie might be the first pony to ever beat this nasty Split Screen! I'll send word out to my other friends, and we'll see who's best for the job." Twilight had to agree, Fluttershy's method was surely their best hope. "Well, Pinkie, we've got some work to do if you wanna be gamer number one, huh?"
"Yeah! Wait, what are you gonna do?"
"Me? I'm going to lead the greatest virtual fighting force Equestria has ever known!"

To be continued...

Comments

[Chaotic Note]

Plays like a dragon+No cutie mark=

[Rainbow_Dashtruction]

Fluttershy, as the highest ranked of the six

You literally just said Pinkie was rank 3, and the Flutters was rank 6. *slow clap*

[Twisted Code]

Lol "Twi-Fi"

[Player BALLOONATIC signed in] flared across the screen in bright pink."Oh, sweet Celestia... It's my turn to be against her, isn't it?" 

I can just imagine her shouting this into the mic when she logs in: "Isn't this exciting are you excited cause I'm excited I've never been so excited well except for the time I saw that I won for the 100th time and I went *deep gasp* but I mean really who can top that?"

As soon as Bomber slips that fourth wall there

: "What fourth wall? It's more a screen... Oh you meant literally. Silly me!"

"IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!" Pinkie screamed into her headphones.

Pinkie, this is a fanfiction not an anime
:so?

[Hekate Sketch]

I'm going to go on a limb and say that this "Split-Screen" is Sombra I'm probably wrong, but who cares? I want to guess randomly.

[Cauchemar]

3389015 I was guessing button mash