Chapter 2
“Okay guys, I get that the launching bridle broke. It’s rare, but it happens. No big deal, you fix it, I live to fly another day. What I don’t understand is how in the HAY my jet DIED without WARNING. What if I was in flight? What if I was taking off? I couldn’t even open my feathering CANOPY! If my jet had rolled off the edge of the runway, I’d be bucking DEAD! So, who’s got big enough swingers to explain to me why my bucking JET couldn’t even make to to the end of the bucking RUNWAY?!”
Needless to say, I am a little bit upset. It doesn’t help that it took over an hour for the crew to get me out of the cockpit. Don’t judge me, you’d be pissed off too.
“Lieutenant, I understand that you’re upset, but please calm down. We’re not even the ones who worked on your jet! We were called in to audit the maintenance crew that worked on your jet last. We did an inspection on the electrical system and found that the loss of power was caused by an accidental disconnection of the main power relay.”
He pauses and waits for me to comment, but I continue to glare at him without saying a word. It’s enough to make him feel uncomfortable, he shuffles on his hooves a little bit, then looks back at the crew gathered behind him for support. They do their best to avoid eye contact. Yeah, totally not getting out of this one, bud.
He sighs and looks at the floor, then says, “Okay Lieutenant, I’ll break it all down for you so it’s easy to understand. The main power relay is a high-power electronic switch that’s controlled by the main power toggle switch in the cockpit. When you actuate the power toggle on your instrument panel, you’re sending low voltage to a small electro-magnet that operates the larger, high-voltage switch inside of the relay. It’s a small switch that controls a bigger switch. The relay itself fits into a socket kind of like an electrical outlet. It appears as though the relay was plugged into the socket, but the technician didn’t properly bolt it in, allowing it to come loose due to shock and vibration. Honestly, you’re lucky it happened before you were in the air.”
“Okay, so I lost power because some featherbrain didn’t tighten some bolts. That explains why my jet died. It totally shouldn’t have happened, and I’m still totally pissed off about it, but I know it wasn’t your fault. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, please explain why in the hay I couldn’t open my canopy. Do you have any idea how horrible it is to be trapped in a confined space with no conceivable way out? Not to mention the fact that I could have DROWNED! It’s a damn good thing I didn’t try to punch out, I’d probably have ended up like Lieutenant Goose!”
The technician winces at the mention of the Goose incident. It serves as an extreme example of the dangers of ejection, definitely not the way I plan on going out. That sort of kills the conversation for a second.
“Look, I’m not trying to bust your balls, I just want to find out what happened to my jet and prevent anything like this from happening to anypony else. If you find any information that might help me out, let me know.”
Just as I finish the last sentence, my eyes spot movement in the back of the room just in time to see the door close behind someone. Some of the regular crew was missing, so I didn’t recognize all the faces in the crowd, but it definitely seems like someone slipped out. Maybe they just couldn’t handle all the pressure. I do tend to have that effect at times.
With that, I excused myself and headed back for the barracks. I need a shower, again. The sun pretty much baked me the whole time I was in the cockpit, this flight suit is great for the chill of high altitude, but it’s pure Tartarus inside of a confined space with no air flow. I’m not exactly smelling fresh as a flower right now either, if you know what I mean. Not to mention, it’ll give me time to cool off a bit and calm down.
I walk through the ship, taking my usual path through the halls until I reach the little bunk room that LD and I share. Finally, I can relax for a moment. Time to get out of this terrible suit. It’s easy enough to loosen the straps without help, but with the way it’s stuck to me, I have an extremely hard time peeling it off. Somehow, I manage to get it done and tuck it away for laundry pickup. Time to hit the shower.
As the water splashes over my head, all I can think about is how close I came to almost getting killed in the most uncool way possible. What happened? You’d think something that important wouldn’t get overlooked. There’s no way a mistake like that would go unnoticed, right? I wonder who worked on my jet last… That might be worth looking into.
I probably was being too harsh with those guys, but I had every right to be angry; I almost died because of somepony’s careless mistake! Celestia would be pissed if that happened. I’m lucky she even let me join the military, being an element of harmony and all. I guess I made myself a big enough nuisance at the palace to justify her putting me on a ship as far away as the Equestrian borders will allow. That’ll teach her to try and keep me somewhere I don’t wanna be. It’s not like I could have done anything important there anyway, at least here I feel like I’m being useful.
A sudden chill in the water lets me know that showertime is over. I hop out before the water has time to reach hypothermia status. After drying off and slipping into a fresh uniform, I remember that I forgot to eat after my jet tried to kill me. I am feeling a bit hangry, maybe food will make me feel more optimistic about my day, at least it’s been more exciting than usual. Hmm, a cup of coffee would be nice too… and maybe somepony brought muffins. To the ready lounge it is.
With that decision out of the way, I head out, barging through the horde of earth ponies crowding the halls as fast as traffic would allow. On the way, I run into a few of the ponies from the crew that I yelled at earlier. They did their best to avoid eye contact and stay as far away as the narrow halls would let them, though, it’s kind of impossible to be too far away from anypony in this tin can. For a moment, I feel just a little bit guilty for being so harsh with those guys, seeing as how they didn’t even work on my jet before I attempted to take off… but only for a moment. I’m sure they understand.
After I navigate maze of hallways that lead to the ready room, I finally arrive to see a few pilots kicking back in their swanky pilot chairs. I grab a cup of the Derpy brew, and a big, fat, chocolate chip muffin. What? After all that stress, a mare is entitled to a little bit of chocolate to help her relax.
I sit down at the table and take a big slurp of coffee. Tastes even better than earlier… some of the water must have evaporated away. Thank Celestia for Derpy and her inability to read the fine print of the suggested preparation guide on the back of the coffee can. If she actually followed the instructions, we’d have a bunch of pissed off pilots drinking steaming cups of brownwater. Sometimes, it’s the small things that matter most. Especially in the morning.
Of course, as soon as I start chewing a big bite of muffin, Fire Streak decides it would be a good time to start asking stupid questions.
“Hey Dash, I heard you almost ran your jet off the end of the runway today! What happened? You didn’t get into any trouble for almost destroying your jet, did you?”
A scowl crosses my face as I finish chewing my muffin, taking time to formulate an appropriate, rational response.
“You think it was my fault that happened? How could it possibly be my fault? The feathering launching bridle broke off and then the main power relay came loose! The bucking canopy wouldn’t even open! It’s a damn good thing the power went out after the jet stopped, otherwise, that cockpit would have quickly become a watery grave. So yeah, my jet almost rolled off the end of the runway today. No, I didn’t get into any trouble. But, if I find out which featherbrain is responsible for my near death experience, they’ll damn sure be having some trouble!” Okay, so maybe I let that get under my skin a bit more than I should have.
Streak’s weak attempt at holding back his laughter fails miserably. After his little giggle fest is over, he manages to croak out a reply.
“There’s no need to be upset Dash! I was just worried about you, that’s all. It isn’t my fault someone gave me the wrong information. We only know what they tell us over the radio.”
“You mean they told everypony that it was my fault that the jet feathered up! Oh, BUCK ME!”
With that little outburst, Blaze decides to step in to the conversation. “Come on Fire Streak, you’re giving the situation more of a negative spin than it really deserves. Yes, they said that your jet almost rolled off the end of the runway. However, they never said that it was specifically your fault. I think Streak here just wanted to see you squirm.”
He shoots the other stallion a dirty look from across the table, then turns back to me. “Quit trying to get her all riled up, Streak. I seem to remember you having a hard time landing on the flight deck your first few months. She’s never had a single accident, even during training. I’d say Dash here is a much better pilot… no, a much better flyer than you’ll ever be.” He winks at me, then adds, “Not to mention she’s much better looking.”
“Oh, shut up Blaze! You’re just trying to get under her tail.”
Blaze and I share a laugh at Fire Streak’s expense, though he didn’t seem too upset.
“Well, I do agree that she’s much better looking than me. So, Dash… If that whole thing wasn’t your fault, what did happen?”
“I told you, the launching bridle broke of—”
“Yes, yes… I already know what happened. I guess the question I really want to ask is why. I mean, I’m sorry it happened and I’m glad you’re okay… But I’d like to know what actually caused it. If there’s something going on with these jests, I think we all deserve to know about it.”
Silence falls upon the table for the moment as we all think about the possibilities, giving me me time to put together an answer.
“Well, this is the first time anything like this has happened, that I know of, at least. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with our jets... mine maybe, but nopony else has had any problems. As far as I can tell, it looks like one of the mechanics feathered up. As long as nothing like this happens again, I probably won’t be to worried about it. I mean, sure I’m pissed that it happened, but it’s not gonna be enough to keep me out of the cockpit.”
“Well, as long as it’s not my jet, I guess I don’t need to worry about it too much either. Let’s hope the mechanics don’t make a habit out of making dangerous mistakes.”
“Yeah, I’ll second that. Hopefully nothing like this happens to anypony else.”
Of course, nothing ever happens the way I want it to. As soon as Blaze finishes his sentence, somepony in a white vest barges through the door and says, “Dash! It’s Lightning Dust, she’s called in for an emergency landing!”
I immediately jump out of my chair. “What’s going on? Is she okay?” He starts to respond, but I cut him off. “There’s no time to sit here and talk! You can tell me about it on the way.”
“On the way to where?”
“We’re going to the LSO platform. I’m running paddles.”
“You can’t just go up there and do it yourself!”
“You gonna stop me?”
“...Fine, let’s go.”
We head out and make our way out to the flight deck as fast as possible. I snag a float coat and some eye/ear protection on the way out the door.
I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t have time to think about it. Right now, all I need to do is get up there and help her make her landing.
It might have been a little bit against the rules for me to fly across the deck and up to the Landing Signals Officer platform without orders, but in my experience it’s always easier to get forgiveness than permission. As soon as my hooves hit the door, the lead LSO walks up as if he was expecting me.
“Alright Dash, if you’re gonna do this, you better make sure you do it right. Dust might only have one shot at this, and we still don’t know exactly what’s going on. I know I’m not gonna be able to talk you out of anything once your mind’s made up, so I won’t even try. But remember, if you feather this up, it’s not just your ass on the line. Your partner’s life, my career, maybe even some of the other LSO’s too.”
He steps back away from the console. “She’s all yours.”
The caution light had come as a complete surprise. One minute I was flying over the beach and counting another combat mission to my credit, the next I was troubleshooting what "MAIN HYD LOW PRESS WARN WTFBBQ" meant. Other than some sort of problem with the jet's hydraulics, the blinking light doesn't tell me anything. It doesn’t even have the good grace to flash it in Morse code. I hear that feature is coming with the next software upgrade.
I consult my checklist and realize that this particular problem will require aborting the mission. I sigh and key the radio. "This is Cupcake One-Two declaring an emergency."
Fleetfoot and I talk it out as we turn around and head back to the boat. My jet doesn't feel wounded, but hydraulic problems can manifest in all sorts of different ways. I just have to figure out what is going to happen before it decides to kill me. Wonderful.
We radio ahead so they know to expect us. Fleetfoot takes the lead. If my jet crashes, it'll block the landing area so she can't land. So instead, she lands first, leaving me to fly around a little longer with a potentially crippled jet.
Biding my time, I look out at at the ship below me. Celestia’s Assistant, named after a couple of special helpers to the princess over the years, isn’t a bad ship I guess. Other than the downside that cheeky aviators routinely shorten the name to Celestia’s Ass, or simply The Ass.
After Fleetfoot is safe on deck and it’s my turn, I enter the landing pattern. Pulling the levers for landing gear, flaps, and tailhook, I throttle back and bring the jet into the final approach. Being a cheeky aviator, I am lined up straight for The Ass and coming in hard.
Rainbow is on the radio. "Cupcake One-Two, you’re at one mile. Call the ball."
There's nopony I'd rather have on the platform at a moment like this. Either she uses her considerable skills to help me land perfectly, or I can blame a mistake on her. It's win-win.
"Cupcake One-Two, ball," I reply, spotting the lighted landing signal that means I'm coming in at just the right angle.
“Roger ball, twenty eight knots of wind over the deck,” Rainbow replies.
At the one hundred fifty knots I'm moving, the boat gets a lot larger in only a few seconds. An instant before I touch down, just when I think I'm golden, Rainbow shouts, "Waveoff! Cupcake One-Two, where is your tailhook?"
I firewall the throttles and pull back on the stick, my face flushing red. It's the most rookie blunder ever, forgetting to lower your tailhook. But as I reach for the lever, I realize that I've already pulled it. The hydraulics must have failed to lower the hook.
I quickly communicate this. No way am I going to let them think this is my fault. Several long seconds pass. I can practically hear paddles, the maintenance crew, and fellow pilots all brainstorming how to fix the problem.
Finally, "Cupcake One-Two, you're going to have to take the barrier."
My teeth clench. Instead of my jet catching a wire, the ship is going to put up a net to stop me. Oh joy. There's no time to dread it, though. In just a few minutes they're ready and asking me to come down.
I reenter the landing pattern and swing the jet into position. I can see that the barrier has been strung up across the landing area. I cringe as I line up for it. If any of the heavy fabric straps do something they shouldn't, I'm going to get a facefull of them. If my jet isn't positioned just right, or the canopy breaks, or anything else, I could be in for a bad time.
The wheels hit the deck. I have just enough time to chop the throttles and stomp the brakes before the jet plows into the barrier, the net swathing the jet like a fish in a... well, a net. Shut up, you'd be bad at similes too if you were going from one-fifty to zero in two seconds.
I survive. That's good. Looking around, I see a rush of ponies coming up to my jet. Rainbow is one of the first ones there. I frown, only just now realizing that she should be flying her own jet right now.
The canopy has to be untangled from the net before it will open. It takes a few minutes and I wait impatiently for them to get me out. I have the presence of mind to safe the ejection seat and begin disconnecting my radio and oxygen gear from the jet.
When I finally climb out, everypony cheers. Confused, but not one to turn down free cheers, I wave and smile.
"What happened?" Rainbow asks.
"The jet broke."
"So did mine."
I shrug and start to walk away from the jet. "Well, we're both here and can't go flying. What are we supposed to do for the rest of the day?"
Rainbow looks glum. "Paperwork, probably."
I wince. She's right. "Unless..."
"Unless we get the maintenance guys to do it since they fix the planes so it's kind of like their job anyway?" she provides.
I grin. "It's like you read my mind."
We go to lunch. Over limp lettuce and stale hay, Rainbow tells me about the problems she had with her aircraft. She looks at me like she wants some sympathy. Screw that, she didn't have to land a jet in a net.
“Strange that two jets had serious problems on the same day,” I comment.
“Yeah,” Rainbow agrees, “and it’s really strange that the two jets happen to belong to the same bunkmates. Almost too strange.”
I arch an eyebrow. “You think there’s a spy here that’s trying to kill the two of us?”
“Well, I don’t know about that, but… I just think it’s too much of a coincidence that the only two jets that have malfunctioned since we got here just happen to be ours, and it just happened to be on the same day. I’m not trying to jump to conclusions here, but I think somepony might have sabotaged our jets on purpose.”
“Or, y’know, maybe due to this long deployment the warranties expired yesterday and our equipment is manufactured to such exacting tolerances that it reaches the end of its service life exactly as planned.”
Both of us burst out laughing. Everyone knew that the jets didn’t come with warranty.
“Okay,” I say, wiping away tears of humor, “Let’s see if we can figure out what’s going on.”
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5756913 It is what it is.
5756929 It's not badly written. Just found it kinda underwhelming. No offense.
The coverart... that Buck's handi-work?
5756943 give it another chance... I am positive TNAB will not disappoint.
5757022 He rarely does.
5757032 now... if I could convince him and V-Pony to be online more often... maybe we can get that Brony Defense Chat channel rolling this time... especially now that I have a system that can make the videos and stuff that much better.
5757022 Yep, Buckweiser gave me permission to use it.
Damn it, this is like the 3rd or 4th one that's kind of similar to something I thought if.
Are you psychic?
5757060
For the record I've offered to help with it a few times. I just assumed you guys quit.
It should be "hungry"
Let's hope she used lube...
I hope the other side has even worse jets, or else Equestria is gonna lose this war... Unless someone indeed wants to kill Rainbow and Lightning.
5757200 She's hungry-angry.
5757216
Oh yeah. Silly me...
Crappy jets due to crappy budget? Did the American Congress & President Oboma get their hands on equestrian taxes?
5757133 if we can get the ball rolling again, I think you would be a welcome addition. The issue seems to be time. I am guessing that TNAB has been as busy as V-Pony lately.
5757331
It depends on who you want, really. I've got a few good friends here who are in the service who may enjoy it. So there could be another with those additions. Course all the new people coming in wouldn't have the same original crew as the first, but having extras gives some additional ability if others are unavailable.
5757394 that is what I need to talk to TNAB and V-pony about, so that we can get things settled down and sorted
Only complaint I have is that nopony has referred to the jet jocks as "Prench whores" yet. Other than that, the Bird farm has no pickets?
Oh hey, you posted it! I guess we have to get back to work on the next two chapters. I definitely dig that cover art, my thanks to Buck for making it and being kind enough to let us use it on our story. Thanks to TNaB for working on this collab with me and having great taste in pony art. You rock!
5756913
You try making the first two chapters of a story called "War is Boring" exciting! It should get more entertaining over time... in theory. I blame TNaB.
5757216 ,
5761791
Great start! I've gotta wonder that things will get munch less boring for Dash & Co. Real soon, as there must be a reason somepony wanted to take both her and LD out at the same time.
Gremlins did it
5764436
How did you know?! Now we have to rewrite the next few chapters... Thanks, Obama.
5766220
At least their not trying to fly F-22s. Those things don't need to be sabotaged to fall apart.
Does the F/A-41Q have a design yet?
5778988 Not that I'm aware