Children, such a word can be described as the single most precious word for any parent, who hopes to embrace one of their own.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I really liked Aiden's interaction with Aria and I'm curious as to how Hazel would react to the rumors. Also, I'm curious as to why Crlestia is keeping Adago a secret. Still, this was quite the entertaining chapter.
5864437
While i agree it was interesting chapter content wise i felt there was way to much verbal dialog and it made the chapter feel very list like. i had a hard time getting into the story because of that. i didn't feel like the characters did a whole lot except talk to each other.
Some advice if i may recommend is that for every line of dialog try to have between 2 to 4 lines of describing what the character is doing while they say that line. about 80% of all communication is non-verbal and plays a major part in setting the context of a conversation. having the 2-4 lines of action helps build character personality traits without coming flat out and saying them as well giving hints to their current mood. basically it boils down to show, don't tell
It is the little nuances like this that make the difference between good chapters and great chapters. I hope you keep up the good work and i can't wait to see your next chapter!
5865053 yeah I know a majority of this chapter is just setting up Dago as a major character eventually things will go where Aiden a.k.a you have other things to do most of the dialogue again is just set up eventually I'll try to set things in stone
Okay, I like it. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to see what you have in store for me later.
Again, good work.
hmmmm. i like
stayclassy
The grammar mistakes don't really bother me, but one suggestion I have is you need to make it more clear who is talking in a conversation. Back and forth dialogue is usually pretty clear, but combined with poor grammar it becomes difficult to keep track of.
Alright. It seems the Aiden has dug himself into a hole. A deep one at that. I'm scared of what will happen when the truth comes to light. Who will be the most mad at Aiden?
2?
2?
2?!?!
OCD ACTIVATED...
EXTERMINATE!
EXTERMINATE!
EXTERMINATE!
Great story by the way!