- Member Since 5th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen January 22nd
Aleksandr Sherbet
Mediocre FanFic writer and Pro shoutcaster! "You wouldn't shoot a guy with glasses!
Aleksandr Sherbet
Joined 5th Feb, 2013 ·
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I like this story so far. Aiden's brotherly affection towards Rarity and Sweetie is cute and his interaction with a Twilight and Shy is adorable. I hope the next chapter of this story comes soon.
*reads story* !!!!!!!! *smiles like pinkie pie on drugs*
I dont like it ..... I LOVE IT
haz potential. shall keep an eye on it
What does Aiden look like?
I love this story sooooo much!!!
It's best! I can't wait for more!!!
Ps. Filly why is so adorable it makes me wanna explode! :D
I enjoyed this chapter.
Wait, so Aiden is too young to go out into the city alone, but his younger sister rarity is old enough to own her own business?
5841987 it's more of protection, not a lot of ponies know what he is. Plus the city is huge he doesn't know every guard and can't rely on Celestia since most ponies would think he's crazy if he starts spouting random crap like he's Celestia student or something
5842325 ok
not bad
I really liked Aiden's interaction with Aria and I'm curious as to how Hazel would react to the rumors. Also, I'm curious as to why Crlestia is keeping Adago a secret. Still, this was quite the entertaining chapter.
5864437
While i agree it was interesting chapter content wise i felt there was way to much verbal dialog and it made the chapter feel very list like. i had a hard time getting into the story because of that. i didn't feel like the characters did a whole lot except talk to each other.
5865053 yeah I know a majority of this chapter is just setting up Dago as a major character eventually things will go where Aiden a.k.a you have other things to do most of the dialogue again is just set up eventually I'll try to set things in stone
Okay, I like it. Keep up the good work, and I can't wait to see what you have in store for me later.
Again, good work.
hmmmm. i like
stayclassy
Wow, this chapter progressed fast and Aiden got a lot of admirers.
I like it so far can't wait to see the next chapter
hmmmi492.photobucket.com/albums/rr289/axlthehedgehog_2008/responses/bzL3egt.gif
stayclassy
Dramatic chapter, man. Good job.
id go with mature but its your story do what you want
It's nice to see some reconciliation.
Politic correctness inside me screams:"Ellie is a doe not a mare!!"
Platonic feelings not Plutonic
hahaha uh Just go with mature. You already went that far, might as well go all the way.
If, You can fit in some gore without deviating from your original plan, than I would like that. Don't ask me why, but I always do like a bit of gore in the stories I read.
5952381 that's how far I can go without violating the rules and odds are it'll stay a teen story.
Since when did Aiden have a daughter? That just came outta nowhere!
Great chapter.
5961215 whoops that's a fuck up
hahaha i love it
stayclassy
mature plz
Update soon?
neat
stayclassy
Great chapter. Like Aiden's interaction with Shy, Aloe, Lotus, and Vinyl.
Sorry mate, but I'm downvoting this one. Grammar, sentence structure and dialogue are all shoddy at best and had me cringing from the beginning. I couldn't bring myself to actually read past the third paragraph, and had to skim from there in order to at least give the plotline a shot. Unfortunately this looks to be another one of those wish-fulfillment type things, and while I certainly have no room to judge based on that fact alone as I'm currently fleshing out the plan for one of my own, I simply not interested enough in the situation you've presented to give it a pass either.
That having been said, don't stop writing just because one guy on the internet didn't enjoy your story. I may not like reading it, but so long as you like writing it it'll be worth your time. Never forget that.
I smell a bigger herd
6117747 it's okay thanks for at least taking a look. :D
good job keep it up
The grammar mistakes don't really bother me, but one suggestion I have is you need to make it more clear who is talking in a conversation. Back and forth dialogue is usually pretty clear, but combined with poor grammar it becomes difficult to keep track of.
6167767 yeah I've been told that, honestly I'm trying to improve but it's difficult when the person who wrote is reading it. As its usually isn't as critical as when a person who isn't the writer writes it.
Another good chapter you have here, and I can't wait to read more of it.
PS. Good choice in music
Needs an editor to get the English fixed up... say out loud what your typing and you can generally figure out what the problem is. Its really choppy.
I love how this story is starting out. Aiden also being affected by the Sonic Rainboom. Will he be an Element of Harmony as well?
Alright. It seems the Aiden has dug himself into a hole. A deep one at that. I'm scared of what will happen when the truth comes to light. Who will be the most mad at Aiden?
Aria is Aiden's actual girlfriend.
Hazel is his pretend girlfriend (I wonder how long that is going to last?)
Ellie and Minavera are two new friends he made.
Vinyl and the Spa Twins are very close friends of his.
Twilight (more than likely) has a crush on him.
Adagio has somehow fallen in love with him.
...
I sense a ticking time bomb.
Its good to see you back
I like this so far, also nice choice of magic for him
6596577 I'm gonna do a major re-write so you may not wanna continue since what's said isn't going to be canon later on. Or if ya do thanks
In this part:
I was confused because you say three years later, but he is still a year old. Also, who is Mars? You mentioned him, but I have no idea who he is. I will continue to keep an eye on this story.