ey man this is cool shit

if you keep writing i'll love you

By the way you had a typo there

He knew when he (missing the W)as defeated.

Interesting premise and good writing. A lot of OCs tend to rub the wrong way—especially when they just show up and start telling their story—but I have no problem with this. Keep it up!

Thor: This chapter i like it
you: Oh thats great because i worked really har...

Thor: ANOTHER! -slams chapter into the ground demanding MOAR-

Interesting,have to see more to say more lol.

Wonder what Celestia is up to now.

Got me tracking mate, i'll be looking forward to the next update

Hmmm... I don't know what to make of this... yet. Let's see how the other chapters come along.
3.5 out of 5.

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Good spotting, @mrheadhopper. I've fixed it now. I hope you enjoy the story as it unfolds.

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@Cast-Iron Caryatid: I was trying to avoid the whole 'let me tell you my life story' thing, and I'm glad I seem to have done so. The reason for that exposition is due to the fact that, in my experience, folks with a deforming injury react in one of two ways to folks always asking how it happened. Either they avoid talking about it at all, or they preemptively answer the questions. Coaldust struck me as the second type. I know you weren't complaining, just thought I'd show you a bit of what passes for thinking in my mind.

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@DoctorWhooves: I fully understand wanting to see more before making up your mind. I'm glad you are willing to give me a shot, at the very least. As for Puppetmeister Celest... ah, Princess Trolles... uh, Princess Mole... er, Princess Celestia she's working in the background, kinda like a bunraku puppeteer.

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@Grimdark Jester: Chapter 2 is up, enjoy!

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@Lucefudu: Thank you for giving me a chance at least. I know that the story won't appeal to every person who reads it. I just hope to tell the best story I can. Please continue to let me know what you think.

Delightful so far. I cannot wait to sink my Omnivorous teeth into the next chapter.

You have the same problem so far that I have with much of my writing. It is overly dominated by dialogue. The issue is that if you go to far the other way it is worse. In a lot of writing that I like to read, and that seems to be popular, there is always one thing in common: Actions dominate the paragraphs. Actions operate similarly to dialogue without being dialogue. When people just talk you only picture their voices, and when it is all description you get bored and lose interest. I have a hard time writing in the style I speak of, but it always seems to work.

This so far, is great xD but only one thing trifled me a bit. That was the use for the term filly. Whenever I think of fillies, i think of the cutie mark crusaders and stuff. I think the word that you are looking for is mare. But i just
Mentally replace the phrase filly with mare anyway in this fanfic. So far its great buddy, imma track this xD

Im having continuoty issues with the OC, first theres the impression that he is an older pony, but then it says colt at the end? Very confusing