I swiftly made my way over to Rarity, who had been standing by the girls bathroom, leaning against the lockers. She looked impatient at the time, as if she was waiting for someone. The second she noticed me she stood up and lowered her eyebrows, crossing her arms and scowling at me.
"Look Rarity, I'm not here to fight." I said as I rolled my eyes and put my hands up in surrender. Rarity hesitantly uncrossed her arms and returned to her position against the locker. "I just want to know...did you tell Twi...Twi...umm..." I couldn't think of the girl's name...of course, I had only heard it once, so it wasn't necessarily my fault.
"Twilight?" Rarity rudely interrupted my train of thought.
"Yeah, right, Twilight...did you…"
"Did I what!?" She snarled, her patience obviously wearing thin.
"...Did you tell her I thought she was a boy?" I scratched the back of my neck nervously.
"Ohh, you mean yesterday? Of course I did, darling." She smirked, making my eye twitch in fury. How dare she! That little…
"What!? Why would do that!? She probably hates me now!" I had been a little too loud. I knew this, but once my volume was turned up, there was no way to turn it back down.
"Why would you care, anyway? She's just the new girl that you've never met." Rarity's words startled me. Why did I care? 'That's a damn good question…' I thought. I've never even met this kid, and I had only known of her existence since the day before. It was extremely foolish for me to want to know so much about him- erm, her, just by seeing her from behind. It's not like I would be right about her personality or anything.
It's not like reading a smaller book meant she was reading for fun, and it definitely didn't prove that she was smart. Her clothes (that looked soft) couldn't prove that she was kind hearted and understanding. Her round shoulders couldn't prove she was weak and fragile.
There was no way to determine Twilight was how I had imagined. Unless, of course, I talked to her...
"I don't care.." I mumbled, and in that moment, I was taken aback by my sudden realization.
"Then why even bother, dear?" Rarity brought her shoulders and arms up in as shrug, hoping to end the conversation, but there was no way in hell I was done with her yet.
"I'm just worried it hurt her feelings, is all." I said quite defensively, as if trying to prove my innocence in court.
"You? Care about feelings?" She scoffed. "You know, she actually found it flattering that you had a crush on her."
A crush? I blushed furiously and opened my mouth to yell at Rarity, but something halted the sound coming out. That something was Twilight walking out of the girls bathroom.
"Hey Rarity! Thanks for waiting." Twilight's voice sounded sensitive, and it only matched the sweet, candy-coated smile she aimed at Rarity.
Damn that smile...
"Why of course, darling." It was while Rarity said this that Twilight noticed me standing dumbstruck a few feet away.
Twilight turned her attention to me, and surprisingly gave me the same smile she gave Rarity, but with a slight giggle. "Oh, hi." She said sweetly.
'I have to use this opportunity.' I thought. I let the words roll from my tongue with no means to stopping them, which had led to more of a ramble than I hoped. "Look, Twilight, I'm really really really sorry about yesterday. I wish Rarity hadn't told you, but since she did, all I can do is say I'm sorry." Twilight looked confused, and Rarity looked pissed.
"Told me what?" she asked, looking between me and Rarity in confusion.
"Nothing dear, let's just get back to the library. Free period is almost over." Rarity looked away as she tried to grab Twilight's arm and pull her along with her.
"You never told him..." I said in disgust as I narrowed my eyes at Rarity.
"I would love to help straighten this out, but for that to happen I'm going to need to know what's happening...?" Twilight suggested. "Rarity, who is she?"
I looked down at my ratty shoes. "I'm no one important to you. Forget about it." then I turned to walk back to the library, where Applejack had been waiting to hear how it went.
I sat down across from her, back facing the door, and told her every word exchanged in the past few minutes.
"Looks like Rarity explained what happened ta' Twilight." Applejack said as she pointed a finger towards the window separating the library from the hallway.
Twilight and Rarity were arguing, and by the looks of it, Twilight was winning. The bell rang a few seconds after, which gave both Twilight and Rarity a reason to stop their bickering.
After the crowd died down, me and AJ walked into the sparse hallway and bumped into none other than Twilight Sparkle. Maybe she had done this on purpose.
"Based off what Rarity told me, you're Rainbow Dash..." Twilight nodded at me, holding her binder to her chest. She nodded at AJ, too, but unknowing of her name I have to tell him.
"Ah, what a pretty name." She said nonchalantly.
"Thank ya' kindly. I like yer'…hair." Applejack awkwardly replies. Being around people like me didn't give her much practice on how to deal with receiving compliments. I noticed then that she ran her long fingers through her pixie-cut hair, her cheeks flushing a light pink.
After a few awkward moments of silence, Twilight said, "Look, Rainbow, Rarity explained what happened..." I simply blushed, not knowing how to react. Boy, was this awkward. "Don't worry, im not offended at all!" She waved her hands and shook her head. "In fact, that happened all the time at my old school...Rarity shouldn't have told you that he told me. I'm sorry." I quickly said it was okay, and then the warning bell rang, and we all parted ways to our separate classes.
This wouldn't be the last time we talked...
I couldn't get Twilight's smile out of my head. God, what was happening to me?
...Why do you keep having Rainbow refer to Twilight as a 'him'?
she?
Another great chapter.
5691100
Yeah, it's getting odd.
As for the story... it's really over-dramatic, like the author is trying to force more emotion into it than is appropriate. It's hard to explain, but it's definitely a bad thing. Oh, and this was hilarious:
So many things. First, thinking clothes being soft is noteworthy as if hard clothes (pfft) are the norm. Like, 90% of people wear "soft" clothes. Really, the only stuff I can think of in the way of casual wear that wouldn't be soft are things like denim jackets and leather, which are fairly uncommon compared to T-shirts and blouses.
Second is how much Dash drew from this. her observations and conclusions are outlandish, and I can only say it's a god thing that you at least had her realize this. Still doesn't change how forced this crush is so far; even fleeting crushes don't form this fast.
Anyway, I guess this just isn't my cup of tea; I prefer my romance believable.
5691441
You know what? You're absolutely right. This was just a little something i whipped up to help me break my writer's block, and i know it sucks very, very badly. If this comment gets enough upvotes, i'll just delete it and pretend this never happened.
-Twi!
5691497
Without ever actually looking at the story, even if it's terrible, I encourage you not to for two reasons.
First, pretending a story you don't like never happened means you won't learn from it.
Second, and more importantly, you've got people who clearly enjoyed this. If nothing else you can admit it's bad and still be happy for those people who did get something out of it.
5691497
Too many people on this site take this stuff WAY too seriously. Just try to take it all in stride.
I really like the idea behind this, but the execution could seriously use some work. My biggest piece of advice would be to find a proofreader (just put proofreader in the search bar, as there are several groups on this site), because this story desperately needs one. There are several grammar issues, Rainbow constantly referring to Twilight as he instead of she makes no sense, and for some reason Twilight seems to be the only one who is remotely in-character. Rarity's absolute rudeness is especially surprising, and really makes zero sense.
5691441
Being overly dramatic is definitely a pretty big issue with this story so far. Yeah, Rainbow has a crush on Twilight (and apparently absolutely none of this has anything to do with MLP since Equestria isn't actually involved), but why all these other weird things, such as Rarity being so mean spirited?
5691497
Why on Earth would you drop this at the first sign of constructive criticism?
Like I said, the idea itself is pretty interesting. The actual story so far is also entertaining to read, aside from the issues I mentioned before. If you got a proofreader to help out, fixed the grammar a bit, and did some work fixing up the lackluster characterization (for pretty much everyone aside from Twilight), then this would be a great story. There's no reason for you to drop it the moment people try to help by pointing out possible improvements.
5692052
Hug-boxes absolutely suck and do nothing but cause the author in question to stagnate. There is absolutely nothing wrong with providing constructive criticism for a story, and to say otherwise is to basically say that no one should ever try to improve their abilities.