“You think she’s in there? The cottage is intact and it doesn’t look like anyone broke in, but--”
“Of course she is, Rainbow Dash. Have a little patience, we only just got here.”
“Ugh. I’d be more patient if it were less freezing out.”
“First of all, it can’t be ‘less freezing,’ because temperature is measured by degrees of energy--”
“UGH. Hey, Fluttershy! It’s freezing out here, and Twilight’s being a nerd! Open up!”
Fluttershy heard her friends’ muffled bickering through her cottage door, and she hesitated to open it. The autumn dusk had only just settled over Ponyville; Fluttershy hadn’t bothered to turn the lights on yet, so maybe if she was really quiet…
“Fluttershy,” she heard Twilight say, her voice gentle and maternal. “It’s just me and Rainbow Dash. Please let us in.”
“That’s not working, Twilight!” Dash growled. “What makes you think she’ll let us in now, after all these weeks?” Fluttershy heard the angry flap of wings and muttered obscenities on the other side of her door. “Darn it, Fluttershy, if you don’t open this door, I’m gonna bust it down.”
“Rainbow Dash, don’t threaten her--”
Taking a deep breath, Fluttershy flicked the lock on the door and pulled it open. Rainbow Dash, the rough-and-tumble blue pegasus with a rainbow mane and tail, was hovering with a hoof raised-- presumably to punch the door. Next to her stood the ever-orderly and composed purple alicorn, Twilight Sparkle.
“Jeeze Louise,” Rainbow Dash said, dropping gracelessly to the ground. Her jaw was limp and her fuschia eyes were like dinner plates. “Fluttershy, you, uh, you look…”
Darting in front of the stunned pegasus, Twilight hurried to negate the awkward statement with forcefully-saccharine adjectives. “Awake! Very awake. And you’re... at the door, here, and… and we’re here, too! Hello!” She threw Dash a scalding look, and was given an embarrassed half-grin and shrug in return.
“Oh… um… yes,” Fluttershy said in her feather-soft voice. It crackled with disuse. “Yes. Hello.” She shrank into herself, letting her tangled and dirty pink mane cover her downcast eyes.
Trotting past the shame-faced pony, Rainbow Dash went to turn on the lights. “So, uh, what’ve you been up to? It’s been so long since we-- oh.”
In the newly-lit room, there was a distinct lack of care taken toward cleanliness. Dust and a variety of different animal hair had settled on the woodstove, which, despite the fall cold, was unlit; remnants of food encrusted the piles of dirty dishes scattered around and upon the little green tea table. Stepping gingerly around a pile of crumpled magazines, Dash’s attempted smile translated itself into a grimace. “Have you… had any company recently?”
Before Fluttershy could respond, Twilight cut her off with an authoritative voice. “Rainbow Dash, please go run a bath for Fluttershy. She and I are going to get started on cleaning the living room, and then we’re all going to have something to eat. Okay?”
Having a task spared Rainbow Dash from the excruciating small-talk she was attempting. With a comical salute, she zipped around the corner to the bathroom. Fluttershy’s face flushed, and she started to protest. “Y-you don’t have to--”
“Yes I do, Fluttershy,” Twilight said, her voice firm. “You can’t live like this. It’s been weeks. Teddie Safari isn’t as good at caring for the creatures of Everfree Forest as you are, you know.” She put a hoof on Fluttershy’s shoulder and looked her in the eye, softening her tone. “Rainbow Dash has been worried sick about you. All of us have been.”
Fluttershy tried to look away as tears melted Twilight’s face into a blurry purple muddle. “Oh, I’m s-sorry,” she hiccupped. “It’s just b-been so hard, you know, I… w-we used to write to each other every d-day, a-and he visited every other, a-and I just don’t know what to do with myself now that he’s… Now that I’ve...” She trailed off, leaning into Twilight’s glossy mane. Twilight made soothing sounds and let her cry. “D-darn it, Twilight, I trusted him!” Her voice steadied, anger creeping in with the hurt. “He knew it! He knew I… he sold us out. For nothing. For nothing at all, for someone he didn’t even know, when you really think about it! Tirek swayed him so easily, and for nothing!”
“I know, Fluttershy.”
“No,” she said, pulling away and wiping her eyes to glare at Twilight. “You really don’t. You have no idea at all.”
Bewildered, Twilight looked at her friend for several moments. She then looked around at what had once been a homely and inviting little house. Fluttershy had been a celebrator and nurturer of life until Discord had betrayed her, but now she could barely support her own.
Twilight swallowed her pride. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy. You’re right. I probably don’t.”
They looked at each other in tense silence, each ruminating on their own hurt feelings, until Rainbow Dash’s voice called from the bathroom and snapped them back to reality. “Bath’s ready!”
“Go wash up,” Twilight said, giving Fluttershy a gentle push. “Dash and I will get this place nice and neat for you, okay?”
“Okay,” Fluttershy sniffled. As she turned to go, she blushed and added, “I’m sorry for snapping at you.”
“It’s fine, Fluttershy. Don’t worry about it.” Twilight watched her go.
Dash flapped her way out of the bathroom, giving Fluttershy a nervous smile as she passed. When the door shut, she set back down on the floor and raised her eyebrows at Twilight. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think I heard Fluttershy yelling at you. As close to yelling as Fluttershy can get, anyway.”
Twilight sighed. “I was being insensitive. I think I deserved it. Anyway,” she stood up straighter and scanned the living room. “Let’s get on this. I’ll put things away if you’ll dust, and then we can bring the dishes into the kitchen.”
“Bet you the kitchen’s just as bad.”
“We’ll get through it.”
“Cottage clean-up, cottage clean-up…”
“That’s not funny, Rainbow Dash.”
When Fluttershy re-emerged from her bath, her mane was sparkling clean and un-gnarled, and she smelled very strongly of lavender. Rainbow Dash insisted she’d only put a single drop of lavender oil in the bathwater.
“What do you consider to be a ‘drop,’ Dash?” Twilight asked, smirking.
Flustered, Rainbow Dash made some vague gestures with her hooves. “You know, just… a little bit! Just a drop!”
“So… half the container?”
“No! Only, like, a quarter…”
Twilight snickered, and Fluttershy sniffed one of her still-damp wings. “It’s okay, Rainbow Dash. I really do love this scent.”
For the first time in ages, Fluttershy was looking and feeling decidedly decent. The steamy water had loosened her unused vocal chords, as well. She wouldn’t have admitted it, but knowing that others were in the cottage with her was actually a comforting thought.
Not only had Twilight and Rainbow Dash cleaned the living room, the kitchen had been given a thorough scrubbing, and some apple-oat muffins were baking in the oven. Her cottage felt warmer and better cared-for than it had in a long time. “I can’t begin to thank you girls enough for all your help--” Fluttershy began, but Twilight waved her words away.
“It’s no problem, Fluttershy. We’re just…” she paused, then changed her mind. “Well. We’re glad to help. And we’re always here for you, okay? In fact…” Her purple eyes caught Dash’s in a meaningful glance. “We think Rainbow Dash should stay with you for a bit. Until you’re feeling better.”
Rainbow Dash, who was reclining on the sofa, looked to Fluttershy. Her mouth was set in a line of anxiety, betraying her lighthearted tone. “What do you think, Fluttershy?”
Before she could protest, the oven’s timer jingled. “Let’s talk about it over some nice hot muffins, okay?” Twilight said over her shoulder, already halfway to the kitchen.
“Don’t worry, I won’t, y’know, treat you like a baby or anything,” Dash said sheepishly, sitting up to look Fluttershy in the eye. “Just help you out a little. It’ll be like an extended sleepover!”
Twilight came trotting back out with a plate full of steaming muffins floating in front of her, nervously glancing from Fluttershy to Rainbow Dash. The three stood in silence while Fluttershy stared at her hooves.
Finally, she spoke. “Well, um, okay.” She pawed at the floor with one nervous hoof. “But only for a few days. I don’t want to be any more of a bother to you than I already have been.” Fluttershy looked shyly up at Dash through her eyelashes.
The invisible breath Twilight and Dash had been holding sighed free, and Twilight magicked Fluttershy’s tea table nearer to the couch. The plate of muffins settled carefully onto its freshly-cleaned surface.
Dash grinned hugely and visibly became less tense. “Awesome! It’s no problem, don’t you worry your pretty yellow head over it.” She leaned back against the sofa and rested her hind legs on the edge of the little table, jarring the plate of cooling muffins. “Wow, we thought we’d have to fight you a bit for sure, but this makes things loads easier. Twilight said we might have to warn you about drmcbmghph--!”
Apple-oat crumbs rolled onto the floor as a muffin lodged itself firmly in Rainbow Dash’s gabbering face, and Fluttershy flinched in surprise. A pink aura glowed around the muffin, dissipating as the muffin met its mandibular demise. “Ha-ha! Good one, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight laughed forcibly, picking up another muffin with her magic and hovering it before Fluttershy. “Here, try one of the muffins!”
She wasn’t at the top of her game, sure, but Fluttershy was no fool. Frowning, she took the muffin out of the air and calmly put it back on the table. “Warn me about what, Twilight?”
Twilight looked daggers at Dash, who threw back a look of cool indifference. Turning to Fluttershy, Twilight said, “Oh, well, I didn’t want to give you anything else to worry about. It’s really nothing, I swear.”
“Twilight,” Fluttershy said softly. “Please tell me.”
It was hard for anypony to resist Fluttershy’s gentle politeness, pony royalty or not. It was also so hard to resist that wide-eyed, pleading look on her face.
Twilight gritted her teeth, hesitated, and then relented. “Okayokayokay, I’ll tell you.” She took a deep breath. “So… you know how Discord is… usually in Canterlot?”
Though she flinched at the mention of her ex-friend, Fluttershy nodded and took a little bite of her muffin in an effort to appear casual.
“Well, right now, he’s sort of… not. He was under strict orders by Celestia to stay put and to report to her before and after going anywhere, giving her a timeframe and reason for leaving, but… he hasn’t been seen for at least two hours. He just disappeared.”
Fluttershy’s tone was cold. “Well… good.”
Twilight gaped at her. “No, not good at all! We were worried that in your, um, vulnerable state, he could really…” She trailed off, not wanting to say what all three ponies were thinking.
“There’s nothing he could do to hurt me worse than he already has,” Fluttershy said. Her eyes were filling with tears again. “And he knows I don’t want to see him.”
Dash and Twilight shared a worried glance. “That might not be enough to dissuade him.” Twilight put a comforting hoof around Fluttershy’s shoulders. “Celestia told me he’s been writing you letters.”
Fluttershy buried her face in her hooves and nodded.
Rainbow Dash leapt from the couch to her hurting friend’s side. “What did that jerk say to you?” She hissed, practically spitting fire.
With a whimper, Fluttershy said, “I don’t know. I never opened any of the letters.” She kept her eyes averted from Rainbow Dash’s furious gaze. “I couldn’t bring myself to throw them out, so they’re all in the kitchen under the sink…”
Dash was poised to race off to the kitchen, but she halted mid-air when Twilight spoke. “You can read them when you’re ready. Or never read them at all. It’s your decision.”
Fluttershy sniffled and gave Twilight a weak, appreciative smile. “That’s what I was planning on doing, but… why didn’t you want to tell me about Discord’s disappearance?”
“We didn’t want to alarm you. His magic hasn’t been detected anywhere in Ponyville, but we don’t want to leave it up to chance… and, quite honestly, someone should be here to watch out for you in general.”
“Like with life stuff,” Dash chimed in. “I won’t let your house get that messed up again, all right?” She winked at Fluttershy, who blushed and nodded, wiping a residual tear from her eye.
“Thank you, girls. I’m really sorry for causing you all this trouble.”
Rainbow Dash scoffed. “Please. It’s not your fault there’s a deranged spirit of chaos on the loose.”
“It really isn’t,” Twilight hastened to add.
Fluttershy made a mental note of how quickly Twilight has spoken, but she didn’t protest. She watched as the barely-nibbled muffin glowed and sat itself back on the plate with the rest. Twilight walked the plate back into the kitchen, and upon returning, she addressed Fluttershy first.
“Before I go, I’m going to put a magic-neutralization spell on your cottage-- if that’s all right with you. It will prevent any magic from working within its walls. If Discord shows up, he won’t be able to get through. Granted,” she went on, “neither will I or any unicorns or alicorns, but I’ll disable it when I come back to Ponyville.”
Rainbow Dash’s ears perked up. “You didn’t mention you’d be out of town, Twilight.”
Her face grim, Twilight said, “Celestia and I are going to track Discord down. Wherever he is, he can’t be up to any good.”
Fluttershy felt her eyes stinging with tears again, and she flittered gently to the window behind the sofa, her forelegs resting on the back. The view was right out into the ominous and leaf-barren Everfree Forest. This time of year, it created a skyline brimming with silhouettes of craggy trees, reaching into the cloudless night like gnarled claws. If she refocused her eyes to spare herself the frightening sight, Fluttershy would have seen the dim reflection of a worried pink-maned pegasus-- but she didn’t want to see that, either. She knew she wasn’t a pony with the strongest constitution, but she was growing weary of her friends seeing her as so utterly helpless.
She willed her tears back. Stiffly, she asked, “You’re sure all this is really necessary?”
“It’s just a precaution,” Twilight replied.
Fluttershy looked over at Rainbow Dash, who shifted uncomfortably in place. “Honestly, I thought it was a bit much. I mean, he’s a pain in the flank, but everyone keeps saying that he’s nowhere near Ponyville.” Fluttershy looked back out toward the forest. Dash went on: “We’re just worried that once Twilight leaves, he’ll track her magic and head over here. It’s a just-in-case sorta deal.”
“A precaution,” Twilight repeated.
“One,” said a silky-smooth voice behind them, “that you really should have taken sooner.”
For once a story where Fluttershy isn't a complete push over after the Tirek incident!! I am kinda happy that Fluttershy is mad at Discord for betraying her!! He deserves it. I believe in all the other stories he's let down too easy because Fluttershy forgives him way too easily!!! I do hope this story isn't a complete somber one though, where she never forgives him. I would even welcome some romance... Just don't rush into it to quickly like most stories. Let's see some flutter rage vs Discord!!!!
I have to disagree. I'd like to see a story about Fluttershy and Discord working this out as friends.
Not bad, not bad at all :-)
5643031 Glad you like it so far! Yeah, when I saw the finale and Fluttershy crying, I was like... there's gotta be a story here. She's a pushover, but she must have a limit. I don't want to spoil anything, but I don't think you'll be disappointed.
5643089 Who says they can't yet?
5643174 Thanks!
Mooorrrreeeeeeeeeee
5643892 Haha. Your demands shall be granted!
Nice to see a story where Discord isn't getting away from some kind of punishment. In this case, Fluttershy's trust
5644330 Glad you feel that way. I think you're gonna like chapter 2...
I am surprised Twilight didn't ask to read at least the final letter. There could have been important information there about Discord's intentions and she could Pinkie Promise not to reveal the information therein. Of course that becomes somewhat moot with Discord showing up.
I knew this was going to be good from the editor's club - thingy. I just couldn't stop reading.
Amazing!
Cue Discord mucking up an already mucked up situation.
Or some other bad idea of most peculiar nature (considering it's DIscord behind it).
5645156 Yeah, I considered that. For my purposes I needed Twilight to be more respectful of Fluttershy's privacy this time around.
5645356 Aaaah that's super kind of you to say. Thanks again!
5645437 *innocent whistling*
Gah I love this! Can't wait for more!! >w<
The ending of this chapter had me haha. Don't go leaving me too long on this cliff hanger! x3
5643031
Probably because she forgave him too easily for conquering Equestria and turning everyone's lives into a living hell (that's before they were even born, so it's not like he only just made a recent mistake or something). Being an absolute doormat who cares more about anyone who can say the word "sorry" whether they mean it or not, or animals (even more than her friends!) is essentially Fluttershy's canon character. That is why people write her that way.
It's rare that we see different, but it's very nice when we get to.
5646229 Yay, i'm glad to hear that! I won't make you wait too long, don't worry.
5647831 See, I totally get that Fluttershy's character is like that canonically, and it makes me absolutely crazy. She's been through so much that she should have learned greater self respect by now, in my opinion... Also, forgiveness is nuanced; it could be a sign of self respect to forgive someone rather than nursing old wounds indefinitely, but. Yeah. I'm glad you don't find it uninteresting to read a Fluttershy that has a limit to her forgiveness reserves.
5647856
It's the only way I consider her an actual character. GIVING her a personality. I also don't believe people should be nearly as free with forgiveness or redemption as Fluttershy seems to be. That's the sort of idiocy that gets you killed and swindled out here. It's sappy and one-dimensional that you forgive anything that isn't in the process of killing you, y'know? Ugh. Not to mention how she treated Applejack over the issue with the beaver. Forcing AJ to apologize to a foul-mouthed creature that was endangering her life's work and livelihood. Don't even get me started on Bats. The fact the writers always make Fluttershy turn out right in the end doesn't make her a good character or her 'choices' any more intelligent, or even make her a good friend.
Then we get writers in the fandom who give Fluttershy some depth. It's not often, but it happens. She'll never be my favorite of the Mane Six, but at least that way she feels more alive.
5650792 Hey, you're entitled to your own tastes in fics! I appreciate that you think the writing is good, and I think you only came off as the slightest bit of an ass. I'm a big boy, though, and I do welcome the critique.
I am concerned that the story comes off like what you're describing, considering how that's not my intention at all... At no point do I say or intend to convey that "this is the one true way to respond to betrayal." My goal is to explore a trust dynamic between two characters that have a lot of chemistry in canon, not make Fluttershy a "mouthpiece." Also, I don't think disliking the style of fic that works with "what would happen if [x] happened instead of [y]?" is really something beyond personal taste, but if you can't suspend your disbelief enough to get into it, I really can't do much about that!
5647976 Fluttershy is the element of kindness, so I imagine her forgiveness reserves run pretty deep... also, this is just a fan-theory, but the reason she is so much more protective of animals before other ponies is a result of how much she was bullied as a filly. That can be alienating to people in reality and make them identify more with other creatures, resulting in transference-- projecting friendly feelings onto inanimate objects or animals because it's safer than trusting humans. The reason I wanted to work specifically with Flutt's and Discord's dynamic is because she seems to have let her guard down around him, and he's betrayed her multiple times. I think there's room for depth there specifically.
Why does Fluttershy have sideways cuttlefish eyes in that picture?
5653054 I like to draw weird eyes.
I like to withhold most criticism and compliments until more of the story is done, however, it is a very promising start. Too little is to say whether I will continue liking it since I do not know yet where exactly the story is heading beyond the description, but your first chapter of this story tells me that you have at least an excellent skill at writing as far as I can tell. I usually do not read these kinds of stories due to my worry that they will turn out like how Jarkes worried it would turn out, since those usually leave bad taste in my mouth, but it seems that is not the case here and I was intrigued by this particular approach to the subject. I will continue looking at this story and hope I will like it, good luck on the story. :)
P.S. The art for the picture for this story is really nice, and I personally like the eyes on it, even if it is a bit unusual.
P.S.S. While I know this does not have a romance tag I would like to see some fluttercord, but you do not have to, it is your story, I just am a sucker for fluttercord, but them being friends in this story is completely fine with me if that is what you plan on doing, just saying.
P.S.S.S. Sorry about bothering you with this comment if some part annoys you. Also sorry for no mlp faces, this is my first comment on the site. Also sorry for apologizing so much right here at the end.
P.S.S.S.S. Have a nice and good day :)
5653345 Next chapter please, I beg you.
5653864 What a nice and thoughtful bunch of comments, thank you! I'm really glad you like the weird Fluttershy picture. Also, welcome to Fimfiction! I haven't been using it consistently for as long as I've had this account, but I've found many good writers and stories here, so I hope it's a positive experience for you.
I completely understand your concerns. They are wholly valid, and I welcome any criticism to my work. It's in a public place, after all! All ten of the chapters of this story are already sketched out, so the sort of frustration I feel from comments like yours and jarkes' isn't a personal gripe. It's that I feel very certain that your fears will be assuaged in a few chapters, but saying so/how would spoil the story. I'm glad to hear that you're willing to keep an open mind, though! And I hold no grudge toward anyone for whom this story is not suited. Really.
As for FlutterCord: the only ambiguous part of the story that I'm still undecided on is whether or not to make it FlutterCord or just platonic. I figured it would be worse to have and then get rid of the romance tag than to add it at a later point, so... we'll see! My hangup isn't so much that I dislike the ship; it's more that I think Discord's core issue is his difficulty with ANY kind of relationship. Again, we'll see. I'll know by the time I have to write the third chapter.
5655149 Hahaha, you flatter me. I'm updating tomorrow afternoon!
Well, well... That was interesting. What I´ve seen so far is quite good. In fact, I can´t really say that there are any problems with this. The characterization of the protagonists seems perfect, the attitude of the story could easily fit in the show, the interactions between Dash and Twilight are great and truly enjoyable... The only thing I feel more wary about is that "anti-magic" spell, but since you haven´t really gone too deep into it there is o problem. So far, great job. I´ll read next chapter and tel you what you think
Technically, she wasn’t.