Chapter 5: Enter, Crazy Purple Book Pony
The further we traveled, the more populated the hallways became. At first it was just a few guards here and there, each one looking like a fuzzy Roman Clone Trooper, but eventually there came the serving staff. Butlers dressed like Alfred Pennyworth with barely a fraction of the awesome, maids wearing frilly uniforms- actual uniforms, not the impractical Halloween costume kind, and mostly younger-looking ponies in what looked like a combination of a bellhop uniform and a busboy's apron.
Each of them would salute or bow respectfully when they saw Celestia, and the princess would in turn greet each of them by name.
When they noticed me, some of them would stare slack-jawed with those big, cartoonish eyes, and others would try too hard to not stare. This led to more than a few collisions because of ponies not watching where they were walking.
It was kind of funny at first, but it got annoying after the third time a butler walked face-first into a wall.
"G-good morning, your Highness," said one particularly thin butler with a green coat and flame red mane, who had been walking in the opposite direction.
"Good morning, Spiffy," Celestia replied. "Oh, and watch out for that-"
*wham*
"...wall."
Actually, nevermind.
It was still hilarious.
After an incident involving an dumbstruck young maid and a faulty window latch, in which Celestia had to catch the poor mare in her magic to prevent her from taking a nasty fall, I decided to pull up the hood of my jacket in an attempt to draw less attention.
It worked, for the most part, and the number of accidents on our journey dropped considerably.
It also made me feel a bit like Emperor Palpatine, and I couldn't help but spend the rest of the trip humming "The Imperial March" to myself.
Eventually, we came to an ornate set of wooden doors, like the kinds in an old gothic church, only these looked brand new, and were as pastel as everything in the hallways that had led to them. Around the doorway were more guards, and other than the fact that one of them was a mare, they were completely indistinguishable from every other guard I had seen.
I let out a sigh of relief. It felt like we had been in the same few hallways for months.
We stopped there long enough for Dr. Panacea to check my IV and make sure I was bundled up as much as possible.
I had a remark ready about how I was a grown-ass man and didn't need help.
...But then I remembered that I was a grown-ass man in a wheelchair with head trauma and recently mended bones, so I bit back on my pride and instead asked about something that had been nagging at me for a while.
"Hey, Celestia? Is it just me, or do all these guards look... similar?" I asked.
“They do indeed,” she smiled, as the doctor did something to the bag of medicine hanging behind me.
“Okay, so I’m not crazy.” and/or racist. “Why is that?” I asked.
"You seem like an intuitive young man," she said as her smile turned a bit sly, "why don't you take a guess?"
Take a guess? I thought, What's that about? Is it because I called her out on the polygraph thing? Is she testing me or something?
As Dr. Panacea did one last check on my catheter, I used my free hand to scratch my chin. I noted my 5 o'clock shadow had grown into a true beard after a week without shaving, and made a mental note to ask for some grooming supplies later. Might as well start with the obvious answer. "Is it a kind of uniform? Every guard looks the same, so everyone knows what Equestria's soldiers look like?"
"Close," she said with an annoyingly knowing smile.
"I'm sensing a 'but' there," I said.
"While the Equestrian Armed Guard does have standard uniforms for most of its branches, only members of the Royal Guard wear armor that alters mane and coat color," she explained.
"So... all the guards in the castle are Royal Guards," I said.
"Most of them, yes," she nodded. "Can you tell me why the Royal Guard is issued this equipment in particular?"
Well little Billy's had his hand up for a while, Miss Teacher, maybe he knows. "I couldn't say, Princess," I shrugged.
"Take a moment to think, Jack," she pressed. "Tell me what you see."
I looked towards the guards and hummed in thought. I noticed that the guard on the right, the mare, had a pair of white things jutting out from the back of her armor. It took me a moment to realize that they were wings, curled up so tightly that they were barely noticeable. So she's a "pegasus", and he's an "earth pony", I thought. Other than that and the obvious gender difference, the two guards were practically twins. Come to think of it, all of the guards we passed on the way here looked like they could have been related, but Celestia called them each by their names... and ranks...
An image popped into my head of a Vietnam War-era army helmet, with the gold bars of a Captain's insignia displayed proudly on the front... and a bullet hole drilled neatly in between them.
"It's like camouflage," I said. "You make everyone look the same and keep rank insignias subtle to make it harder for someone to take out the guys giving orders."
"An excellent observation," Celestia said. "Very astute." She fixed me with a patient look, waiting for me to continue.
I examined the guards again, trying to find something else to comment on, but no matter how much I looked, no details stood out enough for me to make an observation about. After a moment I decided that I might be looking at the problem in the wrong way, thinking along the lines of modern military conventions when I should be thinking a bit more medieval.
I closed my eyes and sighed to switch my train of thought, then rested my chin in my hand while I dredged up everything I could about military practices from before the invention of gunpowder.
My eyes went back to the guards' armor, taking in new details. The shape of the plates, how much surface area the armor covered, the designs carved into the gold-colored metal, the way the guards could have been carved from stone for all the emotion they displayed... It all added up to one thing:
"Intimidation," I muttered absently.
"Come again?" Celestia said. I hadn't meant to say that out loud, but since she heard me, I decided I may as well run with it.
"The armor's all ornate and expensive-looking to imply Equestria's rich, but it also looks dangerous enough to make potential thieves think twice about trying anything," I explained. "The armor, the plumage on all the helmets, the way the guards don't show any emotion... It's all to intimidate people."
Celestia regarded me silently.
"At least, that's the way I see it," I said, scratching my ear with my left hand in a nervous gesture. Dr. Panacea had finished checking my IV and stepped away at some point while I had been focusing on the guards.
"And do you feel intimidated by my guards?" Celestia asked with a mildly hurt expression.
"Pff, what? Noo..." I answered with what I hoped was a cocky grin.
"... I see," she said. "Well Jack, those were some very fine observations, but I feel that I should clarify a few things. While the design of the Royal Guard armor and the attitude of the ponies wearing it is intended to discourage hostility and criminal behavior, they were never meant to be intimidating."
Guess Captain Fido must've missed that memo, I thought.
"Instead," Celestia continued, "They are meant to instill a feeling of safety and protection for my subjects, and to carry themselves with honor and professionalism. Also, your reasoning behind the armor's coloration enchantment was partially incorrect."
"What?" I said. "But earlier, you said... Why didn't you tell me I was wrong?"
"Because you weren't wrong. Not entirely," she replied, smiling an infuriating smile.
Right, wrong, neither- make up your mind, lady! I thought. What is this, The Pop Quiz from Hell?
"The answer you gave is indeed one of the reasons behind the standard colors of the Royal Guard," Celestia said, "but it isn't the original reason. It's a tradition amongst the guard, dating back to the founding of Equestria, to emulate warriors of great renown as a sign of respect. Squires would wear the colors of the knights they served, soldiers would bear the emblems of their commanding officers and so on.
"Here in the modern day, every branch of the guard carries this tradition in one way or another, and for the Royal Guard, it's by mimicking the natural colors of the Captain-Commander, the pony in charge of all of Equestria's armed forces. The exact color scheme changes whenever a new Captain-Commander is promoted. For example, Royal Guards used to wear armor that turned their coats charcoal and their manes silver-blue, in homage to Captain-Commander Solemn Blade, until his retirement almost five years ago."
I gave her lecture my full attention, sitting in a state of laser-like focus that I hadn't experienced since my school days. My job (which I've probably lost, thanks to the week I missed without warning) isn't exactly rocket science, and while all the stories I read keep my imagination healthy, I haven't had a chance to flex my academic muscles in over a year. It felt good, like slipping into a favorite old jacket that's just as comfortable as you remember.
One little detail about this whole scenario stood out, and it made that scholarly feeling even better, like finding a twenty dollar bill in the pocket of that old jacket. I'd like to buy a vowel, Ms. White.
"But wait... If every suit of armor turns the wearer's coat white, wouldn't that just make it easier to infiltrate the Royal Guard?" I asked, already running scenarios in my head on how someon- somepony, who was most definitely not me, might try something juvenile and blame it on a certain asshat.
Just as a mental exercise. That's all.
...You can't prove anything.
Shut up.
"Very good question, Jack," Celestia said, and I felt a rush of pride. "The answer lies in the spellwork itself. Instead of magically changing any wearer's pigmentation, each suit is enchanted to only achieve the desired color scheme when altering the base colors of the guard to whom it is specifically assigned. For example, Lieutenant Hammer." -she turned towards the pegasus mare- "What color is your coat, normally?"
"Green, Ma'am," the Lieutenant answered crisply.
"And Corporal Fragment?" Celestia looked to the other guard.
"Currant red, Ma'am," The Corporal stated. The LT glanced at him with a raised eyebrow.
"...My mother's an artist," he muttered when he caught her look.
"So you see Jack," Celestia turned back to me, "the end result may be the same for every guard, but the way these results are achieved are quite varied. Add to this the fact that every suit of Royal Guard armor is custom-fitted, as well as several other security measures, and you'll find that impersonating a Royal Guard is actually quite difficult." She paused. "Unless of course, you're the Captain-Commander," she added offhandedly.
Doctor Panacea cleared her throat, and my followup question evaporated. She had managed to sneak up behind me again, like some sort of Doctor Ninja.
"I do believe I've done all I can here, Princess. Despite a great deal of fidgeting," the doctor said as she shot me the kind of stern look that only the best doctors can pull. "I've got other patients to look after, so if that will be all...?"
"Thank you, Doctor," Celestia nodded. "And by all means, don't let us keep you."
"Good day Princess. Oh and if you could, please tell Spike to watch his quartz intake. He really should learn proper dieting and exercise if he ever wants to shed that baby fat," Doctor Panacea said as she turned and walked back into the labyrinth of hallways from whence we came.
...Did she say quartz intake?
"Are you ready to head outside?" Celestia asked me.
Outside? Snow! Outside! Yes! All of the Yes!
"What are we waiting for?!" I said, grinning ear to ear. "Uh, Ma'am."
Mind those manners, now. That's a Princess you're talking to.
"These two will be joining us from here out," Celestia motioned to the Lieutenant and Corporal. "You don't mind, do you?"
"Uh-huh, sure. I mean, no. I don't mind." Can we go outside yet? I haven't seen snow in... Five years? Six? Too long. I was starting to get a bit hyper.
Well, about as hyper as a guy in a wheelchair can get without hurting himself.
"Excellent," Celestia said.
Cpl. Fragment moved into position behind my chair, and the LT opened the door. A wave of cold wind met my face, and I closed my eyes against the half-forgotten sensation. They rolled me past the archway and into fresh air.
I opened my eyes again, and before me lay a world of wintry wonder.
A pale stone pathway stretched out ahead of us like Dorothy's Yellow Brick Road, turning here and there for no discernible reason, leading to a tall structure in the distance. On either side of the path were what I assumed to be gardens of various kinds, judging by the statuaries, the maze-style hedges, and the curious assortments of plants. The path must have been shoveled recently, but everything else was covered in at least a foot of snow.
I can't believe my eyes,
I must be dreaming,
Wake up, Jack, this isn't fair!
I'll say this now, I did not squee.
I most certainly did not squee like a fangirl.
Nothing of the sort happened, and anyone who tells you different is a dirty liar.
"*squee!*"
...Okay, I'll admit it. I was excited.
No. I was past excited.
I was downright giddy.
I was so giddy that I would have gotten up and danced, were I ambulatory.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Celestia said from... somewhere. I wasn't paying attention.
"*whimper*..."
"Glad to see someone is enjoying himself," she said.
I am going to have so much fun! Snow angels, snowball fights, snowmen, sledding- sledding! Ye gods, I haven't gone sledding in forever! I wonder how hard it'll be to get my hands on a sled... Oh. Right. I'm still hospitalized. Dammit Mr. Chair, this is why we can't have nice things!
A stray breeze brushed by, chilled air biting into me. I shivered. Normally, I'd call a breeze like that bracing and take it with a smile, but as anyone will tell you, a stay in the hospital can make you a bit more fragile than you're used to.
"Have you finished sightseeing?" Celestia asked gently.
"Just getting ready for the moving tour," I said, only just noticing the way my breath turned into fog. I missed this. I really did.
Celestia gave a soft, gentle laugh, and we set off.
After a little maneuvering on the steps, we were moving down the path; a surprisingly smooth ride for my wheelchair, considering the fact that the road was made of cobblestone. I suspected more magic of some kind.
Despite my "moving tour" comment, there wasn't much else to see yet. Instead, I spent the time taking in huge gulps of air, enjoying the chilled feeling in my lungs, then exhaling a great puff of fog like a Tolkienian dragon.
"You haven't had a winter in quite a while, have you?" Celestia asked.
"I live in a place called Florida," I said. "It's close to my planet's equator, so there are only two seasons there: humid and raining."
The proper terms are dry season and wet season, but believe me when I tell you that "dry" is a relative term.
The path opened up to a circular ring around a water fountain. Spaced around the ring were a number of benches that looked like perfect spots for enjoying a cup of hot chocolate. And curiously enough, the ice in the fountain had formed in such a way that it looked like the fountain was simply frozen in time, from the spouts of frozen water hanging in defiance of gravity, to the motionless ripples in the frozen pool at the base.
I could see the building up ahead more clearly, now. It was a tall thing, with white towers and Disney-esque architecture. A castle unto itself. "Is that where we're headed?" I asked. "What is it?"
"That building is a place I am quite proud of," Celestia said. "It's official name is 'Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns', but-"
"Wait-what?" My Nerd-Sense is tingling.
"Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns," she said.
I blinked. Twice.
"Is something wrong?" Celestia asked.
"... Back home there's a comicbook about a team of superheroes called 'The X-Men', who have their headquarters -and their home- in a mansion in upstate New York that was originally called Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters."
Celestia blinked.
"... And it is one of my favorite comicbooks."
"And the headmaster of this school..." Celestia trailed off, a strange expression on her face.
"Professor Charles Francis Xavier." Yep, I'm so much of a nerd that I even know his middle name.
"And are he and I... similar at all?" Celestia asked. Surprise. She was surprised. It seemed so foreign to her features.
"Well, you're not bald... or paraplegic... or a telepath, as far as I know..." Or currently dead.
"Well... this is certainly... food for thought," Celestia said.
"I'll say," I replied.
"Perhaps we should continue moving," Celestia said. "You're looking a bit chilly." I noted that all she was wearing was a sleeved version of the same robe-dress thing I had seen her in every time before, but I guessed her fur must've kept her warm.
"To me, my X-men," I said by way of reply. Celestia raised a dainty eyebrow at me. "Uh, nevermind. Aprés vous."
"Merci," Celestia said, and we continued on.
There's snow everywhere, the natives are mostly polite, and they speak both English and French? Where am I? Space-Canada?
A minute or so later, we crossed a stone bridge over a frozen stream, Celestia's school was now only a stone's throw away. I could see an open courtyard at the mini-castle's base, with the obligatory statue in the center. This statue in particular was of some kind of astrolabe, showing the movements of the planet, sun, and moon. Something about it seemed off to me, but I was more concerned with the two purple figures heading toward us, one of them looking very excited.
I turned to Celestia. "Friends of your- Yah!"
The chime of magic interrupted me, and I suddenly knew exactly how that maid felt as I was bodily lifted out of my chair in a sparkling purple haze. I jerked involuntarily as my senses were assaulted in impossible ways.
My nose itched at the scent of fresh parchment. My mouth went dry with a thirst for knowledge. In my ears was a sound like waves of information crashing against the shore. My eyes watered from images of libraries and lecture halls. In my mind's eye, I saw things I could scarcely imagine.
It was similar to the event that brought me here, but where that tunnel of insanity had been full of sound and fury signifying nothing, the visions in my mind were precise, meticulous, and almost compulsively ordered. Points of thought formed into lines of power, which made shapes of pure will that changed the world around them. It was like touching the mind of Merlin. This was magic. There was no other way to describe it. But there was something beyond all of that.
Beyond the mountain of knowledge, beyond the vast sea of power, I could sense something greater.
It wasn't much. Just a speck, barely there at all. But it was impossible to ignore. Like a tiny, glowing kernel of incredible potential. The potential for True Magic. It wasn't loud, or boisterous. It sat there calmly, patiently, waiting for a spark to set it alight.
And then, all of it was gone.
Imagine having your mind assaulted by all of that. Imagine all of that hitting you in the span of a second, and then vanishing as if it was never there.
Hoary Hosts of Hoggoth, Batman.
"Oh my gosh, look at you!" a female voice gushed. "Is your species carnivorous, herbivorous, or omnivorous? What type of government do you have? Does your species have a universal form of currency? If so, is it backed by goods, services, or simply the fact that it's universally accepted? What are your most prominent historical-"
Bad touch helphelpHELP! Being mind-frayed by Doctor Strange and then manhandled like a life-size action figure had left me gaping like a fish out of water, but luckily, mercifully, Celestia took action.
"Twilight Sparkle!" Celestia said firmly, interrupting the insane list of questions.
"Eep!" my attacker yelped, and turned to the princess. Celestia gave the madwoman a stern look, then glanced pointedly at where I floated.
The Equestrian Psycho looked at me and blinked. "Oh. Oh! Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry!"
I was turned and shifted like a Rubik's Cube and set into my wheelchair like a Tetris block. The aura around me faded, and Little Miss Crazy took a step toward me, trying to say something. I warded her off with a finger. "A-ta-ta-na na na! ...No."
She stepped back with her head ducked down while her little cohort giggled into his purple hands like a ten year old.
I took stock. I had lost the blanket when Assault n' Pepa played Pinocchio with me. My limbs were trembling, either from the cold or the adrenaline. My legs were tense, ready to run, not that I could get very far. My heartbeat was so heavy you could dance jumpstyle to it, and there was a strange feeling in my left arm as I gripped the armrest of my chair hard enough to turn my knuckles white.
Hell of a first impression.
Lieutenant Hammer picked up the blanket and brushed off the snow, then held it out to me. I snatched it from her, glaring at both guards with all the frantic anger I could muster. AND WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU TWO!?, I screamed at them with my eyes. They at least had the decency to look sheepish.
I smoothed the blanket out over my legs and took a number of calming breaths, trying very hard not to yell at anyone. Luckily, working in customer service teaches you a great deal about controlling your emotions. 'The Customer Is Always Right', even if they lack the brain cells required to grasp the concept of 'This Register Is Closed'.
Cashiers, man. We've got some stories.
Once I was sufficiently less panicked, I got a better look at the pair of purple people.
Crazy-Pants McGee turned out to be a unicorn mare, roughly my height, maybe a little shorter. She was decked out in full winter gear; beanie, scarf, heavy jacket, the whole nine yards. Even a pair of weird, snowboot-legwarmer things. I assumed she had a tail, but I didn't look for it, lest another guard accuse me of staring at rear bumpers. Her beanie had holes for her ears and horn, and I noticed that her ears were splayed back in embarrassment like a dog's; a fact I would never point out to anyone that wasn't human. Her mane was mostly covered, but I saw dark purple with streaks of pink and red in the long strand she was fiddling nervously with. The exposed fur of her face was a light shade of purple, lighter than lavender but darker than the pink blush in her cheeks. She couldn't have been much older than me, judging by her youthful features- at least, as far as I could tell based on what I had learned about pony appearances. Her eyes were bright and inquisitive, stealing glances at me with irises like rings of amethyst before looking away.
Her companion, was a lizard.
A bipedal, purple lizard.
Some might say that there was a passing resemblance to a very young European-style dragon, but Komodos look more draconic than this kid, and Komodo dragons are still freaking lizards.
Judging by the rounded baby-face, this was either a girl or a very young boy. I went with the latter.
He (still guessing here) couldn't have been taller than four-foot ten, with stubby limbs. He was chubby, like the kind of kid in school that gets picked on by everyone until he gets fed up and bodyslams someone. He wasn't wearing as much as the mare, just jeans, a sweater, and a pair of dopey-looking rubber boots. His clawed hands, boyish face, and spade-tipped tail were all exposed to the elements, but he didn't seem to mind overmuch. A portion of his face, from the hemline of his sweater up to the corners of his mouth, was a smooth layer of skin, like the underbelly of a crocodile, colored in a soft green. The rest of his mug was a coat of soft purple scales, with the slightest of ridges above his emerald, reptilian eyes. In place of ears, he had greenish fin things, and instead of hair or a mane, he had a ridge of green scales, like a stegosaurus with a mohawk.
He breathed green fire into his hands to warm himself up, and I was a half-second away from calling him "Barney the Dinosaur".
Then I realized that he just breathed green fire into his hands.
Whoah! I thought, Okay, do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for I am crunchy and good with ketchup.
Maybe he is a dragon, after all.
Hooboy.
Hope he doesn't have an older brother named Alduin. That's not an apology I'm looking forward to making.
Once I felt properly in control of the situation, I broke the awkward silence that had fallen.
"So," I began, "do y'all know what a handshake is, or... is invading personal space just how you greet people here?"
"Yes!" the mare said, her voice strangely familiar. "I mean- handshakes are- I mean-" she clenched her eyes shut, shook her head, then held out her hand. "My name is Twilight Sparkle, and I'm sorry for, um... that," she gestured.
Don't say it.
"So..." I started, trying to keep a straight face.
Dammit Jack, don't say it.
"...How 'bout them vampires?"
...You schmuck.
"What?" Twilight said, tilting her head to the side in a manner that was admittedly kind of cute.
"Uh, nothing," I backpedaled. "It was... nevermind." I took her hand. "Name's John. John Chambers. It's... nice to meet you." In a very broad definition of the word...
Twilight smiled widely. "The pleasure's all mine. And again, I'm really sorry for that. I just got a bit... carried away."
"Hm," I said. "So did I."
Twilight gave me a blank look while her companion giggled again. She looked to him questioningly.
"Get it, Twilight?" he asked with the voice of a young teenager. "He got carried away."
She gave him a flat look, ears down. "That isn't funny Spike," Twilight said, which just set the kid off again.
"It kind of is," I said with a gesture. My arm still felt strange, even though everything else had returned to normal. "Right, Celestia? Back me up, here."
"It's always good to laugh at our mistakes," Celestia said, "as long as we learn from them, as well."
"Of course, Princess," Twilight said. "It won't happen again."
"I doubt that," Spike said with a smirk. He withered under the glare Twilight gave him.
"Twilight Sparkle is my personal student," Celestia said to me, "and young Spike here is her assistant."
"Sup?" I said to Spike. He seemed grateful that Twilight was no longer focusing on him.
"Hey," he said. "Are you an alien?"
"I guess so," I said, as Celestia took Twilight aside. "Are you a dragon?"
"You bet," he said, puffing out his chest.
"Cool. You're kind of like Lockheed," I said.
"Lockheed?" Spike asked, quirking a scaly ridge. "Who's that?"
"Comicbook character. He's a little dragon-thing from space that lives with the X-Men and follows Kitty Pryde around."
"...He's not the comedic relief character, is he?" Spike asked, nonplussed.
"Heck no, Lockheed's awesome," I said. "He even beat Ord of the Breakworld once, in Astonishing X-Men."
"Cool," Spike said, "but can he do... this?" He turned to face the frozen water. He breathed in deeply, then let out a short gout of green flame, catching Twilight and Celestia's attention.
"Impressive," I said. It wasn't, really. I had seen performers at the circus breathe pillars of fire at least three feet tall when I was a kid, but I wasn't going to burst this kid's bubble. "Yeah, Lockheed can breathe fire, but his isn't green. Why is yours green, anyways?"
"Oh that's an easy one," Spike said. "It's because I'm-"
"Aaah!" Spike was cut off by Twilight's panicked scream.
We turned to her.
"Y-y-your arm..." she pointed at me with a trembling hand, eyes wide and fearful.
"My arm? What do you-"
Blood.
There was blood dripping from my left hand, its heat melting through the snow as it landed.
Movies, television, games... None of them portray large amounts of blood properly.
They make it too watery. Too bright.
The real color of blood is darker.
It's a dull, deep, sickening shade of red.
I know this, because it was staining through the sleeve of my hoodie at the crook of the elbow.
"What the f..."
I pulled the sleeve back with a shaky hand.
Blood isn't like wine or paint.
It has a sticky, almost sludgy consistency.
It's made of thousands of oxygen-engorged, life-carrying parts of you.
I know this, because it was pouring from the tear in my arm like an open faucet.
I can't feel it. Why can't I feel it?
My breathing became shallow, my heart sped up and Oh God it's making it worse!
I looked up.
Spike was backing away, terrified.
Twilight was babbling with tears in her eyes, shifting between 'this is my fault!' and 'what do we do?'.
The Corporal had produced a first aid kit from somewhere, and was moving to my side.
The Lieutenant's wings were spread to their fullest, ready to take flight, her eyes locked on the princess.
Celestia Spoke.
"Enough."
I doubled over.
It felt like someone had punched me in the brain stem.
Then, it got worse.
I felt millennia of bloodshed.
Centuries of self-torment.
Soul Crushing Guilt.
And Power.
The Power Of A Sun.
Explosive. Fiery. Torturous.
Make it stop. Oh God, it burns- God, Please, Make It Stop!!
I had to escape from it.
I had to.
So I did, and welcomed unconsciousness.
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Thank you so much for making another chapter if this story. I really missd John's adventures. Hopefully, the next chapter will come soon.
oh dear god i forgot how funny this was.
It's even better to laugh at other people's mistakes. It makes you feel superior.
So Celestia's got Willpower(my name for the Dresdenverse property of gods that allows them to force mortals to kneel in pain by concentration)? Ugh. Are you seriously making her a god? I was really enjoying this so far.
6191650
Actually, that was just something a few steps down from the Royal Canterlot Voice.
Jack's just... sensitive, magically speaking.
And Celestia's not a god(dess). That'd make her far too one-dimensional.
She is a demigoddess, though. Virtual immortality, the ability to move the sun, yadda yadda.
Doesn't mean that she can't make mistakes.
Or that those mistakes don't haunt her...
6191650
Thanks for checking out the story.
Hopefully the contents of the next chapter will keep you interested, and it's good to see a fellow Dresden fan.
6192006 gods fuck up too. Exhibit A: all of Greek Mythology(seriously, the Titans were much better gods). Exhibit B: the Tuatha de Danan Exhibit C: The Aesir and Vanir. Anyway, in cannon MLP:FiM, moving the sun clear not Divine-level sorcery. Before the Regal Sisters, normal unicorns moved the sun and moon. Not to mention you don't have to be a (demi-)god to be nigh-immortal. My proof? The White Court.
6192029 MY NAME IS LEGION, FOR WE ARE MANY!!! Also, isn't this story in the Human Magic group? Are we gonna be seeing the wizardry any time soon? Or at least sorcery? Also, please have him not let Twilight do experiments. BTW, besides Harry, who's your favorite Dresdenverse character?
6192006 He does have a point she isn't really a goddess but she can live a long time and she can be killed
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The White Court is a good point, but it's also a good counterpoint. It's explained that wizards can live for an unspecified (as far as I can remember) length of time, but Mother Nature still hits them with the age hammer. Celestia's appearance doesn't age as far as we are aware, though I like to think that an alicorn's appearance is dependent on how much magic is available to them, hence why Luna's appearance changes between seasons 1 and 2.
Also, in the fics I've read that reference unicorns controlling the day/night cycle, it's never been just one unicorn by him/herself; there's always been a council or something similar. The only possible exceptions would be Clover, Starswirl, or perhaps Sombra; all unicorns of extraordinary magical power or skill.
Honestly, I don't know how groups work, and I'm a little afraid to ask.
And no, we won't be seeing Jack slinging any spells, or performing any thaumaturgy in this story. That doesn't mean that others won't though, so the guy's gotta think on his feet.
As for my second favorite character? Oof, that's tough. If it has to be only one I'd go with... Murphy. Tiny, but fierce. Mouse and Michael Carpenter are tied for third.
Can't wait for the next one
6192145 I think they said that wizards live about 400 years somewhere. And in what way is the White Court a good counterpoint? They're mildly demonic, not even remotely divine, and don't age past their prime, so long as they feed their Hunger. Just like alicorns, they change based on how much power they've got available. And that's in fics. We don't actually have any real reason to believe that it took a Council to raise the sun. Not to mention that it's Celestia's special talent, and pretty much the only spell we've seen her do, besides telekinesis and laser beams. Naturally, with a thousand years of practice, it'd get a bit easier. Too bad about the Thaumaturgy though. And Murphy? Huh. I like Bob.
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Sorry, I meant White Council.
I was thinking of the term "Unicorn Court" at the time, so the two kind of crossed streams.
Also, as I've stated in the appendix blog post, I'm drawing from few headcanons and fic references here and there, but I'm mostly sticking to the show and comics, which usually have a great deal of room for interpretation.
Bob might be fourth, but then again, Molly Carpenter, Waldo Butters, Charity "the Battleaxe" Carpenter... there's so many good characters to choose from.
6196713 ah, the Council. Yeah, completely different. In a few ways, anyway. Only a handful are god-touched. Some are Distant Scion(the official Dresden Files RPG handbook mentions that spell casters abilities are usually "long forgotten inhuman bloodlines" or Faustian Deal, rewards from various deities, etc. Not that bloodlines can't gain sorcery randomly without any inhuman aid, it's just really uncommon, even among the already-rare practitioners.) And yes, there are many great characters. That's why we come back for more.
Looking forward to the next chapter!