As you can already know all around the world people are disapearing from cons, so don't pretend to be surprised when I'll tell you that the same shit happened to me. But what you can, or not know is that, that right now I'm in Equestria.
Ah, I'll give it a shot... I changed my mind after quick skip/read through chapter I. Almost instantly something started to annoy me but I don't know what. I'll leave it in Read it Later for now. No downvote from me because I never downvote.
5582514 As far as the books go Geralt died (pitchforks are nasty things) and Yennefer lost her life in her attempt to save him. We can only speculate if they're still alive (that part of Lady of the Lake still bugs me). Games aren't canon.
Wiedźmina zabił chłop nie potrafiący władać bronią, a czarodziejka umarła z wyczerpania próbują ocalić ukochanego. A ona nie mogła pomóc, bo wyrzekła się mocy. I tak księżniczka, której nie dane było rządzić, wiedźminka, która walczyła z ludźmi, a nie z potworami, oraz czarodziejka, która nie mogła rzucać zaklęć wykorzystała dziki dar Źródła i odeszła z tego świata, zostawiła go. - Mam dziwne przeczucie, że nie powiedziałeś mi wszystkiego. - Powiedziałem wszystko poza jednym: dziewczynka nazywała się Cirilla. Ale to bez znaczenia…" ~ Karczmarz
Bad chapter is bad m8. There are a lot of things wrong here. I will try not to voice things that other ppl already said (like simple spell-check).
First of all your dialogs are stiff. One of the reasons why Witcher ( both game and books) have been so successful, are the dialogs between the characters. They don't have to be sophisticated but the have to be smart and over all fun to read. Atm what you did reads like an encyclopedia. Mind you its not an accusation. I know dialogs are very hard part of writing. Try better I believe you can deliver.
Secondly your characters talk to much. Show us what is happening don't just tell it. I know its tempting too use Sapkowski style but I need to remind you that the author of Saga is a master of written word in Polish end even he did fell into the trap of telling rather then showing (example: The Lesser Evil ). More showing less talking.
Thirdly too much information from the start. You want to go full bad ass Witcher mode ASAP. Hold your horses (so to speak). Don't rush fun. Let people taste it slowly dose information leak it let them speculate. You don't need to give all the rules of engagement at once. Let us readers have some fun while reading and after it.
Fourthly ... sorry but your character is an idiot. After he wakes up in probably alien world with no information where he is exactly, he engages in a friendly conversation with a probably hostile creature revealing who he is and what he does. Not to mention you didn't explain how he knew what a changeling is exactly. Why does he introduce him self as Geralt while you specifically said his name is Konrad in previous chapter? Honestly while reading this I had few "WTF" moments. If you want to know how this conversation should look like I send you to "Wieża Jaskółki" (Tower of the Swallow) book four of the saga, chapter five.
I presume you love the story Lesser Evil and you want to go that road. Don't. Although Lesser Evil is a great story with high score in contest of message ( moral) and emotional drama it is relay weak in terms of Literary value. Sapkowski screwed this one up.
Sixthly... pace of the story is to fast. Too much happened in span of few words. Slow down tell us slowly and neatly what the fuck is happening down there.
Seventh... pleas stop insulting English speaking audience. We get it you are not a native English speaker. No problem. Just don't insult the readers please. Its rude and unnecessary. You don't have to vent your frustrations on us. Use this to fuel your dialogs, but be civil.
Please don't take what I just wrote the bad way. Improve. You can do better.
5584557 thanks man for all the advices I will try my best during next chapter. Besides I must admit that this chap was rushed, but the reason why it was so, is because the first one I had finished with an cliffhanger and I hate them more than any bad chapter. Really nothing make me so mad like stop in the middle of an story, even if it's needed sometimes.
5583784 sorry to disappoint you, but as far as sire goes there isn't exactly said if they are dead or not but in epilogue of "PANI JEZIORA" is written
Geralt otworzył oczy drażnione przez powieki grą światłocienia. Zobaczył nad sobą liście, kalejdoskop migoczących w słońcu liści. Zobaczył ciężkie od jabłek gałęzie. Na skroni i policzku czuł delikatny dotyk palców. Palców, które znał. Które kochał tak, że aż bolało. Bolał też brzuch, pierś, bolały żebra, a ciasny gorset bandaża dobitnie przekonywał, że miasto Rivia i trójzębne widły nie były sennym koszmarem. - Leż spokojnie, mój ukochany - powiedziała łagodnie Yennefer. - Leż spokojnie. Nie ruszaj się. - Gdzie jesteśmy, Yen? - Czy to ważne? Jesteśmy razem. Ty i ja. Śpiewały ptaki, dzwońce albo drozdy. Pachniały trawy, zioła, kwiaty. Jabłka. - Gdzie jest Ciri? - Odeszła.
this part actually feel for me clear like water besides in my story I plan to use games as canon and at least partially join it with books and I mean also 'SEZON BURZ' by that after all it is not a real Geralt that changed places what is very important part of the story that I plan to explain more specifically much later.
Ok caught up with both chapters and ready to say a few things. First i like that your using Geralt i love his character. Second i understand that your native language isn't English and im fine with that i understand where your going when reading, though a quick bit of advice not sure if you have an editor or pre-reader but if you don't maybe see if their English or at least very good at English as their second language. i'm definitely going to keep following this story i see great potential in this story, so i wish you the best of luck with this story.
And no I unfortunately don't have an editor, or pre-reader per-se, but I found a man that actually knows well about The Witcher universe and had agreed to give me some advises to my story so I'm doing my best.
5593836 Your welcome. and if your looking for editors or pre-readers I'm pretty sure there's a group of editors on this site that you can ask for assistance. Though don't hold me on that i may be wrong.
He has quite an interesting meeting with a Dandelion. Can't wait to see what she shenanigans those two get themselves into.
One suggestion. Get a prereader. Other than that, good job so far.
Ah, I'll give it a shot...I changed my mind after quick skip/read through chapter I. Almost instantly something started to annoy me but I don't know what. I'll leave it in Read it Later for now.No downvote from me because I never downvote.
5582514
As far as the books go Geralt died (pitchforks are nasty things) and Yennefer lost her life in her attempt to save him. We can only speculate if they're still alive (that part of Lady of the Lake still bugs me). Games aren't canon.
Wiedźmina zabił chłop nie potrafiący władać bronią, a czarodziejka umarła z wyczerpania próbują ocalić ukochanego. A ona nie mogła pomóc, bo wyrzekła się mocy. I tak księżniczka, której nie dane było rządzić, wiedźminka, która walczyła z ludźmi, a nie z potworami, oraz czarodziejka, która nie mogła rzucać zaklęć wykorzystała dziki dar Źródła i odeszła z tego świata, zostawiła go.
- Mam dziwne przeczucie, że nie powiedziałeś mi wszystkiego.
- Powiedziałem wszystko poza jednym: dziewczynka nazywała się Cirilla. Ale to bez znaczenia…" ~ Karczmarz
Ooh, changeling~
Bad chapter is bad m8. There are a lot of things wrong here.
I will try not to voice things that other ppl already said (like simple spell-check).
First of all your dialogs are stiff. One of the reasons why Witcher ( both game and books) have been so successful, are the dialogs between the characters. They don't have to be sophisticated but the have to be smart and over all fun to read. Atm what you did reads like an encyclopedia. Mind you its not an accusation. I know dialogs are very hard part of writing. Try better I believe you can deliver.
Secondly your characters talk to much. Show us what is happening don't just tell it. I know its tempting too use Sapkowski style but I need to remind you that the author of Saga is a master of written word in Polish end even he did fell into the trap of telling rather then showing (example: The Lesser Evil ). More showing less talking.
Thirdly too much information from the start. You want to go full bad ass Witcher mode ASAP. Hold your horses (so to speak). Don't rush fun. Let people taste it slowly dose information leak it let them speculate. You don't need to give all the rules of engagement at once. Let us readers have some fun while reading and after it.
Fourthly ... sorry but your character is an idiot. After he wakes up in probably alien world with no information where he is exactly, he engages in a friendly conversation with a probably hostile creature revealing who he is and what he does. Not to mention you didn't explain how he knew what a changeling is exactly. Why does he introduce him self as Geralt while you specifically said his name is Konrad in previous chapter? Honestly while reading this I had few "WTF" moments. If you want to know how this conversation should look like I send you to "Wieża Jaskółki" (Tower of the Swallow) book four of the saga, chapter five.
I presume you love the story Lesser Evil and you want to go that road. Don't. Although Lesser Evil is a great story with high score in contest of message ( moral) and emotional drama it is relay weak in terms of Literary value. Sapkowski screwed this one up.
Sixthly... pace of the story is to fast. Too much happened in span of few words. Slow down tell us slowly and neatly what the fuck is happening down there.
Seventh... pleas stop insulting English speaking audience. We get it you are not a native English speaker. No problem. Just don't insult the readers please. Its rude and unnecessary. You don't have to vent your frustrations on us. Use this to fuel your dialogs, but be civil.
Please don't take what I just wrote the bad way. Improve. You can do better.
This crap is just becoming repetitive at this point.
5584557 thanks man for all the advices I will try my best during next chapter. Besides I must admit that this chap was rushed, but the reason why it was so, is because the first one I had finished with an cliffhanger and I hate them more than any bad chapter. Really nothing make me so mad like stop in the middle of an story, even if it's needed sometimes.
5583784 sorry to disappoint you, but as far as sire goes there isn't exactly said if they are dead or not but in epilogue of "PANI JEZIORA" is written
this part actually feel for me clear like water besides in my story I plan to use games as canon and at least partially join it with books and I mean also 'SEZON BURZ' by that after all it is not a real Geralt that changed places what is very important part of the story that I plan to explain more specifically much later.
Ok for any of you that are interested I had repaired many minor errors in the story, I hope you enjoy.
Ok caught up with both chapters and ready to say a few things. First i like that your using Geralt i love his character. Second i understand that your native language isn't English and im fine with that i understand where your going when reading, though a quick bit of advice not sure if you have an editor or pre-reader but if you don't maybe see if their English or at least very good at English as their second language. i'm definitely going to keep following this story i see great potential in this story, so i wish you the best of luck with this story.
5592652 Thank you very much
And no I unfortunately don't have an editor, or pre-reader per-se, but I found a man that actually knows well about The Witcher universe and had agreed to give me some advises to my story so I'm doing my best.
5594669 Haha yeah, he's awesome.
5593836
Your welcome. and if your looking for editors or pre-readers I'm pretty sure there's a group of editors on this site that you can ask for assistance. Though don't hold me on that i may be wrong.