• Member Since 21st Jun, 2014
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Slayerseba


Comments ( 58 )

Nice chapter. Looks like nan interesting story.

Very nice beginning.
But ...
... why do "you" always want to bring human Geralt to Equestria?

I have seen few people writing this kind of fanfictions and 90% of the time those stories were rather... less popular (not to mention badly written). You have to be already a fan of Witcher too appreciate ( and understand ) the fact who he is, and what he does. Sorry but saying that Witcher is just a monster slayer is like saying that space shuttle is just an aircraft.

There is so much potential of combining "Witcher" and MLP lore into single world (like Falout did) rather than magically teleport the guy and from the start place him on the quest of finding his way back "home". AND just as a side note there are "talking unicorns" (and they are bad-ass) in Witcher already so a view of a unicorn/pony town would not make a big deal of "shock" to our favorite hero any way.

If you really want to write about Witcher consider the fact that MLP world setting is perfect for organization like witchers to exist in first place.

Witchers hunt monsters, dispel magic and basically save population, for money. The "golden age" of Witchers is during the period of fragmentation of population into small communities and lack of stable government that would bring organized protection over the land. Now that the authorities hold much more influence and have more means to protect tax paying citizens from dangers, role of witchers has diminished. They are almost extinct although they are immortal mutants that does not age (if they do the process is nightmarishly slow). Unfortunately there are no new Witchers because they have been made not born. They are artificial relics of times long gone when population was in need of protectors that would stand against the onslaught of dangerous creatures and chaotic magic that ravaged the world. Few of them are still alive but even those few still roam the land in search of work.

This is short description of Witcher profession. And it can be easy applied it to MLP.

In Equestria you have unverified period of time between finding Equestria till defeat of Discord and then the show glimpses only on few major events like defeat of Sombra and Rise of Nightmare Moon. This shit inspired thousands of Fanfic's. Those that have been created with some skill and grasp on "written" language became quite successful.

And thats what I'm wishing you m8. I would Love to read a good MLP/Witcher crossover I really do. Dont fuck this up.

( Jeli jestes zainteresowany rozmowa czy konsultacjami jestem otwarty na dyskusje moze ci jakos pomoge cos doradze. Niemam problemu być czyms w rodzaju sciany od ktorej odbijasz pomysły oile jestes czym stakim zainteresowany. Jesli chodzi jednak o proofreading to jak zauwarzyles powyrzej moj jezyk Angielski nie jest na najwyrzyszm poziomie ale cos tam z siebie wydukac umiem. )

It was a normal day for me, birds were chirping, humans were shouting motherfucers, car were riding like crazy and I were on a fantasy convention dressed up as my favorite character Geralt from Rivia.

It was a normal day for me: Birds chirping, people shouting and driving like crazy motherfuckers. I was attending a fatnasy convention, dressed up as my favourite character 'Geralt of Rivia.'




That's just the first sentence.

5580689 We should also state that thou does not forget the one named Tirek or other such unnamed figures of that young age.

5580689

You have to be already a fan of Witcher to appreciate ( and understand ) the fact who he is, and what he does. Sorry but saying that Witcher is just a monster slayer is like saying that space shuttle is just an aircraft.

Yes you are quite right about this, so to answer you I must admit that I am great fan of The Wither series, but it never was about witchers for me. For me what in this stories, movies and games mattered the most is how Geralt fight against the whole world during his journeys. He had to fight against monsters that rom in the shadows, against racism when between people, (many times he had to smear his fingers in politics while doing so) and at last he had to fight against his own fate, so many times almost losing that he even not realize that he wins (after all he still lives.) And finally he is the only witcher that still has conscience something that any other witcher lost after mutation this plus many other things considered make him so exceptional that I want to make story about him because he isn't witcher, he is The Witcher.

There is so much potential of combining "Witcher" and MLP lore into single world (like Falout did) rather than magically teleport the guy and from the start place him on the quest of finding his way back "home". AND just as a side note there are "talking unicorns" (and they are bad-ass) in Witcher already so a view of a unicorn/pony town would not make a big deal of "shock" to our favorite hero any way.
If you really want to write about Witcher consider the fact that MLP world setting is perfect for organization like witchers to exist in first place.

About that there is the fact that as you said there already are stories that you are talking about and I want to have even little originality, that's one of the reasons that I'm making an displaced story with him.

( Jeli jestes zainteresowany rozmowa czy konsultacjami jestem otwarty na dyskusje moze ci jakos pomoge cos doradze. Niemam problemu być czyms w rodzaju sciany od ktorej odbijasz pomysły oile jestes czym stakim zainteresowany. Jesli chodzi jednak o proofreading to jak zauwarzyles powyrzej moj jezyk Angielski nie jest na najwyrzyszm poziomie ale cos tam z siebie wydukac umiem. )

I w końcu. Tak chętnie przyjmę każdy rodzaj pomocy zwłaszcza od kolegi fana Sagi o Wiedźminie więc jeli będziesz miał jakies uwagi to wylij mi PM i bedziemy mogli działać.

Can't wait to see where you take this.

5582750 thanks. :pinkiehappy: I am currently on the wave so it shouldn't be long before the next chapter.

5582804

~yay~

Don't rush too much, take your time and make sure you give a product you're proud of.

I disagree that a 'human' witcher is a bad thing, but 5580689 made a few good points.

Mainly right now, this story is near incomprehensible to anybody that is just a MLP fan.

Why does a witcher carry two blades?
Why the chains? What does a witcher use them for?
How is this dude still a monster hunter after fifty-six years? Wouldn't he be too old?

And that's just off the top of my head.

Now I am a witcher fan (if mostly the games) so I actually know the answers to the above, but the average person on this site probably don't.

Then again, this is the first chapter, so I'm willing to give the benefit of the doubt, even if I think you should have explained better from the get-go. There is a really fine line between sowing intrigue and creating confusion, and you don't want the later to happen.

My biggest gripe is this, though: Why would a monster hunter be notorious enough to warrant petrification, the highest punishment Equestrian government seems to be willing to deliver on law-breakers?

Hell, the real Garrath have been captured and bound just fine before. The framing device for the first act or so of the second game even uses him being interrogated as it's central theme.

Magic mutant with quite a few nasty tricks aside, a magically warded cell seems like it should have worked just fine given the setting.

Still, I'm curious where this is going. Think I'll be following this, even if I'm withholding a vote for now.

One more thing I can't stress enough, though:

Either get an editor, or a better spell-checker!

Right now you have a lot of frankly rather easily fixed errors, and you will be slammed with down-votes for them if they aren't fixed. I know it's tedious as all hell, but as much as running your text through your word-processor of choice and your browser's inbuilt checker on upload does a lot of difference in final quality.

5583177 You have very found points dear sir and you are right I plan to explain all this facts in later chapters, but for now I can only propose to a have a little patience 'cause there will be time for every secret to be explained due time.

And if it comes to editor then unfortunately my last one had ditched me and for now I am alone, so if there is someone with knowledge of the language and is willing to edit for me I accept applications on PM.

He has quite an interesting meeting with a Dandelion. Can't wait to see what she shenanigans those two get themselves into.

One suggestion. Get a prereader. Other than that, good job so far.

Ah, I'll give it a shot... I changed my mind after quick skip/read through chapter I. Almost instantly something started to annoy me but I don't know what. I'll leave it in Read it Later for now.
No downvote from me because I never downvote.

5582514
As far as the books go Geralt died (pitchforks are nasty things) and Yennefer lost her life in her attempt to save him. We can only speculate if they're still alive (that part of Lady of the Lake still bugs me). Games aren't canon.


Wiedźmina zabił chłop nie potrafiący władać bronią, a czarodziejka umarła z wyczerpania próbują ocalić ukochanego. A ona nie mogła pomóc, bo wyrzekła się mocy. I tak księżniczka, której nie dane było rządzić, wiedźminka, która walczyła z ludźmi, a nie z potworami, oraz czarodziejka, która nie mogła rzucać zaklęć wykorzystała dziki dar Źródła i odeszła z tego świata, zostawiła go.
- Mam dziwne przeczucie, że nie powiedziałeś mi wszystkiego.
- Powiedziałem wszystko poza jednym: dziewczynka nazywała się Cirilla. Ale to bez znaczenia…" ~ Karczmarz

Bad chapter is bad m8. There are a lot of things wrong here.
I will try not to voice things that other ppl already said (like simple spell-check).

First of all your dialogs are stiff. One of the reasons why Witcher ( both game and books) have been so successful, are the dialogs between the characters. They don't have to be sophisticated but the have to be smart and over all fun to read. Atm what you did reads like an encyclopedia. Mind you its not an accusation. I know dialogs are very hard part of writing. Try better I believe you can deliver.

Secondly your characters talk to much. Show us what is happening don't just tell it. I know its tempting too use Sapkowski style but I need to remind you that the author of Saga is a master of written word in Polish end even he did fell into the trap of telling rather then showing (example: The Lesser Evil ). More showing less talking.

Thirdly too much information from the start. You want to go full bad ass Witcher mode ASAP. Hold your horses (so to speak). Don't rush fun. Let people taste it slowly dose information leak it let them speculate. You don't need to give all the rules of engagement at once. Let us readers have some fun while reading and after it.

Fourthly ... sorry but your character is an idiot. After he wakes up in probably alien world with no information where he is exactly, he engages in a friendly conversation with a probably hostile creature revealing who he is and what he does. Not to mention you didn't explain how he knew what a changeling is exactly. Why does he introduce him self as Geralt while you specifically said his name is Konrad in previous chapter? Honestly while reading this I had few "WTF" moments. If you want to know how this conversation should look like I send you to "Wieża Jaskółki" (Tower of the Swallow) book four of the saga, chapter five.

I presume you love the story Lesser Evil and you want to go that road. Don't. Although Lesser Evil is a great story with high score in contest of message ( moral) and emotional drama it is relay weak in terms of Literary value. Sapkowski screwed this one up.

Sixthly... pace of the story is to fast. Too much happened in span of few words. Slow down tell us slowly and neatly what the fuck is happening down there.

Seventh... pleas stop insulting English speaking audience. We get it you are not a native English speaker. No problem. Just don't insult the readers please. Its rude and unnecessary. You don't have to vent your frustrations on us. Use this to fuel your dialogs, but be civil.

Please don't take what I just wrote the bad way. Improve. You can do better.

This crap is just becoming repetitive at this point.

5584557 thanks man for all the advices I will try my best during next chapter. Besides I must admit that this chap was rushed, but the reason why it was so, is because the first one I had finished with an cliffhanger and I hate them more than any bad chapter. Really nothing make me so mad like stop in the middle of an story, even if it's needed sometimes.

5583784 sorry to disappoint you, but as far as sire goes there isn't exactly said if they are dead or not but in epilogue of "PANI JEZIORA" is written

Geralt otworzył oczy drażnione przez powieki grą światłocienia. Zobaczył nad sobą
liście, kalejdoskop migoczących w słońcu liści. Zobaczył ciężkie od jabłek gałęzie.
Na skroni i policzku czuł delikatny dotyk palców. Palców, które znał. Które kochał tak,
że aż bolało.
Bolał też brzuch, pierś, bolały żebra, a ciasny gorset bandaża dobitnie przekonywał, że
miasto Rivia i trójzębne widły nie były sennym koszmarem.
- Leż spokojnie, mój ukochany - powiedziała łagodnie Yennefer. - Leż spokojnie. Nie
ruszaj siÄ™.
- Gdzie jesteśmy, Yen?
- Czy to ważne? Jesteśmy razem. Ty i ja.
Śpiewały ptaki, dzwońce albo drozdy. Pachniały trawy, zioła, kwiaty. Jabłka.
- Gdzie jest Ciri?
- Odeszła.

this part actually feel for me clear like water besides in my story I plan to use games as canon and at least partially join it with books and I mean also 'SEZON BURZ' by that after all it is not a real Geralt that changed places what is very important part of the story that I plan to explain more specifically much later.

Ok for any of you that are interested I had repaired many minor errors in the story, I hope you enjoy.

Ok caught up with both chapters and ready to say a few things. First i like that your using Geralt i love his character. Second i understand that your native language isn't English and im fine with that i understand where your going when reading, though a quick bit of advice not sure if you have an editor or pre-reader but if you don't maybe see if their English or at least very good at English as their second language. i'm definitely going to keep following this story i see great potential in this story, so i wish you the best of luck with this story.

5592652 Thank you very much :pinkiehappy:

And no I unfortunately don't have an editor, or pre-reader per-se, but I found a man that actually knows well about The Witcher universe and had agreed to give me some advises to my story so I'm doing my best. :pinkiesmile:

You made a story about Geralt of Rivia, the greatest witcher ever. That alone deserves a favorite.

5593836
Your welcome. and if your looking for editors or pre-readers I'm pretty sure there's a group of editors on this site that you can ask for assistance. Though don't hold me on that i may be wrong.

alway good to find a fic from a fellow witcher, keep writing strigoi!

5624268 no problemo :pinkiehappy: ps. don't spoil the fun. :ajsmug:

Nice to see this story again. Hope to see what's bothering Geralt about going to Blaviken.

5624572 I will let you all know it tomorrow ( I don't leave cliffhangers for long.) :pinkiesmile:

Really guys I'm really happy for all the favorites that you guys give me, but it couldn't hurt to give me also some likes, so i could be more greatful and happy. :pinkiesmile:

Really I write one peacful chap and it's already hated? :applecry:

*sees this in feed*
Oh god, is this what I think it is...?

Yep. *read later*

long arms completed by hands with all five fingers

Stopped reading here.
Saite!

5748020
You are you. There is nothing to be sorry about.
And me are me.

5644427 can I haz more chptr plz.:fluttercry: I am fan of story now.:twilightsmile:

5888673 I'm working on it, just for some reason I can't go past the limit of 4,500 words before something stop me.

5889644 It would be good but its stop in very stupid place to do that it's practically nonsense when done. (I tried.)

6225387 thx man I will try not to disappoint but I'm currently too occupied with trying to get through the game before I will get back to the writing.

Whelp. I guess this means I can't do this as a displaced.

In case you're interested I've created a Witcher group where you can post your story. Here's the link.

To become a wizards people needs to learn special formulas that all the wizards are hiding from the world.

I'm pretty sure you have to be born with the ability to use spells and that it is instinctive for them. Normal people can use Signs if they use those big stones in the first game to infuse themselves with the magical energy of that Sign and learn how to wield that power. I'm not entirely certain, though.

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