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Explanation Marks3,360 words
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Going Full Pony5,555 words

Explanation Marks

“It is commonly believed that changelings behave as they do in order to feed upon love, which they claim to rely upon for sustenance; however, after observing a member of the species in the wild for several days, it has been determined that, when left to their own devices and otherwise untrammeled by ponykind, they gather nectar and mushrooms, upon both of which the observed changeling happily subsisted. We can only conclude from this observation that changelings behave as they do, imitating ponies in order to infiltrate and topple their social hierarchies, because they are chitinous little assholes.”
~Excerpt from The Audubon Guide to Equestrian Fauna

Deep in an unnamed stretch of woods, far from where any civilized being would wish to venture, a train station’s purloined flip-board clicked and clacked as it cycled to display a new message. Hundreds of marginally interested changeling faces turned upwards simultaneously to read the new line of text at the bottom.

Dig Holes—Five Jelly

A collective groan swept over the crowd and they turned their attention elsewhere. In the back of the massive hall in which the flip-board hung, one of the changelings nudged another in the ribs.

“Dude, did the sign change?” he asked. “Anything good?”

The nudged changeling rubbed his side and glared. “I ain’t your damn reader, brah. Read it yourself.”

“Drax,” the first whined pitifully as he squinted at the board. “C’mon, don’t leave me hangin’! You know I can’t see too good.”

“Slisk, brah,” Drax said, rolling his eyes, “chill out. They want us to dig holes.”

Slisk nodded as he processed this potentially life-changing revelation. “I like digging holes, dude. Let’s do it.”

“Hells, naw!” Drax dropped a heavy hoof on Slisk’s head. “Let someone else do that shit—five jelly ain’t worth it.”

Suddenly, the hall’s large doors slammed open, nearly crushing against the wall a few changelings who had clearly chosen a poor place to sit. The roar of conversation hushed to a mild buzzing as a pair of hefty guards tromped in and inspected the teeming masses of workers, who covered the unadorned room like a thick, writhing carpet.

"We need volunteers to dig some holes," one of the guards barked. When nobody answered, he grinned cruelly, cracking his neck in anticipation. "Guess we'll have to find some, then." The guards began a slow circuit around the room as they eyed up their choices.

“Let’s totally go dig holes, yo,” Slisk said in an obliviously loud voice. Drax reached for his mouth. “I like dimmph!”

“Shut up!” Drax hissed, glancing around to see if anybody important had heard his friend. “A handmaiden candidate doesn’t dig holes!”

Slisk reached up and pulled Drax’s hoof away. “Dude, didn’t they kick you out of that handmaiden thing, like, two days after you got in?”

“Three!” Drax snapped, but his friend ignored him.

“You’d look real weird as a chick, too,” he said, scratching his chin and eyeing Drax dubiously. “Dude—”

A booming shout that echoed throughout the entire room cut him off. The guards had halted in front of a small knot of workers and stood over them, glowering. “You four, get off your asses!” one of them yelled. “There’re holes to be dug, and you just got volun-told.” The cowed changelings scrambled to their hooves and followed the guards back out, heavy wooden doors slamming behind them. A moment later, the noise in the hall bloomed back to nearly deafening levels.

“Aw, I wanted that one…” Slisk said with a pout, earning himself a slap on the back of his head.

“Don’t be a dumbshit, brah.” Drax beckoned to him, and the two wound their way through their fellows towards one of the room’s smaller exits, which was nothing more than a hole knocked out of the concrete wall.

Slisk hesitated in front of the “door”. “I dunno, dude—won’t we get busted for bailing during our shift?”

“Nah, brah,” Drax said over his shoulder. “Queen's outta town, right? And She took half the guards along with Her.”

“If you say so…”

As they shambled off through a rough-hewn tunnel, behind them the flip-board cycled once more.

Far from the work-dodging duo, Princess Twilight Sparkle waited inside a real train station and chatted with her friends. A stack of luggage higher than she stood tall leaned precariously; likely the only reason that it hadn’t toppled already was Twilight's assistant, Spike, working overtime to hold it upright. She pony waved a foreleg emphatically in the midst of her conversation.

On the other side of the platform, a pair of particularly nondescript stallions kept their gaze focused squarely on the oblivious group, only looking away in order to glance impatiently at a clock on the wall.

“For shit’s sake,” one of them muttered, “how long until—” A high-pitched train whistle cut him off, and his companion chuckled.

Within seconds, a brightly colored train rolled in and came to a shuddering halt with a final, billowing chuff of steam. Twilight hugged all of her friends in turn, then helped Spike maneuver the assemblage of suitcases into one of the cars. Finally, after a teary farewell, she trotted inside and the doors slid shut behind her. Three puffs of steam and another loud whistle saw the train on its way.

“Okay, she’s gone,” said the impatient stallion. “Let’s go let Her know.” The two trotted stiff-leggedly down the platform, past Twilight’s friends, who stayed behind to see off the departing train.

“What’s Her intent with this one, anyway?” the younger stallion asked. “I mean, I get why She wanted to replace the sherbet-colored princess that one other time, but why the book nerd?”

“‘Ours is not to question why,’” came the reply, quoted straight from the Changeling Guard Creed, “‘unless you want to friggin’ die.’ Besides, once She’s in place, we’re to regroup at the Everfree and wait for further instruction. Not our problem, brother.”

On a bench across the tracks, a tawny pony wearing a trenchcoat lowered the newspaper that had concealed his face. From behind a pair of mirror Hay-Ban sunglasses, his eyes followed the departing stallions until they were gone. He sighed loudly.

“The chief isn’t gonna like this.”

“Yo, so, like, let’s go hang out by the jelly reserves,” Drax called back to his lagging friend. The confined tunnel stifled his voice. “We can totally bogart some sick jellyballs when they skim the tubs—hella jellyballs, yo!” He smacked his lips loudly.

Slisk loped a couple paces behind, dragging his hooves on the rough stone floor. “Dude, we’re gonna get in trouble again. We’re not off-shift until”—He paused in thoughtful contemplation—“like, later,” he finished in a lame voice.

“Brah, don’t get down. It’s not that bad. Like, even if they catch us, they’ll just yell at us and make us go back in the main hall again.” Drax paused to let Slisk catch up. “Besides, what are they gonna do, like, fire us?”

“Dude, last time we got caught, you ran away and one of those big dudes cracked my shell, yo.” Slisk stopped and ran a hoof over a puckered line on his exoskeleton. “Shit hurt, dude.”

Drax shrugged helplessly. “Brah, you know I had to cut out," he said. "They would have booted me out of haindmaidens for sure if they caught me, yo.”

“Still, dude,” Slisk muttered with a pout, “felt like hella stabs in the back.” His hoof continued to massage the scar.

“Yo. Brah.” Drax chucked him playfully on the shoulder. “Brah. Yo, I know what’ll cheer you up.”

“Dude, I dunno,” Slisk replied uncertainly. However, his face lit up at Drax's next words.

“Braaaaah. Let’s do us a mushroom roll.”

Eyes bright, Slisk hopped up and down like an aphid at a jelly park, nearly knocking his head on the tunnel's ceiling. “Oh, hells to the yes! Straight up choice, dude!”

“All them fine little mushrooms all stacked up in the mushroom chamber,” Drax whispered enticingly, “and I know those dicks ain’t guarding that shit now…”

“Dude, you know how I dig getting a good roll in some shrooms, doggie," Slisk said with a wide grin. "Feels like a million tiny little sponges all getting a grind up on your shell.” He shook from the excitement of merely thinking about it.

“Brah, get pumped,” Drax whooped as they rushed down the tunnel to the mushroom store, heavy stone door hanging wide open, “we’re doing this! This is a thing that is happening!”

They darted into the dark room and leaned against the door, pushing with all their might. The old, rusty hinges creaked as the ponderous door swung closed with a solid thunk. The two paused for a moment to let their eyes adjust to the relative darkness.

The store was a cavernous, dimly lit chamber, piled throughout with a hoard of mushrooms that the changeling drones had collected for the hive. These mushrooms represented the bulk of the hive’s sustenance, a bulwark against the famines of a harsh winter.

“Cannonball!” shouted Slisk as he prepared to dive into a nearby mound of mushrooms, only to be yanked backwards at the last second.

“Brah, no, we got to be like, careful and shit about how we do this,” Drax admonished, “like, over here in the back, yo. So, like, they won’t figure it out so fast.”

“Oh, right on, dude.”

Drax took a long moment to choose a likely pile and flopped unceremoniously onto it, legs spread-eagled. “Oh, yeah. Oh, that feels so tight, yo.” He let out a satisfied groan as he writhed atop the pile of fungus. The spongy toadstools squished and crumbled under his weight.

Slisk’s only reply was to slide into a heavenly mountain of his own.

“Brah, you remember when we did this as nymphs?” Drax said after a long moment.

“Dude, we got in so much trouble, ” Slisk answered. “You remember who found us, right?” He wriggled in pure bliss.

“Oh, brah, hells yes I do. Buzzing Zubzuk, yo.” Drax rolled over onto his side, brow furrowing at the memory.

“Grubber-buzzing Zubzuk,” Slisk affirmed, happily grinding a cluster of red-capped mushrooms between his shoulder-blades. “I heard that chubby bitch was the one who ripped off the flippy sign from Canterlot.”

Drax snorted his disdain. “Wouldn’t surprise me if he thought it was some kind of a big cookie or something—”

Suddenly the door burst open, a cone of light bathing part of the room. A massive changeling guard blocked the entrance.

“What in the flying buzz— “ he started.

“Oh, shit!” Slisk whispered as he shot to his hooves. “We’re gonna get smooshed for reals, yo!” He would have dashed for the door had Drax not taken hold of hind leg.

“Brah, shut up—maybe he’ll go away,” Drax said softly.

“Who goes there?” the guard bellowed, peering about in the darkness.

Drax's face scrunched up in concentration, then he pushed Slisk lightly. "I got an idea, yo—just go with it," he said as he jumped to his hooves and moved into the light, where the guard could easily see him. “Oh, thank the Queen you’re here, brah! Shut the door, though, he’s gonna get out!”

Having been prepared to beat whatever insolent worker had snuck in, this new development caught the guard by surprise. “I… what?” He found as his mind seemingly struggled to shift gears.

Drax didn't plan to give him the chance. “The door, yo, the door! Shut it!” he hollered, pointing at the door frantically. Confusion apparent in his eyes, Slisk looked up at him from behind his own pile of mushrooms. “Yeah, brah, we got the little sucker trapped over here. He, like, ran into a pile.”

“What?” the guard repeated lamely.

Suddenly, Slisk's eyes lit up and he gave Drax an exaggerated wink. “Dude, it’s, like, a mushroom snake!” he said to the guard.

“Quick, quick, get it, yo," Drax added, stomping into a mound of mushrooms, "before it breeds all over and shit!” Spongy bits of mushroom peppered the air around him.

This was something the guard could easily understand. He reared on his hind hooves and brought both his forelegs down viciously into the same pile Drax had his hooves buried in. “I’ll stomp it so hard!”

“Yeah! Yeah, dude! Stomp his snakey guts!” Slisk cheered. "Do it, like, for the Queen, dude!"

Panic abruptly contorted Drax's face, and he pointed a shaking hoof towards a pile next to the door. “Oh! Oh, shit, I just saw another one over there!” he yelped, slinking in that direction. “We’ll go get some reinforcements, yo!”

“Yeah, reinforcements and shit!” shouted Slisk, but his words fell on deaf ears. The excitement of the moment had driven the guard to manic glee as he stomped on phantom snakes, mushrooms flying hither and yon under his heavy blows.

“C’mon, yo, let’s go!” Drax hissed, grabbing Slisk by a foreleg, dragging him out the door and out into the anonymity of the maze of hive tunnels. Once out of the guard's sight, they darted away, and soon the sound of the guard's rampage faded from hearing.

Their pace slowed to a leisurely ambling as the adrenaline wore off. “Maybe we should, like, go back to the sign,” Slisk said.

“Brah, I can’t even,” Drax moaned, craning his neck to nip a piece of crushed mushroom out of his chitin. “They ain’t missed us yet, yo, so let’s just buzz off for the whole rest of the day.”

“C’mon, dude, let’s just check the sign one more time,” Slisk whined in his friend’s ear. “There might be another digging job, or shit.”

Drax threw his head back and groaned. “Brah, what’s your deal with digging?”

“It’s just fun,” Slisk said, suddenly bashful. “Sometimes you find stuff that nobody else wants. Like rocks. C’mon, we’re right here!” He waved at a branching tunnel, which led back to the massive hall with the flip-board.

“Fine!” Drax snapped. He stomped down the tunnel, Slisk bouncing happily behind him. “If it’ll make you shut up!”

At the path’s end, a piece of tattered cloth hung over the exit and served as a sort of door. Drax threw it aside and strode into the great room, almost immediately stumbling over a napping changeling.

“Look at this lazy asshole,” he muttered with a snarl at the still-sleeping worker, who rolled over and pawed listlessly at the air.

Slisk squinted in the flip-board’s direction. “What’s it say, dude?”

“For f—you’re the one who wanted to come here, yo!” Drax said, dropping to his haunches. “Read it yourself!”

“C’mon, dude. You know I can’t—”

“—can’t see good,” Drax finished in a mocking tone. “Brah, there ain’t nothing new up there. It’s all the same.”

Slisk had his mouth open to comment when another voice caught both of their attentions. “I see you two haven’t gotten yourselves killed yet.” They glanced to the side where an unusually plump changeling wearing a smug expression had swaggered over. “How’s life at the bottom of the hill?”

“Dude, is that Zubzuk?” Slisk said in a clearly audible undertone. “He got real fat, dude.”

“Yeah, brah,” Drax said, grinning maliciously Zubzuk, who bristled at the comment. “Prolly can’t even fit his fat ass in the tunnels anymore.”

“I absolutely can fit my—” Zubzuk cut himself off and coughed delicately. “I know what you two are doing—jealousy doesn’t become you.”

“You run a stupid job sign, yo, not the entire hive.” Drax fought to maintain his smile.

“Speaking of which,” Zubzuk said in a pompous tone, “it should be flipping to a really good job soon—” Right on cue, the top row on the flip-board shuffled to show the next available task. Or, at least, it probably should have. What it actually displayed was:

?????????, ?????? Jelly

“Pfft, nice explanation points, brah,” Drax said through his chuckles. Zubzuk’s mouth gaped open, unable to find anything remotely appropriate to respond with. “Super good job with that sign, yo.”

Slisk tapped him on the shoulder. “Dude, what’s it say?”

“This is what I get for leaving incompetent drones in charge.” Zubzuk faced Drax squarely and jabbed him in the chest. “I’ve got important things to do, so have fun being useless grubs for the rest of your lives.”

“What’s it say, Drax?” Slisk repeated.

“Die in a fire,” Drax chimed cheerfully at the departing Zubzuk’s back. As he stared at the board, something about the error nagged at him, drawing his full attention.

“I don’t have time for this,” Zubzuk muttered. He forced his mass through the crowd, disappearing in the direction of the flip-board’s controls.

Slisk rapped Drax on the shoulder. “C’mon, dude, what’s it say?” Drax’s gaze now focused with a laser-like intensity on the sign, leaving Slisk to repeatedly nudge his non-responsive friend. “What’s it—”

Suddenly, Drax shouted out and jumped, nearly knocking Slisk over backwards. “Brah. Brah.” He grabbed Slisk by the shoulders. “Listen.”

“Wh-what?” Slisk stammered. “Dude, don’t scare me like—”

“Shut up and listen, yo,” Drax said excitedly. “Brah, what if the sign isn’t actually, like, broken?”

Slisk cocked his head and shrugged. “Dude, you’re freaking me out.”

“What if the sign isn’t actually shitted up,” Drax continued, ignoring his friend’s confusion, “but a test?”

Eyes scrunched-up, Slisk glanced towards the board. “I think I can read it,” he said to Drax, who was in his own world. “Wait, dude, are those just a buncha question marks?”

“Brah, no, they’re explanation points, but hear me out.” Drax’s chitinous exoskeleton clattered in his excitement. “Brah, what if—brah, listen. What if—what if we’re supposed to, like, figure out what the job is, yo?”

“I dunno, dude,” Slisk said slowly. “How do you know?”

“Because, brah, it’s at the top,” Drax said, finally pulling his hooves back, fairly vibrating as his mind strained to bring the thought to fruition, “The top of the board! Like, that’s where the important stuff goes, right? The jobs that score you mad jelly? They don’t want to just say it, though, because they don’t want anybody dumb to claim it, so they made a test to, like, y’know, weed out the stupid ones, yo.”

Slisk’s eyes darted back and forth as he pondered this irrefutable logic.

“And-and, like, the reward, brah, see how it’s explantation signs, too?” The changelings around Drax frowned at his obnoxiously loud voice, but he paid them no mind. “That means it could be, like, anything! Maybe whatever we want!”

“Whoa.” A toothy smile slowly spread across Slisk’s face. “Dude, we could ask for, like, a lot of jelly.”

“Or another shot at that handmaiden gig,” Drax added. “But, brah, the job’s gotta be something real big. Like, real big, and it ain’t gonna be easy.”

Slisk glanced up thoughtfully. “So, like, they want us to dig a shit-ton of ho—”

“Just shut up about the stupid holes, yo!” Drax snapped, slapping the back of Slisk’s head. “The job—brah, listen to me—we’ll have to, like, be real smart and do preparations and shit to pull this off.”

“But I don’t even know what, like, any of that is supposed to be,” Slisk said as he rubbed his head.

Drax threw a leg over his friend’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, brah, I got us covered. Here’s what we gotta do, yo:

“We gonna kidnap Princess Twilight Sparkle.”

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