Shooting Star

by Phoenix Nebula

A new mystery

Author's Note:

OK chapter 3 I hope its better than the others.

I still don't have Dragon so it will still be some time before my next chapter comes out. Once I get Dragon I'll probably be posting a chapter a day. Maybe

Also I know this chapter is short my next one will be longer but I'll try to get it out sooner.

Chapter 3: A new mystery

Twilight opened her eyes as the morning light woke her up; she slept so well last night. Sleeping right next to her was the stallion of her dreams, just starting to wake up. He opened his eyes.

"Good morning gorgeous," Flash teased. Twilight giggled at his smart remark.

"Good morning handsome," Twilight returned his comment. Flash bounced his eyebrows causing Twilight to giggle again.

"Oh stop," Twilight playfully shoved him. He just smiled mischievously. She sighed and looked up."I guess I better check on Spike," She leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek, and then got up and walked out of the room. Flash sat up in the bed, and suddenly noticed how energized he felt. He felt like he had the energy to could move a mountain, but something didn't feel right. He had this nagging feeling but he couldn't put his hoof on it.

"Hmm..." Flash rubbed his chin. He suddenly remembered that Spike had scanned his and Twilight's energy levels last night. Maybe the data could shed some light on this strange feeling. He got out of bed and put on his armor, grabbed his spear, and his tape recorder. Flash suddenly had an idea, he hadn't taken Twilight anywhere yet, and she likes Pony City, he also knows the the band personally. Maybe sometime this week he could take her to a live performance. Flash smiled at the idea. He could imagine the look on her face. Flash walked out of the room and closed the door behind him.

--------------------

Twilight peered into her's and Spike's room. Spike was fast asleep in his basket. Twilight smiled and chuckled. He was so exhausted after the party, he was out like a light last night. She quietly closed the door so not to wake him. She walked into the main library and looked at the energy readings from last night. She went and grabbed two other energy readings, one was hers and the other was Flash's. Twilight walked over to a chalkboard. She held up the energy readings as she wrote things on the chalkboard. Flash walked in and saw Twilight writing things on the chalkboard while' looking at the energy readings.

"Hey Twily whatcha doing?" He walked up behind her.

"Oh, Flash,” She turned around." I was looking at the energy readings."

"What have you found out?"

"I don't know, it's strange," She pondered a sec. "I'm not sure what I'm looking at, it's unusual." Flash walked up and looked at the readings and at the chalkboard."If you look at my separate readings its consistent it has a very high amplitude and frequency. It's flawless and if that wasn't weird enough look at your's." Flash turned and looked at his energy reading and he suddenly noticed something."Your's is the same except its a half step ahead."

"You’re right and if you look at our combined energy reading it's like a helix!" Flash exclaimed.

"Yeah, but I found that if our energy waves were in perfect alignment then-" She paused, "It could blow a hole right through the universe!" Flash turned to her, his jaw almost on the floor. This information was shocking, absolutely shocking, hearing you could possibly blow a hole through space itself would shock anyone. “My energy readings are identical to pure magic, but yours are different, they’re offset, so they doesn't align with magic, yet I'm not quite sure what they do align with." Flash just stared, trying to comprehend what he was just told. Twilight looked at him, thinking he was confused. "Oh sorry, was it to scientific?"

"No I understand completely, it's just shocking."

"Wait you understand, I thought it was a bit scientific,"

"Heh, well I did take an advanced science class in high school, and I guess it was kinda easy," Flash smiled weakly while rubbing the back of his head. Twilight smiled at him, not only was he nice, strong, and handsome, but he was really smart too. Just then Spike came running in holding a letter. He still looked tired, since he had just woken up, but there was an urgent look in his eyes.

"Twilight! Celestia sent an urgent letter," Spike yelled worriedly. Twilight quickly grabbed the letter, read it, and started growing worried.

"What does it say Twilight?" Flash asked in a concerned tone of voice.

"We’re needed in Canterlot immediately. But she only called for you and me," Twilight turned to Flash. She then looked over to Spike, and hugged him because he looked very worried. " Don't worry Spike, I'll be back quick." Spike nodded.

"Okay," He responded.

"We should probably hurry," Twilight said as she got up and turned to Flash. He nodded and the two hurried out of the library. Outside of the library, there was a pair of royal guards pulling a chariot. Flash and Twilight knew Celestia had sent them to pick them up. Twilight and Flash stepped on the chariot and they were off.
---To Be Continued---

Comments

[Phoenix Nebula]

Another down vote why? Rite after I submit my third chapter why?

[MidnightEclipsed]

Ok, I'm would love to know where this story goes. But THE GRAMMER! THE PUNCTUATION! I mean, I take take stories with 4 or 5 mishaps. But, in this story's case, there's 4+ GRAMMER and punctuation issues in EVERY SENTENCE! I'm not trying to be mean, but you really need to improve your writing. Maybe get someone to edit it for you? Yeah, because right now, if I continue reading this story, it'll end with everyone who ever read this left with -10 IQ.

[Phoenix Nebula]

5602097

I'v had two people of er to help I can't decide who though. One of them can only point out my mistakes. The other one can make the changes them self but there not a brony and I don't what it to be a problem.

[Cuy Val Dar]

Three paragraphs in before first error! Good job!

She sighed and looked up."I guess I better check on Spike," She leaned over and gave him a peck on the cheek, and then got up and walked out of the room.

Needs a space before the quote, the word "I" should technically be "I'd" as in "I had," and the word "she" directly after the quote should not be capitalized.

He felt like he had the energy to could move a mountain, but something didn't feel right.

That word does not belong.

Flash suddenly had an idea, he hadn't taken Twilight anywhere yet, and she likes Pony City, he also knows the the band personally.

Halfway through this sentence you go from past- to present-tense. It should either change from third to first person as well to show Flash's thoughts, or it should be in past-tense.
{he hadn't taken Twilight anywhere yet, she liked Pony City, and he also knew the band}
{I haven't taken Twilight anywhere yet, she likes Pony City, and I also know the band}

She quietly closed the door so not to wake him.

{door so as not to}

Flash walked in and saw Twilight writing things on the chalkboard while' looking at the energy readings.

The apostrophe after "while" shouldn't be there. Also, I think I noticed an extra apostrophe in the "hers" at the beginning of this paragraph.

"Oh, Flash,” She turned around." I was looking at the energy readings."

The word "she" should not be capitalized, and the space should be before the quotation mark, not after.
Also, the next paragraph is missing its indent.

"I don't know, it's strange," She pondered a sec. "I'm not sure what I'm looking at, it's unusual."

Both of the commas in these sentences before the word "it's" should be semicolons, and the word "she" should not be capitalized.

Flash walked up and looked at the readings and at the chalkboard."If you look at my separate readings its consistent it has a very high amplitude and frequency. It's flawless and if that wasn't weird enough look at your's." Flash turned and looked at his energy reading and he suddenly noticed something."Your's is the same except its a half step ahead."

List time!
1. There should be a space in front of the first quote.
2. The sentence "my separate readings its consistent it has a very high..." should read: {"If you look at my separate readings, they're consistent. They have a very high amplitude and frequency.}
3. There should be a comma after the word "flawless."
4. There is no apostrophe in "yours". Remove them.
5. There should be a space in front of the third quote.
6. The "its" here should be the contraction "it's" meaning "it is."

"You’re right and if you look at our combined energy reading it's like a helix!" Flash exclaimed.

There should be either a comma or a sentence break after "You're right". Also, the shape to which you refer is a double helix.

"Yeah, but I found that if our energy waves were in perfect alignment then-" She paused, "It could blow a hole right through the universe!"

There is an extra space between "perfect" and "alignment." Also, "blow a hole right through the universe"!? Explain, please! (It doesn't have to make sense, just sciencey-jargon something together, like, "The appellation of magnitude caused by the integral alignment of two sufficiently similar thaumaturgical fields causes an introcumbustive reaction that varies inversely in force with the degree of similarity of the sinusoidal curves of the bio-magical interference" or something.)

"Wait you understand, I thought it was a bit scientific,"

{"Wait, you understand? I thought it was a bit scientific."}

Twilight smiled at him, not only was he nice, strong, and handsome, but he was really smart too.

{smiled at him; not only}

"What does it say Twilight?" Flash asked in a concerned tone of voice.

There should be a comma before Twilight's name.

" Don't worry Spike, I'll be back quick." Spike nodded.

The space after the first quotation mark should be removed. The word "quick" should technically be "soon", but since it is a character talking we can let it slide. The sentence "Spike nodded" should really be in the next paragraph, when we are talking about Spike.

Yaay! You're improving! My comment is not super-horrifyingly long now! (Only regularly long.)