Dream Land: "Wh-where am I?"
"Hah! Loser! I bet you like sandwiches, lets give him a knuckle sandwich!"
"Ow!! Stop! Please! That hurts!"
"Look! Baby's crying!"
"Please! Stop!'
In the guest bed : I woke up with a headache and something on my chest. I look to find a purple baby dragon! Thats Spike! Im happy now. "Hey, kid, wake up, its morning time."
"Huh, What?"
"Wake up kid."
"I have a name!"
"Im sorry, but can you get off of my chest?"
"Oh, okay." He slides off of my chest and walks out. I soon came out as well. "I finally slept in the last few days..and comfortably at that, how can i give her some thanks?" I thought until i heard a crash of books and i flew downstairs...and fell. "Whats going on!? Are you okay Twilight?" A frustrated Twilight stands before the swamp of books.
"Im fine."
"Thats good, how can i help?" I struggle out of the books and next to her.
"Can you help me re-organize?"
"Sure, by what order?"
"Last name from A to Z"
"Okay." I spent a few hours sorting books and finally finish.
"Thank you so much!"
"It's fine. I'm going to find something to eat."
"Theres always Sugarcube Corner." She makes me a map and a bag O' bits.
"Thanks!" I take off to sugarcube corner. Made a big mistake...A really really BIG one. I think im makeing a mistake of taking this place to a great and always happy utopia....
i really like the idea of this story and its really interesting just one complaint though the chapters need to be longer but other than that its really good
Why are bronies always depressed losers? It seems fan-fictions writers like to generalize themselves and the fandom like that most of the time when it comes to HiE.
This story has potential, however, it could use some work, so please accept some Constructive Criticism:
1. Usually chapters can be about 1000 + words, so I would try to make these many mini(hah) chapters into one larger chapter
2. Try fleshing out your story a bit. While reading the story it felt a bit rushed, and it could use a little more explanation here and there.
While reading it kind of felt like "this is happening" then suddenly "look over here now this is happening."
Again, your story is original and has some great potential! It just needs a shove in the right direction and it could be
I would gladly help pre-reading the story for you, if you are interested.
lol it needs work :) I'm in the process of producing a similar story, gl
542098 I agree with that notion, but I guess it would show that the human actually WANTS to live in Equestria and nothing's stopping him/her from doing it.
542098 you now I did the same thing with my story but I didn't now how to start it so... Why the heck not so yeah I thought that's how all fimfiction starts a brony being all like sad meme guy.soooooo ... problem?
542278
2.bp.blogspot.com/_URQk0RHUOnI/TJZTaeF4UAI/AAAAAAAAAT8/siNUlsPwyqw/s1600/BradleyCooperRapeFace.jpg
Not at all.
Please continue while I compile your OC's tears.
542285. I don't know you but you are one cool bro so I give you one
542098
I swear this is really bothering me, I dropped out of fandoms because of people like him, it's stupid really, how many stories have this exact plot? I've lost count.
I may sound like a douche-canoe, but really?! Why do people think this is a good plot device?