I'm confused, scared and feeling other feelings of emptiness that I've never felt before, all at the same time.
I'm dead, killed, but... how am I there then? Can I visit my parents as a ghost? Can I do the same with my friends? Can I still go around the Earth and visit places? Or am I stuck inside Tiara? The idea is scary, but... it looks like so. I turn around to Filiberto, hoping that he will help me and/or will answer to all my questions.
"Filiberto?"
"Yes, oh dear cousin?" He asks, turning his bleeding chest around with a swish of his golden coat. I fiddle my figners around a bit, then I take my courage with two hands, and ask "I-is there any way t-to come back to mom and dad?"
As Diamond Tiara put her left hoof on her face and groans, Filiberto sighs as he lowers his head and says "You may pay them a visit when their eyes will rest closed and their minds will be relieved shortly from the worries of the day." He rises his index of his left hand "However, roaming the Earth is not possible for the pious and unchosen dead like you, as only the souls of the truly wicked and the punished can do so, and only if a priest of angra mainyu," he lets out a snarl and spits on the black ground "with the sacrifice of his blood upon a fire sparked with a torch and burning bodily wastes and pieces of corpses, decides to summon them to do their bidding for an amount of time that does not go beyond two sunrises."
I look sideways at my cousin. This is so complicated!
"I-I don't get it, Filiberto... do I get to visit people?" I say, nearly trembling, so he says "No, you cannot do so, for you have yet to be fully judged by Madza, the Most Rightful Judge and yazad, and need to be freed from this body first."
I look puzzled at my cousin, still not getting it all. I mean, am I dead, not dead, in Limbo, in Hell, or what? It's all so confusing... I decide to ask "I-I'm lost..."
"In a handful of simple terms, you are dead indeed, but you have yet to join the Afterlife fully, as your judgment has been halted. For join it, you shall leave this body as soon as the opportunity offers itself to you."
I nod, still not completely understanding but still understanding a little more than before. "When?" I ask.
Filiberto creates a small glowing silvery scroll from nowhere, letting it float a bit in the air, then grabs it and unrolls it in his hands, saying "The opportunity, oh my dear young cousin Luisa, starts from tomorrow and it shall last until the Moon will have done its cycle in the sky once, for the Afterlife has gotten more near to this world, allowing an easier liberation of souls trapped inside objects, beasts and men, without destroying the host. While it is possible to do so in other times, it may require so much effort in doing so, that it may end with the soul of the one that gives aid begin snuffed out of him in the attempt to recover the soul of the trapped deceased one, and so it is advisable to try now, rather than wait."
Apparently, I can join my granpas, my cousin and all the others only if I do it in a month. Good or bad? I don't know, to be honest. Filiberto then said "For ensure that you will get access to Heaven right away without the need to be purified in Hell," I shiver a little at the mention.
Going to Hell? But why? I don't dare asking why until he stops talking, thought "You will need to adhere to these Principles: Do not Obstacle or Harm your host in any way, shape or form, and do not Act or Speak in ways that go completely against your Host's principles. Be most kind and generous whenever the opportunity is presented. Respect the Fire presided by Asha Vahishta; the Water, dominion of Haurvatat; and the Earth, abode of Spenta Armaiti. Contract marriages or have intimate contacts with your host's next-to-kins."
I look sideways AGAIN. This time, thought, I don't have to ask, as he says "This means that, in order to succeed, you must contact the here present Diamond Tiara's cousins, and betroth them, or, otherwise, kiss them in the mouth."
I stick my tongue out, saying "Eeeeww" at the thought of kissing a boy in the mouth. "That's gross!" I say.
"Ahura Madza requires to have full sexual relationships with next-to-kins, if the marriage with them never comes or is contracted with unrelated people. However, I think that my Lord, Most Straight, Most Just and All-Embracing Goodness, will be more than understanding if you do not have done it, for you are a fragile child, a category that men, under His influence, have deemed too fragile for attend to that duty."
"Next-to-kins?" I ask and Tiara says really fast "Like cousins, brothers, fathers..."
I sigh. So, I had to kiss Diamodn Tiara's boy cousins in the mouth and I have to stay silent and still as she does whatever she wants to get in Heaven. That's not fair! Why do I always have to act nice all the time? And why should I kiss a boy? Should be the opposite...
But I don't say anything, only moaning and stomping my feet a little at the thought of obey. With this done, Filiberot says "I have to leave this place now," his body started to undo itself in threads of pure light "Goodbye cousin, see you soon in Paradise." I wave at him, and so does Diamond Tiara. Then we wake up.
"Okay, now I understand it all." Diamond Tiara says s she stretches our front hooves and jumps down the couch where we slept "We need to find a strong magic user, and, while we look for him, you have to obey me and my orders."
I sigh and nod, as she moves us to the dinign room. It's true that I need to follow the rules and play nice for get with my cousin, but... it's still annoying.
So, the alien in my head was supposed to stay put and silent for the most part, least it/she was forced into Hell? Neat!
Sure, the clause that for get rid of her I had to screw or marry one of my close relatives bothered me, but, to be honest, it was up to me to decide if I wanted to send her to Hell because I didn't have sex with a close relative, not her. I was going to do that only if Luisa behaved.
Anyway, once I woke up, I got up and, hearing my stomach growling, I went in the dinign room.
There, as my servants brought in colorful bowls full of pea cream, black bread, salad and all of that, my father and mother sat down. My mother, as per her annoying usual, asked me "Honey, did you have a good day at school?"
"Yes. Nothing happened." I replied, and, without error, Luisa nagged me with "Hey! That's not true! something happened!" making me groan.
"Nothing actually happened. Now stop, or you may go to Hell for contradicting me." I replied to it/she, who let out a whimper, before answring offended.
"That's now what he said! He said I couldn't say or make oyu do anythign that goes agaisnt what you believe in!" It/she said, makign me groan again.
Meanwhile, my mother said "Oh, okay" and went on to serve herself with some salad instead. My father, as per his usual, mixed the cream with salad without any apparent reason.
"I believe in silence at the table, okay?" I said, making the dead alien in my head huff.
"Sure that for begin one claiming to like 'simple cuisine' he eats lots of unusual and elaborate foodstuffs," I think, to which Luisa, of course, answers.
"Well, tastes are tastes, aren't they? 'sides, why do you care?" She/it said with a tone of voice that made me wish I could have gone inside my head to beat her into submission.
I speak up, as I take another forkful of my food, while my parents are busy eating some more in silence "I care because he is my father and he doesn't seem to act like he says he does."
Luisa huffed again and then silenced herself, allowing me to enjoy my meal in peace.
When I had finished my lunch quickly and silently, I went back to my room for do my duties that school assigned me for home.
"Now you can talk," I say, extracting the books "as I need help with my homework and I think that your small mind may have some abouts of genius that can become useful for me."
She sighed, saying "Guess I'll obey..."
"Good." I said, as I took up the pen and my excercise book and brought them in front of me.
Well, wouldn't it be a huge drama killer if Luisa is now to be DT's silent, inner slave?
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Hence the "Cancelled." Realized it too late and gave up.
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I do believe that this story can be easily rescued, just by rewriting some portions of this chapter:
A) Modify the conclusion of the battle for her soul from "Ashura Madza and (the devil) both lost your soul, and it was flung away" to "Ashura Madza was losing the battle, and so flung your soul into a ready container". Then explain that the definition of a ready container was a being that matched her light with shadow. Or her good karma with bad karma.
B) He does give her a mission of basically trying to be a helpful, undisruptive guest, but gives her an important corollary that she is still an acolyte of Ashura Madza, and as such should be vigilant against evil and wickedness.
C) Say that Ashura Madza has come into contact with the local goddesses, but that the princesses told Madza that her soul remains far too 'worn' from the transit, and will need to rest a month before it can be separated. That meanwhile, Luisa is to try and improve the karma of her container, so to make the separation easier.
D) You may have DT not remember the angel's visit. It opens up more drama if she doesn't.
E) A few chapters ago Laura was capable of overriding DT briefly to try and say "Hi" to the Crusaders. Not something to correct, but something to keep in mind.
F) You may wish to relocate the angel's scene to happening while they were asleep, and you may wish to go back a few chapters and pepper mentions of Laura waking up and finding out that DT is still asleep inside their shared mind.
G) Do you really need that part about DT having to snog a relative? That part gives total control of Laura to DT!
The first point is basically a direct blow against DT's ego, for her to then go in furious denial about for the forceable future. Or, if you decide that DT cannot remember this vision, gives Laura rightfulness on her actions.
The second still keeps Luisa behaving, but gives leeway for Luisa to stop the bullying. And the third gives incentive for her to be proactive on making DT into a good girl. Say that, even at the tender age of eight, Laura has the mental fortitude to at paralize or even override DT's mind over her body for a few seconds/minutes every few hours. I can easily imagine a few scenes about this:
1) DT (and Luisa) overhears Scootaloo saying that she has no lunch, and mentally gloats as she's about to toss away half of her own huge lunch. Laura gets angry at DT and overrides her, then rapidly drops DT's half-eaten lunch in front of Scootaloo and runs away.
2) DT and Silver Spoon are out and about in town, window shopping and eating out. Suddenly come the Crusaders at their usual high speed, and Silver Spoon comes up with a quick plan to shove Scootaloo and send the three of them into a puddle of mud. Have Laura override DT at the last possible second and either not do her part, actively hamper Silver from carrying out her plan, or step in front of Scootaloo rather than shove her. The action shuns Silver Spoon, and this last scenario could even come accompanied by Laura saying to DT something wise like "Those who wish pain on others are the most deserving of pain".
3) In the Rich's household, have Mr and Mrs Rich call DT to tell her that their accountant told them that they can deduct this many bits from their taxes, and that they want to spend them on renovating and enlarging her room. She's totally elated, but some hours later, Laura remembers that off-hand mention about Scootaloo needing some costly surgery and tells DT. DT doesn't care, so Laura waits until DT is asleep (or wakes up before DT does) and goes to knock on the Master bedroom to ask DT's parents to better use the renovation money on sponsoring Scoot's operation.
4) A few random acts of kindness, like DT seeing that somepony's saddlebag spilled out that somepony's purse or a portion of their groceries, and Laura off-handedly overrides DT and shouts at that somepony.
5) A few times that Laura puts manners on DT's mouth, handing out thanks and greetings to random ponies that DT considers "beneath her notice". Or paralyzes her mouth before DT can say something snide or hurtful.
With a few more override scenes, the thing can gain momentum until DT stops trying to be intentionally hurtful, loses Silver Spoon's toxic friendship, and starts doing nice things on her own volition. DT grows confused at how random ponies are beginning to smile at her, and becomes popular among her classmates simply from no longer having a rod up her ass. She's also praised by her parents, who express their pride at her improved attitude and reward her by renovating her room out of their own pocket. She even discovers that the Crusaders are pretty fun to hang out with when they aren't obsessing with their blank flanks!
This way, you could finish the story in three or four more chapters, with DT having grown to like being nice, and even beginning to do stuff specifically for Luisa's sake, like asking Scoots for one of her wild rides on the red wagon. And just as she has grown to truly like having Luisa inside her head, comes Princess Luna in their dreams and removes Luisa's soul out of DT's mind. Tearful goodbye, as they had really grown to like each other. DT wakes up crying, but quickly composes herself as she remembers that the Crusaders want to try zip-lining today. She picks up her new helmet and rushes out to Sweet Apple Acres. END.
Alternate ending: Luisa and DT absolutely refuse to be separated, and the spell to separate them needed their cooperation. Luna resolves the situation by either giving them equal control over their entire body, or by giving each of them absolute control over one side of their shared body. She may separate their heads, or may leave them with a single one. Either way, Luisa and DT wake up to find that their left flank has become blank, or has a different Cutie Mark. They hug themselves, then rise to face a new day.