Why Maids Don't Date the Guards

by Lunarus Solaris Nexus

The Middle

I hate hate hate hate hate HATE painting heads. They're so damn hard to get right. I've got a day left and I've barely even got his face right. The eyes are too big and too low and his mane is just too spiky. Changing it was going to be hard enough. For some reason I always had this problem, the placement of eyes on the face were always my downfall. The rest of him looked pretty good and so did the details on what he was doing. I only did those 'cause I was just trying to keep myself from having to do his goddamn face! I really didn't like his mane overlapping his eye but that was how it kind of was. A few strands or locks would always be in his face unless he was wearing another damn hat. He needs a haircut, I'll hold him down and give it to him myself if I have to.

He's been making leaps and bounds in his project while I'm still stuck on how exactly his mouth should look. Last I saw he had his screen installed and he was tapping away at a keyboard doing something. At least he had that simile on his face, made the front half a bit easier for me to get done. It was always the back that got me though. Now I have to sit and fake painting while Nexus is actually doing something productive. I kind of want to spill my hot water on his keyboard to fuck him over. It's what they do in movies so maybe it'll work? No, that's just a dick move. This is like his life's work. What would that make me if I just took it away from him? A bitch that's what.

I knock on his door and it glows orange. Swift opened it from the workbench wh- Oh shit. She's touching him. Swift had her hooves crossed on one of his shoulders looking at what he was doing. I don't believe it! What happened? Why is he letting her touch him!? I doubt he even lets his mother do something like that! Calm down, don't go throwing shit like that out now Dust. There's probably a very reasonable explanation to this.

"Looks like somepony's gotten comfy." I say trying to hide how uncomfortable I was.

"He is oddly comfy." Swift replied.

"I'm honestly not going to ask you again Swift, get off of me." Nexus demanded as I set my easel up.

"Ugh, fine you big Grump." Swift said slightly annoyed.

She unfolded her hoofs and shoved off of him.

"I just need to concentrate. I think I've got the whole calendar almost done."

"And me just sitting on your soldier like a parrot is distracting?"

"It makes it harder to type now stay down and away from my shoulder."

"Fine… So how's this go- oh that's nice!" Swift said getting on my shoulder instead. It was kind of nice to have seen her sober so often. She was…. kind of sweet.

"Yeah, I'm kind of proud of it." I say pulling out the plastic containers with the last colors I had used.

"I really like the face."

"Thanks, I don't think I do faces very well."

"Well stop thinking that, it looks great."

"Thanks."

"What part of focus don't you understand?" Nexus says getting as snappy as he always does when things aren't working the way he hoped.

"Picky tonight aren't we Nexus?" I asked preparing my paints.

"He lost some data last night." Swift informed me.

"Well if someone hadn't decided to type boobs into the main program while I was taking a leak and somehow crashed it, I would be happier."

"I said I was sorry."

"Why boobs?" I asked.

"Because I didn't have time to find the k to spell knockers before he came back."

"Yes yes I know. And again, hush! Most of this is by memory."

"I don't understand why you're here, if you're finished and all." Swift asked me.

"Well I have a few small details I want to get right."

"What part of hush don't you get ladies?"

That was another first. Not his being snippy, he's always like that while he's working. No, it's the wording he used. 'Ladies' isn't quite the terminology I'd expect from him. If anything he doesn't really refer to us in collective other than "You two". Just seems… oddly laid back for somepony so busy. Maybe his brain didn't have time to be the Canterlot Proper his Grandmother pounded into him. I take the hint and just go straight to continuing my work. Swift was right about something though, I did catch that look he has well enough. The muzzle was a bit too long, the eye that I could see in the "shot" was kind of strange looking but at this point I didn't care.

I got until tomorrow to do this before I have to concede. Like hell I'm giving up at least a few more trips to the Wine Cellar! One at least. I grab my thinnest brush and dip it in the mix I made for his mane, or at least the second shade I was using for the highlights that came from the desk lamp. I may hate painting it but it's far from ugly. The scruffy and unkempt but somehow still kempt look suited him very well. There was one thing I'd never figured out, and something I'm surprised I didn't notice, was his cutie mark. Honestly it wasn't too bad, his flank anyways. I did like a nice, taught buttocks on my stallions. And his was surprisingly nice. What was the story behind that mark? Could it be something interesting or boring but I actually kind of want to know That blue, winged moon had to have something behind it.

"I never asked you Nexus, what about your cutie mark?" I said.

"What about it?" he replied not looking up from his screen, the green glow faintly visible through the blue of his face.

"A good story behind it?"

"Not really."

"Liar." Swift said.

"He told you?"

"No. I read his file."

"They keep those on file?"

"Yes and shut your mouth Swift." Nexus said actually glancing up for a split second.

"He was six years old,"

"Swift!"

"And a few bullies were picking on one of his friends. While on a field trip to the Canterlot Gardens."

"I'm serious Swift. Shut up."

Ooo this was getting good.

"After kicking one of the boy's noses in, he ran into a much shadier spot in the gardens and used a little dark magic for the first time. I can just imagine him doing a little maniacal laugh after scarring the apple juice piss out of those boys!"

"Oh I would've loved to see that!"

"You don't understand the meaning of stop do you Swift?" Nexus groaned.

"Oh calm down Sweetie. It's just the story of your cutie mark. Not like I gave her your social security number." Swift said rolling her eyes.

"I don't like ponies going around talking about my personal life unless they're my parents. Even then I actually really don't like it. Now back to being quite!" He said looking up at us with an insanely pissed.

I know Swift but right now I'm not sure if she's going to try and push it any further. Considering what I saw at the club when we met, I know I don't want to be around if she pushes it further. She's dangerous on her own, I really don't want to see what they can get into.

---

"Look," Dust says thankfully keeping me from getting up and throwing her off of the damn tower. "It's been a long couple of weeks so why don't we just calm down and just finish our work."

"Agreed." I say hunching back over my keyboard.

I get back to trying to code June. I need to put in the actual calendar before I put birthdays in it. I was hoping to just deal with the birthdays after I coded out the entire year before putting in the birthdays but I have no time to separate them. I don't like the idea much but I only so much longer I can keep this up before I completely crash. I was working all out before but I wasn't under an absurd time constraint then. The basic layout was much easier, after doing it five times before this, I could crank that bit of code out by pure reflex. The actual coding of the birthday was the biggest problem. Each one is unique and taking some minor trial and error.

I still can't believe Swift just went ahead and told Dust about my cutie mark without my permission! She's getting on my nerves. I know she read my file and all but that does not give her permission to go telling ponies what she's read. She should know how I feel about this by now! I mean I telegraph it don't I? Do I? I'd think telling ponies to leave me alone would be strong enough of a signal to even her to understand. And thanks to that little tiff that almost happened the rest of the night was left in silence. Swift left after she got board and Dust left a few hours later.