Why Maids Don't Date the Guards

by Lunarus Solaris Nexus

The End of the Party

Well the night wasn't a total disaster, considering what I said to Swift anyways. Neither of us really talked much after our little incident. We didn't get a platter but we did get two plates to split between us. Martini insisted on us sharing but I was sitting closest to Dust so we shared. I did get through two glasses of wine out of minor stress thinking how I'm going to apologize. Well paying for the only gourmet ice cream Joe had to be put on the sundaes was a start. And going out to find the most expensive beer I could find while everypony else chowed down. Martini actually ate mine while I was buying the beer.

Just because I was feeling extra apologetic, I bought two four packs of the beer. Now of everything in the cellar, beer wasn't one of them so I knew nothing of how beer worked. I knew I hated the taste and that was about it. The mare in the store said that lighter beer was sweeter so one was between dark and light. And according to her, the other was the lightest, most expensive logger she had. All in all tonight has cost me more than my hoofs and legs. But this kind of beer wasn't too bad. Though the content of the two beers I got was enough to, what I was guessing, give me a bit of a buzz. My head hurts a bit but nothing unbearable but I'm also feeling it more in my eyes. It feels like they want to shut but can't. Alcohol is a depressant so I suppose the low I'm getting on the buzz isn't bad. Swift was given an extra two from Marini and Dust, who weren't fans of beer.

She was on the low side of drunk I think. At least with those beers she was a little happier. She was smiling and joking with her friends, I was just off to the side enjoying the show. Despite being an introvert, I think I've found a new hobby that'll get me out and about if I'm blocked on a project, people watching. Martini was still as annoying as I thought she would be, the valley girl. But Swift and Dust were actually much more bearable. Swift is actually kind of nice when she wants to be. Dust, as I already knew, is a sweetheart to everypony so long as they're nice to her. Though I suspect that Swift is somepony she's afraid to be mad at, I don't know why but it's just a feeling.

With Joe tired of us sitting around and not paying for anymore ice cream, he called our pullers over and we went back to the castle. Dust was kind of giddy from her light buzz, I don’t think I saw her stop smiling the whole time, Swift was right there with her. Though from what I've seen Swift can go at the drop of a hat. I decide to push my luck in that department when I offered to take her back to her room. Dust and Martini looked at me like I just signed my own death certificate. Swift seemed like she was questioning my own sanity.

But she agreed. Then something dawned on me, I hadn't actually thought of exactly how I'm going to apologize to her. Sure buying things was one thing but actually saying it was something always much easier thought than said. If that made any sense. I take a breath and actually muster up the balls to say something.

"I didn't mean to push you like that." I say simply.

Out the corner of my eye I see Swift look in my direction., her giddiness dropping away. "That so?"

"To be honest I didn't think you'd tell me."

She paused. "Why do you think I told you so quickly?"

It was my turn to pause. Sadly it wasn't until I was halfway through thinking that I realized I was thinking out loud. "Well you're clearly a hard-ass so initially I thought it was because you didn't want to listen to me constantly prod you for however long it would take so you got it out of the way quickly." Part of me regretted telling her she was a hard-ass. I don't know if she would consider that a compliment or not. Apparently it was neither.

"Well that's one way to put it." She said as we started up the stairs towards Celestia's officer's quarters.

"One way?"

"It's nothing Nexus." Was she blushing? Was that the alcohol or was she hiding something?

"Well either way I know it brought up some things you wanted to forget. I shouldn't've done that."

"It's fine Nexus. All of my friends give me a taste of my own medicine at one point or another. Dust says it's like my "friendship test" or something."

"So we weren't fri-"

"Nexus please… after tonight I just want to drop it."

I don't respond, just follow her up to her quarters. We weren't as high up as my room but it was certainly in the nicer portion of suits for the castle. The rooms above her were used for special guests. The extra special ones get the single room tower.

Okay now I have to ask. "Friends or not I want to make it up to you."

"You don't have to." Swift said turning her back to me to unlock her bedroom door.

"But I want to." I say leaning up against the door jamb next to her.

She looked like she was pondering something, and that devious smile I see when she's about to talk about somepony's past comes up. I've grown to not trust that look but if it meant making some kind of mends between us then I was all game.

"I do have more liquor in my room. You want to make it up to me, come on in." her look changed slightly. What did they call that? The… Come and get me grin? It was only for a second but it was still there.

I don't like drinking but… Maybe one more won't hurt. As long as it wasn't hard liquor I think I would be fine. "Sure."

She smiled happily at me and opened her door. I went in with her and noticed the room was fairly basic. It was like the lower portion of my room, two rooms consisting of a foyer and a second room, in this case it's a bedroom with shutter doors separating the two halves. It looked almost exactly like mine honesty. Only where I had my workbench she had a wine cabinet, mechanical bottle opener and everything. This was going to be fun… Sarcasm intended.

An hour later we were laughing at more than our fair share of mistakes in the past, both in childhood and in boot. With cider depressingly out of season, I was stuck with watered down whiskey on the rocks while she drank it straight up. It still burned and made me cough after two glasses, I still wouldn't drink this crap ever after this. It was near one in the morning, something I wasn't expecting to come up came up, past relationships.

"I got more than I can count with this much booze in my system." She giggled at me. "What about you. I just imagine somepony like you just trying to build themselves a sexbot when your balls finally dropped." well her obscenity filter seems to have fallen away, at least what little there was before.

"Well…" I cough still trying to choke down another sip of whiskey. "Nothing really."

"Okay, real talk here." She put a hoof on my shoulder. "You… Lunarus Nexus, are not bad. I fail to believe that somepony hasn't tried to get with you before. So come on, spill or I'll force that whiskey down your throat."

"Fine…" I say leaning my head over and away from her hoof. "I've had one girlfriend in my whole life."

"Ooo. She hot?"

"Yeah… Well… I wouldn't say ten… but she's certainly a solid eight. If not seven point…. six."

"Point six!?" Swift said trying not to laugh. "That's on the fucking dot. She must've been a nerd or something to fall for you."

"No. She wasn't…. Anything really. She wasn't in any clubs or… Something. I really don't remember, it feels like a life time ago."

"You sleep with her?"

I hesitated. Should I say so? It's not a bad thing if I did or didn't so why not? "Y-yes. We had sex."

"How good, Mr. Exacto-rate?"

"Uh…. Well she was my first…. I guess like eight point…. eight."

"Only eight? Somepony must've rocked your world after her."

"Nope."

"What'd you mean nope?"

"I mean she's all I got. I haven't had sex with anypony else."

"No pony!? With a face like that?"

"I'm not that good looking."

"You're like a high eight if I had to be as exact as you. Then it must've been your kissing. She your first kiss too?" She asked leaning towards me.

"Yeah, first everything. Girlfriend, kiss and lover. I've done nothing after her."

"Definitely your kiss then."

"Maybe I just wasn't looking for anypony." I say kind of defensive.

I think she noticed. "Oh it was! You were a shit kisser!"

"No. I never went anywhere with anypony after her. So it's not the kiss."

"Prove it Sweetie." she said leaning up on my shoulder with her hoofs.

"No. I don't-"

"Come on. One kiss won't hurt nopony. Just one, I promise I won't bite." she was definitely giving me that "Come and get me" thing.

Actually, that's a good question, how much could it hurt to just get it over with? She meant a real kiss though. I guess it's… not a bad thing. Screw it.

"Alright." I say licking my lips slightly.

Swift smiled at me and leaned closer. She put a hoof on my cheek and gently pressed her lips to mine. She holds there for a moment without putting anything into it before I pull away.

"Oh that's just mean. I meant a kiss kiss Sweetie. Give it to me."

I was kind of hoping she'd stop, but now she was leaning in again and holding me in place, not totally against my will. This time she starts trying to force some tongue. I didn't object too much, I parted my lips and actually put something into it. This was something I'd forgotten about, it felt really good. I close my eyes and put a bit more into it and I think I even heard her sigh. There was something I didn't expect to have forgotten. The warmth of another pony so close and the strange feeling of… pleasure from the kiss itself. It really was a nice kiss. She broke again and held close to my lips, so close I could feel her breath on my lips and chin. It wreaked of alcohol but I'm sure mine didn't smell much better so I let it slide.

"You know I was thinking about why I caved so quickly when you pressed." she said quietly, as if somepony were listening.

"And?" I asked just as quiet.

"I think I know why." She didn't let me answer. She pushed me back into her couch and straddled my lap before going straight into another kiss, this one with everything behind it. And… I obviously responded in kind. I wrap my forelegs around her hips and let loose.

Author's Note:

Nexus: O.o Did I just-
Me: Yup.
Nexus: She's not going to be-
Me: No. You are married after all.
Nexus: Okay... Still no less nervous for the next part... You're not going t-
Me: EW NO!