Stellar groaned in discomfort, her head throbbing and her vision blurry. Slowly, she sat up and waited for her eyes to stop flickering and give her a clear view of where she was.
"Am I back in the sewers again?" she thought to herself.
Gradually, she noticed that she actually felt warm and the floor was actually very soft and pleasing to her fur, then it came to her. The filly became afraid and her head quickly darted back and forth between each piece of this place. She was inside the clock store, and if it wasn't a clock store, then she would be crazy. This place had all sorts of different clocks on the walls, shelves, and tables. There were wide clocks, tiny clocks, grandfather clocks, bizarre clocks like one that seemed to be made out of twisted spaghetti, and another that covered the whole ceiling. The shop itself didn't seem very big even with all of these clocks. The walls, or what could be seen of them, were vanilla colored, and the floor was covered with a dark blue carpet.
Then Stella saw it. Her clock, the one she felt a connection to, was right there atop the tall counter. It was just out of her reach. At first, the filly tried to do like earlier, and stretch herself as far as she could with the help of her hind legs. Unfortunately, this time, it was too high, and she hit the counter with her fore hoof in anger.
"Awake, are we?" a voice asked.
"NN!" Stellar cried out.
Somepony grabbed the silver clock off the counter and walked out from behind it. Stellar couldn't see what this mare looked like, but she could see that this pony was wearing a strange cloak. Right in the middle of the mare's chest sat the pin holding the cloths up. Said pin was a golden clock face with roman numerals used for time units. Then, there were the large bands of cloth that were sown into the edges of the main body. The color of this edge was similar to a dried purple mixed with a bit of gray-blue. Roman numerals with stitched into the cloth as well. As for the main body, it was much thinner than its edges, and had a darker, bluish-purple shade.
"Tried to steal my clocks, eh? That's going to cost you, I dare say."
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to--"
"Yes you did. You may not have had ill intentions, but the actions were still present. Now, what am I to do with you?"
"Please don't hurt me!"
The mare turned around and placed the clock on the floor in the opening next to the counter. When she decided to face, Stellar, the filly lost all control of her lower jar. This pony had a light purple coat, and her mane was a dark purple and style as a flat mohawk. And her eyes were...well...they were golden clock faces with roman numerals and actual moving clock hands. They looked like the pin for the cloak. No. It was the pin that looked like them. She was even smiling rather widely.
"Ahhhh. I see who you are," the mare grinned.
"You know who I am?"
"In a sense. Tell me your name and I shall tell you mine."
"Ste...Stellar Shadowrette."
The mare lift an eyebrow in confusion. "I am Click Clock, the owner of this store. Also, don't stare. It's rude."
"Oh. S-sorry."
Click Clock eyed the filly the filly seriously, then her cheerful demeanor returned and she laughed loudly. Before Stellar could understand what was going on, the purple pony had already back behind her counter and came back with a mug full of a strange, red substance. She took a swig of the beverage and held the mug out.
"You want some? It's the best I've ever tasted in my life."
"Uhhh--"
"Oh wait. They don't let the young ones drink alcohol in this reality. Oh well. More for me!"
"This reali--"
"It's called 'Demon's Blood'."
Click was looking at her mug with a face of forced awe, and when she expected the filly to act the same, it left to frustration.
"No. It's not real blood. It just has some rather...intense side-effects for those not like me," she said before taking another sip. "Oh, and you have a hurt foreleg? Let's see it."
"No! It hurts!"
"Stop being such a foal."
The placed her mug on the floor next to the silver clock and jumped onto the filly. The two began to fight a lot together, with Stellar doing her best to push the mare away whilst Click Clock was insisting on seeing the foreleg and was trying her best to get it. The result was a ball constantly twisting and turning in the shop. A few minutes later, and the mare got Stellar into a grip. The filly's two hind legs were locked into place by the mare's right hind leg, and Shadowrette found her back slightly bent backwards and her broken foreleg stuck forward.
"Owww! You're hurting me!"
"This is your own fault. Now don't move."
Click Clock stuck her tongue out the side of her mouth and narrowed her gaze on the broken leg, using her own to keep it into place. From what Stellar could see, the clocks around the room began to act weird. In fact, their hands were spinning randomly in a variety of different directions from each other. Stellar didn't know what was going on, but was eventually let go of by the mare who had taken off the filthy bandages and wooden planks.
"Hey! Give those back!" Stellar pleaded as she tried to reach the make-shift caste.
Click Clock just smiled as she kept the planks out the filly's reach. In fact, she even gently kicked Stellar's foreleg in return, prompting an anticipation of pain from the tiny pony. No matter how hard she expected it, the filly noticed that nothing was happening. Looking at her leg, Stellar decided to apply much more pressure on it and discovered, to her joy, that it was no longer broken.
"How--"
"I just have certain abilities that nobody else has."
"You mean 'no pony'."
"Riiiiight. 'No pony'," Click Clock replied with shifty clocks.
"Thank you for fixing my leg. I'm also sorry I tried to steal from you. I'm sure you worked hard to make that."
Stellar's ears drooped to the sides of her head, and Click Clock chuckled upon seeing this.
"Bah. Truth be told, I don't make these clocks to live. I don't need money for that. I simply build and sell them because I love clocks. I also offer...other services," the mare grinned. "Services befitting my abilities and origins."
"What abilities are those?"
"You just saw one."
"But what about the others?"
"That's for me to know and you to find out!"
The door to the shop opened up, and a very nervous looking, scrawny stallion walked through. His coat was a mess and his mane even more so. Hesitantly and inaudibly, he asked:
"Is it here that I come to?"
"What for? Clocks?" Click Clock answered lift an eyebrow.
"N-no. What was it he told me again? Um. Uhhh...OH! To see the previous hour!"
"Ah! Yes. Come right around the counter and walk through the wooden door behind me. I was suggest you take a magazine or something similar. I'm here with a client."
"Okay. Th-thank you."
The stallion did he best to pass over the mug and clock, nearly tripping over in the process and smashing into a shelf full of the clockwork constructs.
"Hold on, Stellar. I'll need to prep some things, then we can talk about your little stunt."
The filly shamefully nodded. Click Clock walked back around the counter, hooking the mug onto her hoof and taking another large swig before fumbling through whatever there was behind there. While Shadowrette was stuck there waiting, she wanted to have a look around the store a moment to at least admire all these things her father never showed her or told her about. There were so many. One of them was in a glass bubble and filled with water. Another was all stringy and was funny to Stellar to flick about. Yet another was stretched out and looked like a Bass instrument. The strings even vibrated and produced a sound, just like normal instruments. For awhile, tiny Stellar kept strumming on the strings and listening to the tunes they made, laughing each time, until she saw a clock near the store exit. She didn't notice it at first because it was covered by another, normal wooden clock, but that wasn't going to stop her now.
Shadowrette walked towards the stool holding the wooden clock and pushed it aside rather difficultly. It was still pretty heavy for her, mainly due to size difference. Finally, it was moved, and Stellar could see the clock in all its majesty. To her disappointment, it was shaped just like the other wood clocks with the large, elongated base, and its hands weren't moving. It was made of pure white crystal, and despite her time in her dad's house and the sewers, she never saw crystal like this.
"Huh? It looks like there's something moving on the face. What is IiiIIIIAAAAAAH!"
Stellar fell on her rear and she started feeling the same amount of fear as the night her father chased her out of her house. Was this a fear of death? A black, crystalline facet had moved onto the face of the clock where a shining white light was present behind the axis of the broken hands. Whatever it was, it was staring directly at Stellar, as if it knew her somehow. Was it waiting for her to say something?
"Wwwwwooops!" Click Clock said as she dropped a blanket on the clock. "Don't need you meeting him too early. And judging by this time, it's WAY too early!"
"Wh-wh-what was that?"
"Something I don't EVER want you looking at again. Understood?" Click Clock ordered.
The mare was uncomfortable close to Stellar's face, nearly touching the filly's muzzle. In fact, now that Click Clock was so close, Stellar could see the second hand in her eyes moving and making a barely audible clicking sound.
"Y-yes, m'am," Stellar replied.
"Good. Now I want you to go back to your parents and not come in here unless you're with them, understood?"
Stellar said nothing.
"Understood?" Click Clock insisted before taking a quick swig from her mug in a bid to keep a serious look.
"I don't have parents anymoooooore!" the filly cried.
"What?"
Click Clock was taken aback. She learned of these incidents but never had to face one herself. Her thoughts were immediately pulled away when she heard somepony knocking on her door. Opening it, she was met with Crunchy Apple and a group of foals, all wearing cloaks and hiding their faces.
"Excuse me, but can we have our friend back?"
"She's not my friend,' Sour mumbled.
He was jabbed in his sides by Apple and yelped.
"Ah. No wonder. She's with you foals that live in the sewer. That explains a lot," the mare said as she turned her head to face the teary filly.
Stellar stood up and galloped to Crunchy in a bid to get a hug from him, but she was blocked by Click Clock.
"Hold on, there. Let me get something."
The purple pony walked back to the opening next to the counter and picked up the silver clock, clutching it in her foreleg. She hoofed it out to Stellar and said:
"Take it. It's a gift from me to you, and I figure that you all don't have any real way to tell time anyways."
"Oh, thank you!" Stellar said.
"But don't you need to sell it?" Apple interjected.
"What for? I don't eat, and I get my drinks from outside sources."
"You don't eat?"
"Now get out of here. I have things to do."
Stellar tried really hard to carry the clock, but it was just too heavy for her. Apple and a few others took it instead and carried it outside. The stallion had quite a few things to ask, but he didn't want to do it in the store. As for Stellar, she sniffed a bit and walked back outside, intent on hugging Crunchy. Unfortunately, she was blocked once more by Click Clock. The purple mare looked around, hoping that no pony was around to hear her, then leaned next to Stellar's left ear and whispered:
"When you turn sixteen, come see me again. I have a few things to show you and teach you."
"What things?"
"Ah ah ah! No spoilers! You're just going to have to be patient."
"Okay," Stellar replied with a disappointed grumble. "Thanks again for the clock."
Click Clock waved goodbye to the filly who did the same. The mare smiled and closed the door to her shop. With an exhale of relief, the purple went back behind the corner, grabbing her mug and taking another sip from it before placing it on her black, rotating chair standing behind the counter.
"Heehee. I bet she doesn't know anything about herself. I'll just have to check later and I'll know just what I'm dealing with." the mare slammed her two fore hooves together. "Now for the task at hoof. I'm ready to assist you now!" the mare shouted.
Interesting O.C... Yea interesting sums it up nicely, nice to see frequent updates, loving the story so far.
5451627 Colors...i.giftrunk.com/39q3rw.gif
5453638
Those eyes... they are staring into my soul. Its like my entier life has been laid down flat in front of a internet gif, kinda like the cockroach under my shoe. Or is that pronounced Jiff? Like the peanut butter... I have never got the pronunciation of gif nor will I sacrifice the half a minute of time it would take to google the pronunciation. I have much better things to do at 12:35 at night... like... that one time... I have to... well I certainly have learned a lot about myself today.
...odd. Very strange, weird and other words like such. Still don't have an opinion on this but that's certainly not a bad thing, I'm just awaiting more.
Click Clock's a different kind of terrifying.
5458716 Click Clock? Nonsense. You'll love what purpose I have of her. Plus, did you get the 'very subtle' hints she said?
5459281 Subtle. Right. Yeah, I think I gleaned as much of those vague hints as I could.
No, Click Clock is horrifying; I'm sticking with that.
5462835 Why do you think that?
5462909 it's the ones who only vagualy answer what may or may not have been your question that are the most unstable/scariest. The unstable ones you have to watch out for because you don't know if they're lighting a fire for warmth or to start swinging.
5462924 So what is Click Clock to you?
5462955 I dunno yet, I haven't gotten a full characterization of her yet. Right now she just feels like a can of peanuts, is it full of nutty goodness or will it explode with snakes is the question.
Well, tracking. This is vaguely inconsistent.
5478189 I don't understand what you're talking about.
Also, yes, they're different because I lost my "Pirates of the Caribbean influence".
5479259 Backstory. That's what I'm talking about. I'm also worried that you're taking the feeling of the dialogue too hard into the story. It's like two differently-colored threads spun around each other, except neither are the same fabric, consistency, or texture...and one seems to be fraying at its ends.
5484039 Eh. Trying to experiment again with more developped 'decorations'. Also, what do you like in the story? I'm all for constructive criticism and am thankful for you sharing your thoughts, but I need to know what you like as well. A fruit doesn't become sweet with its tree in the shadows.
5484049 To be honest, I like what the description described. I thought it was headed in an entirely different direction, one of drama and suspense. But if I had to chose something explicit...it'd likely be your perspective with the children. I.e. How they're described and in some cases, their personas. I think you'd need to develop them a little more, give them a little individuality independent of one another...cause I can't seem to focus on who's who besides 'Sour Blackberry' and 'Crunchy Apple'. Aside from that, Shadowrette, (>..< Why that name. Why? It...it's...clunky.), has a very good 'innocent' vibe. Kind of what I'd expect from a friendless child who grew up alone for seven years. Really good on that.
However, I don't think the story you planned out works with the supernatural elements. It looks like an action story trying to be a drama. I understand each of the necessary points, but it's like the characters are excused from normal emotions...like the drama is expressly written from logical standpoints. Cadance won't trust Som-I mean, Stellar, because of a shadow giving her nightmares. You're paving the way for a main antagonist that doesn't appear to belong. A puppeteer visible to the audience, yet not to the cast. It's a very visual way of storytelling in progress here in 'My Last Shadow'. Being that writing is a very descriptive method, it's like you're writing the script to the story that's being seen on TV.
5484079
Have you learned nothing about me? That's far too obvious and simplistic. I did think about that but refused it as it was boring and overused.
And the visual thing, I don't know if you're saying that's good or bad.
As for the children, it's because I don't have much to develop about them because I have other uses for them in the future. As such, not much needs to be displayed for now. Secret secret.