• Published 18th Dec 2014
  • 6,929 Views, 94 Comments

The Conversion Bureau: Joker's Revenge - Convair



Batman was converted in a PER attack and the Joker wants revenge. After all, who are the ponies to ruin his fun?

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The Heist

The man known to his fellow henchmen as Number 5 stared silently out of the window, gazing across the street at the Gotham Conversion Bureau. More specifically, he was peering down at the roof of the building, the place he and Number 4 would soon be zip lining across the busy road to in order to complete their parts of the plan.

He looked back at 4, noting with satisfaction that he had already loaded his weapons and had prepared the launcher. Stepping back from the window, he gave 4 enough space to smash out the glass with a blast of highly compressed air, before clearing the remainder with the butt of the launcher.

After attaching the cable, he lined up his shot, the roof appearing in the sights. Firing the cable across, he gave it a few tugs to make sure it had secured itself properly before he grabbed his bag and clipped it and himself onto the wire. 5 quickly followed suit, and they were soon gliding over the busy street below, their bodies dangling by their clips and carbines as they sped across the gap between the buildings.

Thankfully, none of the pedestrians or people in any building seemed to pay them any mind, which let them drop down onto the Bureau’s roof without even a whisper of trouble.

After skidding over the gravel surface of the rooftop, they unclipped themselves and immediately began their assigned work, with 5 heading over to the electrical box near the entrance to the building’s interior while 4 watched over all of the places an errant civilian could enter and ruin their element of surprise.

“So why do they call him the Joker?”

“I heard he wears makeup”

“Makeup?”

“Yeah, to scare people, y’know, war paint”

Having timed their arrival as close to when they would be needed as possible, 5 found the silent alarm activating just as he smashed open the box’s panel. After quickly shutting it down and doing the same to any other systems that could jeopardize their mission, he mentioned the peculiar nature of the silent alarm’s intended destination.

“That’s funny, it didn’t dial out to 911, it was trying to reach a private number.”

4 looked over from his spot near the door. “This place is practically run by terrorists and their supporters, and you expect them to ask human cops for help?”

“Whatever. Lets get downstairs.”

He stood up, collecting his equipment as he went before he walked to the door, opened it and began to descend the stairwell. Hearing 4 close the door behind them, he pulled his pistol from its holster, not knowing if the others had been successful in their part of the job, despite the clear advantage that surprise and guns gave them over the guards.

Seeing the light pouring from the bottom of the stairs, he reassured himself that his comrades would in fact be waiting for them. Taking a deep breath, he calmed his nerves as they approached the doorway.

“Here we go”


Joker grinned behind his clown mask, it was almost as if they wanted someone to break into their Bureau. There was less than half a dozen guards in the entire building, all but one of which was stationed by the entrance to the building.

It also helped that they were only ponies with spears, as opposed to the three clowns who each carried some form of automatic weapon, be it a SMG or pistol.

Stepping out of the car they had pulled up to the bureau in, the Joker and henchmen each drew their weapons, holding them at their sides while they approached. 2 and 3 each held Mac-11’s while the Joker himself carried a Glock18, the fully automatic machine pistol holding more than enough rounds in it to dispose of any enthusiastic guards.

Pushing their way through the front doors, the clowns held the surprised guards at gunpoint, forcing them into one big huddle before 2 pulled grenades from his belt and mushed them between the hooves of each guard before pulling the pins and leaving them to group together in terror, clutching the explosives and the safety catch together tightly.

Leaving the guards to themselves, Joker and the other two ran past several offices in the middle of the open bureau before they got to the main lobby of the facility, through which every other major area could be accessed.

Firing several rounds into the air to gather the attention of those ponies and the occasional human that were gathered in the lobby, they rushed to subdue the remaining guard.

Grabbing the armored unicorn by the horn, 3 dragged it out into the open where he hogtied it with a couple zip ties. Now panicking at the sight of three armed humans bursting in and attacking their guard, 3 fired a dozen rounds into the ceiling and walls around the crowd, shouting at them to lie down on the ground.

Joker started putting grenades into the hands or hooves of those on the ground while 2 dragged the employees hiding behind counters out onto the floor. He then began to do as the joker was doing, putting grenades into the care of ponies and humans all around.

“We don’t want you doing anything with your hands, now, do we?”

3 walked along the group of terrified captives, making sure that they were no longer a threat. He had just smacked the remaining guard back to the floor when a blast of buckshot from one of the nearby offices knocked him off his feet and onto the floor, dead.

As a red unicorn with a brown mane walked out of his office, a sawn-off shotgun being held in his magical grasp, he shot again, though this time at 2.

2 had to scramble from cover to cover, dodging the heavy lead shot coming from the quickly advancing unicorn, before he made it behind a table with Joker.

Having tried to keep track of the number of shots that had come from the shotgun so far, he looked over at Joker and asked, “He’s out, right?”

Joker looked off into the distance for a moment, trying to recall how many times the unicorn had shot at them, looking back at 2 after a moment’s deliberation and nodding.

2 stood up to shoot the pony, but was caught by a blast of lead firing out of the shotgun, catching him in the shoulder, the kinetic energy knocking him off of his feet.

Thankfully for them that had been the unicorn’s last shot, the gun, not having another shell to load, was indeed empty, the sound of the empty breech opening and closing as he pumped it being heard as he tried to load the weapon.

The room was once again filled with the sound of gunfire as the Joker stood up and let a salvo of bullets rip from his pistol, the fast automatic action burning through many rounds before he released the trigger.

“Where’d you learn to count?” 2 angrily shouted, looking at his injuries as he rose to his feet, though fell silent once he saw the severely wounded unicorn sprawled out on the floor, seemingly satisfied that the one who had shot him had been repaid in kind.

“Watch them, I’ll go check up on the other guys.”


As soon as 4 and 5 exited the stairwell, they made their way over to the room containing the Conversion Bureau’s vault.

Staring at the massive steel door for a moment, 4 was broken out of his stupor by 5 nudging him forward, towards the safe. Setting his bag of equipment down next to the safe, he pulled out his drill, placing it against the spot of the thick door that he knew contained most of the mechanisms that held the door closed.

He was actually glad that the boss had told him at the last minute not to shoot 5, after all, he felt much safer with someone watching his back while he worked. He had gotten nearly all of the way through the door when he felt a blinding and burning pain shoot through his body.

Before he could figure out what had happened, he found himself lying on his back with 5 staring down at him.

“You okay?”

“Y-yeah”

“Damn, they must have electrified the thing!”

“Not a problem, at least not now that I know 'bout it.”

4 quickly put on rubber gloves before he continued, the drill going through all the way after only a few more moments of drilling, though this time without 4 being electrified.

He removed the drill from the door before spinning the various wheels and knobs that unlocked the door. Just as he went to spin the last part of the vault’s lock, he heard someone running towards them.

He and 5 pulled their guns and prepared to make whoever came through the door look like Swiss cheese, though refrained when they saw that it was only 2. He stopped in front of them, observing the singed nature and spiky appearance to 4’s hair before he pulled a fold-up lorry from his duffel bag, the small, wheeled platform looking to be the perfect size to stack on boxes or crates.

“Hey, they wired this thing up with, like, 5000 volts! What kind of place does that?”

“An alien terrorist organization’s body-swapping clinic. Guess the Joker’s as crazy as they say.”

As 4 gripped the final wheel and spun it, he turned back to 2 and asked, “What the hell is even worth enough in a Conversion Bureau that it has to be locked in this kind of vault?”

“That” 2 said as the door swung open, revealing several rows of crates stacked several high and marked with several numbers and letters underneath the title ‘batch code’.

“Is this for real?” 5 asked.

“Are we seriously going to steal a bunch of ponification potion from a Bureau?”

“What did you think we’d be stealing?”

“I don’t know, maybe some of that equestrian money made of gold, but not this!”

"Well then, you can go walk your sorry ass out of the building and be on your way if you don’t want your share.”

“…Fine, lets just get this shit out of here fast.”

“That’s the plan! Now, grab some crates and get a move on.”


Waiting back in the lobby, the Joker looked over to the hallway that 2 had disappeared through to see him, 4 and 5 walking out, each with several crates stacked in their arms, or in 2’s case, being pushed along on a small lorry.

They stacked all of the crates in the center of the large, open room before going back for more, their clown masks bouncing up and down on their faces as they jogged back to the vault.

“W-what are you doing with that!” one of the ponies hiding behind their desk shouted at Joker.

“Nothing that concerns you, little horsey.”

“H-horse! How dare you!” She stood up from behind her hiding spot, though she was quickly forced back down when the Joker walked up to her and stuffed one of his many frag grenades in her mouth, silencing and terrifying the pony.

She whimpered and whinnied through the explosive gag, but that just made the raving psychopath next to her giggle insanely, reveling in the sounds of her fear.

Hearing the others coming back with more of the crates, he went back to supervising the rest of the hostages, sweeping back and forth over them with his G18 while he looked for any others he would have to ‘discourage’ from causing problems.


After they had taken a few minutes to empty the vault of all of the crates, even the ones labeled as experimental and specialty, they were waiting for their form of transport to be revealed.

“How the hell are we going to fit all of this in the car?”

“We’re not, dumbass. Boss called us in a nice ride, one that won’t be tracked and will have more than enough room for all this.”

“Well then, where is it then?”

All of a sudden, the wall of the building closest to them exploded, the back end of a yellow bus crashing through the debris until it came to a stop just a few yards away. The back door of the bus opened and another guy in a clown mask popped out, remarking “That’s a lot of potion…”

“Yeah, well, lets hurry up and get it in the bus!” They moved quickly, passing the crates to each other until they reached the bus, at which point the driver would stack them on seats and on the floor. As they moved the crates, the unicorn that Joker had shot earlier tried to stand, not dead quite yet, but not in very good shape.

As the last of the crates were transported into the bus, it spoke. “You think you’re smart, huh? Don't you know who you’re stealing from? You and your friends are dead! You hear me! Dea-urk!”

He choked as the Joker grabbed him by the neck, suffocating him slowly as he examined the miniature horse held aloft in his grasp.

The other guys, now with the crates stowed and nothing else to do but watch, looked between each other nervously as their comrade tormented the pony.

He grabbed the pony’s muzzle and forced it open before reaching into his jacket. Taking a smoke grenade from it, he stuffed it into the pony’s mouth; leaving the pin clipped to him via a long, thin string.

“I think, whatever doesn’t kill you simply makes you… stranger…” He then released the pony, letting it fall down to the floor where it stared, cross-eyed, at the cylinder jammed between his teeth.

Joker then turned and walked to the bus, the other clowns quickly hopping inside before Joker pulled himself inside, closing the door behind him and leaving the smoke grenade’s string caught within it.

Unclipping the string from his jacket, he took a seat across from 5, who quickly looked out the window as the driver sped out onto the street. Joker grinned behind his mask as he heard the snap of the string being pulled taut behind them, imagining what would be happening to the pony as the grenade released its airborne payload.

As they joined a caravan of identical school buses, Joker set his feet up on top of one of the potion crates, relaxing as he took in the sound of police sirens as cop cars sped past them and towards the bureau.

He turned to see 2 opening one of the crates, checking out the vials within that contained the swirling, purple liquid. He reached inside for one of his own, and, examining it for a moment, he placed it back in the crate, staring at it with hatred in his eyes.

You’re the reason Batman is a pony. You're the reason I can no longer fulfill my duty to chaos by fighting the Batman. If only I didn’t need you for my plans, I would destroy every last bit of you that I could. If only, if only…

Author's Note:

Next chapter should be out relatively soon if people like this.
Any suggestions? Leave them in the comments!

Note: This will not be just the movie with TCB in it, but will have its own storyline that changes from this point onwards.