Equestria Under Siege

by Willfire

Chapter 1: Testing (Revised)

Chapter 1: Testing
Canterlot Castle

Princess Celestia walked through the quiet halls of Canterlot Castle, it has been her home for over a thousand years, yet the fact she hasn’t been there throughout the last four bothered her. Her calm face looked down at her regalia a sigh forming inside but she didn’t let it out. It was the first time in months she’s been in her flowing white gown. Her feet wore clear crystal slippers while golden bracelets decorated her arms. Her golden crown adorned her mane of flowing colors, yet she felt like it didn’t belong there. Her tail flicked in a slight agitation her only tell of her emotions. Even her wings, folded tightly on her back didn’t flick in the slightest. She felt like an intruder in her own home, and she has been like this for nearly four years. Her hand drifted up to chin as her mind wondered back four years ago, then drifted up to the remains of her shattered horn, a painful reminder of her failure. She should be back in uniform, she should be back on the lines where she belongs.

Four years ago off the west coast of Equestira a floating land mass appeared from a magical tempest. Horned folk as far as Manehatten felt the disturbance. The tempest, formed of only the darkest of magics, sent shockwaves throughout the land. Together with her sister Princess Luna, they mobilized the Equestrian Armed Forces and headed for Las Pegasus. Together with the advanced forces she and her sister gazed upon the floating land mass and for the first time in their immortal lives they felt fear.

At first the two of them thought they saw a flicker of movement along the edge of the land mass as it slowly drifted closer towards land. Once it was close enough the two Alicorns could see exactly what was lining the edge of the floating island. Hundreds if not thousands of four legged inert forms stood there, stock still like they were waiting on something or someone. They stood tall, taller than the Alicorns standing on the shore. Only the red glow of a single red eye gave away the fact they were alive. From where the two alicorns stood they could see the creature’s four legs ended in sharp tips.

Then HE appeared. Humanoid unlike the rest of the creatures he slowly appeared on the shore before the two of them with a small laugh of pure evil. The only thing adorning this creature was a black robe and a single red eye that danced with a joy that sent chills down their spines as the floating island drifted ever closer. Then it spoke in a calm yet chilling voice calling himself the Quil Emperor and he was going to suck the very magic from this land and every being that dwelled on it. That statement, a declaration of war on the very life blood of Equestria, was all the two princesses needed in order to act. Summoning their weapons, the Solar Lance and the Lunar Lance respectively they engaged the Quil Emperor as the rest of their forces opened fire on the creatures lining the edge of the floating land mass. That proved to be a fatal mistake.

A single tear fell down Celestia’s cheek, a single tear for those lost that day. Nearly all of the advanced elements of the Armed Forces, Las Pegasus, her horn and even the Elements of Harmony lost on that single day, dead or destroyed. As the Emperor, literally with a single hand, defended himself from the fury of the two Allicorns the Quil soldiers swarmed the Armed Forces decimating them and anything slow enough to be unable to get out of the way. Folk trapped in the burning husks of tanks were pulled out and torn to shreds, their screams tore through the air chilling the blood of all that heard it. The sight of her folk being killed, the sounds of their death screams haunted her nightmares to this day. Luna, bless her was able to disengage from the Emperor while Celestia covered her, tried to rally their forces to make a stand to give the population of Las Pegasus a chance to evacuate. But it was too late their forces, caught in the grip of pure terror, were already routed. In a last bid to protect their folk the two Alicorns did the only thing they could do, they used the Elements. It seemed to work, like with Discord before, the rainbow light shot out and wrapped around the Quil Emperor. But it was not meant to be, with a laugh the Emperor suddenly whipped his arm towards the two sending the rainbow energy back into the Elements. Before the two Alicorns could react the feedback caused all six stones to violently shatter, riddling the two of them with the shrapnel. One piece breaking Celestia’s horn off two inches from her forehead…

*****************

“Princess?” A voice called out. Celestia blinked and slowly turned to look at who spoke, the captain of her royal guard a horned folk, Shining Armor. His blue mane crisp as if he was ready for a parade inspection despite the battle fatigues he wore.

“Yes, Shining Armor?”

“The recruits should be starting soon, you said you wanted to watch the final test.” Shining armor said as he stood to one side motioning to the hall from where he came.

“Your right Captain. Lead on.” Celestia fell into step beside her captain. He was field promoted to Captain nearly two years ago and served with honor during that time. He was also one she had full trust in. So when she glanced over at him she could see the set of his jaw. “You are worried about something Captain?”

“Yes ma’am. It’s my sister. Today is her test.” He said simply.

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

*****************

In another part of the castle a young horned one mare with a purple mane with a single pink highlight ran as fast as she could as she pulled on a green flight suit.

“No, no, no, no, no…I’m going to be late…” She yelled more to herself than to anyone as panic started to rise.

{You better hurry Twilight, she is about to check roll.} A voice calmly stated in her head.

{Shut up Spike I’m nearly there!} She thought back as she slid around a corner. The Canterlot Castle hanger was only a couple of halls away. Today was the combat flight test and the final test to graduate from the academy, and she was running late. Someone messed with her alarm clock and she could guess who and be 99.9% right. The first part of the test was attendance, you were not in the hanger by the time the doors shut…well their drill sergeant did say ‘think fast’. But it was something she didn’t want to have to think about, too bad she heard doors slam shut in the distance.

“Horseapples!” Twilight said skidding to a halt. Her hand went to her chin a moment as she put her brain to work on this problem. Her face contorted into a cross between a smile and a grimace. {Spike, Plan T!} She thought.

{Plan T huh? Ok.} She could feel the humor in his thoughts. Within seconds she felt Spike connect with her, a vision appeared in her mind’s eye and her horn lit up. Suddenly she disappeared in a flash of purple flash.

******************

A brown skinned Horned Folk mare wearing camo fatigues pulled the handle by the large doors leading back into the castle. Turning she started to walk towards a line of about nineteen other horned folk mares standing at attention. On the mare’s shoulder, plain for all to see, was a set of Sergeant bars. On her head, hiding most of her blue mane, was a wide brim crisp hat of a Drill Sergeant. Only her blue tail offset the dull colors she wore. On her chest was the name badge: Sergeant, D

Drill Sergeant looked down the line as she walked back towards them and noticed a gap where a twentieth should be. {Twilight Sparkle…} She thought as another sergeant handed her a clipboard with names on it for attendance. {You got until I reach your spot.} Her eyes drifted to the mare next to Twilight’s spot and one beyond. The three of them were roommates and well known for strange yet somehow making things work, but they were also known to mess with each other just as often. She was willing to bet bits that the reason Twilight was late stemmed from one of her roommates. Letting loose a sigh under her breath she reached the start of the line. Unfortunately Twilight was close to the front and it didn’t take her long to reach the first of the three roommates.

“Trixie?” Drill Sergeant called without looking up as she walked along the line.

“Trixie is Here!” A blue skinned mare called out she reached up and flicked her silver mane aside of horn with the practice flick of someone standing before a crowd.

“Sunset Shimmer?”

“Shimmer Here!” Another mare with yellow skin and a mane that seemed to shine like a fire said with a grin. Drill Sergeant noticed that Sunset’s hand was counting down from three.

“Twilight Sparkle?”

Suddenly there was a flash of purple light and Twilight appeared at full attention, helmet under her arm, in the break in the line. “Twilight Sparkle here!”

“Nice timing Sparkle.” Drill Sergeant said pleasantly surprised and slightly relieved she made it to the test. Twilight didn’t respond but nodded.

********************

Once Drill Sergeant was farther down the line Twilight glanced over at the horned folk mare next to her.

“Why did you mess with my Alarm Clock Sunset Shimmer?” Twilight whispered out of the side of her mouth. A smile played on Sunset shimmer’s face.

“Had to. This was the last time to do it and after today we are heading out to squads across the front lines. We may not see each other again. I had to pick on the egghead one last time.” Sunset Shimmer whispered back a grin playing on her face as she patted her on the shoulder.

Twilight glanced over again and couldn’t help but to smile herself. “Last test today and we are tied. One more round Shimmer?”

“You are so on Sparkle.” The grin became a smirk. “Prepare for defeat.”

“Prepare yourself.” Twilight whispered back.

The two of them fell quiet as Drill Sergeant started to yell. “Ok fillies, time to get your wings wet. Today is the final day of your training and we are going to put you in the air and pit you against each other in a no-holds-bared-free-for-all. And by that I mean ANYTHING goes. In combat, you will find the same thing will apply when you are fighting the Quil. On that note, your final grade will be based on: your skill in avoiding being hit, the time it takes to get hit, and use of the skills you have learned to this point. Understand that even though you may be the last mare standing that DOES NOT MEAN you pass as this has ZERO baring on your score. This being said it might be a good idea to fly like your life depends on it, otherwise we WILL do this again and I will issue live ammo for that test.” She stopped dead center of the line and looked at them. “Princess…forgive me General Celestia is here to watch and make her own judgment so let’s make it worth her time. Mount up you hit air in five!” She pointed towards the back of the hanger.

“Yes Ma’am!” Everyone yelled at once. In one motion all of them pulled their helmets on to their heads then spun on their heels and ran for the back of the hanger. There standing in a row were twenty large dragons, a few pawing the ground eager for the test. Each of them wore a saddle and a large holster on the side, many were grinning as the mares ran towards them.

“Spike, get ready for take off!” Twilight yelled as she bound up the ladder next to a purple dragon with green ridges.

“Ready when you are Twilight.” Spike told her as she threw her leg over Spike’s body with a graceful leap. As she landed she felt Spike’s dragon magic stick her to the saddle as a flight tech hoisted her weapon up to her hands. She took it and with a practiced flick of her hand flipped it around and to the ready position. A moment later a few bulky clips were passed to her. Without looking, her hands moving automatically to place the clip into the weapon. She heard it click into place but didn’t pull the cocking handle. Twilight glanced at it, similar to her weapon she saw it was modified for paint balls. With a silent command Spike started to walk towards the open end of the hanger.

“Dragoon 3, ready for takeoff.” Twilight heard a voice come over the commlink in her helmet.

“Dragoon 3 cleared for takeoff.” Another voice replied, this one belonging to the air controller.

Ahead of where Twilight and Spike joined the line a dragon spread its wings and jumped into the open sky.

“Dragoon 8, ready for Takeoff!” Another voice called out.

“Dragoon 8, Cleared for Takeoff.” Air Traffic control called.

As that dragon threw itself into the sky Twilight looked over to her left another line of dragons lined up there. She saw Trixie, her other roommate holding a rather large rocket launcher in a blue aura. Trixie’s horn was lit up with the same aura as she glanced over at Twilight Sparkle and gave a thumbs up. A sign she returned as Spike walked to the edge of the hanger.

“Dragoon 12, ready for Takeoff!” Twilight called over the comm.

“Dragoon 12, Cleared for Takeoff.” Air Traffic control cleared her for launch.

Twilight tapped Spike’s sides with her heels and he grinned throwing himself off into the blue. Instead of flapping his wings he curled them up and pointed straight down. Twilight grinned at the rush of the wind against her cheeks. She leaned forward in the saddle her weapon in her hand when Spike flared his wings and leveled out.

“In Celestia’s name I enjoy that. I understand why the Winged Folk enjoy flying.” Twilight said as the two of them ascended to where their starting point.

“Sure you are not a Winged Folk in disguise?” Spike asked as he glanced behind him to the one on his back.

“Or maybe I have Winged Folk in my line somewhere. Maybe I’ll do some research on that next leave cycle we get.” She told him with a sparkle in her eyes.

“Twilight, leave means just that. on leave. Relax…oh wait research is relaxing to you.” Spike said with a roll of his eyes. He suddenly wasn’t looking forward to his next leave. Assuming they lived that long. “Oh and Twilight, I got a little gift for this test too.” He said as they pulled into position.

“Spike…you and your toys.” She smiled at the back of his head as the rest of the class pulled into position.

“Ok fillies, this is it. Time to start, this is a mass free-for-all. There can be only one left standing so fly and fight like your lives depend on it. As a reminder your final grade will be on style, skill and time before you are defeated so make it all count.” The voice of Drill Sergeant came over the commlink.

Twilight glanced around, all twenty of her class were forming a very large circle, nearly a mile wide, facing inwards waiting for the start. Her brain working the distances between her and the two closest to her. They were out of her weapon ranges and a quick assist from Spike’s magic, giving her vision his sharpness, showed her that the weapons of those two were similar to hers so she was out of their weapon’s range. That was good, no need to worry about a sneak attack from the start giving her time to think as her eyes, with Spike’s help, scanned the large ring of Dragon Riders. She spotted Sunset Shimmer almost directly across from her and Trixie was placed far on her right from where she hovered. She looked again at Shimmer and Trixie, both of whom were looking at her and nodded, smiles on both their faces causing her to grin as well. Suddenly a new voice called over the commlink, a voice very familiar to her, Celestia.

“My little folk, the magic safety nets are up, and when you are defeated you will be teleported to the hanger. Your weapons have been modified for paint balls, the paint is unique to each of you so who gets who will be easy to see. The paint has also been filled with touch of mana nullifier so shields and other spells will react as if they were hit in combat. Be safe but make Equestria proud.” Many of the Dragon Riders took that chance to start casting their defensive spells. Twilight glanced around one more time identifying the spells as they went up. Basic kinetic stopping shields on most, but a few put a more advanced kinetic redirecting ward up. Twilight brings her own shield into being, a simple kinetic stopping shield. “Let’s BEGIN!” Celestia called out over the commlink. Twilight and Spike shot forward with a powerful flap of his wings as did Trixie and Sunset Shimmer, along with about six others from their class, all eager to get started. The other eleven broke away looking for better vantage points.

Twilight saw the rider on her right was one of the one looking to start the battle in earnest. Using her heels to direct Spike she pulled close to the mare next to her unseen. She leveled her weapon and opened fire. The mare’s shield took a few hits which caused her to veer away in shock. With a small grin she glanced forward again, keeping one eye behind her. Ahead she saw Trixie and Shimmer climbing away from the other five who were heading to a central meeting point like a train wreck looking for a place to happen. Twilight pulled up to match Trixie and Shimmer. Then she heard it, the distinct sound of weapon's fire. The other four rushing into the charge were starting to fire at each other and at her. Even though they were rushing at each other Twilight was still far enough out to easily avoid many of the attacks coming her way and only a few managed to splash on her shield. She felt the shield pull more magic from the impact of the hits.

{Guess they weren't kidding about the nulling agent in the paint.} Twilight thought to more to herself than Spike.

“Ok you two, on my mark.” Shimmer’s voice came over the commlink on a private channel between the three of them. Something Trixie found out could be done with the commlinks keeping their conversation private from the rest. The three of them, Sunset Shimmer, Trixie and Twilight Sparkle weaved and dodged, none of them returning fire at anyone seeming like all they cared about was taking each other out. Twilight smiled slightly knowing what was coming. “Mark!”

On command Spike shot forward with a burst of speed and a roar, as did Trixie and Shimmer. The other five could only watch in awe, pulling into hover to watch the three dragons engage in a unheard of melee against each other in a flurry of claws and wings…or so they thought. Suddenly the three dragons broke apart falling into formation. The three dragons zeroed in on the nearest rider. Trixie fired her rocket launcher and scored a direct hit causing the Rider's shield to shatter giving Shimmer and Twilight the opening to follow up with their own weapon fire peppering both the mare and dragon with enough paint balls to drop a regiment then as one body turned and stared on the next one.

“Wha…” Was all the mare could say as she vanished in a flash of blue light.

With Shimmer on point, Trixie and Twilight took turns between left and right wingmare based on where Shimmer led them. It was something they practiced in the academy, formation flying. Trixie would take a shot and shattering the shields of the other riders and Shimmer and Twilight would follow through, dropping the helpless rider. For the more advanced shields they came across, Twilight would shatter with a well placed bolt of magic from her horn. Before the others could even comprehend the fact that three of their opponents were working together in this exercise they dropped five other Riders. The last nine zipped and moved trying to get a good shot on the three of them the commlink's open channel squawking with the remaining Riders trying to figure out what was going on.

“Shimmer, two at three o’clock high. Basic Shields.” Twilight called over the commlink.

“I see them. Port spin Trixie take a shot!” Shimmer barked the order like a natural.

Shimmer started to bank left then went into a spin. Trixie and Twilight, knowing what she was going to do, kept their wingmare positions as they started to circle around the spinning Shimmer. Trixie came into position, her rocket launcher ready to fire. Pulling the trigger the paint filled rocket launched towards the two incoming Riders. With wide eyes they banked away from the incoming rocket barely missing the explosion, though their shields were still peppered slightly. The panicked evasion of the two riders put one in front of Twilight and the other in front of Shimmer. Shimmer was quick on her draw, taking aim and firing. It took a moment for her target to relies she was being hit, long enough for the shield to shatter allowing the paintballs to hit her directly drawing forth a curse as Shimmer’s target vanished in a flash of light. Twilight, on the other hand, didn’t come up as lucky. Her target was a little more alert and as soon as Twilight’s attack hit home she fell into a drop. Tracking and leading her target she managed to shatter the rider’s shield before she lost her, unwilling to leave the formation to follow up her attack.

{Don’t worry Twilight, I got a present for her.} Spike thought.

The other rider, knowing her shield was gone leveled her weapon up towards Twilight seeing an opening she could exploit only to have a small black orb land in her lap. On it was painted the words ‘Spike’s little friend’ with a characterized image of him winking at her.

“What the…?” The mare started, stunned. Then it exploded in a spread of green paint. “BUCK IT!” She screamed before she vanished in a flash of blue light.

“Nice one Spike.” Twilight said outloud over the din of gun fire and dragon roars.

“Nothing to…” He and Trixie’s dragon suddenly shifted positions in response to Shimmer’s flight path. Spike flipped to his back as he shifted to the starboard wingmare position as Trixie shifted to the port wingmare position. He grinned as he heard Trixie and Twilight high five each other as they passed. “…it really.” Spike finished then launched a fire ball at another Rider trying to get a bead on him causing her to pull away.

A sudden movement caught Twilight’s eye. Before she could turn to look at it there was a scream over the commlink…Trixie. Twilight’s head snapped over and saw something that terrified her. Trixie was falling through the air, having been knocked off her Dragon by two high speed Riders trying to desperately break their formation with their own. She could see Trixie was having problems and she never was any good with teleportation, but Twilight was quiet skilled at that. Twilight’s horn lit up and suddenly Trixie vanished in a flash of purple light and reappeared on her dragon still screaming. It took her a moment to relies she was back on her dragon’s back. A second later so did her weapon in a flash of purple light.

“You ok Trixie?” Twilight called over the commlink.

“What happened?” Shimmer asked.

“Trixie is ok, they shattered my shield but Trixie is now mad!” Trixie pulled her weapon in hand then broke formation to follow the two that attacked her.

“Trixie you are breaking formation get back now!” Shimmer yelled over the commlink but it was too late.

*******************

Trixie, fury in her eyes, dived after the two Riders haybent on settling the score. She took a moment to take aim and lock on. It took a second for her rocket to beep a lock on, but as soon as it did Trixie pulled the trigger firing a paint filled rocket at one of her attackers. The riders realized too late how close they were to each other and who was following them. The direct hit shattered the shields of both of them and sent them spinning out of control. Trixie quickly reloaded and fired at her original target scoring a direct hit before turning back to the other one. Trixie heard the sound of a teleport spell as she closed on the second one who got her mount under control and flying away as fast as she could. The rider risked a look over her shoulder and gasped in horror to see Trixie closing in on her, weapon up and locking on.

To say Trixie is a good flyer is an understatement. In her right mind she is one of the better flyers in the group, but in her angered state she did pretty good staying right on the tail of the Rider as she banked, twisted and turned, corkscrewed and dived trying to shake Trixie off her tail.

“Oh Celestia, I can’t shake her, I can’t shake her! Shield is gone and she’s locking on, someone help.” A voice called out over the commlink in panic, Trixie grinned.

But like anyone who is angry she didn’t watch her six. As Trixie gained lock on and fired she felt something peck her back again and again. Looking behind her she saw one of the last Riders air pumping her fist. Just before she vanished in a blue light she saw her wingmares pulling up behind her attacker.

***************

“They got Trixie!” Twilight shouted.

“I know, at least she got her second target. Twilight break formation and track your target!” Shimmer yelled back. There were only two left. The one that dropped Trixie and one more trying to put some distance between her and Shimmer's formation. Shimmer suddenly banked starboard while firing as Twilight banked port. The two roommates pulled in behind the last two enemy riders and fired. While the two remaining riders had strong shields but they were weak flyers depending on their shields and not their flying abilities. They were not on the same level as Twilight in flying, and saying nothing about how good Shimmer truly was. The results were predicable. Both riders were no match for a one on one dog fight and the two of them quickly were vanquished.

Twilight quickly pulled back into formation and looked around. “Looks like we are the last two left Twilight.” Shimmer said calmly.

Twilight nodded knowing Shimmer couldn’t see it. “Looks like it. Shall we begin?” She suddenly broke formation and hovered near by as Shimmer pulled away. After a few moments she came to a hover and turned to face Twilight still well inside the fire ranges of both of them.

“So, standard bet?” Twilight asked calmly. She popped her clip and put in a fresh one.

“Yeah, standard bet. Tie breaker too.” Shimmer said over the commlink. Twilight could see she too was locking a new clip in.

“Yep.” Twilight said as her horn started to glow. Dropping her shield she changed it to a kinetic redirection shield, but for some odd reason Shimmer dropped her shield but didn’t put on back up. Twilight mentally shrugged, it was Shimmer’s choice and she was practicing a few new tricks just for this moment.

“Good. Start in three…” Shimmer told her.

“Two…” Twilight said as she leaned forward. She could feel Spike tensing under her.

“One…”

“GO!” Both Twilight and Shimmer yelled as they charged their dragons forward towards each other.

Shimmer opened fire only to have her shots get pushed aside by Twilight’s shield with a small shimmer of purple energy. Twilight dived below Shimmer. Twilight knew Shimmer couldn’t point down through her mount and Shimmer’s Dragon took herself just a little too seriously to have a trick like Spike. Aiming up before Shimmer could pass Twilight opened fire only to have a crimson shield appear protecting her underside.

“I see you took my advice about the invisible shield.” Twilight said as she veered away before Shimmer could get a bead on her.

“Even I can see a good idea when it’s shown to me. Remember our last match?” Shimmer asked. Suddenly her dragon pulled a loop and charged right at her. “And between the two of us, I’m the much better flyer.”

“Maybe true that…” Twilight smirked. Time to bring out one of her new tricks just for Shimmer.

She pulled her feet from the sturips and squatted on Spike’s back as he went into a steep dive. Twisting around, trusting Spike to keep her on his back she fired her weapon at Shimmer who only ignored it, her shield protecting her. Shimmer was close, too close she wanted to make sure she would hit through Twilight's shield.

“Now Twilight!” Spike yelled as he suddenly flared his wings, his speed dropping drasticly. Twilight pushed off with all her might as a light purple tendril of magic connected her to Spike as he pulled away opening a gap. Their slower speed sent Shimmer right down the center. Angling her weapon so she wouldn’t hit him she fired as Spike let lose a breath of dragon fire. The spot where their combined firepower suddenly glowed crimson as Shimmer passed through it, going too fast to change course. As Shimmer pulled free of the combined attack the sound of shattering glass was clear as the shield shattered but Shimmer got out in one piece.

“Got you now Shimmer!” Twilight yelled as she felt herself get pulled back to Spike. She tracked Shimmer’s dragon with her weapon when she felt something land behind her. “What?” Then she felt something prick her side.

“You should watch your back Twilight, that’s going to get you killed.” Shimimer whispered into her ear.

Twilight turned in her seat in time to see Shimmer with a sly grin on her face a sheathed knife in her hand. She rolled off Spike with a laugh as Twilight’s vision was covered in blue.

**********************

Celestia’s calm face never broke as she watched Twilight vanish. She thought back to the day of Twilight’s entrance exam and her hatching the unborn Spike. She showed great magic potential and she made Twilight her personal student. Once the war started she made Twilight join the R&D department for the war effort. Her studious habits made Twilight quickly rise through the ranks of the department and she was soon head of experimental weapon’s research. Celestia sighed lowly only Shining Armor heard it.

“Something the matter?” He asked lowly as Shimmer came in for a landing.

“Yes, just thinking about your sister and thinking of simpler days.” Celestia told him. Still she was impressed by Twilight Sparkle, Sunset Shimmer and Trixie’s performance in their test.

“Before the war?” Shining asked her.

“Yes, how to keep her from the war and from my mistake I sent her to R&D, knowing her mind would greatly benefit all of Equestira. But came that day nearly a year ago that the Dragon Queen came to offer an alliance…” Celestia said. She watched with a small smile as Trixie and Twilight ran up to Shimmer. From there body language she could see they were excited that Shimmer won but at the same time they had to lose. She could read lips and Shimmer seemed to be saying something about ‘paying up’.

“You never told me that.” Shining said. He too was watching his little sister as she motioned for them to follow. He too could read lips and he saw ‘…best place in Canterlot for dinner. My treat.’ Come from Twilight.

“Yes, the Dragon queen offered an alliance and Spike took the chance to ask permission to join the war effort. Twilight couldn’t let him go alone so she quit R&D to join the Armed Forces as a Dragon Rider. Took eight months to finally be accepted and two months to get to this point.” Celestia told him.

“At least she’s good enough to survive from what I saw.”

“I know.” She paused. “You are dismissed Shining Armor, go find Cadance. We will be leaving in a few hours and I need you to have a clear head.”

Without looking at her Shining Armor saluted and turned on a heel to walk away pointing at two of the Royal Guard to take his place. Celestia didn’t even twitch knowing full well he would do that. She stood up and gracefully walked towards Drill Sergeant who stood at attention nearby.

Author's Note:

I took some of the terminology from My Average Sized Human story. I like how that was done so I borrowed the wording for this one. I have never done any sort of anthro story so I enjoyed putting in the tails so far. I just got to remind myself they are there they help so emotion but they are there as a challenge to me. Understand, despite the tails, they are very much human with hands and such.

Yes I kept the basic usage of Mare/Stallion/Filly and such instead of Woman/Man/Girl, I feel it fits the story better. Anyway Enjoy and comment below

Note: I fixed up Chapter one a bit, improved the flow and added more details and showed why the Riders are unique. I'm pretty sure grammer still not fixed but if anyone who knows how to correct those wants to help out PM me.

Comments

[Darth Redbeard]

Ok, I'll say this. There are some grammar issues that need some fixing.
Italics are mostly used for thoughts.

Hope these small tips help.

[zalla661]

This is nice so far. First chapter in and I can say I really like this story. I don't see why people dislike it so much. Sure it has issues but what story doesn't?

i like the idea of ponies being dragon riders though! I love dragons! But Trixie should get a magical wyvern instead! That'd be cool!.

i have to say though, it has a better flow than I expected. Most stories I read are like mine, very scattered in the flow. This one however isn't. You put a great deal into revising the chapter so I can't say what it was like from before, but it's nice so far.

[The Hat Man]

Here are the specifics I mentioned. Here is the first paragraph with errors highlighted and explanations in parentheses and italics.

Princess Celestia walked through the quiet halls of Canterlot Castle,. (run-on sentence) it has had (tense) been her home for over a thousand years, yet the fact she hasn’t hadn't been there throughout the last four years (clarity - or else it sounds like you mean the last four thousand years bothered her. Her calm face looked down at her regalia, (punctuation needed) a sigh forming inside but she didn’t let it out. It was the first time in months she’s she'd been in her flowing white gown. Her feet wore clear crystal slippers She wore clear crystal slippers on her feet (better phrasing - you wouldn't say your torso wears a shirt, would you?) while golden bracelets decorated her arms. Her golden crown adorned her mane of flowing colors, yet she felt like it didn’t belong there. Her tail flicked in a slight agitation, (comma, dash, semicolon - you need some punctuation here) her only tell of her emotions. Even her wings, - folded tightly on her back - didn’t flick in the slightest. She felt like an intruder in her own home, and she has been like this for nearly four years. Her hand drifted up to chin as her mind wondered wandered (spelling) back four years ago, then drifted up to the remains of her shattered horn Her hand then came to rest on the stump of her shattered, once proud horn (you shift between her hand and her mind and the reference isn't clear - this was a quick fix, a painful reminder of her failure. She should be should have been back in uniform, she should be should have been back on the lines where she belongs belonged. She knew, and yet she lingered.

And all that is in the first paragraph. Slow down, stick to one tense, and make sure the subject/pronoun references are clear.

Hope that helps!