WARNING: SPOILERS TO EQUESTRIA GIRLS RAINBOW ROCKS IN THIS FANFIC!
"She took it with her . . ." I thought aloud, looking through Sunset Shimmer's bedroom. My little sun had barely taken anything with her when she had abandoned her studies and me, escaping to a world beyond my reach believing true power and freedom awaited her. She didn't realize how truly different and dangerous the other worlds could be.
There was only one thing missing I noticed at the time. The book I and her had crafted together, born of both our magics. Explicitly made so Sunset Shimmer could always remain in contact with me, her beloved mentor and guardian. The Spike of that time was in his twilight years and the Spike of ours had yet to hatch after all.
I didn't hesitate to try and write a letter to my little sun, to tell her that she was forgiven, that I was sorry that I'd failed her, that she could return home at any time, that she was family, and that I truly did love her...nothing happened. It remained but ink on paper. With the twin books we crafted we had created a bond that would remain unbroken no matter what universe she was in, even the spirit world itself.
"She severed it from her end," I realized sadly, putting away the book. Equestria's smaller sun truly had cut all ties with me. "But...she took it with her...Maybe, she'll still send a message to me." I would wait futility for years for any such message, while watching a new student and a new hope rise.
+++
Sunset Shimmer admitted, it sure seemed a good idea at the time to go to another universe where the larger sun had no hopes of following her and holding her back.
The new body. The alien culture. And finding out that she now lacked her horn, was going to be a challenge. She was lucky she'd been able to pick up quickly humans moved differently than ponies. (Finding out certain physical traits were now higher up on her body just made it more bizarre).
The shock of meeting various parallel versions of ponies she had known in Canterlot was genuinely jarring. It was also genuinely creepy seeing the faces and names of ponies she knew being stretched and warped into the features of these furless apes. Even worse was that personalities weren't completely identical either. Close but not quite, close enough to be familiar, but different enough to be unsettling. Acting like themselves maybe, but not like ponies!
No horn meant that she had no direct outlet for her magic, and all her knowledge about history and politics weren't exactly all that useful in . . . ick, getting a job or support. Not to mention she was younger on this side of the portal for some odd reason, and they weren't about to hire a little minor. It was humiliating. And this time around, the adults didn't bow to her wherever she went.
Well, if the gateway changed her into something that should have belonged here, maybe it changed her age to match what it SHOULD HAVE been if she had been born here . . . the fact she was wearing clothes she had decidedly NOT been wearing when she passed through the worlds once again suggested the gateway had adjusted her existence.
Sunset was worried her memories would eventually be revised next to make her fit properly into this universe. Thankfully, that never happened. Nor did some cosmic force come to see her as an infection and try to remove her.
The odd thing was that the linking book with Celestia had not changed at all, and Sunset, human or not, could still sense its magic held. Maybe it fit within the context of whatever magic DID exist in this universe.
Being laughed at and being called crazy when she tried to talk about magic with the locals (minus a few kids who either mistook her for talking about some card game or were also seen as crazy by most of the student body) had quickly gotten her to realize that not only did this world only have one sapient species, but also magic-users simply didn't exist, and magic itself was regarded as fiction.
After the run in with the truancy officer, and one guard, er, policeman talking about 'run-away' and 'foster care' . . . Sunset wondered what luck she'd have. No one was going to take a girl like her seriously, with all her practical knowledge now grossly out of context.
That was when Sunset Shimmer saw herself . . . she had a duffle bag with her, she was wearing a hood and sunglasses, and clearly didn't want to be recognized.
But Sunset knew herself, even in this odd world.
She hadn't expect truly to find herself, there was the only Sunset Shimmer as far as she was concerned, these were all cheap fakes of the ponies she knew.
Though she did note that not all the humans she saw here had counterparts in Equestria from what she could tell. She also noted ages seemed to differ a good bit for some, while others seemed the proper age.
Sunset Shimmer stayed out of the sight of her other half, at least the universe wasn't exploding, they didn't spontaneously fuse together upon being within a few feet of each other, both good signs.
She watched her double get on the bus, pay fare, and the bus riding clear out of town.
Sunset wondered what had driven THAT Sunset Shimmer to run away from home. Did she have Princess Celestia controlling her too?
For all she knew, it was a practice for these creatures to sacrifice their eldest child to their king, and she had run away to not be thrown into a volcano.
She might have been a clone whom society needed the organs harvested of.
That girl had to have run away for SOME reason. That Sunset's guardians could likely be the most abusive creatures on the planet. But her other self didn't LOOK dirty, bruised, or the like, but that meant little. Still, it was better than nothing. And Sunset hid a knife in her boot in case they turned out to be like the monsters she heard in horror stories.
She turned 'herself' into the police, admitting she had run away from home.
Her 'parents' apologized with tears in their eyes, with the same time telling her what an idiot she had been to run away, but also hugged her telling her how much they loved her. The Cuckoo was in the nest.
She played the amnesiac with her 'adopted' parents, she learned about this Earth and all that was upon it, one piece at a time, and began to get her bearings. She had a lot to learn, and a lot to plan for.
In a way Sunset was disappointed . . . somewhere in her, she had WANTED that rumor about Celestia indeed being her biological parent to be true. She was even more disappointed, though she'd never admit it, that her guardian wasn't this world's version of Celestia (who wasn't this world's supreme leader for some reason).
But she did know what 'High School' she wanted into the moment she saw a certain rainbow haired woman who radiated power that only Sunset Shimmer herself was somehow able to sense.
"Can we PLEASE skip over this please? I . . . I don't want to talk about it please.
I did go back to Equestria when the portal reopened, but I didn't stay . . . And I . . . did some experiments on how different magic items . . . and creatures, translated through the portal and what magic functioned and didn't function, and functioned differently.
Figuring out what spells could function between worlds even when the portal was closed was another long term project of mine, the book between me and . . . the Princess was what gave me the idea. Those spells helped me keep up to date even when the portal was closed.
You might say Celestia was . . . busy the times I came through the mirror . . . Yes she knew what times it opened and closed . . . But I'm a lot more clever than you give me credit for. I think one time they had the idea of putting the mirror in the ceiling of a dungeon cell. Did you know video feed can work between dimensional gates? I made a lot of mistakes over the years, but getting caught was never one of them.
Yes, I saw Twilight Sparkle, and saw that filly grow under Celestia's wings . . . Celestia taught me too well, I was able to disable the detection spells on the Equestria side of the mirror without her even noticing.
...I felt wronged just looking at Twilight. Like she was a thief just for existing. No, she didn't give Twilight my old room. I think she kept it in perfect condition. Instead the purple brat took my place at her side! The anger I felt towards the purple invader made my enmity towards Cadence look like a fire-cracker.
And meanwhile the inner Element inside me . . . I felt it change, I thought it was becoming better, stronger, greater . . . I dominated all those around me. The Element of Magic within my soul, truly became something ugly. The scariest part was, at the time I liked it.
Yes I saw Twilight Sparkle 'steal' my destiny AGAIN.
Yes, I saw Discord's Day, some of it, I felt the portal... go dead during that time. Like it'd been sealed totally from the other side. My connections all went dead around the same time. I don't know if The Princess was trying to keep Discord in or me out for my own good. Whatever the case, it all came 'back on-line' after he was back to being a statue.
You WON'T BELIEVE the crazy things that happened between that time and when I was finally ready to make my move. Or the terrors I saw before the final confrontation with Discord. I was only more determined to remind the little thief who was the real Element of Magic.
The fact Fluttershy of all ponies ended up becoming an Alicorn (I studied the Elements, hard, in preparation for what I had planned, do you think I didn't know what happened when you hit a Nightmare with the Elements?) too made me all the more motivated. After all, if the shy little wallflower could do it, so could I, right?...No, I didn't hate her for it like I did Twilight. Why?...She wasn't Celestia's student. She wanted to be Alicorn of Kindness or whatever? Let her, wasn't my destiny….
And I wouldn't just become an Alicorn Princess, I'd become Equestria's only Princess, Celestia would kneel to me. Who'd be the tool now? I wanted it all now. I would have it all. Celestia lied and said I wasn't ready? Lied that my want for becoming an Alicorn for the wrong reasons would not get what I wanted? Lied that I wouldn't like what I found down this road? I'd show her the truth.
Why did I divide up Applejack and her friends? First, I was breaking the student body up into opposing groups, that included them. Second, I'd seen by then a lot of what their counterparts could do together in Equestria (told you I kept myself informed), and wasn't about to let them function as a group. I don't know if I was surprised or relieved that this world's Twilight Sparkle didn't come to CHS. Maybe my presence disrupted fate? I'd read some buried notes of The Princess' that implied such a thing was possible.
Ugh...the worst part? Why I broke everyone up into those groups. I felt all the little pieces had their place in my big machine and hated the idea of one pony, or person, being something I didn't want. Who am I kidding? They were easier to control that way. Like I said: my Element of Magic had twisted into something ugly. Domination always wants things its way.
You know what it all came down to. Stealing what should have been mine to begin with (after having betrayed all it stood for), only to lose it, and having to get the crown like I had the non-magical ones the years before.
I admit, a part of me liked the prospect...I'd always wanted for Celestia, The Princess, to crown me Princess. To have her be the one to put that crown on my head? Even if it wasn't MY Princess Celestia?...I can't say a part of me didn't want that more than anything.
So I did what I always did...only to lose when Twilight showed that admiration and inspiration could be stronger than fear and intimidation. I'd forgotten so much of what I'd been taught.
I admit I actually placed a few 'surprises' in case Twilight tried to go back to Equestria and come back with extra help . . . But instead of just coming back with brute force to take the crown, she played by this world's rules instead, and won.
And yes, I was telling the truth when I said I'd never hurt Spike. Even I wasn't that merciless as to hurt a baby...at least not as my goal... Yes I stole the key to Equestria's protection against evil for my own ambition, but I liked to pretend I hadn't betrayed all the principles The Princess had taught me. I wanted to return as an Alicorn. Why wouldn't I think I could protect soon-to-be my kingdom of Equestria from anything Twilight could? Of course considering nine times out of ten Twilight won battles with her brain, not her horn, that theory was full of holes. But did you expect a narcasist to be able to admit that?
Then I heard the five others praise Twilight, saying everything that should have been said about me it lit a horrible fire in me. I felt like my soul was beginning to burn. Burning desire and ambition, jealousy and rage. This little thief, she had taken it all away AGAIN.
Getting what I thought I wanted . . . and feeling my greed and ambition devour me from the inside out, the spirits of black magic empowering me ... and Nightmare Inferno was born.
Why did I cry as I changed?...I think it was the part of me that knew this wasn't what I wanted begging me to stop before it was too late.
Then I shed tears again seeing them all face a demoness to stand up for their new friend, maybe I was upset seeing their friendship I shattered come back together, disproving me again that I wasn't as powerful as I thought, or that Twilight was just better at something that I utterly failed to grasp.
The Element of Magic wasn't taken from me. It wasn't stolen. I rejected it.
And Twilight and her friends proved there was nothing 'non-magical' about humans, and that you didn't need to be a pony to empower the magic of friendship. In that moment, I felt magic being released. I somehow felt like what had been unleashed was like when caveponies first discovered fire. That the world had just changed in a way that would never be reversed.
Being hit by the Elements true power . . .
I was freed of my insanity. And before you ask, it was all me. Every horrible thought and actions, they all came from me. There was no dark parasite controlling my actions. Nightmare Inferno wasn't some dark spirit possessing my body, she was my shadow. She was my true self. A dark mirror that I'd never wanted to see.
It was all my own fault.
And I didn't just cry because I realized what an utter fool I had been. Let alone because I realized I was the one who had betrayed Celestia and not the other way around like I'd told myself all these years. That Twilight Sparkle couldn't steal something I had thrown away. And how utterly blind I'd been to the value of others as more than resources. It wasn't just because I'd realized Celestia had been absolutely right about me...that I'd become the monster she'd always worried I'd become. But those were the big ones.
I also felt my inner Element, Magic, Dominance, whatever you want to call it, I felt it BREAK into pieces when the beam stripped away my Nightmarification. My power was broken, my magic was broken, I had reached for more, only to lose what I had. The Elements themselves had passed judgement. I had BETRAYED what I could have been, what I was supposed to have been.
Other purified Nightmares had become Alicorns, me? I became LESS than what I was before.
And the only one to blame was myself…
I'd become something so opposed to the destiny that I once had that I couldn't be completed and become an Alicorn.
I was surprised when Twilight didn't drag me back to Equestria to stand trial for my crimes. She should have. Instead she thought it was best for me to learn what friendship truly was here among the humans I had hurt, abused, brainwashed, and intended to use as my army of demons to conquer Equestria (you think I was going to stop with Snips and Snails?).
Twilight...that's why you're better than me...you see the potential in everyone and help them reach it. I saw the potential only in myself. That's why you succeeded where I failed...
And suddenly my five worst enemies, were now five girls who due to their promise to Twilight Sparkle, were to teach me what it meant to care for someone else, like The Princess had so desperately been trying to teach me . . . I knew how to care for her . . . but . . .
Even if . . . even if they were doing it only out of their promise to Twilight Sparkle . . . I was happy they were willing to accept me into their group. I was grateful. And they didn't just treat me as a burden...they treated me as someone who needed help.
I wasn't just some random villainess let loose from a long imprisonment, I'd been their personal tormentor for years. I'd torn their friendship apart for my own selfish ends...and they still forgave me. They still helped me. I know I don't deserve it, but I'm not saying I didn't need it.
Snips and Snails abandoned me once I wasn't top shark at school. Even when the other students hated the sight of me or had nightmares about me, those five remained true to their promise to Twilight Sparkle.
And . . . I woke up one morning, and I realized I cared what happened to them, and I cared whether they accepted me or not. Even if they were only Twilight Sparkles' friends. They trusted me not to try to conquer the world again, and I trusted them to help me learn what it meant to be friends.
These humans, they were alive, they were people and I was ashamed I'd ever thought differently. I was one of them now after all.
No, no one told my parents what happened. No, not even Principal Celestia . . . another thing I'm grateful for. And I can't help but think of that OTHER Sunset Shimmer out there . . . did she find what she was looking for too? I hope she did.
I...I don't know how I think about my parents...they love me, they've never stopped but...would they love me if they knew the truth? I don't know...I like to dream of the real human Sunset coming back and us living as sisters, but I know that's not realistic.
I was surprised at just how swiftly Principal Celestia had adjusted to magic existing when I explained to her what happened (she was the one in charge of the school, my fate was in her hands). Then again, she was an alternate Celestia, even if she wasn't a goddess (I think), Celestia...she'd always been understanding...Oh, she was mad. I had to fix the damage I did to the school with Snips and Snails...I was dumbstruck the other five helped us and she allowed it...so long as they didn't do all the work.
Hehe...I admit, the girls asking me a ton of questions about what the pony world was like was actually kind of fun.
"So...you're a unicorn in Equestria darling?" Rarity asked.
"Yeah. Horn and everything." I wasn't sure how to tell them they had dimensional counterparts.
"I see...How do you style your hair with a horn?"
We all shared a laugh about that.
"...Seriously, how do you?"
I still wonder why Rarity didn't get a horn in that hybrid form they have while Rainbow Dash and Fluttershy get wings...and we were all surprised to find out that they could still transform. I...I have my theories but...I didn't know how to explain them...I wasn't used to explaining things in a way that didn't sound like I was an egomaniac.
And now comes the parts you've all heard recently. Strange new students. Tearing down of the fellowship that CHS painstakingly built out of the ashes of 'cast system' I had manipulated into place. Friends into enemies at the drop of a hat.
What made me sick inside is that once upon a time I'd have admired the Dazzlings almost if I wouldn't have seen them as rivals to my OWN greatness . . . And here I was surrounded by my fellow students who had embraced MY old attitude whole heartedly with a nudge from three witches.
I think the worst part was...Adagio was the kind of person I'd been within a hairsbreadth of becoming. A monster that'd make worlds suffer to be adored...I'm not fooling anyone. I was that kind of monster...Thank you Twilight, and everyone else, for saving my soul.
I could feel a darkness radiating off of those three when they sang their song. I'd been exposed to enough dark magic to know what it felt like. It was like a perversion of the feeling I got from Principal Celestia. A power I could feel but no one else did...but this power...
"Dark magic? Yah mean like that stuff that made yah that she-demon?" Applejack asked before realizing she was talking to said she-demon. "Uh...no offense."
I gave a sigh I was used to giving by then. Not at her, why shouldn't I expect them to talk about the moment that'd reforged their friendship after I tore it apart? "None taken, and yes and no. There are different kinds of dark magic. They all run on negative emotions, I was consumed by one part of it, I think those three are consuming the whole spectrum...I was like a raging river...those three are like an ocean being held back by a leaky dam."
"That's...bad, right?" Rainbow Dash asked, in that tone someone uses when they don't want to admit it's the truth.
I felt chills imagining what might have happened if they'd been around when I turned into Nightmare Inferno. If they were absorbing this much power from just teenagers bickering…
We did the logical thing and went to tell the only one that'd believe us...but it was too late.
Seeing Principal Celestia herself under the witches' spell . . . I know she isn't Princess Celestia but . . . seeing her infected by their black magic . . . it felt like a bad dream, no, a nightmare. Celestia is the sun, and now the sun had been tainted green.
Send the message to Princess Celestia . . . of course Twilight Sparkle zooms in to save the day....by rigging a dimensional portal. I had never figured out how to do that. I found out she did it in an afternoon. I was just the messenger. I wasn't needed anymore. I felt almost like chaff, I'd played my role to be the obstacle for their friendship to overcome and become stronger, and I had no purpose now. Twilight Sparkle was here to save the day.
Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful to her...I'd made my bed, I'd lay in it.
Another reason I was quiet was...when I reopened the books' connection...when I reopened the diary to send the message...time caught up...Celestia...I'm sorry, but it took all my willpower to hide how I felt reading 'I love you, my little sun. Please come home, all is forgiven'...written over and over…
Why did I call her instead of trying to handle it myself?...Because every time I tried to do something on my own, all it did was hurt someone. I try to research what I couldn't learn on my own? I destroyed a bond between two friends. I try to prove myself to The Princess, I let loose a magic spell I couldn't hope to control. I try to make a new start for myself in a new world and I cause misery to a whole school and five friends already living there. I tried to finally become an Alicorn Princess, and I become a raging she-demon. I...hadn't had the best track record of doing the right thing when trying to take charge...so I was afraid to.
Yes, fearless Sunset Shimmer who chatted with Queen Tiamat and faced the Shadow Queen's army as a FOAL was afraid of her best intentions blowing up in her face. I was fearless because my ego had been the size of Equestria and I thought I was invincible...now that my ego had been broken, I didn't have that shield. And emotions you've never had to face before are the hardest to control.
A lack of fear isn't always bravery. In my case? It was foolishness.
I was glad no one had found the book, given I know a few people had stuffed things in my locker to get payback on me. From the looks of my locker someone had been in there recently.
I was embarrassed I hadn't recognized the Sirens. I knew the myth just as well as Twilight did...I guess my mind refused to connect the dots that somehow, in all the universes I could've landed in, it was the one they'd been banished to.
These three weren't just some random criminals that'd been sent here because Celestia had been feeling merciful. The Sirens were banished because they had to be. Nothing had been able to stop them. And now we had to stop them before they got back to being that unstoppable…correction...Twilight and her friends had to stop them.
Twilight also had some new information for us: the Sirens were a trio from a lost age who'd lost the adoration they'd once had and nearly turned the world into Tartarus to get it back...yeah, I know it sounds familiar...and the pendants were their power source, copies of the opposite of the Elements of Harmony, and they're immortal so long as those crystals are intact. If we destroyed them, all their power would be destroyed. The problem? They were designed to so that nothing could destroy them.
"Oh! Maybe we could steal them and throw them into a volcano?!" Pinkie Pie asked...being Pinkie Pie. "That worked in Lord of the Rings!"
"I don't think even that would destroy them Pinkie Pie, they survived being hit with solar flares. But nice try..." Twilight replied. "Wait, Lord of the Rings?"
"Think Lord of the Horseshoes, just replace ponies with humans and take out a lot of words based around horses or ponies," I replied, only because I was the only one who knew both books.
Rainbow Dash facepalmed. "What is it with your world and horse puns?"
"Horse puns?"
"Ugh! Then can't we just beat'em up? If their song can't make us into jerks, I say we just gang up on 'em," Rainbow Dash suggested.
Rarity blanched at the idea of violence, and Fluttershy slowly shook her head.
"They have Principle Celestia and Vice Principle Luna in their back pockets remember?" Spike said.
"Those dresses have pockets?" Pinkie Pie asked, "And how would they even fit in there? Can they shrink people down?"
"Pinkie Pie, remember that nice little chat we had before about 'figures of speech?' " Rarity asked.
"Ooooooh, right, I remember!"
Rarity cleared her throat. "Less barbaric suggestion, now that we actually have some magic, couldn't we just throw those brutes into another universe? That's how you beat them before, correct?"
"Yes, and that's why your world is in this mess. It didn't weaken them enough to completely neutralize them. Our only chance is to defeat them while they're still weakened."
Rarity next got the idea of charming the trio of boys who smell like dogs and are convinced there is a buried treasure of diamonds somewhere on school grounds, and pointing them in the general direction of the sirens.
Twilight only agreed to go along with it because the Sirens were still in a weakened state and if it failed the Sirens at least would be at least partly in the dark that the group was on their tail.
The diamond diggers to their credit managed to grab hold of Adiago's necklace . . . Rover cried out as the gem glowed on its own, and he fell on the floor twitching. Then the gem reappeared around Adagio's neck. No, he didn't act anymore dumb than before afterwards.
"We've been around a long time, you think we didn't have to deal with pick-pockets before?" She said giving the boy a kick to the ribs, with the sharp end of her shoe, while he was down.
Rarity made a note to write the diamond diggers a long and sincere apology letter and include a bauble for their pain.
"They can read?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"In theory," Rarity replied.
During all of that, I mainly just stood watching...I was more surprised that Twilight's friends kept inviting me to come with them. Twilight was the one who'd faced all these threats. All I'd ever done is mess things up...why should I even be here?
...I admit, my heart sank a little when the Elements didn't work to beat the Sirens...it sank a bit more when Twilight's musical counterspell almost made my ears bleed.
I just felt so useless...And...
I didn't put the pieces together at the time, but my old . . . experiments with black magic in Canterlot showed that friendship's magic . . . could be twisted into something ugly.
I'd noticed the bickering...Rainbow Dash's ego running out of control. But...I felt if Twilight didn't see any problem with it, it wasn't there. She was the Princess of Friendship after all...If she didn't know, how should the person who had no idea what friendship really was to know any better?
It didn't feel any better when Applejack's little sister got in a big argument with her over us 'hogging the barn' when she and her friends wanted to practice...the look on Applejack's face when she saw her little sister's eyes flash green...Poor girl punched a tree so hard she made some apples fall (surprisingly neatly into baskets).
"Those varmints…"
Rainbow's reaction to Scootaloo giving her the cold shoulder was about the same...but I think it just fed her ego even more wanting to 'win her back' from the Dazzlings.
Rarity started crying when she saw Sweetie Belle look at her like she'd betrayed her...and that green magic rippled through her already green eyes.
Twilight shuddered when she saw it. She said it brought back bad memories to one of the villains she'd faced named Queen Chrysalis who's brainwashed her Sweetie Belle. I...I admit it was odd to hear her trust me not to tell Rarity about that last one.
Spike seemed disappointed the Crusaders weren't interested in playing with him at all, not sure why. He seemed sad when Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara of all girls didn't so much as look at him. They kicked him when he tried to get close . . . Okay, I have NEVER seen those girls resort to violence even at their worst. It upset Spike even more when he saw the Crusaders and those two get into a huge argument (they didn't get along before the Dazzlings struck).
Twilight did her best to calm them down, I just remained the nice little seventh wheel...thinking back on it...I should have noticed how stressed out Twilight was...
I admit...the slumber party made me feel good...I remember when Celestia wanted for me and little Cadence to be study buddies...and I started a fight that damaged an entire wing of Canterlot Castle...I'm older than I look, I was a little filly watching Cadence grow, who wanted to be friends with her big cousin, I made her terrified of me instead...I really was awful, wasn't I?
Twilight looked worried about Applejack and Rarity, and explicitly asked if there was a thunder storm 'scheduled' for tonight. I had to explain to her no one managed the weather. And Twilight being slightly freaked out the entire planet was like Everfree Forest.
Twilight's 'other' first slumber party? I said I kept up to date, I didn't say I watched every moment of their lives like a TV show.
The less spoken of Twilight's first time changing into pajamas as a human, the better. I promised her I wouldn't say.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash were a bit confused how ponies played video games without fingers when Twilight recognized a video game console when she saw one.
"Wait, if you've never played this game before, how did you know how to beat that boss?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"I kinda fought the pony version of the Maneiac...in a magic comic book…as a superhero..."
"...Your life is weird…"
"Actually, they're a newer form of entertainment in my world. Enchanted comics that let you play the role of the heroes in the story. Spike just happened to pick up a starter module without realizing it."
"I said I was sorry!"
Rainbow Dash smirked. "...Okay, that's just awesome. Think you could bring us one?"
The weirdest part was...me and Twilight having things in common...we actually got along...I almost wish we'd been raised as sisters...if I thought past me would actually listen and not accuse me of being one of the 'changelings' Twilight mentioned having had to deal with.
Also, Pinkie's sister is still bucking creepy. I wonder why I get that same weird feeling from her I get from Principal Celestia...That reminds me…
Pinkie begged her other sisters to join us...but they were busy practicing with their own bands and yelled at her for trying to 'distract' them so she could win. Thank Celestia she had her big sister and the others. Me? I put a hand on her shoulder, but that was all I could think of.
"Uh, why aren't you...uh...hyped up for the Battle of the Bands too?" asked Twilight.
"I don't go to your school," Maud said in that weird monotone voice of hers. "I'm a freshman in college...and I'm not really into music...or competitions...I'm more into poetry."
"...I'll take your word for it."
"...You're not telling me something."
"Uh, what gives you that idea?"
"I may not express myself in the same way as Pinkie Pie, but I love my sisters. Something isn't right with Photo and Octavia. I want to know what."
"...It's nothing you need to worry about. I promise."
How can somepony without visible emotions make themselves look that clopped off?
"Don't worry Maud! Your sister Pinkie will take care of it!" Pinkie chimed in, hugging her sister.
"...Okay…I trust you Pinkie."
Twilight gave a sign after Maud had left to study.
"Trust me, if she's anything like our Maud, letting her know about the Sirens will just put her in harms way," she explained.
"Twilight's right...Maud would probably go after the Dazzlings if she knew what's going on…" Pinkie Pie said in an odd moment of seriousness.
Twilight took some time with Rarity, who was reminded her little sister was under the Sirens' spell. To say nothing of Applejack.
....Then comes the Battle of the Bands. Somehow the Sirens manage to manipulate everyone into sabotaging us, but we still manage to progress. Yes, I saw it...I know I should have told someone...but I thought they'd all notice, especially the one who beat me to Alicornhood the right way…
And I...I just didn't have it in me to tell Pinkie her own sister Photo Finish (how in the Tartarus are her, Octavia, Pinkie, and Maud related?!) had been one of the ones trying to sabotage her.
Flash...okay, I know he has the hots for Twilight, I admit it, but...seeing him treat her like that…
I just had to confront the Dazzlings, my emotions getting the better of me after how much pain they were causing my friends...ugh, what was I thinking?! Everyone knows you don't jump into shark territory with a cut on your arm!
Not only did they know what I did and use it against me...making me feel useless by pointing out how big I'd messed up and how little I'd done to help with anything...they made me realize how badly I underestimated them.
"You think you're smarter than us, Celestia's little mistake?" Adagio asked me.
"How did you-"
"Oh you were an epicenter of negative emotions," she said, the three of them circling like sharks. "So when we heard you were the one who turned into a raging she-demon? We decided to look at you a little closer...you should've hid important stuff a little better than your locker. That little diary of yours was a fantastic read."
My blood ran cold. I'd known someone had rummaged through it but...them?
"You think just because you're Celestia's failure of a pupil you know enough to outthink us?" Aria asked in my ear.
"Yeah, we kicked Celestia's flank!" Sonata replied cheerfully. "Luna's too!"
"SHUT UP!" I snapped back in rage, only to find Adagio grabbing my wrist before I could do anything to her...sister? Friend? What were they?
"Let me set the record straight, little mistake," Adagio told me, her grip so strong I felt like she might break my wrist as she pulled me eye to eye to her. Her eyes...there wasn't an ounce of compassion in them...Her grin was beyond predatory. "You're a newborn compared to us. We were several thousand years old when your precious mentor took the throne. You're not smarter, you're not stronger, you're not faster, you're not better. You're just a little foal with a swelled head."
She let me go and turned around, walking away with the other two. "You need to accept that you're way out of your league, Celestia's little mistake."
That...put a thought in my mind...I...I knew that the Sirens fed off conflict, and I had some time between acts to run to the library. I was Twilight's processor, if there's one thing I know how to do, it's study...I didn't like what I saw.
It wasn't every conflict...but looking closely...I found pictures. Some dating back hundreds of years. And that isn't counting before photography...I don't know if they caused all those conflicts (doubtful, seeing as they hadn't taken over yet) or simply were drawn to them...Where there was conflict, they'd been there. Like sharks drawn to blood in the water. They hadn't been thrown ahead into the future. They'd been here for hundreds of years.
It suddenly hit me what I was trying to help fight...impossibly old, ancient monsters. Beings that had existed longer than recorded history between the two worlds...I let what Adagio said get to me...I just felt...so useless...Twilight had beaten Nightmare Moon, Discord, and other ancient monsters...what have I ever done but screw things up? What could I do against this?
I never pretended that anyone was going to take the Dazzlings out of the competition, magic and centuries experience against high school garage bands wasn't even a contest.
At the Battle of the Bands I was hoping that when bands were knocked out of the competition that maybe those band members would snap back to their senses... no such luck, if anything, they became MORE vicious towards everyone other after losing. Especially the group that had knocked them out...except of course for the Sirens themselves. It was like they were redirecting all the hate and bitterness aimed at them to everyone else...even if that person was your own family.
Rainbow Dash had to help Pinkie when her sister Octavia blew up at her after the Rainbooms beat her band of one in the first round… Octavia's voice ringed through the room and our ears, Octavia screaming like Pinkie Pie had personally destroyed Octavia's most precious hopes and dreams.
"Octy, it's just a school contest . . ." Pinkie Pie sniveled.
"And YOU should have rolled over and played dead for the REAL MUSICIAN in this family!!!"
I'd never seen Pinkie's hair go that straight since I...well...I broke up their friendship. Twilight seemed a little confused by that happening but was too concerned with the counter-spell.
Then Adagio told Octavia that Octavia was clearly the better musician and it was shame she lost to flair over substance and Octavia thanked her for it!
The worst part? Pinkie had just been trying to tell Octavia she'd done a good job...
Then came my biggest blunder...I guess I just wanted so badly to prove the Dazzlings wrong...I...I didn't know what to do during the whole thing...Rainbow Dash started over doing it. She was in her own world. I...I messed up...I don't even know why I was following them anymore...I felt like a flat seventh wheel…
And then...Trixie...trapping us...Twilight is surprised more than anyone. Apparently the Equestrian Trixie is a good friend of hers… "I forgot," Twilight whispered.
We're trapped under the stage for hours...Twilight is freaking out, feeling...like me...like she's failed everyone...that she's the useless one…
The others...all those little things I noticed before finally built up...Rarity and Applejack even yelled at Rainbow Dash that she didn't care their little sisters were brainwashed...and then it hit me as I sensed the dark magic rising up.
...That was their plan all along...that was what the Dazzlings wanted the entire time…For our friendship to twist into something they could feed on.
I don't know if I was really thinking or not, but I finally tell them what I learned a long time ago. That when friendship is twisted, it can become something dark and awful...and opened my heart...I trust these six enough to share what I'd kept bottled up inside me this whole time: that feeling of not fitting in, of being a seventh wheel whose place wasn't to interfere...and then me and Twilight both learn the same lesson: that it's always a friend's place to help another one...and it's always a friends' place to ask for help.
I was such a fool...Once again I was the only thing stopping me from helping Twilight's- from helping my friends...and yet they still trusted me...they trusted what I had to say...and I found I trusted them too…I realized my biggest problem wasn't trusting myself enough to speak up. Because I was their friend too!
To my surprise, Twilight admits I wasn't the only foolish one…
"I missed it because...I think I forgot you haven't had the same experiences as my friends back home. I saw things that my friends could handle and ignored them...I'm sorry, I was a fool."
We all make mistakes...the real mistake is not admitting it. And I admit I made another mistake: people won't trust you've changed if you don't show it...if you don't act instead of imploding inward and letting yourself fall into the background...gaining trust takes actions, not just time.
And Vinyl Scratch and Spike saved us. The girl who always sat at the back of the room, jamming on her headphones and driving Octavia nuts, just rescued us so we can save the planet. I'm not complaining.
We all choose to do what we do best. Fluttershy's lyrics, Rarity's outfits, so on and so forth...and they want me with them...I...I start to feel whole...
By the time we get in position, what we feared has come true. The dam has broken, the ocean was set loose. The Sirens had regained their full might. And their prison shatters.
Adagio looked at the fin-like wings that were now on her back and began cackling like those wings alone were ruling the world.
"We're free at last
Of defeats past
Nothing's holding us now!"
But we were ready to fight back. No, I don't know where Vinyl got the transforming car, but we needed all the big guns we had…
Except it wasn't enough.
"What we have in store
All we want and more
We will break on through
Now it's time to finish you!"
The Sirens overpower the girls with their avatars...familiars...whatever the Tartarus they were! Twilight is knocked to the ground, her mic lands in my hand.
"Two Princesses With Six Elements Couldn't Beat Us.
You think that you can do better? We'll leave you in the dust," the monsters sing, preparing to blow us away.
"Sunset...we need you!" Twilight calls to me.
They...they needed me? I felt like for a second that the world stood still. They wanted me to help them save everyone? Not just be a supporter in the background?
Adagio cackled. "That's a bad path to take
Celestia's mistake.
I felt the doubt tug at my heart again...Buck it.
I was TIRED of letting myself get beaten down and crushed...if Twilight and the others trusted me enough to want me by their side...I had to trust they were right...and I had to trust myself.
Yeah, I was still afraid...I was still scared my best intentions would backfire. But just like a lack of fear isn't always bravery, being afraid isn't always being a coward. Sometimes bravery is doing what you're afraid to do.
I step forward, throw off my jacket and looked at the three Avatars the Sirens had summoned to face us...and I began to sing…You know, it's ironic? I'm a pony and yet I don't think I'd ever truly let my heart out in song before that moment…
"You're never gonna bring me down
You're never gonna break this part of me!
My friends are here to bring me round
Not singing just for popularity!"
And I truly wasn't...I was singing for my friends...for the ones who'd stood by me...and for the ones who had rightfully hated me for what I did. Because if I didn't show them I was sincere...how did I expect anyone to trust me?
"Don't waste our precious time!
You're finished read the signs! the Sirens sing again, their avatars sending out red sonic waves, but our magic begins to push theirs back.
A shattered purple gemstone floated in the heart of Celestia's former student. Broken to bits and cast to drift...but suddenly they began to pulse with energy and change.
"If I want others to trust in me"
The shards' color began to flicker from purple to a vibrant orange, different than Applejack's Element of Honesty.
"Then I've to got work to make them see"
The shards slowly began to float together, merging back into one as the pulses became quicker and quicker.
"That who I was is no longer here"
Piece by piece, a sun shaped crystal began to reform.
"And the new me they don't need to fear!"
The crystal finally finished, leaving a sun-shaped gemstone, whole and complete, and then the orange energy began to coat it like a cocoon.
"I'll prove I'm worthy to be called friend
And I'll trust my friends until the end!"
The cocoon shattered off piece by piece in a burst of orange light, washing over her soul as it revealed a beautiful orange gem, polished to a brilliant shine in a gold setting. Self doubt was burned away. Sin was cast aside. Hope burned brighter than ever.
And doors, long closed, long barred by black locks, opened wide to let others in at long last.
We sang together, as one. Our hearts joined together. My heart finally fully open and trusting. And their hearts trusting enough to let mine in.
Friends will always be there when you need them the most. You just need to trust them to be there. To have their hand out to catch you when you fall...and they need to be able to trust you the same way. And you need to trust yourself to be able to catch them.
I floated into the air, glowing with an orange light. It washes over me and I feel the magic. I feel the power...but it isn't the same. This is different. My hair lengthens into a ponytail resembling my pony self and my ears become equine. Seven of us now face down the witches.
"What?! Seven Elements of Harmony?!" Adagio yells in utter disbelief. For once, the three of them look scared. Terrified.
Seven hearts called out seven virtues to one another:
Magic. Honesty. Loyalty. Laughter. Generosity. Kindness…Trust.
We finish our song, and finish the Sirens. I don't know what the giant energy Alicorn means...but I know whatever it is, it made me feel complete just seeing it. Familiar. Their Avatars are blown away by a seven colored rainbow...and their precious pendants shatter like glass.
The sirens look down at the shattered gems like the sky had just fell. "NO! NOTHING CAN DESTROY THEM! THIS IS A TRICK!" Adagio screamed in panic, all three frantically trying to piece their jewels back together to no avail.
Aria screamed in absolute fury. Sonata seemed in shock.
The trio try to sing, but the Elements even took that from them. They put Twilight's earlier attempt to shame. As they noticed the crowd is now free of their control, they run for their lives.
Rainbow Dash tries to run after them. I stop her.
"Don't bother...they're not a threat to anyone now," I explain but left unsaid, 'They don't have much time left, with those amulets are what kept them immortal all this time, now...with all that power gone, time is going to catch up with them. I think. Maybe.'
Twilight nodded. "Their singing and power are both gone, they're just a bunch of teenaged girls now." She sounded almost like she was hoping they'd live normal lives now. Anything is possible.
"Plus, if we don't get 'em, Ah reckon the cops will," Applejack replied.
Truthfully, we were all more interested in helping our friends right now than beating up the villains.
And the crowd was cheering...hehe...you know, for the first time in my life, I hadn't cared if I got cheered or not.
Twilight then rubbed her chin. "But...Discord destroyed the Element of Trust...how is this possible?"
"I guess he destroyed it in our world, not all of them," I replied, actually feeling confident in my answer...but not arrogant. "If I introduced magic to this world by bringing the Element of Magic here, and if humans can use the Elements...maybe the ability to be an Element of Trust has always existed here, it just needed a spark."
Oh, and it's safe to say we won the battle of the bands, but that was the last thing anyone cared about.
The Rainbow naturally healed everybody from the Sirens' song. Pinkie's sisters apologized for how they acted, especially Octavia for the horrible things she'd said to her sister.
"You're a good musician Pinkamena," she hugged her.
"...And you're a great one Octy!" She hugged back.
Then Photo admitted to sabotaging the Rainboom's performance. She even took her glasses and contacts off and let her sister see her real eyes for it. Yeah, tears and hugs all around.
The Crusaders all gave their sisters and sister figures a big hug. Octavia it turned out also has some things to take back she'd said to Vinyl. And Flash had some apologizes to make to Twilight. There was a lot of burned bridges to rebuild, but we'd do it.
Twilight goes home, but tells us to try and get through to Trixie...turns out the girl is the middle child in a big family. I never had siblings, but I can see why that'd leave someone attention starved...not to mention how I ruled.
Now I'm pen pals with the girl a long time ago I couldn't stand....hero of a world that adopted me…
Bearer of an Element believed destroyed for centuries…
It's a lot to take in…
Reminds me of when I was chosen as Celestia's apprentice. Except this time, I don't want to be queen of the world. I don't want to rule it, I want to help it, as friends should.
But... I know one thing.
I can trust my friends to be by my side in everything…and they can trust me.
My name is Sunset Shimmer...and I'm the Element of Trust...I've made mistakes throughout my life...horrible mistakes...but I will make up for them...I will be a good friend until the end...and for the first time in years?...I feel truly free…
I read over the now tear stained letter one more time.
The Sirens...I always thought if I ever heard of them again, it'd fill me with dread for my little ponies...and yet their turning up again is an occasion making me cry like a happy filly.
My little sun...not only did she finally find friendship and a place she belonged...she did what I'd always wanted her to do. Exceed me. She and Twilight put to rest an enemy I couldn't. And they did it together. I admit, I'd often dreamed of this...my two pupils being as close as sisters and working together, not being enemies.
She'd even resurrected the Element of Trust. Even I don't know if they merely allowed its birth in that world, or somehow managed to restore it despite all odds (stranger things had happened). But they'd still done it. The Rainbow of Light had been reborn, even stronger than ever before. The Moochick's spirit is certainly smiling at that.
My star in the daylight...and my diamond at night...You've both made me so proud.
I asked Twilight to borrow our old diary (it is hers now, Sunset needs her more than me) and wrote one simple thing: 'Sunset, I love you, enjoy your life and be happy. I'm proud of you, my little sun.'
Just like the Sirens' fall is the last shadow of that dark day fading away, I feel a great weight being lifted from me...my little sun...she's finally free...and so am I...
This was really good.
The only thing you didn't cover is her feelings (or lack thereof) regarding Flash Sentry, and I suspect you avoided the issue because it's likely to be a focus of the new series.
Having read your other work, I fully realize the significance of Sunset attuning to Trust. Both in terms of what it means in terms of her character development, and in its larger significance. Sunset Shimmer has learned to trust in others. And if bringing Magic to the Humanoid world re-sparked magic there, it is possible that brining Trust to Pony world might regenerate the element there.
Good work with the Diamond Diggers. You realized that Rarity could use them against the Dazzlings and that the direct physical approach would be worth a try. Incidentally, Rarity is the most pragmatic member of the Six (either Universe) and hence would be the one most likely to attempt a simple resolution. She's also very aggressive when she feels the need to be.
5113484
"This was really good."
Thank you.
"The only thing you didn't cover is her feelings (or lack thereof) regarding Flash Sentry, and I suspect you avoided the issue because it's likely to be a focus of the new series."
Should I got back and add it? Or would that just be clutter at this point?
"Having read your other work, I fully realize the significance of Sunset attuning to Trust. Both in terms of what it means in terms of her character development, and in its larger significance. Sunset Shimmer has learned to trust in others. And if bringing Magic to the Humanoid world re-sparked magic there, it is possible that brining Trust to Pony world might regenerate the element there."
Give how much you love to play the cosmic forces angle I really hoping to hear everything you have to say about that part. Because the moment Ken and I both saw Sunset add her ribbon o the rainbow, both me and Kendell2 thought "Element of Trust!" And we saw it in different theaters! But maybe at the same time!
So yeah! Anything you have to say about the 'bigger picture' in Sunset being chosen by EARTH'S cosmic forces to be the Element of Trust in THAT reality, I'd love to hear.
"Good work with the Diamond Diggers. You realized that Rarity could use them against the Dazzlings and that the direct physical approach would be worth a try. Incidentally, Rarity is the most pragmatic member of the Six (either Universe) and hence would be the one most likely to attempt a simple resolution. She's also very aggressive when she feels the need to be."
Ironically that was only added in the second draft, after I read one of those 'simple solutions to the canon story's problem' and decided to address it. And I had to tone it down and add some details, just so Rarity didn't come across as heartlessly USING them.
Good.
So Sunset's demon form, was essentially a humanized Nightmare, yikes.
Same here Sunset, and we've seen that Twi has a human counterpart at the end of the movie from what I know, I've yet to watch it, so, perhaps in the 3rd Equestria girls, or in Equestria Academy, the TV Show set in EQG, which, I'm not entirely sure how I feel about that, will give us some resolution to that.
You and me both Sunset.
I KNEW IT! Because the dark magic Sombra used is different from the type Sunset and Rarity used when in their Nightmare forms and Inspiration Manifestation spell, so, Dark magic isn't that simple, it'd probably be fascinating to study it, completly theoretically of course.
You'd probably have Uber Charged them massively.
I like this line, it's a good one, it shows how much she's changed since the last movie, how much she's grown as a character.
That, might have actually worked now that I think about it, but how would you steal them, eh Pink?
Dangerously Genre Savvy, not surprised.
They, kicked, SPIKE?! Who has done nothing, and is a DOG here? Someone hold me back before I do something I regret to those two!
You enjoyed writing that line, didn't you?
You have no idea.
Wow, that makes Power Ponies make a lot more sense.
My thoughts exactly Rainbow.
Amusingly creepy for us, but yes.
Because, Pinkie's sisters are awesome, she's the premier party planner of Ponyville, Octavia is a reknown musician, Photo Finish is a fashion idol and Maud can become a pony jackhammer and reduce a bolder to rubble in seconds as well as be faster than any other Earth Pony we've ever seen, short of Pinkie Pie.
*shrug* Ponies change over time.
*furious eyetwitch* She is so lucky she is under the influence of the Dazzlings.
Bingo Sunset.
To quote Joshscorcher, "Deux Ex Vinyl Scratch"
Besides, she's an extremely popular background pony, has her own humanized short, and now is a Deux Ex Machina, all right Vinyl!
Exactly, again, this movie shows how much she's changed since the original EQG.
Wasn't the Element of Trust destroyed by Discord? Forever?
Good question.
That, actually makes sense.
Much better. You're forgiven Octavia.
That line is pure yes.
In the Mirror Universe, that is pretty nice twist, but if Discord can be a superhero, then why the hell not.
Exactly.
5115193
Thanks for noticing! :-D
5113684
Persona22 5 days ago
The worst part? Pinkie had just been trying to tell Octavia she'd done a good job...
I can just imagine how that must have gone like:
Pinkie: Octy, we won but you were really good too, no hard feelings?
Octavia: Don't you "Octy" me, you... you TRAITOR!
Pinkie: What?
Octavia: You would help your friends win this contest? Placing them above your own sister? Your own FLESH AND BLOOD?
Pinkie: Octy, it's not like that...
Octavia: You would do anything to hold me down, wouldn't you!? Making that noise that you dare to call music! My own sister!
By now Pinkie Pie would be totally in tears...
The intro part where we get a recap of things that are almost entirely the same as canon (with the occasional difference like mentioning Fluttershy becoming an alicorn) felt like it dragged, I'm afraid. There's a lot of Sunset telling us things before the story shows anything actually happening.
Not your best piece.
---
" Sonata pleaded. "Look! We really weren't THAT BAD! I mean, uh, we didn't ASK to be made to eat hate and stuff! I bet eating all that hate made us bad! We're just victims of our nature!"
Aria yelled, "She's right! Punishing us is like punishing a jellyfish for being poisonous!"
Adagio declared, "What happened to us was totally unfair! What were we supposed to do!? Nobly starve to death? That's stupid!"
Havoc, currently in the seapony pony form of their foalhood singing instructor, said, "That so? Well, you might be happy to know, that in a nearby universe to this one, you helped establish King Sombra The Kind's peaceful and beautiful Equestria. You went down in history as saints and spiritual healers. When the wicked Queen Celestia threw you into another universe to be rid of you, you were mourned by the people! They still have statues of you and churches named after you in that Equestria.
"You know what the difference was? . . . NOTHING! You had EXACTLY the same hunger as you do here! You saw your sisters die in front of you! You were treated as outcasts and saw your only friends violated by a gang drive mad with revenge. You had exactly the same powers and they awoke at the same time and place!
"But instead of CAUSING fighting and misery and feasting, you traveled helping ponies be free of their suffering, their hatred and fear, giving them the peace and strength of heart they needed and letting them think clearly. You three on the other hand chose to be pigs who couldn't stop stuffing your faces. This was the path of your choosing!" "
---
I think Sonata is the only one of the three who will feel even the tiniest bit of remorse on learning that. The other two won't really care though. Yeah, only Sonata will be remotely sorry.
5117625
I tried to tell them concisely.
5122323
That so? Hm.
5123020 Yeah.
Sonata is a ditz and when made to realize the truth she will be sorry then.
The other two however went into it fully aware of what they were doing and understood it.
They don't have the excuse of being mentally retarded like she does have right now.
I like the number 7, but 6 elements of harmony was fine with me. It's okay, just feels a tad contrived.
Personally, I will always be bothered that Sunset is trapped where EQG takes place. It doesn't feel like a proper resolution leaving her there.
Otherwise, not too bad as a story, aside for being pretty close to a RR retelling.
5162553
Actually, the seventh Element was shown in my fanfic verse, having been destroyed by Discord 2000 years before the series takes place.
5162776
I see. I'll have to read a few more of them then.
5166452
:-)
OH MY GLOB THAT WAS THE BEST STORY EVER!!!
You did REALLY good!!!
5297624
Thanks for the praise. What was nice about it?
5297974
I like the determination in Sunset Shimmer!
I also like the Element of Trust idea! That was genius!
5298256
There are seven colors in the rainbow after all.
5298406
Yeah, they totally gave it away! WE KNOW THAT SUNSET IS THE SEVENTH ELEMENT HASBRO, YOU CAN'T HIDE IT ANYMORE!!!
I noticed a lot of the same issues I mentioned before: Clunky writing, weak narrative voice, sloppy mechanics, etc. However, what made it pretty miserable in the other story, the weak narrative voice, read much better this time around. Your interesting ideas and alterations to the movie were a lot easier to take in since I wasn't also trying to slog through a boring narrative voice. So while I wouldn't say I liked this story, I can also say I didn't dislike it, which is a pretty big jump from my previous thoughts.
Also, speaking of sloppy mechanics, do you have an editor? There were a lot of misplaced and missing commas, inconsistent ellipses (... vs. . . .), and other such grammatical flubs. Given all that, it feels like you don't have an editor, and I'd strongly suggest getting one.
You know, considering how you tend to portray mind magic in Pony POV, Battle of the Bands, Under Our Spell and Welcome to the Show just got 20% creepier, especially since they're probably going to remember everything they did while under Sirenic influence, or at least the majority of it I'd imagine. Also, I shudder to think what would happen if Tirek got his hands on the Dazzlings magic if he even could, which wouldn't surprise me, he can drain the magic of all 3 pony tribes, alicorn magic, and Discord's own magic, so, I doubt Siren magic would be very different, though he'd probably find it very exotic.
5530019
Yes I do have an editors.
What do you mean by clunky, sloppy, and weak exactly?
I thought you might like these:
This was good. I enjoyed seeing Sunset redeeming herself after what happened in the previous. My only nitpick was that this was not entirely different from the canon itself, but hey, it was still a good piece.
I've been looking forward to reading the EqG chapters ever since I've started reading the Pony POV series and I have to say you didn't disappoint.
This is gonna be a much, much longer response than I usually make because I'm jotting down all my thoughts while I'm reading and I was just really, really eager to read it.
Good thing too, because I doubt Sunset would've had any defense against the wolf. And given how none of the pre-Legends of Everfree EG movies seem to take place outside of Canterlot, travel/running might not be much of an option.
Well considering THIS passage:
...There may or may not be room to believe that.
Or maybe it's just anger born from stress, I dunno.
Awww.
YES, this is definitely something they should've pronounced more in EqG1; the similarities and differences between Twilight & Sunset. Sunset was obviously meant to be a foil for Twilight. Similar names, similar talents, Twilight's status as a friend-maker compared to Sunset's manipulative bitch streak. But they could've done so much more with it!
I remember people discussing EqG1 way back when saying adding some jealousy of Twilight like you did here would've definitely fleshed Sunset out more. And there's a lot to be jealous of.
She has great friends. She has a loving family. she's a princess. She's the personal student of country's God-queen. She had immense magical power and knowledge even BEFORE (canonically) becoming a demi-goddess herself.
So it makes sense that seeing how much of a good life that Twilight had would drive Sunset completely nuts.
Especially if my headcanon about her growing up an orphan on the streets having to fight her way to survive with dead parents and a deadbeat brother who eventually abandoned her giving her or contributing to the future development of a "survival of the fittest" mentality until meeting Celestia and being taken under her big white wings was even remotely true since her IDW origin doesn't go back father than her days as a student, but that's neither here nor thereOne of the things I've always liked about this series is the examination of both the Elements of Harmony AND Chaos and how both sets can be used for both good and bad. Like with Fluttercruel using the concept of cruelty as a means of being kind for the greater good and betterment of someone as opposed to keeping the truth from them because sometimes the truth's a bitter pill to swallow and getting a loved one to take that pill is hard, but it has to be done. I remember in the dark world saga reading about the chaos elements and how apparently they had their own "purified" states like Treachery becoming Free Will when Dash finally got herself together and realized Discord was just screwing with her. Anger, when properly contained and directed, is a powerful motivator but can easily consume you. Ambition gives us the drive to reach what we want, but hurts ourselves and others when we let it overtake us and become greed. Deceit, generally, is bad, but under the right circumstances can ease suffering instead of spreading it more (hiding a would be victim from forces of a brutal dictator out to get them comes to mind).
And I REALLY loved on the flipside where the harmony elements can be taken to extremes as well shown via the nightmares. Honesty can be brutal, cold and sometimes shared for no purpose other than to hurt others. Loyalty means nothing if it's forced on you or others. Laughter and kindness are wonderful, but if we focus too much on them keeps us from growing and facing reality. Generosity shows that you have a good heart, but giving away everything you have is foolhardy and strains your mind and soul.
Nightmare Eclipse seemed to be the odd one out in that her focus was on taking revenge on Discord and less on aspects of magic/tragedy, sans her justification of making him suffer on behalf of his victims, her friends included, while oblivious to how her punishments not only exceeded the crime but made everyone she set out to "save" suffer over and over again as a result.
So I'm glad to see another take on the Element of Magic taken to it's "overloaded" extreme, this time a bit more straightforward.
Tying into the "Harmony Queens" timeline with it's similar approach to Harmony becoming domineeringly orderly and fascist in contrast to Discord's chaos, have the other elements of Harmony had their "overloaded" statuses officially named yet? Have all the "Purified Chaos" elements gotten their titles?
That's an incredibly fitting and kickass name.
And the crown's magic just brought it out.
Or it just came out naturally given how the elements work in this universe.
But if there was no crown, then what prompted Sunset to come out the mirror, have Twilight chase her to the human world, and start this whole rigmarole in the first place?
[If that was answered earlier in the passage and I just somehow missed it, or if it's later down the page I'm sorry. I had to get this out and I keep stopping to jot down my thoughts.]
Personally I figured they would've been at least somewhat suspicious of her at first and she would've had to earn their trust in some way, but that's just me.
[To be continued]
Girl, you're a talking magical unicorn turned into a hairless monkey via a magic mirror, "realistic" is out to lunch here.
Goddamn, there's some fridge horror for ya.
Damn you Alex, you've torn my heart to shreds yet again!
That's pretty normal.
Oh man, the jokes you can make in EqG world...
I think I may have read ahead a bit more than needed.
Oops.
I almost want to see her do it, tbh.
Just have her go full on Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star (WARNING: VIOLENT), it'll be great!
You mean predecessor?
Now that's a conspiracy theory I can get behind!
Wonder how Havoc would feel about this. Would he be proud?
i.imgur.com/zdsU7xU.png
Hell yeah! Bring back the last element Sunny!
...Well shit. They're bastards and all but I certainly wouldn't want them to go out like that-
Oh good. Maybe they can become better people.
Even the vilest of acts can make fertilizer for the sweetest and most beautiful of flowers.
If EqG's human world's past is as bloody and violent as ours, then congratulations Sunny! With both you eliminating the Dazzlings manipulating and feeding off conflict AND bringing magic into the world, you've laid the foundation for a bright new future!
LIQUID PRIDE
Perhaps the latter since Sunset wasn't originally from the human world.
LIQUID PRIDE.
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Also, I love the bits at the end and how they both show in their own opposing ways that we can all choose to be good and bad. They're like mirror images of one another.
I tip my hat to you Alex, I was expecting great things with Sunset Shimmer and you more than delivered!
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Glad to help!
Arbitrary nothing! It makes perfect sense Sunset would feel ashamed after doing all that and learning that Celestia still loves her. That's the kind of shame that reminds me of Valjean realizing he'd been an asshole to the Priest who just saved his butt from being thrown in prison again and swearing to turn his whole life around, that's raw emotional cartharsis! That is some good stuff!
In general. That's something pretty much anyone except maybe the biggest and most apathetic slacker on earth can relate to.
The one showing how they're pretty much the only thing left from the G2 apocalypse and Sonata fried her brain with the Alicorn Amulet and that's why she's a total ditz?
Yeah. Could've sworn I gave it a like.
Also not to be a bother but did you see the rest of what i said here?
But you're still on the make
That's a bad mistake
That's what popped into my head while reading Adagio's words. Coincidence? Perhaps, perhaps not.
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Can't really say anything about it personally.