At The Pint Noir
Twilight and her friends stood in front of a medium-sized building, looking up in anticipation. They had no idea what to expect once they entered the building, but were determined to find out what happened last night.
“Well, here we are, girls," Twilight said, watching the building intently, "Pint Noir."
Applejack looked at Twilight who was still focusing on the building and said, "Ah thought it was called The Pint Noir?"
"Uh, isn't that the same thing?" Rainbow Dash asked, glancing over to Applejack.
"Well its not really the same thing,” Applejack replied, "All that's missing is the, well, uh, 'The' part."
"Well duh! Because calling it The Pint Noir all the time is just a mouth full."
Pinkie Pie stepped between them with the wide grin she usually has, "Pint Noir sounds like somepony's name!”
"Uhm, it was Berry Punch's original name before she changed it," Fluttershy stated meekly, earning her all her friends undivided attention.
"How do you know that, Fluttershy?" Rarity questioned.
"Well, you see, when she's not drunk you can have quite a pleasant conversation with her."
Applejack cleared her throat, all attention switched back to her. "Look, all ahm sayin’ is that we should call it The Pint Noir. Look, it even says so on the building." She pointed up at the building’s sign to prove her point.
"So what do you want? A frickin’ medal?" Rainbow asked her, annoyed by all the nitpicking.
Twilight interrupted before things got out of hoof, "Girls, can we please get back on track here? Look, we are at Pint Noir or The Pint Noir or whatever, so let’s just go inside already, sheesh!" Twilight barged past her friends and entered the Pint Noir with them in tow.
"…and ah still say we should call it The Pint Noir," Applejack muttered before following her friends.
They entered the Pint Noir and stopped dead in their tracks.
"W—What happened here?" Twilight gasped as she and the girls took in the Pint Noir’s interior.
What was perhaps once a great club now laid in shambles. Tables and chairs were all over the place and empty cups and broken bottles were scattered on the ground. The only things left standing were two bar stools, that were currently in use by two very familiar musicians, and a heavily scuffed table in between.
"Honestly, Vinyl, how long do you intend to sit there and mope?" Octavia asked, rolling her eyes.
The Wub Queen of the nightlife, Vinyl Scratch, had her head lying on the table and a glass of scotch in her hoof. "Why Tavi?" She asked and looked Octavia in the eyes. "Why?" She repeated in a heartbroken voice.
"Vinyl, seriously, its not that big of a deal," Octavia said and patted Vinyl on the back.
"Um, excuse me?" Fluttershy asked timidly, alerting the two ponies to the friends’ presence and making them turn around. "We, um, we are looking for Berry Punch, do you know where we could find her? Also, what happened here?"
Vinyl Scratch perked up a little. "Oh snap! Twilight and Co.! Man, you guys sure know how to party! Especially you, Twilight."
For some reason Twilight didn't like the way that sounded.
"You had me dying last night," Vinyl continued, "Especially when you—"
"VINYL, SHUSH," Octavia commanded with a stern look.
Vinyl pouted and crossed her hooves in protest, "Well it was loads better than what you did last night!" She turned her head and stuck her nose in the air in an insulted manner.
"Uh, are you two fighting about something?" Rainbow Dash questioned
Octavia bit her lower lip. Vinyl turned back to her earth pony friend, "Go ahead Tavi, tell them."
"I don't know if I should. It’s very personal, Vinyl," she replied.
"Either you tell them or I will."
Octavia slammed her hoof on the table. "Fine! Damn it!" she took a deep breath, grabbed Vinyl's drink, gulped it down and whispered, just on the edge of hearing, "I slept with Lyra Heartstrings."
Fluttershy gasped in shock and reared back. Her friends were startled by her reaction and had to make space, they looked at her in confusion, then back at Octavia.
"Could you say that again," Rainbow Dash asked and scooted closer. "We didn't quite catch that."
"I Slept With Lyra Heartstrings," she whispered again.
"Huh?"
Suddenly Octavia yelled as loud as she could, "I SLEPT WITH LYRA HEARTSTRINGS, OKAY?"
The main six could hardly believe their ears.
"You slept with Lyra?!" Pinkie Pie asked panicked, rushed over to her and took hold of Octavia’s head. "No! No no no no no no no no no NO! Octavia, do you have any idea what you've done?!"
"May or may not had sex with Lyra?" She said shrugging her shoulders.
The pink pony let go of her. "Well there's that," she said, then took hold of Octavia's head again, "But you've disrupted the OTP!"
"The what?" Octavia replied confused.
"Octavia, listen to me," Pinkie Pie said, still holding on to her, "Long long ago, back when friendship lessons were a thing and the, quote, Love and Tolerate actually meant something, a group of divine beings saw the minty unicorn sitting funny on a bench and took a shine to her. They gave her a funny personality and a weird obsession involving whomans or some crap, but something was missing. A sane mare to balance out Lyra's quirky lifestyle. So they searched for a mare that she could drive nuts but who would never leave her, and thus Bon Bon was found. She was meant to be the counter-balance to Lyra, so they shipped them because it was hawt or something, but from that moment on, Lyra always had to end up with Bon Bon, for it was written in the book of headcannons." Pinkie Pie looked up and said with a determined finality, "This is the Prophecy."
Octavia pushed Pinkie off of her. "Pinkie that's ridiculous!"
"What will your fans say, Octavia? Just think about all the hard work they put into those OctaScratch fanfics," Pinkie said, looking crestfallen, "They will be so disappointed in you."
"Can we just move on please?" Octavia begged. "I was drunk and I don’t know what happened last night!"
"Well at least you didn't end up with a wife, like Twilight over here," Rainbow Dash said, shooting Twilight an amused look.
Twilight sighed, "Look, do either of you know what happened here last night? Why is this place such a mess?"
"Oh, that's because of the massive fight you guys started last night," Vinyl said and looked around the room.
"Ah beg yer pardon?" Applejack asked.
"Alright, it went down like this…," Vinyl said and poured herself another glass of Scotch.
The Pint Noir 10:15 pm
"AWWWWW YEAH! ITS TEN FIFTEEN AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS… RAP BATTLE!" Vinyl raised her hooves in the air, causing the crowd to scream and roar in ecstasy. "INTRODUCING THE CHAMPION! RHYME THYME!"
A single brown earth pony stallion stood in the middle of an arena, basking in the crowd’s applause.
Vinyl continued, "NOW WE HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR TONIGHT FOLKS! I NEVER THOUGHT THAT THIS PONY WOULD EVER PARTAKE IN A RAP BATTLE, BUT HERE SHE IS! THE ONE THE ONLY TWIIIILIIIIGHT SPARKLEEEE!”
Twilight Sparkle stood on the other side of the arena, opposite to Rhyme Rhyme, occasionally wobbling with a drunken smile on her face. Boy, was she wasted.
"OK NOW, I WANT A GOOD CLEAN FIGHT! LET’S GET IT ON!" Vinyl hit a bell and the battle began.
"Alright,” Rhyme Thyme said,“ since you're the challenger I'll be a sport and let you go first and because you’re completely wasted this should be an easy victory for me."
"Oh, s—s—so you think you superpony, huh? I'll show you how superpony gets down." Twilight stepped forward.
“Where yo heart at? Where yo heart at?
Let me take that, let me give that back, let me deepthroat that
Let me go down smell dat ballsack
Oooooh that shit stinks.
Watch me put in work with my twerk baby!”
Twilight started twerking her flank at the crowd and they went wild. She finished with a powerful pelvic thrust that knocked all the stallions, and some mares, flat on the ground.
"OHHH! SHE SAID YO BALLSACK STINKS," Vinyl yelled in the microphone, laughing hysterically, "OH I KNOW YOU AINT GONNA TAKE THAT!"
Rainbow Dash rolled on the floor in laughter, "Oh man! I regret being drunk and missing that! Oh oh my ribs!” She laughed and laughed, at a complete loss of control, “I cant breathe! I cant breathe! Somepony help me!"
Pinkie sprang to the rescue and tried to calm her down, "Don't worry, Dashie! I got you," and added, "Yeah, the element of laughter is trying to stop somepony from laughing. Ironic, isn't it?"
Rarity was shocked. "Honestly, Twilight," she said, "I never would have imagined that you’d smell some stallions… er… ballsack."
"She didn't really go and smell it, you know," Vinyl reassured.
Twilight still sat on her flank and hid her from embarrassment reddened face behind her hooves..
Applejack shook her head, "Just when you think you know somepony…"
"Just skip to the fight, please," Twilight muttered behind her hooves.
"The fight? Oh right, the fight, aw man!" Vinyl clopped her hooves together in excitement. "That was something…"
The Pint Noir 10:25 pm
Some stallion yelled at Twilight, "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN’ WITH MY GIRL?"
Twilight wrapped her hoof around the mare and pulled her closer, "Hey man she didn't want to be with your lame ass anymore so she came to me."
"I just wanted to know where the restrooms are," The mare interjected, looking rather unconformable.
"Don't worry baby y—you're with me now," she slurred and kissed the mare on the lips, slipping her some tongue.
The stallion held out his hoof to his wing-stallion. "C'mon with it!" His friend sprinkled some baby powder on his hoof. He cocked back his hoof and swung at Twilight, but she managed to dodge it, making him hit Fluttershy instead.
Fluttershy recovered quickly, yelled, "Oh you did not just—" And tackled the stallion into a nearby table, sending everything on it flying off. One of the beer bottles hit another patron in the head.
“And things just got worse from there,” Vinyl finished the story.
"Oh dear," Fluttershy muttered and effectively mirrored Twilight’s pose of shame.
Vinyl leaned on her hoof and thought about last night’s events at the Pint Noir once more, making her sigh. "Yeah that was a good time, but in all seriousness though—you guys should probably leave before Berry gets back. She will not be happy to see the six of you."
"That's probably a good idea," Twilight said a little too quickly, "Did we say anything else about where we was going next?"
The Wub Queen scratched her blue mane and thought long and hard about what happened after the fight. "Well, you guys said something about saving Fluttershy's baby brother from the clutches of the Goblin King and then left pretty fast."
"Well, thank you for all the help, gotta go, bye!" Twilight said quickly, enveloped her friends in a magical aura and left The Pint Noir with them floating behind her, leaving Vinyl Scratch and Octavia all alone again.
"Shoot," Octavia exclaimed, "We forgot to give Twilight her wedding gift."
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"Shoot!" exclaimed Octavia. "We forgot to give Twilight her wedding gift."
I had actually expected Vinyl to say that... but, meh... it still was rife with the lulz.
5103271 Ya know Vinyl was supposed to say it but I switched it to Tavi instead. She hasn't said much and I wanted her to say something at the end.
I'm sad to say that you're still very inconsistent with the tenses. And there were a few quotation marks that shouldn't be around.
Still! Story continues to be amusing and made me laugh. Twilight should get drunk more often. And I hope that the goblin king and his imposing package won't give them any serious trouble.
Imagining Twilight twerking f**king kills me.
5103344 I promise to fix that tense problem. I don't know WHY I keep doing that.
Hilarious! I can't wait to see what happens next...
5103370 Yeah, on the topic of editing. I happened to check chapter two, and you seem to have broken an italics tag and it spilled out all over half the chapter. You should probably fix that too. Just a heads up.
Pinkie... next time jump into the sky and smash the forth wall than explain the rules of fan cannons to the characters of them.
5103443 Now Fixed. Thank you.
5103449
Oh shnizz, she said that stallion's balls stank
But wow, what a crack addled (or drunken as the case may be) night they had. I'm feeling moritifed just reading what they did
Though I wonder what AJ, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash did during the drunkeness.
I truly wonder if anyone even gets the movie reference for the baby powder slap.
5103676 Heh Heh.
I think someone knows.
5103672 If you are feeling mortified about what Twilight and Fluttershy did. Then I'm doing this right.
5103696
One might say too right, but yes.
Dare I ask it we are going uphill or downhill from here? Or would that be spoilers?
5103708 Six girls who were completely wasted last night and have No idea what they did. Things can only go downhill.
It will be a ride.
5103720
Alrighty then! *puts on helmet*
Lets do this!
*waits eagerly for next chapter*
5103696 But I am immune to feeling mortified by normal things, the internet made sure of that.
Seriously though, I have been desensitized to the weird shit on the internet. I sat through 500 meatspins on a bet, and watched 2girls1cup 10 times in a row for a different bet (and won both bets easy, I have a surprisingly high tolerance for things like that).
This last chapter was pretty fucking hilarious though.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
This is too funny.
Great chapter. This is really reminding me of the Hangover movie. I'm half expecting somepony to find a manticore in their bathroom.
5104327 Well, this comment killed it, and only halfway through.
First thing.
If Berry Punch wants Scotch, then damn it she will have Scotch. And fourth wall breaking is kinda Pinkie's thing in comedy so.
No red thumb downs for you. Try again in a few years.
I'm still waiting for the feature box to eat this up like candy.
fix your tenses (and also lengthen your chapters, if you'd like) and you can be on your way. 
In all honesty, though. This is fucking hilarious and I love it.
that rap
5104327 im going to thumb up this just out of spite
all very good, except for the "rap" of Twilight think you should try using somewhat a little less ... unpleasant. I don't know, rap can be composed of pure rudeness and sound good, I say this only because twi not seem drunk but a .. well you know a prostitute
I think I joined Rainbow Dash on the floor after reading the rap battle.
*reads rap battle* BWHAHYAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHH
ALL HAIL PINKIE PIE THE ALL-KNOWING!
HER WISDOM IS UNMATCHED, HER KNOWLEDGE INFINITE... SHE IS ALWAY CHEERFUL, IN AWE, OF HER SHEER KNOWLEDGE OF FOREVER.