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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, this chapter turned out very nice. However, I noticed a lot more editing errors in this chapter than in ones previous...
First, I understand that you had trouble with Zecora's dialogue in this. For the most part you did fairly well, but I did notice a lot of parts where her speaking seemed awkward. The trick with her is to match the syllable count in the rhymes. If one half of the rhyme is longer than the other, it throws the proportions of the entire speech off, and make the dialogue sound really awkward, even if the words rhyme perfectly. My suggestion is to go back through this and see if you can add/remove/change some of the wording to her rhymes to make the syllable count match up on both sides.
Second, and this is more of a content one, so I don't really expect any changes, but I thought I'd point it out. During the scene at Zecora's, you mention everyone hearing the boom of the thunder before the lightning strikes. This isn't how a storm works. Light travels a lot faster than sound, so you will always see the lightning before you hear the thunder during a storm.
Finally, and this is more of a personal thing. Trixie CONSTANTLY speaking in her strange form of third-person narrative is really starting to become obnoxious, and annoying. It was kinda cute and funny during the first few chapters, but now it's starting to get a little irritating. I realize that she speaks like this several times during the show, but she does speak normally just as often when she's not performing. If she didn't do it so much it would be alright, but with the consistency with which she does it, it really start to detract from the story, and grab people's attention more than it should. I'm not saying that you should completely stop it, just maybe cut down on it a bit, so it's not so attention-catching, and feels more natural in the story.
Other than those few things, this was a nice little "side-chapter". As always, I'm looking forward to further updates to this story.
good dinky is ok, i do not need to kill the universe now.