Rainbow Dash was back in Ponyville after quitting the Wonderbolts team. She and her husband, Bookworm, were still getting their new house built and Rainbow Dash began to once again teach the young filly how to fly. On this particular day, the cerulean mare was giving her another lesson in the park, while Bookworm slept under a nearby tree.
“Come on, squirt!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “You can do it!”
Scootaloo took a running start towards a small ramp, ran up it and began flapping her wings like crazy. Try as she might, though she only lasted in the air for a few seconds before making a huge thump to the ground. Rainbow Dash immediately ran to make sure she was ok.
“Oh buck!” exclaimed the rainbow mare. “Are you ok!?”
“FOR THE LOVE OF BUCK!” exclaimed Scootaloo.
“Hey! Watch your mouth,” said Rainbow Dash. “Where the hay did you pick up that kinda language?”
The orange filly simply arched an eyebrow at her mentor/surrogate big sister, which caused her to blush brightly.
“Ok, fair enough,” chuckled Rainbow Dash.
“IT'S NOT FAIR!” shouted Scootaloo. “I PRACTICE EVERY SINGLE BUCKING DAY! I DO ALL THE EXCORSIZES YOU TELL ME TO DO! BUT I STILL CAN'T FLY!”
“Relax, Scoots,” said Rainbow Dash. “Flying isn't something that happens over night.”
“Stop giving me that crud,” exclaimed Scootaloo, who was starting to tear up. “I doubt most ponies my age can't fly! Heck, Derpy Hooves can fly better than me, and she constantly runs into stuff! Then there's that muscle bound freak, Snowflake! His wings are tinier than mine, but...but he can fly too! I know my wings are strong enough! I've had them checked on. Doctor Stable told me so that my wings were perfectly healthy and growing fine.”
“I know, Scootaloo,” said Rainbow Dash, wrapping her hooves around her protégé.
“Then why can't I fly!?” the young pegasus shouted. “I thought you were the best flier in all of Equestria!?
“Hey now, don't get mean,” shouted Rainbow Dash. “It's not my fault you can't fly!”
“Maybe the Wonderbolts threw you out because you don't got it anymore!”
“You know I quit the Wonderbolts! They were lucky to have me on the team!”
Things were very much heating up between the two of them and they began to insult each other back and forth. Finally, the shouting woke Bookworm, who intervened.
“HEY!” he shouted, in a rare loud tone. “That's enough! Both of you!”
“SHE STARTED IT!” both females shouted.
“I don't care who started it!” exclaimed Bookworm. “I'm finishing it!”
“She shouldn't talk to me that way!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “I'm her mentor! I'm also her elder!”
“Dashie, you're not wrong,” said Bookworm. “But she's still just a kid. She's just frustrated.”
He then turned his attention to Scootaloo.
“But Rainbow Dash is also right, Scootaloo,” said Bookworm, in a calming voice. “She is your elder. I understand that you're frustrated.”
“How can you understand?” asked Scootaloo. “You're a unicorn.”
“That doesn't mean I haven't had my own set of problems,” explained Bookworm. “Magic didn't come easy to me, you know.”
“Really?” asked Scootaloo.
“Absolutely,” said Bookworm. “I was a bit of a late bloomer in that department. I more so excelled at books and other scholarly endeavors, as my cutie mark would make clear.”
Bookworm then motioned to his cutie mark, which featured a worm popping out of a pile of books.
“It varies from pony to pony,” continued Bookworm. “Some ponies excel at magic early on, like Twilight, and others don't.”
“It's just so frustrating,” moped Scootaloo.
“I know,” said Bookworm, then giving Scootaloo a hug. “But you're not alone in this. You got your friends, Rainbow Dash, and me.”
“You?” asked Scootaloo. “Why would you care?”
“Because you're important to Rainbow Dash,” he explained. “And Rainbow Dash and I are important to each other.”
That remark caused Rainbow Dash to blush like crazy. Her husband gave her a sly smile, indicating it was his intent.
“So what's important to her is important to me,” he continued.
Scootaloo teared up again and rubbed her face in Bookworm's chest. He just let her cry and patted her back.
“Dashie and I are going to do our very best to make sure you learn how to fly,” he assured the orange filly.
“You got that right!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash, in a triumphant tone. “Rainbow Dash never gives up!”
Rainbow Dash took Scootaloo into her hooves.
“What you need to do is shout, 'I'M SCOOTALOO! AND I CAN DO ANYTHING!'” she commanded to her pupil.
“I-I'm Scootaloo, and I can do anything,” said the filly rather timidly.
“Aw! Come on!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash. “I Know you can do better!”
“I'm Scootaloo! And I can do anything!” she shouted again.
“EVEN LOUDER!” encouraged Rainbow Dash.
“I'M SCOOTALOO!” she finally let out. “I CAN DO ANYTHING!”
“AND WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO!?” asked Rainbow Dash still in a commanding tone.
“I AM GOING TO BUCKING FLY!” proclaimed Scootaloo.
Woo! Super excited to see your return man! Can't wait for more expansion on this super fun continuity you've built up.
That being said, I have some really glaring points that jumped out at me in these first couple chapters.
1. These are WAAAY too short. You barely have 1000 words between them!
2. The title of the 1st chapter: I don't know what a "Senyera" is but I have a feeling you meant something along the lines of "Cuteceanera" since it is a pun on the Latin Amercan "Quinceanera"
3. You refer to Apple Bloom as "April" in the first few paragraphs of the 1st chapter, while I do recall her given name as being "Ambrosia" in one of your previous stories. You should consider changing one of these instances to avoid future confusion.
4. You make reference to "Bulk Biceps" in this 2nd chapter. I thought you were already featuring this exact same pony in this continuity as Fluttery's husband Snowflake, are you canonically changing his name as well?
That's all I have for now. But don't get me wrong dude, I am super pumped for this to continue!
4846345 Thanks, my bad.
4846157 Any spelling errors or forgetting how I named someone is a result of being on an 8 month hitaus. Also my computer accidentally got reforamtted and I lost my previous fics. April Bloom was in fact a name I gave for a human version of Apple Bloom in a different fic I'm working on. And at first I was going to say that Snowflake was a name for Bluk Biceps when I first planned to start out the story with copy and pasted some previous chapters as they are part of the story. BUUUUUT I had to have original material in order to get approved submission (I had already been denied once becuase my short description wasn't detailed enough. I looked up the spelling for cute-ceañera on the MLP Wiki to fix that little hiccup (I typed it in a search and got taht first spelling, my bad). AND I said in my author's notes clear as day
I'm still getting back in the groove of things and I'm not too concerned with everything being amazingly detailed with specific actions being taken. I saw no other way to make these chapters longer, other than adding superfluous details that won't add anything to the story other than word count. If other writers on here wanna do that, fine, that's their way, but it's not my way. I'm doing this for fun, making no profit from all this so I figure keeping it simple means I can get this stuff out quicker. Any spelling errors I can go back and fix when people point them out. So I may not make it to the feature box, oh well. I already know I have a bunch of users on here who enjoy my work and I can count on them to read more stuff.
4846562
Right on, take your time man!
Just thought I'd give you a razzing since it's been so long since we've heard from you. I am genuinely looking forward to this continuing.
4846572 I'm glad to hear that. And yeah I'm glad to be back.
Wonderbolts, not Wonder Bolts.
Wow, somepony actually managed to get through to 2/3 of the most stubborn mares/filly in Ponyville? Give that stallion a medal!
4931940 I gave them those full names in my first TwiMacVerse story.
4931953 Well he is her husband. I like to think he can help balance her out some.