A Battleground of Kindness

by StormDancer

Embershole

Hmmm.... The Master says that the thing that comes after all the other things when telling about stuff is called an epilogue.

I will now invoke the grande and ancient arte of Epilogue! All those who would act against the Master: Quake, ye cowards, and despair, for thine end is nigh! Neigh? Nigh? No... definitely nigh!

Somehow, it just doesn't feel like grand magic and arcane forces being invoked, but I have little reason to question The Master.

So, after her friends were settled, The Master led us all back to her throne and sat us down. The minions kept glancing at me, sometimes with glares and other times with little bits of confusion.

Well, I think it was confusion. It could have been constipation — I'm no horsebeast physician, after all.

But whatever the case, before long The Master and Stitchface were talking quietly as the shadow-fart horse voidwalker was just standing there being all imposing.

And me? I had plopped down next to The Master's throne and was just waiting. I mean, I'm immortal, indestructible in the conventional sense, dangerous to just about any form of life, conniving and not a little bit violent. And, yet, compared to HER, I was insignificant to the point of mere whimsy.

Here, this entire time, she'd been playing me, playing everyone and everything, just to sate her curiosity. I'd come in, fresh from battle, ready and willing to cull the living and damn some souls to eternal, well, damnation, and she'd just plucked me out of that because she wanted help cleaning a library. A library which was utterly destroyed by a giant sized, red, 6 limbed, TITAN who ate magic and used a compressed sun between his horns to fire beams of magic that could engulf small cities.

And she defeated him. Without magic. Without an army. Without weapons. Without armor.

Without me.

She never needed me in the first place. It was all just a whim to her.

But that was over now.

I was snapped out of my thoughts by the gentle nudge of a purple wing and, blinking back to awareness of my surroundings, I hopped to my feet and supplicated myself before The Master.

... Whiiiiich, she wasn't having a bit of. Within seconds, she was lifting me back up to standing and giving me this weird smile that didn't reach her face. I mean, it's a horribly mutated horsebeast face to begin with, so it's not exactly easy to read all the time, but I got the distinct impression that she was trying to smile but didn't really want to.

Behind her, Stitchface was rolling her head in the way that I remembered she used to when she wanted to express exasperation. I glanced around for any other clues, but only saw the other Minions watching quietly.

Eventually, I just kind of looked back at The Master and waited.

And that's when she dismissed the smoke-horse.

One moment he was there, and the next there was the echoing whisper of a sigh as he boiled out of existence.

I blinked as she lit up her horn and the doors flew open to a massive cloud of pink-ish purple light which shimmered and rippled in waves. Shapes and patterns seemed to swim in that cloud, half seen half felt as it continued to grow. I watched as the flow from the hallway finally began to taper off until, at last, the cloud filled nearly the entire room with a glimmering fog that hid everything from the arch of the door frame up into the unknowable recesses of The Master's crystal lair.

It was only after the doors softly shut that I was able to hear them, the countless whispers and murmurs that had blended together into a kind of disturbing white-noise. Listening, I was able to pick out one or two faint voices amongst the swarm... high pitched and confused, some even angry, but still unclear.

Until The Master looked at me and said, "I'm so proud of you, Gakham. I'm so very very proud of you for learning to be a better imp. And I want you to remember that I'll always be here for you and that I'm not angry with you for any of this. You just.... didn't know how to be better." She finally smiled, but not the scary kind that leads to missing limbs, the kind that is that kind of uncomfortable that I think might be alright. "And that's okay. We all make mistakes, but that's how we learn to be better. That's how we GET better. And sometimes, it takes a friend to remind us of that."

The Master smiled as something touched my head.

When I looked up, I screamed and threw a firebolt directly into the fang filled maw of the eldrich abomination that had coiled itself behind me. An infinite abyss of eyes, so many eyes, and all of them with teeth and fangs and freckles that screamed yogurt while gargling numbers and... and... and... then he just ate the firebolt and grinned at me with a smile that didn't break my mind.

And I was looking at an old.... thing. An old grey-faced, yellow eyed, mismatched behorned, snake with mismatched limbs and wings that didn't fit right. An old..... creature that seemed so very lonely.

And he was chewing on my firebolt like gum.

And The Master coughed quietly and I turned my back on the elder god, and listened, because she is The Master, and when The Master speaks, you listen.

"So, I'm going to send you home, because I shouldn't have kept you here. It's not right for you to be here. You weren't expecting it and you weren't ready for it and I'm the one who should be sorry. But, Gakham, I want you to know that I am so very proud of you, and well.... I'm going to miss you." the Master actually looked like she was going to cry. "But.... but Fluttershy reminded me that sometimes you need the right approach to make new friends. So, even though I'm going to send you home, I don't want you to be alone. So.... these are some other, potential, friends that I hope you can take the time to meet."

And with that, the cloud of floating pink marbles seemed to shudder and suddenly sorted itself into columns and rows, sorted by size. Dozens and dozens of columns and rows. THOUSANDS of little pink marbles, all whispering and muttering, and suddenly gone in a flash of light.

And then Stitchface whispered to The Master, and The Master nodded.

And I found myself slipping from the material world as The Master's words faded into the ether.

"Be Good, Gakham. And help them to become good too. I'm going to miss you."

And the shiny crystals were gone, replaced with a dark sky, towering pillars of basalt, the acrid stench of fel flames, and the whistling sound of the twisting nether.

And The Master was gone and I was standing knee deep in a carpet of pink marbles as far as the eye could see.

And I was certainly NOT home.

-~oOo~-

There is nothing like the warm fuzzy feeling of being home on a cold autumn evening, propping your feet up on a comfy cushion and laying back in an overstuffed lounger while leisurely thumbing through a well loved book while the soft popping of hardwoods plays accompaniment to the spicy sweetness of a smooth liquor.

Well, except maybe for finding that schmo, knocking him out, gluing him to the chair and setting his house on fire only to throw some smelling salts in once the floorboards ignite.

Yheah... good times.

But, my enjoyment isn't really what you're here for. Yheah, I know that. I'm smart like that. I can read minds!

It's part of the job you know. Figuring out what people want and making sure they get it at any cost. 'Cuz at the end of the day, I'm still going to jump on the tab and leave some other mark with the bill. But in the meantime, well, I'm everyone's best buddy.

I'm your pal!

Your partner!

Your very very best friend!

You know what they say... friends will stick up for you, best friends will lead a stickup for you, and very best friends will help hide the bodies?

Yheah... I'm at least two more 'very's.

I, after all, am an imp... and until very recently, I was one of a set of minions of one, very accommodating, mutated horsebeast who just happened to be tangentially involved with an ongoing conflict between good and evil.

I say 'was' because, while employed, she saw fit to dismiss me after teaching me some of the secrets of ultimate power.

But, even though she sent me away, she made it clear that just killing things was not enough for her... that ~just~ destroying an enemy was the absolute least of what she expected... that there was so much more that an imp could do.

And so, she tore me from my warlock, stole me from the Legion, took me from everything I knew and understood, and sent me to pick apples.

She is truly evil— and an evil that transcends time.

But she is powerful, and if she can do everything she's done and discard everything the Legion, demons, and I can offer, then who am I to try to comprehend her?

So, she may have sent me 'home' to a desolate chunk of burning rock, hurtling through the dark reaches of the twisting nether, spinning in a never ending night with nothing but her lessons to remind me of her power, but she made it abundantly clear that she wasn't done with me.

We're.... ~friends~. Not minion and master, but Master and ... something else.

After all, she said she wanted me to try and make some friends. And she's sent me all of the ones she keeps making.

Every day. hundreds of little pink marbles show up in a flash of light. And every day, a little scroll will pop into existence and tell me how her day has been.

And every day I will put on my little suit and go to welcome the new recruits as I read her letter aloud so that they know just why they're all here.

Because when The Master sent me away, she gave me an instruction. She wanted me to MAKE some FRIENDS. And Etiquette, that ancient, secret art of dark corruption and ultimate power? Etiquette DEMANDS that all shall serve The Master.

So, once her spell wears off and the little marbles pop, dozens, sometimes hundreds, of wild imps will spill out and start their screeching until the hordes of 'proper' little imps descend upon them and get them fitted for their new lives as minions of The Master.

Suits, overalls, smocks, aprons, monocles, mops and buckets, tool belts, musical instruments and countless other things are put to good use as the army grows. What we don't have, we make, and what we can't make, we train for.

We may be immortal. We may be demons. We may be mischievous, deadly, pyromaniacal engines of death awaiting an outlet, but one thing we will ~never~ be is unprepared.

For when The Master calls, I will make certain that all of my....Friends will be ready.

And woe be unto any who would so much as speak ill of The Master, for when she calls, we will be ready to sort the books, clean the bathrooms, cook the foods, and mop the floors. No tile will be left unscrubbed and no dust bunny un-slaughtered. ALL the books will be shelved. ALL the windows will be cleaned. ALL the plants will be watered. ALL the tables will be set! ALL the tea will be brewed! ALL the swashes will be buckled!

And all the newspapers will be rolled up in case anything is not to her standards.

Because that is what Etiquette demands, and that is what The Master will expect.

And we will serve The Master and her minions and make absolutely, deadly, certain, that there will be peace and harmony. Because I know things... I'm smart like that. I can read minds!

And what The Master wants... The Master ~WILL~ get. Because she's proud of me. She said it.

And I will absolutely NOT disappoint her. So, if she wants thousands upon thousands of smiling, polite, generous, friendly, helpful little Etiquette wielding demons at her beck and call, I will make certain she will never want for them.

If it takes me a thousand years... if it takes me millions years, I will ensure that every demon we meet WILL learn.

Because even if she never calls, even if she never sends the countless souls out to steal the hopes and dreams of the unwashed masses, even if she only ever sends more imps to me and we cover this little rock and are crushed by our own mass, even if we are forgotten...

...when the stars dim and the suns go out, and all of creation fades to dust, I will be there waiting. And I'll crush ANYTHING that gets in her way.

I don't want to disappoint her. She's proud of me, and.... I think... I'm a little bit proud of me too.

/cast dismiss demon

Author's Note:

And that, as they say, is that.
Happy freedom, Gakham!

Comments

[Venerable Ro]

You can take the demon out of hell, but you can't take the hell out of the demon.

[hyrushoten]

Excellent story with a great ending. I do hope we get a final epilogue from someone else's perspective, preferably Twilight's, but even without that this has been a unique and enjoyable story.

[StormDancer]

9776713
I might at some point. Glad you enjoyed

[StormDancer]

9776676
<chuckles> Too true. Hope you had a fun ride.

[Venerable Ro]

9776717

Well enough, well enough. I do wish that we could have had a bit with Twilight getting the full explanation of Gakham's perspective, I'd have liked to see her reaction to realizing that her servant had mistaken the concept of etiquette for something closer to Sombra's mind control magics.

[StormDancer]

9776737
heh... That would be a fun arc. I'd imagine Twilight would be stunned. But, I also figure she will just assume the best of things if she never looked into it further.

But just IMAGINE what would happen if anyone ever stumbles across any of Gakham's imps. An endless legion of butlers, servants, maids, gardeners, musicians, etc... all diabolically devoted to inflicting Etiquette upon any foolish enough to challenge The Ubiquitous Master.

And then imagine Twilight running across them, unknowing, and only discovering/realizing after an epic battle, that this unrelenting demonic force was set in motion by her own kindness. <grins> I.... couldn't do that story justice. But I'd LOVE to read one if you know someone who'd like to write it.

[Spamotron]

Well, that ended about as well as it reasonably could have. A being that only knows hatred and malice for thousands of years isn't going to comprehend friendship and goodness after just a few months. But Garkham and his fellow imps at least have a life far more pleasant than being members of the Legion now.

Speaking of the Legion. If wild imps are still spontaneously appearing before her then Twilight's magic is still connected to the Fel. Ordinarily, that would be a very bad thing. But somehow I suspect that the Fel isn't infecting the magic of Harmony through that connection. If anything it's more likely Harmony is infecting the Fel.

[StormDancer]

9776771
<chuckles> Hense the daily recruits... just imagine another WoW warlock getting one of them though, eh?

[Beff_Jezos]

Thanks for the ride, it's been great, if not, better!

[StormDancer]

9777188
Glad you enjoyed

[Kichi]

Not bad but I wonder what could he think of the Equality cult, time travel, changelings and all the extra