Chapter 4 – A Break from the Act
Ten Months Remaining…
~ Late of August (4th Week) ~
After enjoying another big breakfast together, Rainbow Dash excuses herself to take a shower first while Ford Mustang would clean up the dishes. Awhile later, the stallion is in the midst of rinsing and scrubbing the plates in warm, soapy water before Rainbow silently approaches him from behind and gives him a surprise kiss on the cheek.
“Well I gotta go!” she says to him cheerfully before taking her leave. “See ya later, Mustang!”
“Okay, have a good--!” But as soon as he turns around to see her off, he is surprised to see his wife fully dressed in her Wonderbolt flight suit with her goggles on top of her mane that sticks out of her skintight hood.
Puzzled by this, he asks, “Wait, where are you going again?”
“I’m going to work, duh!” she responds bluntly with a sharp smirk. “The Wonderbolts are getting back on track with their new tours coming up, so HQ is calling all available recruits this morning. So see ya!”
As Rainbow prepares her significant takeoff, the alarmed Mustang quickly takes off first from the kitchen, and he immediately blocks her from the main doorway before the Rainbow stops herself in a screeching halt.
“Whoa whoa whoa! Wait a minute! You shouldn’t be going to work!” he protests greatly.
Confused by this sudden objection, Rainbow asks, “Why not?”
“Because you’re pregnant, Rainbow!”
While they are hovering in place, the Wonderbolt blankly tilts her head down to look at her belly. It’s already been two weeks since Zecora’s diagnosis on her pregnancy during Vinyl Scratch and Octavia’s wedding, and Rainbow Dash can hardly see any development to her abdomen just yet.
With a carefree shrug, she comments with a conceited grin, “So I might gain some weight overtime. Big deal. Like that’s gonna slow me down.”
In response, Ford shakes his head and retorts, “Rainbow, I don’t think you understand the kind of risk you are taking for yourself and for our foal.”
Once the couple lands on the cloudy floor, the mare glares at her husband with very inquisitive, narrowed eyes. “Are you saying that I’m reckless or something? Is that what you are implying?”
Frozen before Rainbow’s petrifying gaze, Ford carefully makes his statement without her taking it the wrong way or causing any offense by accident. “Rainbow, I know that you are much better flyer than you were before. Believe me when I say that I’ve seen you progress so much over your stay in Ponyville, but just as a precaution, you should take a break from this until the baby is born, okay?”
Despite using his gentle voice and displaying an honest yet nervous smile, they aren’t enough to convince her otherwise. “I knew it!” she snaps in accusation. “You don’t trust me that I can handle all of this, do you?!”
Seeing how being gentle isn’t going to change her mind, Ford instinctively tries a more firm approach, “Dangit, Rainbow! Will you stop thinking that this is all about you for just one second and start listening to me for a change?!”
“You think that I’m doing this just for myself, and not for our baby?!” she growls immensely as she takes that comment as an offense while she hovers fiercely to line up her piercing eyes with his. “How shallow do you think I am?! My career is what’s bringing food to our table! Without me, how else will we support our family in the years to come?! And not only that, but I have my responsibilities to the Wonderbolts as well! I can’t let them down in anyway if I’ve got a kid along the way!”
“That may be true, but you have an even greater responsibility at home, with our baby! With our family! Which is why you should take it easy for a change and ask Spitfire for time off this instant!”
“Oh, and I suppose you will be able to take care of us from now on, huh?! Is that it?!” she counters in harsh sarcasm. “With all of your little arts and crafts?! What, you gonna draw up a masterpiece that will magically solve all of our finances in one felt swoop?! 'Cause I would really love to see that!”
They take a pause in the midst of their heated argument. Rainbow maintains her scorching glare on him as she waits for his counterargument. And while Ford is fuming just as much as her, he knows that slinging unintended insults back won’t allow her to see things his way. So, he inhales deeply before he lets it out slowly in order to resume his cooler composure, and he replies back in a much calmer manner.
“No, you’re right about that. But maybe I can go back and work as a weatherpony in the meantime.”
Rainbow is shocked to hear her husband’s more rational response. So shocked in fact that her once-boiling anger starts to disperse automatically. Once she has calmed down as well, she thinks back to the last thing she just said and realizes her terrible mistake from unintentionally mocking Ford’s art talent. Feeling really bad about that, she slowly lands before her stallion and lowers her head in shame. Despite winning this argument, she didn’t feel so triumphant in the end.
“Ford, I’m sorry.” she apologizes quietly as she looks at him with deeply regretful eyes. “I didn’t mean to--!”
At once, Mustang pulls her in with a caring foreleg for a tender hug and reassures her in a hushed tone and with an honest smile, “I know, Rainbow. I know that you didn’t mean those things. I’m sorry for losing my cool too.”
Thankful that Ford isn’t holding anything against her, Rainbow tightens her embrace as she firmly interlocks her forelegs around his immobile body whilst they enjoy the comforting silence for a brief moment together. In the midst of their own tranquility, she lets out a soothing sigh while she endearingly nuzzles against the stallion’s strong neck with a very broad smile. Unfortunately, that fleeting moment couldn't last much longer as the mare reluctantly lets go of her husband.
“Look, I’m going to be late as it is.” she states it in soft disappointment as she gingerly walks out of the doorway. “We can talk about this later once I get back home, okay?”
With an accepting smile, he agrees with a slight nod while following her outside, “Okay, Rainbow. Just… please be careful with yourself, alright?”
“I will. I promise.”
“I love you, angel.”
“I love you too, Mustang.”
Promptly, they end their hesitant farewell with quick yet affectionate kiss before Rainbow finally leaves their floating house and heads off to work in a fast yet steady speed.
----------------------------------------------------------------
Some time later, Rainbow Dash makes her arrival to the main base of operations, the Wonderbolt Academy. The same place from where she first trained as a cadet a couple years ago from the famous team’s boot camp styled training. From breaking through the vast amounts of clouds, the flying mare beholds the sight of the giant mountain plateau, featuring the various obstacle courses, a large runway that stretches from one side to the other, and a very tall rainbow waterfall that pours onto the flat mountaintop where it splits into a colorful creek. Surrounding the plateau are magically constructed clouds that serve as floating foundations of the academy’s buildings.
At one of the cloudy platforms that consist of hangars and another runway, Rainbow sees most of the other Wonderbolts hanging around as they meet and greet each other, including one of the leading members of the team, Fleetfoot. Considering that this is a good spot for their initial meeting, the Ponyvillian Pegasus makes a smoothly landing before the white-haired, blue-coated speedster notices and floats over to her with a wide smile.
“Hey, Rainbow Dash! Good to see you again!”
“You too, Fleetfoot!” she says pleasantly as they exchange a proper hoofbump with one another.
The other Wonderbolts turn heads to the arrival of Rainbow Dash as they nearly all at once go up to her so they too can welcome her. After some friendly exchanges between the fellow coworkers, Fleetfoot then brings this up to everyone’s attention.
“By the way, we’ve already heard the exciting news about your pregnancy weeks ago! Congratulations, Dash!”
From confirming this exciting news, a lot of the gathering ponies gasp before they warmly congratulate the slightly blushing Rainbow Dash before she responds in a modest smile, “Aww… thanks, you guys!”
“Actually, we were just wondering if you were ever going to show up or not.”
From Fleetfoot’s latest comment, Rainbow assumes that there is something she just missed as she slightly tilts her head in confusion, “Wait, what do you mean--?”
But her inquiry is interrupted by the swift appearance of Soarin when he lands right between the two mares and notifies the most recent professional flyer of the two, “There you are, Rainbow Dash! We were expecting you!”
“Yeah… sorry if I’m late, Soarin.” she apologizes sheepishly while rubbing the back of her mane. “I’ll try to make sure that it doesn’t happen again.”
“Not at all.” he shakes his head with a comforting smile. “In fact, we’re glad that you here right now. The Captain wants to see you in her office as soon as you have arrived.”
Imaging on getting chewed up by her commanding officer, Rainbow lets out a somewhat tired sigh before she prepares her takeoff and answers with a smile, “I’ll get right on that. Thanks, Soarin.”
With ease, Rainbow navigates through the hallways and floors of the office building until she stops in front of Spitfire’s office. Gently, she opens the door and sees her commander-in-chief sitting patiently behind her desk. Like the rest of their comrades, the fiery-haired Wonderbolt is also wearing the iconic, blue-and-yellow flight suit.
“You wanted to see me, ma’am?” Rainbow salutes to her.
“Ah, Rainbow Dash! Thanks for coming over here!” Spitfire greets her with a smile. “Close the door, will you?”
After she does that, Rainbow then says in an apologetic tone, “Look, if this about me being late, Captain, I just wanna say--!”
“Relax, I didn’t call you in for something as tedious as that.” she dismisses it with a casual wave of her fore hoof. “And please, there’s no need to address me as ‘Captain’ when it’s just the two of us.”
Feeling more relax now, Rainbow walks closer to the Captain’s desk and asks coolly, “Okay… so what’s up, Spitfire?”
“Well first of all, I want to give my congratulations on your first foal, Rainbow.”
“Thanks.”
“Which is why starting right now, I am taking you off the team until--!”
Quick as a whip, Dash snaps in immense shock and anger, “Wait what?! You’re firing me?!”
A bit surprised by younger mare’s snappy interruption, Spitfire tries to restate the misunderstanding, “Rainbow, please! Let me finish me--!”
“No, I see what this is all about!” she interrupts once more as she flares uncontrollably. “You think that just because I’m pregnant, I’ll simply slow down the whole team altogether, don’t you?! Why is everypony on my case about that?! I can’t believe you would do this to me! After everything I've done for this team, for you! I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself, and you’re a damn fool from even considering on laying me off like that--!
SLAM!
“RAINBOW DASH!”
Abruptly, the fuming mare ceases her outburst momentarily once she heard the thunderous slam of the desk, and she turns to piercing voice of her superior, where she stands upright with her forelegs holding her up. Silently, the two Wonderbolts glare each other with infuriated eyes as they engage in an intense staring contest.
Once she finally gets Rainbow’s attention, Spitfire enunciates in a calm yet growling tone, “Do not… interrupt me until I finish what I have to say first. Got it?”
Without keeping her fierce eyes off of her, Rainbow halfheartedly follows that order of familiar authority after letting out a heavy sigh of aggravation, “Yes, ma’am.”
"Good. So listen up and listen good.” Spitfire warns firmly as she sits back down before she begins her lecture as calmly as possible. “As Captain of the Wonderbolts, it is my responsibility to look after the well-being of every member on this team. Do you have any idea on how dangerous of the risk you’re taking from continuing your job while carrying a foal inside of you?! The speeds you clock in make roller coasters look like they were steady carriages! A simple crash to the ground may not do much to a pony like you, but comparing that kind of impact to a developing fetus… I sadly can’t say the same for him or her.” she says uneasily as she sadly shakes her head before resuming her firm demeanor. “So in short, I am not firing you; I am putting you on maternity leave immediately, and I am not going to take ‘no’ as an answer, even if I have to so much as to restrain your wings and ground you myself.”
Silently, Rainbow reflects on her commander’s words carefully. Despite her initial anger, she begins to understand Spitfire’s composed reasoning, but what really grabbed her attention was when older Pegasus mentioned on what could happen to her foal if she got into a serious accident, whether it was by her own actions or not. Startled by this grim realization, Rainbow plays the countless, frightening scenarios in her head that revolves with her unborn child. From those various fatal results, the foal could suffer a permanent disability or even worse… die prematurely.
Unable to bear thought over the lost of her child, Rainbow collapses on her hindquarters before she weeps tremendously to herself. Spitfire is surprised by this. She knew that Rainbow can handle harsh criticism before, but this is the first time she made the blue mare cry like that, and she never wanted that in the first place. From noticing this sudden change in her lamenting colleague’s behavior, Spitfire drops her strict manner as she gallops over to Dash’s side and comforts her to the best of her abilities.
“Oh come on, Rainbow! Don’t do that!” Spitfire pleads with a caring smile as she continues to cheer her up. “I’m just looking out for your own good, alright? I know it sucks that you won’t be take part in all of the action for awhile, but it’s not like you’ll go empty-hoofed. The Wonderbolts will certainly provide you paid leave during your pregnancy as well as 15 weeks of unpaid leave after that so that you and your husband can take care of your newborn. And sooner or later, you’ll be welcomed back onto the team in no time.”
Rainbow controls herself a little as she wipes away a majority of her tears before she responds softly, “It’s… not about that, Spitfire. I just couldn’t believe I didn’t think about the kind of danger I would have put my foal in! I feel so stupid right now from having to endanger my kid like that!”
She resumes some of her crying as Spitfire carries on with her reassurance by patting Rainbow on the shoulders with a gentle wing. “No no. Of course not, Rainbow. I’m just looking out for you, that’s all.”
“Yeah… just like Ford was.” Dash mutters to herself.
“And besides…” Spitfire continues. “…I commend you on this big step you’re making for yourself.”
“Why’s that, Spitfire?” she asks while wiping away her remaining tears.
“Because I wish I could take that step myself.”
A bit taken aback by the Wonderbolt’s openness, Rainbow inquires in bewilderment, “Well, why don’t you? You and Soarin have been married for a while now, so what’s holding you back?”
“My job, that’s what.” she answers in a chuckling smile. “To be honest, I was a little hesitant to pursue a relationship with somepony like Soarin. I mean, I’ve always like him. We’ve known each other since we were kids. But ever since I was made Captain, I was afraid that a possible relationship would ruin both of our careers. And even though we’ve manage to overcome that threshold, I’m now just a little reluctant to having my first kid someday until I could find a suitable, temporary replacement for myself first.”
“Maybe somepony like yours truly?” Rainbow jests in a boastful smirk.
Amused by seeing Dash returning to her cocky self, Spitfire lets out a lighthearted giggle before answering with a clever grin of her own, “Tell you what, kid… If you let me know on how the rest of your pregnancy goes from here, then we’ll talk.”
Once they share a good laugh among friends, Rainbow gratefully hugs Spitfire as she says to her warmly, “Thanks for everything, Captain.”
“You’re welcome, Rainbow Dash. Now… dismiss.”
----------------------------------------------------------------
Back at home in Ponyville’s airspace, Ford Mustang spends a lot of his free time to work on his drawings and paintings. Sometimes they’re for commissions, and other times they’re just for himself. As of now, space and art supplies are limited since he doesn’t have his own personal room for this sort of thing, so he mainly occupies one of the living room’s couches as his temporary art studio.
While staring at his unfinished drawing from his sketchbook, his sharp ears suddenly pick up the main door being opened. Curious by the sudden intrusion, he closes his sketchbook and flies toward the doorway. Since there are only a handful of those who can reach their house, he assumes that it must be one of his Pegasus friends, or a surprise visit from an Alicorn Princess, or even Pinkie Pie. But to his amazement, it is Rainbow Dash, who seems to have arrived fairly early from work today.
Standing in front the staggered stallion, Rainbow is still fully clad in her Wonderbolt uniform as she expresses a soft sadness within her magenta eyes. But before he can question that, the distraught mare charges forward and longingly hugs her husband with all of her heart. Briefly surprised by this need of affection, Ford nevertheless welcomes it as he wraps her up with his wings and fore hooves in a gentle embrace.
“Not that I’m not happy to see you again so soon, but shouldn't you be at work right now?” he asks with a small smile.
"They… let me go once they heard about my pregnancy.” she states it uneasily.
From interpreting that response as something else, Ford shakes with fury before he makes this promising threat, “If they fired you because of that, I’m going have words with them--!”
“Easy, Mustang.” she reassures him with an amusing grin as he pats him on the chest. “They only forced me take maternity leave until our kid is born. They’re even going to pay me during most of my absence.”
A bit embarrassed by that misinterpretation, Ford shrugs it off with sheepish grin, “Oh, well… I’m glad to hear that, Rainbow.”
After giggling to herself, she then brings up on what they talked about earlier, “Ford, I’m so sorry for everything this morning. I should have listened to you in the first place.”
"It’s okay, Dashie. I already forgave you, remember?”
“But why weren’t you harsher with me about that?” she questions him persistently. “If you were just as hard on me as Spitfire was, I would have listened to you eventually.”
“Well… I’m that very good when it comes to being hard on someone.” he admits with an awkward smile. “And I certainly didn’t want to cause harm to that fragile pride of yours. It is part of your charm after all.” he adds with a witty smirk.
“Heh, even as a famed hero, you’re still just a softy, aren’t ya?” she kids lightly as she rubs Ford’s cheek with a fore hoof.
“What can I say?” he shrugs with a clever smile. “I’m more of a lover than a fighter.”
Despite feeling more relax from the stallion’s sense of humor, she couldn’t help but cringe from her dark thoughts on what would happen if Ford or Spitfire didn’t stop her from doing her job while she is still pregnant. From re-imagining those grim possibilities, she tightens her hold around her husband and confesses her most recent fear, “Hey, Ford… I’m really scared.”
“You? Scared?” he gasps exaggeratedly. “I never would have guessed!”
“Funny.” she deadpans with a small, sarcastic smile.
Being more serious now, he caresses his wife and steadily strokes her lovely, multi-colored mane before he softly inquires about her concern, “What are you scared about, Rainbow?”
“I’m afraid that I’ll do something really stupid along the way that will endanger my foal.” she admits in trembling anxiety before she shoves her face into Ford’s furry, blue coat to shield her watery eyes. “Just like how I almost did today.”
After giving her sometime to let it all out, Ford gently lifts her head up so that her nearly tearful eyes can look into his soft gaze, and he shares his opinion with a warm, honest smile, “Now you listen to me, Rainbow Dash. You are not an idiot, and you are not as careless as you make yourself out to be. And the one trait that I always admire about you is that you always put others first before yourself. And your foal is definitely not an exception. Besides, you don’t have to burden yourself with this enormous task on your own. You have our friends, you have your father, you have the Princesses, and you will always me at your side. And trust me, I am just as new to this parenting thing as you are. Sure, we might make some mistakes along the way, but we’re a team, Rainbow. And no matter what happens, we’ll get through all of this… together.”
Unable to contain herself from Ford’s usual sentimentality, Rainbow releases all of her happy tears as her smile broadens extremely. Without restraint, she lunges forward and pulls Mustang in for a deep, comforting kiss. They moan in absolute ecstasy, and sooner or later, their satisfied lips separate from one another before he points something out in a shrewd smirk.
“You know, there is a bright side to your big break from the Wonderbolts.”
“And what bright side would that be, Mustang?”
With an all-knowing grin, he whispers in an alluring voice, “That we get to spend a lot more time together.”
She blinks a few times before her blank, wide-eyed face gradually breaks into very wide smile. “Oh! Oooh! Ooooooh~!”
After her grin matches that with Ford’s, he then asks in a crafty smile, “So… now that you no longer have to go to work for awhile, is there anything you would like to do in the meantime?”
Following up on that subtle hint, she leads her stallion into the living room while purposefully swaying her luscious hips and tail. At one of the fluffy couches, she jumps onto the furniture with a soft plop. With her back facing the cloudy cushions, she slides her hood off and shakes her head to swing her flowing, rainbow-colored hair. Then, she gazes at Ford with her gorgeous, bedroom eyes as she teasingly plays with the zipper at the top of her suit’s collar while displaying a masterfully seductive smile on her face.
“Well first of all, you can start by helping me out of this suit.”
Wanting to fulfill his wife’s command, the grinning Mustang gracefully crawls on top of her like a cat, and he mischievously pulls down the zipper of her flight suit after complying with an equally devious smirk.
“With pleasure!”
This chapter has made me realize something somewhat scary. RD is already relatively easy to anger, and when she is angry it usually doesn't end well for anyone involved. Now throw in the extra hormones and such from the pregnancy... May Celestia have mercy on the soul of whoever gets on RD's bad side.
Also, good job on getting RD to listen to reason, Spitfire. I guess getting into a shouting match with an immovable wall can occasionally be a pretty good way to make someone stop and look at the bigger picture.
And you're right, it may not be enjoyable to see arguments like the one between RD and Ford, but sometimes it is a necessity for development. I really don't want to think what would have happened in the long run if they didn't have that argument about RD's flight preferences and how it would effect the foal.
-BiomasterM2
How does this have 66 downvotes?
5602642 5597994
I'm pretty sure there is someone(s) trolling at this point. Happened with another story I remember that topped the feature box.
5602653 it's becouse of several reasons. The name Ford Mustang. The amount of cliches that the author uses. And finnaly certain grammer nazis. Basicly people too dumb to see the forest behind the trees.
I think everyone is putting this pregnancy thing on a higher pedestal than what it really is. Normally, a working woman would still have to work, even up to 7-8 months pregnant. While Rainbow may be part of a stunt team, she should still have to work somewhere with the Wonderbolts, just not on the actual stunt team. So both Ford and Spitfire, while thinking they are doing good, are being a bit overprotective of the 2 week pregnant Dash.
5602980
And what would this forest be? I'm curious to know why people who actually enjoy the story do so.
5603916 Certainly. The story is charming, funny and it has a flowing drawing plot. Sure it's predictable but the predictability is a part of its charm.
5604253
That may very well be the case but I still feel that the down voting is justified. The plot is indeed cliché and with a lot of the tropes that are red flags for these kind of fics. But, as you said, that doesn't necessarily make it bad. However, to pull it off it takes a much higher degree of skill and imagination to still do something original and worthwhile with that idea.
Now, I'm not going to focus too much on the plot since I will freely admit I have not read the entire series. However, from what I've read of the first story Rainbow Dash appears very OOC, seemingly easily embarrassed and not displaying any uncomfortableness at the highly emotional situation when the protagonist cries in front of her. Now, I won't comment on this story since it is possible for character development to take place. However, that lack of proper characterization in the first story put me off reading it when I first encountered it.
Now, from what I have encountered when skimming over the last couple of chapters in this story there seems to be a real problem with exposition dumps/telling and not showing. In particular, every single chapter the author somehow feels it necessary to explain everything to us, rather than just starting the scene and let our realization for where we are and what is happening occur naturally.
This is also reflected at other points in the text, where the author points out certain details and facts where it is completely unnecessary to do so. It's almost like he either doesn't respect us enough as a readership to realize this or is terrified that they might not have made this clear previously. An author should always show us and let us draw our own conclusions, not tell us what we should be concluding.
So, for example;
This is completely unnecessary and breaks the flow. It should have been displayed more through dialogue and character interactions, rather than just telling us outright.
Finally, and this is a less major point, though I feel I should still mention it. Present tense is actually a rather difficult tense to write well. It's hard to explain but it lends the prose a sort of awkwardness that can really break up the flow. Nine times out of ten past tense flows a lot more smoothly and reads easier.
If you or anyone (including the author) wants me to expand on my points then feel free to ask.
Comrade_Pony
5604480
I'm not going to sit here and argue semantics with you as even I think that there are things that can be improved upon with the story. Even I can see that. What I am going to ask you, though, is if you think people are going to hate this story because of them, then why, oh why, do the previous two stories have more likes than dislikes?
The first story, The Arrival of Ford Mustang, has 1117 like to 115 dislikes (quite a large margin don't you think)? The second story, The Epic Quest of Ford Mustang, has 641 likes to 77 dislikes (not quite as large a margin as the first story). This isn't even considering the Christmas story that was posted this past year.
So, even with all those issues, why do those two stories have a large margin of likes to dislikes? Are you going to sit there and call those of us that liked these stories stupid because we like the story for what it is? Another question, why OH WHY, do people see the need to bash on a story like they do? I can understand constructive criticism but what I see here is NOT that. All I see going on is "I hate this because of X, Y and Z."
If you really don't like the story, no one is forcing you to read it. So DON'T READ IT!!! Let those of us who do like the story read it in peace without someone trying to over analyze the entire thing to bits. Either way, I don't think the author really cares what you say or don't say or think even. As he has been posting a chapter a day, now, since it was first posted.
For all we know, the story is completed and he will just upload a chapter a day until its all posted online and he will go on his merry way knowing that he made the vast majority of his readers happy knowing that his story was continued. I know I feel like that and I see the mistakes left and right, but unlike SOME, I can look beyond the mistakes.
There are only a few on here that are going to be worthy of such notable authors like of Tom Clancy, Stephen King, Edgar Allen Poe, etc etc; but I also know for a fact that many on here don't try to be like them. There just here because they choose to be and to have fun with their chosen hobby.
So a message to all of you trying to over analyze all the stories on here that don't meet with your requirements, stop. Go find another hobby. There might be some that care, but the rest of us do not and we will continue reading these stories so long as the author(s) keep posting to them.
To RoyalRainbow and other writers out there. Ignore those that would put you down or put down your works. Listen to those that offer constructive criticisms and truly want to help you.
And to Comrade_Pony. Your last post is not constructive in anyway, shape or form. All it does is point out the problems without giving any advice on how the author could fix said problems. So, if you truly want to see this story fixed, offer suggestions. Don't just point out it's flaws and say nothing else...unless you truly do want this story to fail and in that regard, I don't think it will work.
This is all I'm going to say on this subject. I will not respond to any replies to this posting. I rarely post to stories as it is unless I feel it warranted. On this, though, I just had to say my bit because it got under my skin, so to speak.
Have a good day and a wonderful week.
Darkestar
5605258
How popular a story is is not a measure of it's quality. Under that logic Michael Bay's movies are some of the best movies ever made. Or the Twilight Saga are pinnacles of modern literature.
Furthermore, at no point did I ever say that people who liked this story were stupid or anything of the sort. If you like this story, fine, I have no problem with that. All I was doing was engaging in a discussion with another user over the problems I had with the story.
I also fail to see how I didn't offer any constructive criticism. I highlighted problems with the story and suggested ways in which the author could improve it in the future. How is that not constructive?
However, that being said, it is not your place to say if the author wants or desires constructive criticism or not. Are you aware of his motives or desires for writing? For all you know they are trying to improve themselves as a writer. It's the reason why I'm here.
Hence, I'll leave this up to the author. If they wish me to expand or clarify on any of my points then feel free to contact me (including via PM if they want to keep this between us). Otherwise, tell me to stop and I gladly will. I only offer advice to the author, I am in no way making them follow it, nor am I forcing you to read it.
I personally received a lot of constructive criticisms when I first started writing, both from my readers and my proof-readers/editors. It might sting at first but I'm incredibly grateful that I got it now. I highly doubt I'd be even half the writer I am now if I ignored them.
Now, I do not expect you to respond and I will not if you do. This is merely a rebuttal to the points you made as well as me affirming that I am here to help if the author wants it. Beyond that I think it is best for us to go our separate ways before this disagreement escalates any further. Besides, it isn't fair for us to post our drama on the author's story.
Comrade_Pony
OH MY GAWD SPITFIRE IS GONNA HAVE A FOAL PROBABLY!!!!! You're one of my favorite writers.
Is that what happened to Scootaloo since Spitfire is her mother?
Edit 3/23/2020:
This ended a lot better than it could have for the two. Half expected Ford to head out in search of advice from some smart ponies like Dr Whooves and Cheerilee, then Derpy who is a pegasus mother, maybe Granny Smith, culminating in a lecture about anatomy and equine biology from Twilight…