The Confession
It was a warm summer's day, birds were chirping, the sun was rising, the tree's were blooming, it was perfect for a day of bucking. Applejack watched as the sun rose, the apples in the field glinting like stars in the night sky. She shifted her Stetson on her head, keeping it tight to her head as she started racing through the Orchard.
Today was like any other day to her, bucking season and a rear-hooves primed for kicking. She normally got up and watched the apples glint in the sun's rising light, racing through to get the apples down for selling. But this day was different. It was the day after the hardest day of her life.
Applejack bucked a couple trees before letting her mind wander to the event that changed her life. “Ah' can' even reckon why ah did that... Ah' may be the Element of Honesty, but honestly, that was plum stupid of me. Now ah' lost a friend, and whatever chance ah' had to be more. Stupid Stallions...”
XxX A Day Ago XxX
Applejack was coming through the market, just trying to find out if Pinkie had some kind of party planned. The pink cousin of hers had been acting mighty strange, as if she was about to burst wide open like one of her balloons she kept filling with too much air. This air had to be a secret to make Pinkie almost fly like a Pegasi the other day, her in her contraption.
Since she wouldn't talk to Applejack, and always ran, she wanted to figure out why. Thing was, Pinkie hadn't bought a single thing from anypony, and that just bothered her to no end. So, instead of trying her usual option, the direct approach, she went with plan B, the stalking approach.
Applejack managed to get sight of Pinkie out of her shop, and followed well enough. They were starting to round about town when Applejack caught wind of Pinkie Pie gasping. She stared wide-eyed at the twitching tail, just before Pinkie ran for the hills. Applejack was running as fast as she could, her hooves clapping the ground in heavy speed to get out of any danger.
As she was passing through the castle, she heard a crash and stopped. She didn’t feel anything hit her, but that sounded like something fell alright. Applejack went to the source, which was the kitchen. She gasped as she seen three Stallions and Twilight in there. Twilight was on the floor, a crashed bowl in front of her with what seemed to be the rest of whatever she was eating.
One of the Stallions grinned. “Hows that Princess? My Paralysis drug hit the spot I take it? Good. Cause you are coming with us. You're our ticket to the big time!” As they started to descend upon Twilight, Applejack brushed past them and kicked two away with a splitting buck kick, and had enough momentum from her sudden stop to launch the second straight in the leader's mug, knocking them all down.
The leader of the group stood and nickered. “Well, now. Guess we got TWO tickets to the big time. The Princess of Friendship, and one of her closest friends! GET 'EM BOYS!”
Applejack huffed and got down low, ready to buck them into next season. “NOPONY HURTS MY TWI!”
To say it was a light scuffle was just another way to muddy the issue, cause it was anything but light. After around five minutes of fighting, the three Stallions were racing out the castle. The two who could still run anyway, and they were carrying the third on their back, who got both front legs broken to go with his ribs.
Applejack was worse for ware as well, a tooth missing, blood coming from her busted lip, one eye bruised, another dozen around her body, and a single broken rib. She turned, hissing on her twisted hind-hoof as she looked to Twilight, who was frozen in place by the drug, her eyes shocked to see what happened in the fight, and her worry blatantly displayed. “Sorry 'bout that Twi. Ain't gonna let no stallion try to kidnap mah friends. Can ya move at all?”
Twilight was breathing raggedly, as if her body refused to let in any air to talk. Applejack feared she was in shock, but remembered the Stallion saying something about a drug. Applejack grabbed her friend and heaved her onto her back. After a few near-falls, she managed to get them to Twilight's room.
With a heavy plop, Applejack got twilight into bed, having needed to lay herself in it to get twilight comfy. For a moment, Applejack felt warm, laying like they were in bed. She blushed hotly as she felt Twilight's hoof and wing draped over her. Without making a scene, she slid out of bed and cleared her throat. “Sorry Twi, ah guess ah got here too late. Whatever they did ta' ya ain't permanent or deadly, so ah reckon it just needs ta get out of your system. Ah'm gonna go get Spike.”
As she turned to go, she heard Twilight speak. It was ragged, barely a squeak, but she heard her friend try. “Sss...sss...ta...ssst...st...stay..”
Applejack stopped cold. Twilight wanted her to stay. She pressed her Stetson on her head and squashed any hope for her feelings to be returned. It was just a request from a friend to protect her in her time of need, not a love confession. “Ah told Rarity ah aint inta all that romantic hooie, and all it would do would just put stupid ideas inta mah head. Ah love Twi, but ah ain't gonna let it slip for any kinda hope.”
Applejack turned and came up to Twilight, sitting down and keeping Twilight company. “A'right, but you need your rest, Sugar Cube. Ah'll be here. You close them eyes and sleep.” Twilight didn't move, or utter a sound. She just blinked and relaxed. Applejack took that as a sign she agreed.
Applejack watched as Twilight's breathing was still struggling, but not enough to keep her from sleeping. She sighed and pulled her stetson over her heart. “Shucks, this may be the only time ah get to say it without ruinin' a thing between us.”
Applejack took a deep breath. “You're amazin' Twi. Not just with your magic, or the fact you became a Princess. That's just more of ya ah get to admire. Sure, you like them books and such, probably more than tryin' ta get a buckfriend. Ah hav'ta admit, the thought you won't ever want one gives me hope, that maybe... Maybe you'd wanna get a marefriend instead.”
Applejack felt her heart clench. She was freezing up, her fears taking hold. She willed herself to continue, knowing this was it. Either now, or when Twilight was awake. Unknown to her, Twilight was awake, just not opening her eyes.
The farmpony bucked up and shook herself free of her frozen fear. “It's a might tough for me to say all this, even more so considerin' what we DON'T have in common. Ah'm never gonna read a book fer more than an hour a day. Ah don't have any fancy mathematical skills, or know what the blazes an Ursa Minor doesn't have that a major does, or what stars show what pictures, what new things ah can do if ah put mah mind to it. Ah'm a one trick pony, buckin' and haulin' apples all day, all night, all week and all month, and I won't stop for years to come.”
Applejack put her stetson on her head again, taking a deep breath. “Ah know you'd never take an interest in farmin', and that is fine by me. Just cause we are from two different worlds, doesn't mean we can't share. Ah like talkin' ta ya, Twi. Learnin' what you can do, what fancy science and math things you can see that ah can't. Even if'n ah can't understand HOW you see 'em, ah know that you can, and what they are is amazin' ta me. Why, ah smiled a week ago, feeling like ah learned something new, when you told me about that there Earth Pony who was the first to wanna see a Pegasi when the three races got together at last, and he and that Pegasi he was courtin' were in the stars. T'was real romantic how ya put it, their love so strong they made it to the heavens as a reminder.”
Applejack smiled more, but had shed a few tears. She looked down. She loved that now, the story meant love can come from anywhere, and anypony. Gave her hope that if Twilight thought it amazing, maybe she would give them a try. But she frowned as she knew it may never be. “Anypony can see how amazin' ya are, Sugar Cube. That's what hurts sometimes. Cause ah know ah have to watch you find that special somepony, and it ain't gonna be me.”
Applejack sat up straight. She came this far, her heart was solid. Every time she rehearsed this phrase, it was her one time in anything she spoke in the mirror that she could do. This one phrase was the only one that came out right the first time, and she was proud of it. “That's right, Twi. Ah LOVE you. Ah love you so much, Ah'd consider movin' inta the castle and readin' more often, tell mah family ah will be workin' less due to that love. Ah'd put away my lasso for ya! My heart is yours Sugar Cube, and no matter what you say ta me, yes or no, it's yours. Ah will always be your friend, even if mah heart wants more. Ah will travel Tartarus to be by your side, Ah would head into the deepest parts of it ta save you, because you mean that much ta me!” Applejack took a deep breath and spoke clearly. “Ah love ya, Twilight Sparkle. Ah...I! Love... YOU! I Love You!”
Applejack huffed a bit, falling from her hinglegs to all legs, sitting with a smack on the floor. She was breathing a bit heavy. It took her a month to take away her accent when speaking those three words. She needed it to be clear, no accidental communication problem due to her accent being different. She always messed up the 'I', but she did it.
She looked to Twilight. Twilight seemed to be breathing better now, but she was stiff as could be. Applejack was crying, shaking as her confession was unheard. Part of her wanted to be heard, finally have Twilight know. She even raised her voice on the real confession, saying those three little words. She stood up. She felt sure Twilight didn't hear, and that it was basically turned down. She would never gain the courage to say it again. She did the only thing she could do to maybe show it, and get one thing from Twilight that would give her enough daydreams to keep her sane.
Without second thought, she leaned on the bed and got close to Twilight, tears running down her cheeks as she got close. “Twi.... Ah'm sorry. Forgive me....” She pressed forward, and their lips connected. As their lips finally hit each other, Applejack felt like she had been shot out of Pinkie Pie's cannon, streamers shooting off out of nowhere, the random pony always manged to hide so much party in thin air it seemed.
But her only thought was one thing. She was kissing the mare she loved, and it felt like an eternity. She sighed in the kiss, relaxing as their lips stayed together. Applejack was reluctant, but she finally pulled back. She breathed heavy, enjoying the sensations running through her body, her heart fluttering, her body on a cloud, her mind just focusing on the pleasant thought of the kiss.
As Applejack opened her eyes, her heaven was short lived. Her Nirvana came crashing down, as she stared into Twilight's eyes... which were open... meaning she was awake. Applejack gasped and kicked back, her legs failing to work from still being jell-o from the kiss, her body splayed on the ground. She stared up in horror as Twilight's eyes shown shock, surprise, and processing such a thing.
Applejack rolled on her front and got up, backing up a bit and hyperventilating. “Twi! Ah-ah, didn't know you were awake! Oh, sassafras! You didn't.. uh, hear anything, did ya Sugar cube?” cause that was the first thing she was worried about, and not the kiss that probably woke Twilight up.
Twilight was trying to speak, but her body was still under the drugs effects. “I....I...yes...” She wanted to lift a hoof, try to touch Applejack, but she couldn't move.
Applejack was stepping back a bit, her eyes wide. “How... how much?”
Twilight gasped in a breath, trying to will words from her mouth. “All... Whole.... Thing...” she seen Applejack jerk up and almost shake in disbelief. Twilight wanted nothing more than to hold her friend, tell her it was ok. Something in her wanted the kiss again, too. But with her body still, her mouth not working, all she could do was rampage in her own mind what to do. Applejack liked mares, and not just any either. She liked- no, LOVED- Twilight, and she expressed it beautifully. Twilight didn't know what to do, she never had anyone like her like that, love her in any way. She had no idea what to do.
Applejack turned and seen no one coming in yet. She supposed after kicking three stallions out, that would get some attention. She turned to Twilight. “Well... Twi... If'n ya don't wanna be with me ah understand...”
Applejack didn't let her tears bother her, even if they were staining her face. “If'n ya want me to leave, ah understand. Ah know this is a lot to take in, havin' a friend confess such a thing. If'n ya don't love me.... I'll understand.”
Applejack just stood frozen. She hoped beyond hope, but feared even more. She half wanted to run, and the other to SHOW Twilight her love. She kept still, not letting impulse control her judgment. Twilight was having trouble saying her full name, it seemed she could only get out small stuff. “AJ.... I... No....Not... Like...”
That was as far as Applejack got, before her ears rang and flushed Twilight's voice away, and her eyes became pintips. Her heart, hearing Twilight say she didn't like her, or what she thought the last word was 'her', was enough to finally tear her up. She couldn't stay, if she did she might say something or do something she would regret, like beg. Twilight being defenseless, she could try kissing more, or whatever it took. She heard their friends rushing down the hall and she turned, wiping her eyes and making sure she didn't have anything left in her eyes. “Bye, Twi. Friends here, they can protect ya. I'll leave you alone... Least until we can make this right again, to be just friends if that's what you want.”
Without a second thought, she was off. She ran out the room and came face to face with her friends. “Girls, Twilight's been drugged, she's kinda paralyzed. She can't move, she can barely talk. Keep her safe.”
Rainbow could see clearly Applejack wasn't doing so well either. She knew the Earth Pony wasn't usually one to seem weak and pleading. “Maybe you should get some rest too, AJ, whatever these ponies did to you was a number alright.”
Applejack was too full of adrenaline to let her wounds hurt her. Besides, a bath and a good mattress was good enough for most her injuries. “Ah'm fine, Rainbow, just get in there, keep her safe. Least 'till it's worn off. Ah'm gonna get. Ah have Applebuckin' ta do in the morning, and ah would just get in ya'll's way how ah am.”
Pinkie Pie could see the distress of her new cousin and seen clearly she had something to run from. She nodded. “Get goin' silly-filly, We got this.” Applejack smiled a bit at that. Pinkie was the only one who knew of her secret besides her big brother. Technically still family now, after that genealogy thing twilight got Pinkie into, but it was good having her friend know.
As Applejack started off, Rarity looked to Pinkie. “Pinkie Pie, darling. We should have forced her to rest! At least then if we needed her she would be here when it's gotten too rough.”
Pinkie smiled at Rarity. “Hey, let's go check on Twilight! Make sure she's ok. THEN we can worry about Applejack. But I don't think we do, my Pinkie Sense will go off if we are in trouble. Heck, it's probably what saved Twilight in the first place, if Applejack hadn't followed me.”
The two ponies with her, Fluttershy having been in the forest and way too far to respond quick enough when someone reported a fight going on, had looked to each other and nodded. The three went into the bedroom to see Twilight crying, her hoof shaking as she tried to get up and reach out. The three came up and looked her over, but the only thing Twilight could see is Applejack, and wanted her words carried to her. “AJ... No.... Don't... Go....”
Twilight had never figured Applejack to be sensitive, or even fearful, but what she saw was Applejack breaking down emotionally, and saw the heart of her friend breaking when she heard her say no. “Why did I say no, I could have just said YES!... I've been learning techniques of Applebucking, I've been trying to find out how to grow things, even planned on getting books on dating and everything! Just so I could finally ask her myself.”
For the longest time, Applejack's honesty, her dependability, her humor, and natural beauty. Everything was there that Twilight knew amounted to a real mare. It's true she wanted to give Flash Sentry a try, but after they fell out... She fell apart. All her friends helped her recover, but it was Applejack that barely left her side during that time. Most nights sleeping over, helping with the library from time to time, even getting Rarity in for another sleep over one time. They even invited Pinkie Pie, so that it was more fun.
Applejack helped her up, almost the sole reason she rebounded from a fallout so harsh with Flash Sentry. Her smile, her dependable nature to help her friends. Twilight was doing everything she could to learn more about being a farmpony, help Applejack out. Sometimes she would come over and watch, or talk a bit about the day. Applejack could always talk to her, and would always listen. It wasn't a stretch that she had fallen for the orange mare.
The Princess of Friendship fell, and fell hard, her heart was caught by the natural radiant beauty of the bucking friend of hers, the strength, but soft caring attitude she had. She had feared she was too smart and dorky to be with someone so strong, too magical to be near someone with true talent. She felt unworthy.
And she had just proven how unworthy she was. She had been in and out of sleep for awhile now, and had woken just before Applejack spoke to her and confessed. She had faked sleep, but all she wanted to do was look and see if Applejack was talking to some other pony, or maybe just practicing.
Turns out, it was not practice... Practice would be quiet, or not pointed to the real thing. Applejack had gotten louder, declaring her feelings boldly, another reason Twilight loved her. Then she did something more. Twilight didn't expect it, but welcomed it all the same, the kiss. Her first TRUE kiss. Flash would only peck her cheek, but Applejack went straight for her lips.
And it was divine. She could taste the cider, the smell of home grown tree's, the feel of small silken lips. Her mind was blank, her heart exploding, and her eyes snapped open. Even when injured, Applejack had a natural beauty she could never have taken away. And those injuries were caused because she let some stallion give her cake.
Twilight had scoffed at that a few minutes before sleep the first time. “A Thank-You cake indeed... Kidnappers...” Applejack had saved her just in time, and she was glad for it. And to know it was Applejack who did it, made it feel even better. But to see the one she loved hurt doing so hurt her heart.
And all she could say when questioned about everything was 'no not like this.' She was paralyzed, she couldn't move! If she had all her facilities, she'd have teleported Applejack to her and held her down to listen, or if she could move at all, she'd have jumped up and held the mare, not letting her cry anymore. But she couldn't move, talk, or even think at the moment. Her words, she knew were only half listened to. She knew Applejack only heard a no, as if saying 'no, I don't' to her last question.
Using all her strength zapped all her energy, and she passed out, still oblivious to the rest of her friends around her.
Rarity sighed as she had to use a spell to finally get Twilight to calm down. The Alicorn princess seemed to fight every ounce of whatever she was drugged with, and had managed to crawl almost out of bed. Rainbow dash huffed as she pulled Twilight back into the middle of the bed. “That could have gone better. First AJ wanted to rush out, then we come in here to see Twilight not only paralyzed by some drug, but crying her eyes out calling out to AJ! What the hay is going on here?”
Pinkie Pie just stared at Twilight. She sensed heartbreak earlier, but it was too powerful to be a single heart... She knew now something bad happened here, and it took every instinct inside her Pinkie Sense body to stay put.
Rarity had to explain to Rainbow Dash that she might have been scared or something before seeing Pinkie so serious. “Pinkie, dear. You seem to be much more serious about this than I thought. I can understand without a doubt that our Twilight is currently not well, and Applejack may be too stubborn to let us help, but you are standing in as if you are a Royal Guard from Canterlot. Do you know something we do not?”
Pinkie Pie had Pinkie Swore, never to tell Applejack's love of Twilight. Never to even HINT at it until it was finally spoken to Twilight. She was bound by her own promise to never hint at such unless Twilight knew her feelings, for better or worse. She could feel her promise lifted, no more needing to keep it in.... But she also made a second promise.
Twilight had begged her to set up a party, and to not let any feelings slip about Twilight's love until after the party. It would have been there that Twilight could finally tell Applejack. She had to go several ways around the week to get everything prepared! And now, she had to make a choice....
Break her own promise? HAY NO! Tell of Applejack's love? She could do that, but what if it slipped that Twilight did? Could she make it happen? She feared she couldn't. She only had one thing TO do. She looked to Rarity. “Rarity, I need you and Rainbow to go and get my supplies from the Corner, bring them here. Take your time, I need to have a chat with Twilight here.”
Rainbow Dash was utterly confused now. “Pinkie Pie, just tell us what the hay is going on! Why was Twilight crying, almost crawling out of bed in her condition for Applejack, and Applejack rushing out like Fluttershy running from a dragon!”
Pinkie Pie glared at the two. “Because of Applejack! She did something, and I wanna know what! Only one who can tell me is Twilight, and I can't very well say anything about it, understand? Now buck up Dashie, go and get my supplies, we are gonna throw ourselves a Party tomorrow, and I am NOT going to let my Promise stop me from helping my friends!”
Pinkie Pie brightened up as she kissed Rarity's horn. “Now be a dear and go before I PUNISH you, my generous marefriend!” Rarity shivered at that and Rainbow gawked.
Rarity blushed a bit before looking at Pinkie and then Twilight. She gasped, understanding now. Pinkie needed to know about these two lovebirds! She turned to Rainbow and smiled. “Come on, Let's go grab every scrap of supply, Rainbow Dash. We kinda need to give Pinkie her space if we want answers ourselves.”
Rainbow was still gawking. Pinkie had kissed Rarity's Horn! Now, Rainbow was no Unicorn, but she knew from some talks with Unicorn friends from the past that the horn was a special place for lovers to express. Seeing Pinkie and Rarity do such was kind of unexpected. Rainbow Dash yelped as she got slapped in the flank. “OW! Pinkie!”
Pinkie had a whip, wearing a jockey suit. “MOVE it, Dashie, or you'll be seeing how fast I can run ya around Ponyville before you wanna Sonic Rainboom on your own!”
Rainbow knew Pinkie was serious, and bolted out the door, Rarity following close by. Pinkie shook her jockey suit off and slipped under the bed. With a swift lift of the bed, she was out and in a surgeon uniform, rubber gloves on her hooves. “Let Pinkie PhD. Help cure what has you down, Twilight!... Cause I am NOT gonna let you ruin my Pinkie Promise just because Rainbow Dash can't take a hint!”
She grabbed her Party cannon and rolled her hoof up in the air. “Prognosis? You need to wake up and talk to me before you two lovebirds fail to see how you both want each other, and need each other. Then I can help and fix this mess you both got in from your own silly fears! PINKIE PIE PARTY TRANSPLANT ACTIVATE!” With a press of the button, her cannon went off, and the interrog- the ta- the surger- oh hoof it, the Celestia be darned Pinkie way of helping her friends began. “THANKS AUTHOR!”
No problem Pinkie.... Wait, what?
XxX The Present XxX
Applejack had been working an hour. Her mind going through everything of that day, fearing the worst. She had managed to take down most of the apples that day, quick and powerful kicks as her body went on auto-bucking mode. She heard her brother ask a question, but it didn't register until he poked her and asked again. “What in the hay has mah lil' sis buckin' everything so fast, and so out of it this mornin'?”
Applejack sighed and sat down. “Ah messed up, Mac. I spilled my heart out ta Twi, and she... said no. How she looked at me, it felt like she was scared, and ah can't have her fear me. Oh, Big Mac, what in the hay can I do now? She'll never wanna see me again! Even as a friend!”
Big Mac sat by his sister and sighed. Honestly he figured his sister was a tad brighter then that. His own relationship with Cheerilee is going quite well, but he knew how Twilight had been visiting more often. If it wasn't for the Pinkie Promise she made him do (and the fear of breaking such a thing keeping his tongue from falling out and telling such a secret) he would tell her she's got some kind of smitten feelings as well. How else could he explain Twilight coming over when Applejack was out selling in order to learn AppleBucking the old fashion way. She could easily use her magic, especially from being an Alicorn.
He sighed heavily, then looked to his sister. “Applejack, tell me all about it.” As the story progressed, he was half wanting to go in search of these guys who had drugged Twilight, and half wanting Applejack to race back and make SURE she was ok. He had noticed the black eye, but otherwise she was just fine, Bruises were lightened up and everything.
But just as the story was finished he groaned. “Applejack, ah Pinkie Promised, but you've gone plum loco. Get goin' and see her REAL answer, cause I can tell ya'll right now that she-” “Breaking a Pinkie Promise is the fastest way of losing a friend FOREVER!!!!”
Both Apples were stunned as Pinkie Pie had popped out from the ground and glaring at Big Mac. He shut his mouth so fast his teeth snapped against each other and made him cringe and rub his cheek, that had hurt more than biting his tongue.
Applejack looked to the two of them before shaking from her thoughts. “Pinkie, what in the hay are you doin' here? Ah thought ya'll was takin' care of Twi!”
Pinkie smiled and popped from the hole in a hurry, facing Applejack. “Oh, AJ, She's fine now! The drug is out of her system, and she is at the castle setting up for a big party!”
Applejack looked away at that. Party? Out of nowhere? After all that? “Ah guess she's, uh.. Happy? That ah'm out of her life?”
Pinkie Pie shook her head. “Nope! She's kinda sad actually, she was having trouble waking up this morning. So, I had her set up a party for later, and I would get all the people for this party getting ready! And YOU are coming!”
Applejack sighed and looked down. “Ah don't think ah can Pinkie... Ah told her, how ah feel and everything. What in Equestria am I gonna do there but make her hate me for coming back after making her so scared?”
Pinkie giggled. “Oh you silly! She isn't scared of you! In fact, she wants to talk to you most of all!”
Applejack looked at Pinkie with wide eyed confusion. “Talk ta ME? Now, ah might understand wantin' ta stay friends, and ah really want that, but what in the hay are ya talkin' 'bout when ya'll say she want's ta talk ta me?”
Big Mac was sighing a bit, but let Pinkie handle it. She giggled and poked Applejack in the shoulder. “Wise up, cuz, you need to understand that this party was for YOU all along! And without you, it's gonna be sad” Pinkie pouted a bit. “And if it's sad then all our friends won't have a good time, and Twilight spent so much time planning this for you!” Pinkie shot up and down rapidly. “And if you and her don't talk and have this party, it would break all our hearts, and both of yours mostly of all!”
Pinkie shot Applejack a serious expression. “And I am not about to let any of my friends get broken hearted over silly filly fears! Now, you are gonna MARCH right back to the castle, and get into the party, have fun, and talk to Twilight, and if you don't, then I will have to tell your secret!”
Applejack was about to retort, maybe even hesitate and agree just to get away later, but that kept her still, as she looked shocked. “But ya'll PINKIE promised, Pinkie! Ya CAN'T tell mah secret!”
Pinkie Pie grinned wide, making a cute sound. “Oh, silly, I know when an obligation is up! Come on AJ, I feel my Promise is no longer valid, and you even just said you told her, meaning my promise is over!”
Applejack was quick to pick up her jaw, as it hit the floor when Pinkie Pie said she had confessed. She had to backpedal, try to have Pinkie think otherwise. It was fruitless. “Now hold up, how can ya know ah said a word of mah feelin's?”
Pinkie started jumping around Applejack. “I feel it, I feel it, I FEEEEEL it! My promise was to not say a word until you told someone first, and I can just SENSE you did, but most of all, you said it yourself, so no reversing time here, little miss honesty. Don't worry though, I didn't tell anypony. But if you don't come to the party and talk to Twilight, then you can betcha I am gonna tell EVERYPONY!”
Applejack groaned a bit. She looked hopeful as she smiled a smile she didn't feel was real. “Pinkie, can ya promise me not ta tell at all, and ah can just work up to courage ta talk ta Twi in a week?... or a month? “Maybe never?”
Pinkie stood still as she processed this. Then she grinned wide. “How about this, I will Pinkie Promise I won't tell a single pony anything about this, if YOU Pinkie Promise to come to the party and talk to Twilight today!”
Applejack groaned, slumping on the ground. Her body had been working like crazy, and the situation running her emotions in the ground at the motion of dealing with Twilight again was giving her fatigue in all the wrong places, not to mention her mind was a mess with all the things that happened yesterday. She just wanted to work until she couldn't move, then rest, and repeat.
But she knew Pinkie wouldn't stop begging till she went, and if she promised then Pinkie wouldn't let her hear the end of it if she tried to break the promise. She was stuck. She sighed. If Twilight was able to properly converse, maybe finally settling this would fix things. Honestly, even if she wanted to hide, she was nothing if not dependable. She would make sure Twilight was ok, and if they talked then so be it. “Fine....”
With a swift motion as was the way to do the promise, a cross over her heart, flapping her hooves, and sticking a hoof against her eye. “Happy now? Cross mah heart, hope ta fly, stick a cupcake in mah eye. Ah'll be there for the party.”
Pinkie sat and did the same thing. “I cross my heart, and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. I won't speak of anything about this until you release my obligations.”
Big Mac had to admit, Pinkie had a way of getting her way. He turned. “See ya'll at dinner, AJ, yer welcome to it as well, Pinkie.”
Pinkie waved at Big Mac. “See ya, Mac, have a good time in the fields picking 'fruit'!” Big mac stiffened but just decided NOT to let that catch him, calmly walking off.
Applejack rolled her eyes, knowing Cheerilee was off today cause it was a weekend. They always went out to the south orchard. She looked to Pinkie, who somehow got her helicopter thing again and was rising in the air. Pinkie waved. “TO THE PINKIE CAVE!... oh wait, that's the castle.” She laughed so hard she snorted a bit before zooming off.
Applejack sighed heavy but let it be. She was obligated to go now. Somehow, she felt in her heart it was the right thing. With a small smile, truly this time, she put her stetson over her heart. “Thank ya, Pinkie. Guess ah needed the push.” “YOUR WELCOOOOOME!”
Applejack blinked as Pinkie had yelled out to her from her distance. She would never get that pink cousin of hers, no matter how much they knew each other. Applejack started bucking again, trying to keep her mind off things so she could calmly talk to Twilight. Simple and honest, that's who she was. She wouldn't be complex or deceiving, and couldn't really, but decided not to even try with Twilight. “She deserves only the best, most honest and dependable kind of pony. Ah may be honest to a T, dependable as can be, but ah know ah ain't perfect. Even if she doesn't want me around, ah will never leave her. Maybe... Ah can be her pony, and she will see that. One can hope.”
With a swift kick to end the west field's harvest, she saw one apple stay on the vine. Only one, out of the entire crop. It was something magical, as it was shining the same purple color of Twilight’s coat, and it twinkled in the small amount of sun it was getting from the branches, just like all the apples did in the mornings just before the day truly began. That moment of Twilight.... Of her love's time of day.
With a small kick, barely a tap, she bucked it to finally fall. But instead of catching it in the basket, Applejack caught it in her Stetson, smiling as she seen it gleam in the light. “Mah Twilight apple. Ah guess this is a sign from the heavens above...”
She slipped it on her head and kept it safe within her Stetson. She'd give the apple to Twilight herself, as some way of showing her desire to stay near, even as a friend. Applejack turned and ran to the highest hill in the west side, and looked at the castle. “Ah'm ah comin' Sugarcube! Ah Pinkie Promised, and Ah keep those from now on. Guess it's time ta face the music.”
With a steady heart and ready spirit, she galloped as fast as she could to the castle. Applejack only having a single thing on her mind. “Love finds a way, eh, Rarity?”
XxX At the Castle. XxX
“OO, OO! And then we should TOTALLY have cake, but maybe have CONFETTI come out just as you two kiss!” Pinkie Pie was zooming across the entire room, putting decorations and confetti everywhere, special blasters, though nopony knew how she managed to hide seven party cannons without anypony able to notice, it was as if they had just warped into the wall.
Twilight chuckled lightly before looking at the girls setting up. Rarity trying to make things beautiful and romantic, even though Pinkie kept making it FUN and party-tastic. Rainbow was out on watch-out, hidden in a cloud above waiting for Applejack.
Rarity had some explaining to do when everyone got back in the morning. Apparently, her and Pinkie Pie had been marefriends for a good few months, but even with Pinkie Pie's ecstatic behavior, they both managed to keep it low key. Rainbow was a bit overwhelmed seeing four of her friends as fillyfoolers, but she accepted it. She knew they were happy, and that's all she needed to know. Though Rainbow had told them her barn door didn't swing that way, she did have a slight crush on Spitfire when she was a filly, so she understood.
Fluttershy was happy as could be, she wanted nothing more than to make this day perfect to bring her friends closer. As she finished setting the tables, she turned to Twilight, who was looking out the window. “Twilight, don't worry. Just tell her how you feel, she'll gladly accept you.”
Twilight sighed a bit. Even if she knew that to be true in her heart, she knew in her soul it was wrong to put pressure on her love. She had said no in her weakened state, causing Applejack to run away in heartbreak. She wanted everything to be said, but her body betrayed her. “I messed up... If I had just said yes, this party may not have been needed today. I'd have her in my hooves right now...”
Fluttershy put her head under Twilight';s and lifted it up before looking into her eyes. “Twilight, you did nothing wrong. In fact, the sooner this happens the better. Both of you have been holding these feelings FOR each other FROM each other. She has told you her feelings... Even if you made a mistake, you can show her your true feelings.... And then, you can both finally be together.”
Twilight smiled and put her head to Fluttershy's. “Thanks Fluttershy, you're too kind... As is your element, I suppose.” “And Honesty is Applejacks. She wouldn't lie about her feelings. Now I just need to use my Magic, and bring that spark...”
She giggled to herself as she remembered her last month. She had done everything possible to get closer to Applejack, to connect once she confessed herself. She learned applebucking, she learned how to control her Earth Pony Magic, since she had it along with her Uinicorn and Pegasus magic from being an Alicorn. She had BEGGED Celestia on the Earth Pony ways, even asked Pinkie Pie to be serious and demonstrate how it all worked, even had another from Big Mac.
She did everything to finally start being with Applejack daily. Twilight could only laugh in her mind as she found out that Applejack had been doing the same. Getting ready by learning more, desiring to read books more, and even moving into the castle to be with her.
Though, Twilight didn't know much about dating, or anything about romance other than from books... But she did know one thing. Applejack didn't much care for it, instead of trying to impress with courting normally, Twilight knew Applejack was the kind of mare that was simple, to the point, and never hold back on what's real. Just as everyone was finishing up, Rainbow came crashing through the window, skidding on the floor and closing the door. “Everypony HIDE! She's racing for the castle, and FAST!”
Twilight felt her heart race. This was it. It was time to face her love, and finally, with her body under her control, her ability to speak once again returned, and her mind made up, to confess. She steeled herself in the middle of the room, ready to finally say the three magic words. Everypony else hid, and Twilight patiently listened. With a galloping pounding of the floor, she knew Applejack was coming close. She took a deep breath, settling her heart, and kept her eyes glued to that door.
Everypony was silent, as the galloping stopped. They could hear some heavy breathing from the other side. With a few moments feeling like minutes, casting into hours, it was an eternity as time froze. In reality, it was only a minute before that door finally swung open, and Twilight saw the beauty that was her heart's desire, the orange coat, the blonde mane, the emerald eyes. Applejack trotted in and closed the door behind her. The two stay still, holding their breath, their bodies freezing. Each was waiting for the other....
Twilight smiled and tilted her head, smiling wide. “Applejack..... I love you.”
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I'm sorry but that looks like three different descriptions. Plus it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. Sorry, no read from me.
4788662 im used to only 1 description.... short, sweet to the point. but if your talking about the long one, it's chronological events, sorta. i guess i can re-write it though. any suggestions to help me get this thing to seem more legit, cause it's my first romance work... would like some feedback
4788674 a description is a synopsis, not telling everyone exactly what's going to happen. Saying that AJ confessed to Twilight who she thought was sleeping but it turns out she wasn't is a major spoiler for it and will just give away what's going to happen. In something like this you don't tell the audience that the characters are going to confess in the description, you do it in the story itself. That way it's more interesting than when you tell everyone what's going to happen before they even read it.
That is enough. Just switch "their" with "they're" and it's fine. Everything else is just giving the whole story away. All the advice I can give you.
Before I get into the story itself, I'm gonna point out something about the descriptions:
It's way too long.
A description's job is to be a short-ish summary of some of your story to get potential readers interested in what's going to happen. What you have hear is very detailed and leaves little to the imagination. I mean, let's look at the middle of your description:
Is any of this entirely necessary? I think you could easily shorten (or remove) some/all of this to make your description more concise. The story itself is tagged as a romance, so we all know that it's going to end with happy kissing ponies, which is fine, but your description right now kind of beats that fact over our heads. Make the description shorter and leave something for us to guess about, because right now I feel like I've basically read the abridged version of your story. Look at some of the descriptions of your favourite writers, see what they do to describe a fic decently well but still manage to make it somewhat mysterious and make readers want to read.
4788733 so i'm not used to giving 2 descriptions, sorry. but thanks for the feedback, really. and truthfully i see a story, read one or two lines of the description and just head on in. if i don't like it, at least i gave it a try. That's just what i do, so i was basing it off that, just going full speed last night trying to get it interesting... considering this ship isn't exactly the most popular. but i see your point and have shortened it. hope at least you read and enjoyed, or will do so.
4788687 well the first line is basically my short description with a different twist, and i figured it's a long description. i shortened it and made it a bit less informative though, thank you for the feedback. this helps when i try other stories later.
4788759 there ya go. Left an upvote but still not going to read. As interesting as it sounds, I only just barely ship them. I'm alright with it, but I don't read it very much if at all. Hope this does well, though.
4788781 well, i wouldn't knock it just yet. gave your pro a read (i probably should get mine underway....) but if you enjoy RariPie like i seen, then the second chapter may be for you. the current chapter may have the princess and farmpony, but there's hinting to another ship, as well as the second chapter coming with what i hope more onto said thing.
4788802 leaving just FlutterDash.
I like the Twilight Apple, I hope Applejack plants it and makes a new magic apple treat like they make Zap Apple Jam.
Not bad. It has a few rough edges but I've seen worse. Actually a rather enjoyable story and well written. Have a fave.
4789946 nobody is perfect. but i am glad you enjoyed it. i do try to make up for any rough edges in my story with as much quality of the storytelling as i possibly can.
4790163 which is part of what makes it interest me. The other part is a rather unique approach to TwiJack. The story is solid. No huge jumps very well paced. Needs a bit of proof reading but other than that this story was very good. Keep it up. Oh and try describing a bit more. This critique was brought to you by the word quesadillas and the ratio of 8/10.
4790549 I've been given much grief on too little, and as well as too MUCH detail, and no one can truly be perfect in the eyes of the many when it comes to exactly how much is enough. so understand if i don't put as much detail in describing things as you may like, but know i will do my best.
4790601 in that case my advice is give the story the detail you want...then tell anyone who whines about it to go *naughtyword* themself.
4790814 i know my comment section is full of my comments, but it's part of who i am to write back to the comments i feel i should answer questions, and seem to give good feedback. and thanks for understanding.
The pacing at the beginning is confusing. Some parts you're going really slow and other parts you blaze through. It's also assumed the AJ and Twi love each other from context, however, you don't need that kind of love to protect a friend. AJ's injuries also magically disappear for no reason that I can see.
You could have made a lot of this writing separate chapters and give them real cliffhangers.
How did those stallions get in Twi's castle and get her to ingest drugs anyway?
Will follow, but downvote for now.
4791774 Well, to be honest, I'm still trying to get a better feel for romance and dialogue scenes. I'm not perfect by any means, but i am trying to improve. So my pacing may suffer for now. As for the context and the protecting a friend thing, i thought i had made a context on how protective AJ was for Twilight, not THAT she protected her. Her wounds didn't just vanish in thin air, either. I thought i had incorporated her having lesser wounds from her rest (remember, she's a hard working earth pony, a few bruises won't tether her for long)
When it comes to the chapters, i have made it a point for any of my stories to write 5000 words or more, never any less, when writing a chapter. Personal rule of mine.
The stallions themselves? well, i know it's lazy on my part, but i had to make something to get a dramatic event in, pull on AJ's heartstrings to finally confess, as well as give Twilight trouble with her own confession, giving the general idea of possible rejection.
I understand the downvote if you don't like it, but i feel i should at least explain some things to help better understand.
4791840
Appreciate the response and I did say I'll continue to track and as you improve I may change my vote.
The story has captured my interest. I will patiently await for the next chapter and hold my critic.
4797476 if it is not too much to ask, i would like to know about why the pacing seems off. Whilst i can understand i have a lot of gaps between parts, like the whole night between what happened to twilight and the present, i don't get why the pacing seems as off as suggested.
4798839 the fleshing out was gonna be next chapter anyway, giving perspective to Twilight's PoV, why the stallions did such a thing. I'll admit, i only stuffed that kidnapping attempt as a lazy way of pulling AJ's heart to finally confess, but I've pulled accidental and purposeful laziness into really heavy plot-ties, and people rather enjoyed that style from me.
Just those wouldn't be a big enough chapter, so i would have rainbow and rarity talk it out, maybe some more on how both these lovebirds have tried harder to be with the other once they got together, and of course the ending of such a story needs a special end, which i am still working out. I work on a thin plot and build it. All frameworks are fragile until you build the foundation and support in the right place. This was foundation. Now i need to add support.
The thanks author part was hilarious I liked a lot
Great story
well like i had promised i have finally gotten to reading this, though i will say that i'll have to read chapter 2 latter
Anyways i will say that i liked this story, though i am not the biggest fan of this parring (i don't love it but i don't hate it), i will say that it was well done, a few things i would like to point out is that the part with the would be kidnappers proves why Twilight should get her own guards at some point, the PinkieXRarity surprised me, and the ending felt a little more like a open ended ending to a one shot then it felt like a cliffhanger (to me at least), either way this chapter was good and rather well done, good work.