4745492 I'm just waiting on the reads to put into the comments on what the Chief, Cortana, Luna and Celestia should do. I put it in the Author's Notes.
"Thou aren't much of a, talker, as the commoners put it" The Princess of the Night asked, as me, Cortana, and her are walking across the plains, I didn't respond as usual because I didn't want to talk about the Human-Covenent war and the billions of human death's
There are a few things you need to work on with this story, though I'm enjoying it. Take the above quoted for example. It should be more along the lines of-
"Thou aren't much of a... talker... as the commoners put it." The Princess of the Night asked while she and I walked across the plains. I didn't respond as usual due to not wanting to talk about the Human-Covenent War and the billions of human lives lost."
The reason I changed it around a bit is mainly due to mentioning that Chief, Cortana and Luna were walking. Technically it's just Chief and Luna walking as Cortana doesn't have a physical body. The rest is to make it easier to read and understand. Again I'm enjoying this so far but you also need to fix some of your sentences. Many of them are rather jumbled and can be a bit hard to follow.
That aside don't stop doing what you're doing. This can get interesting
That was a bit extreme. I mean i get breaking their spears, but breaking their legs?
4738089 Well in John's mind they were threatening him, and they were also threatening the princess and her little sister, or so he thought.
When can I expect some updates? I hate authors who leave work unfinished or take explicitly long times to upload.
4745492 I'm just waiting on the reads to put into the comments on what the Chief, Cortana, Luna and Celestia should do. I put it in the Author's Notes.
There are a few things you need to work on with this story, though I'm enjoying it. Take the above quoted for example. It should be more along the lines of-
"Thou aren't much of a... talker... as the commoners put it." The Princess of the Night asked while she and I walked across the plains. I didn't respond as usual due to not wanting to talk about the Human-Covenent War and the billions of human lives lost."
The reason I changed it around a bit is mainly due to mentioning that Chief, Cortana and Luna were walking. Technically it's just Chief and Luna walking as Cortana doesn't have a physical body. The rest is to make it easier to read and understand. Again I'm enjoying this so far but you also need to fix some of your sentences. Many of them are rather jumbled and can be a bit hard to follow.
That aside don't stop doing what you're doing. This can get interesting![:rainbowwild:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowwild.png)