Rarity purchases contacts from overseas. They cost her 500 bits so the must be good. Right? Right?
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I am now intrigued. Setting Madara up as an enemy of Celestia gives him a possible motive for trying to obtain advanced forms of the Sharingan. It's possible that he wants the full power of the technique in order to overthrow Celestia as the ruler of Equestria. If he doesn't want to lead Equestria, it could be a simple case of either revenge against Celestia for defeating him or a desire for power for its own sake. I do have to question how Madara could be old enough to have faced Discord. That was about a thousand years prior to the events in this story, meaning that in order to be present he would have to be an immortal of some variety. If this is the case, it would mean that Fluttershy would have inherited at least extreme longevity from him.
I won't complain about Dark Side being Fluttershy's brother, but I will warn you to be careful. Most cases of an OC being a relative of a main character (especially if that character is one of the mane 6) usually end with the OC being hated beyond all belief. The treatment is even worse for self insert characters of any kind. As I said before, I won't complain about it, but you should know that a move like this needs to be well thought out in order to keep possible readers from leaving the story. A good first step is making the backstory believable as to why Fluttershy didn't know about him. A good second step is keeping him from being too overpowered compared to the canon characters, but you should focus on the first step for now.
One more thing I noticed was an upgrade in grammar. There were fewer noticeable mistakes in this chapter compared to the first two. There were still plenty to be found, but the quality is definitely improving. Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next update.
Well, I still wouldn't say it's a self insert, I have another oc for that. He's just a mix of me and a few of my favorite game characters. So yeah, hopefully this won't make too much hate as it will play a large role later on.