Lovestruck walked around the perimeter of the hotel, her eyes flicking left to right to see if anyone was paying her any mind. None were, as everyone else was either too consumed by the view of the falls in the distance or they were on their way to a nearby hotel. Probably got their reservations early, she thought.
She slid into the alleyway between the hotel and its neighbor without being noticed. The smell of rotting garbage and Celestia knew what else was stewing in the alley made Lovestruck's nostrils burn, but she trudged on regardless. She looked down the alley to see a door. She approached it and jiggled the doorknob. Locked.
The doorknob turned, causing Lovestruck to back away from it in fear. Panic overtook Lovestruck, but she acted quickly and managed to teleport herself over to the dumpster, away from sight. Unfortunately, in her panicked state, she accidentally misdirected her landing and fell into the dumpster. She let out a small shriek as she was covered the random, horrifically odored slime, but she did well to try to muffle it as not to alert anypony of her presence.
She peered over the edge, where she saw the pony, presumably a hotel employee, coming towards her. She ducked back in and hunkered down, covering her muzzle as more bags of garbage came piling in on top of her. She waited as the hoofsteps receded to a comfortable distance, too anxious to look until she felt that it was safe to. Lovestruck looked over the dumpster wall once more, just in time to see the door coming close to shutting. With a burst of magic, she teleported out of the dumpster and into the building.
Lovestruck let out a gag as she looked herself over. "Yeesh, I look awful..." She paused for a moment, her eyes glazing over her surroundings. She appeared to be in the hotel's kitchen, if the stainless steel racks with cooking utensils covering them and bustling ponies at the stoves were any correlation. "Good thing I'm in, though."
"You!" a random voice exclaimed, making Lovestruck jump.
She let out a surprised yelp before turning to see who had spoken to her. It was a pink mare with a bright yellow mane, her eyes narrowed to thin slits. She was wearing a chef's uniform, pristine and white, and her expression was sour, like someone had put a lemon in her mouth.
"Me?" Lovestruck questioned, looking around a bit.
"You're late!" the mare snapped. "I should have your pay docked for your incapability!"
Lovestruck blinked in shock. "Huh? Late?"
The chef pointed at her. "And you're filthy! Have you been rolling around in the garbage?"
"You know, funny that you asked—"
"Enough!" The chef pointed to Lovestruck's left. "Go on, your uniform is in the locker room on the hooks. This wedding isn't going to cater itself. Now get on with it! The cocktail hour is almost over!"
Lovestruck's mouth opened in realization. "Oh! Uh, I'll just get to that, then!"
The chef nodded in affirmation. "Good! My Celestia, first my waiters bail, and now one of our servers is late... I swear, this night could not get any worse..."
Lovestruck rolled her eyes as she walked away from the chef. 'Wonderful... Not only am I covered in garbage slime, I'm stuck working, too... Well, hopefully this won't go so badly. Besides, I'm still getting into the wedding.'
Lovestruck entered the doors on the other end of the kitchen, which led to the locker room that the chef had mentioned. There was an aisle of lockers near the door and on the parallel end there was a line of showers, though Lovestruck didn't feel confident enough to use one for fear of contracting a random fungus. Instead, she settled for the moist towelettes that was on the counter near the showers.
After she managed to wipe herself off to a comfortable degree and wash her mane off in the sink, she looked to the hooks near the lockers and saw a couple uniforms hanging on a few of them. Lovestruck slipped off her necklace and hung her bag up on the hooks, then began to flit through the uniforms to find one relative to her size. She sighed as she found that the sleeves on the white dress shirt were too long and she rolled them up, then pinned them with a couple bobby pins from her bag before slipping on her black vest and bow tie. She tied her hair up in a bun, hoping that her damp mane wouldn't be as noticeable to others. She slipped her necklace back on and hid it underneath her shirt.
Lovestruck trotted out of the locker room, feeling a little more pleasant than before. She looked to the exit of the kitchen, a smile extending across her face. 'Now to get to the wedding--'
"And just where do you think you're going?"
Lovestruck jumped once more, and she once again turned to see the chef standing there. "Um... To the reception?"
The chef arched a brow rhetorically and she pointed at the counter. "Without a plate?"
Lovestruck glanced at the counter, where she saw a plethora of different appetizers and foods. "Oh. Right. The plate. For the reception... Because that's happening."
"Yes," the chef said exasperatedly, giving her the platter. She frowned at Lovestruck and glared at her with a belligerent expression.
"What?" Lovestruck said finally.
"You're scowling."
Lovestruck blinked in shock. "I am not!"
The chef leaned in aggressively. "Watch your tone. And put on a smile. This is a wedding, not a funeral.
"No, but it's about to be..."
"Beg pardon?"
"Nothing." Lovestruck put on a smile, though her teeth were clenched and her cheeks were beginning to hurt. "Better?"
"Better," the chef said, obviously pleased. "Now, hurry it on up! The couple's about to come in and I don't need any complaints from the guests!"
"Yes, ma'am," Lovestruck affirmed, continuing to smile despite her aching face.
Lovestruck walked out of the kitchen with the platter wrapped in her magic, her smile fading as the door came to a close behind her. She never thought she'd ever find herself in another service job, but if she was going to find out anything about this wedding, she was going to have to make do. Besides, she looked good in her uniform.
The room had been piled up with ponies, all dressed in formal wear and chatting about the wedding in some way or form. Some were talking about the dresses that the bridesmaids were wearing, some were talking about the decorations that covered the hall, and some were just gossiping about how long the couple in general.
"I heard they've only known each other for two years!" one mare gasped.
"I heard that their parents wouldn't come because they were too ashamed to," trilled another.
"I give them less than a year," one stallion said gruffly, sure of himself.
Lovestruck refrained from rolling her eyes. She knew that waitresses weren't supposed to be annoyed.
Lovestruck turned her attention to the room itself and saw that lying across one end of the room stood a secluded table that she assumed to belong to the bride and groom. Upon that thought, Lovestruck's gaze flickered around in haste, hoping to find a glance of the happy couple.
'Alright, let's see,' Lovestruck mused, peering around the room. 'They should be coming in any moment... Let's see how happy the bride and groom are.'
"Helloooooo, everypony!" bellowed out a loud voice.
Lovestruck put a hoof to hear ear, her magical focus quaking a bit as the loud volume seemed to shake everything around her. "What the hay...?"
"Whoops, sorry!" the voice exclaimed, though this time lower in volume. "There, that's better!
Lovestruck eyes widened a bit, realization overcoming her. 'Oh, sweet Celestia, please don't tell me that's—'
"Yo, everypony, it's DJ P0N-3, gettin' ready to announce the newlyweds!"
Lovestruck turned her heard to where the voice had come from and she felt a sense of dread as she saw the DJ booth come into view. Sitting at the booth was none other than Vinyl Scratch, alumni for Canterlot's School for Gifted Unicorns and well-known member of Canterlot's more rowdy elite. She was surrounded by equipment, possibly of her own making, and she seemed to be bobbing her head to a music no one else could hear.
'Of course it's her...' Lovestruck bit on her tongue, a bit annoyed. Of all places, too. I hope she doesn't recognize me...'
"Now, I've been DJing for a long time, but I don't think I've ever been so honored to introduce a couple as awesome as this one!" Vinyl gushed, looking over her signature shades. "Let's give warm welcome to the brides, Minuette and Octavia!"
Lovestruck blinked in surprise. 'Wait, what?'
She turned to the secluded table once more and her jaw might as well have clashed against the ground when she saw two mares walk out wearing white dresses. Walking across the floor in her flowing white gown was Octavia Melody, a well-known elite and a prodigious musician. Lovestruck, like many others, didn't know her origins or how she came to wealth, but she knew that Octavia was a force to be reckoned with. Last she heard, she had at least 12 different properties across all of Equestria, two of which residing in Canterlot.
Walking by her side, however, was a mare that Lovestruck was hoping she wouldn't ever see again. Minuette, one of Princess Twilight Sparkle's inner circle back when she resided in Canterlot, was wearing a gown that was more clingy and shiny than Octavia's. As a member of Canterlot's elite, she had been guaranteed a spot at Canterlot's School for Gifted Unicorns like many of Twilight's peers.
Lovestruck felt like she couldn't breathe.
'Oh, Celestia, if Minuette is here, then that must mean that Lyra, Lemon Hearts, Moon Dancer, and Twinkleshine must be here, too,' Lovestruck realized, beginning to feel nauseous. Horror took over her expression. 'Does that mean that Princess Twilight is here, too?'
"Congrats on your wedding, Octy and Mini!" Vinyl boomed out, making Lovestruck's ears ring. "Keep a good hold on each other for me!"
There was a chorus of laughter at one of the guest tables and it took Lovestruck almost a full second to notice the mares sitting there. Her worst fears came to life as she watched Lyra Heartstrings, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkleshine all giggle with each other over Vinyl's commentary at a table together, seated with ponies that Lovestruck didn't know.
She suddenly wished that she hadn't come to the wedding at all.
'I have to get out of here,' Lovestruck thought, panic beginning to take over her. 'I have to get out before they notice me.'
"Hey, you!"
Lovestruck almost jumped out of her coat when she heard a voice shout. She turned frantically and she felt relief overtake her a bit when she saw a random waiter looking at her. Her relief was short-lived once she saw the disapproving look on his face, however.
"Me?" She felt stupid for asking.
"Yes, you." The waiter approached her. "You're supposed to be working, not standing around gawking like a buffoon."
Lovestruck felt her own anxiety disappear as her annoyance took its place. "Beg pardon?"
"You have a job." The waiter pointed at her tray. "I suggest you do it before you get fired, missy."
Lovestruck glared at him and a mean retort came to the tip of her tongue, but she bit down on it instead. "Fine. Who do I serve first?"
"No one now," he told her. He nodded at the brides. "It's time for the first dance, Sherlock."
Lovestruck felt her gaze go back towards the couple, who walked to the center of the dance floor. They were smiling at each other as the music began to play, their foreheads leaning against the other's. The music that Vinyl played started off as a slow, deliberate love ballad that made everything slow down. Octavia, taking the lead, moved across the floor with Minuette leaning against her and swaying with every beat that came from the speakers.
Then, the music stopped for a moment, and the couple did, too, looking up in confusion at Vinyl, who just smiled in that smug way she always did. She took off the record she had on before and switched it out, the needle falling down in quick succession. Suddenly, a faster, more upbeat song came on, and Octavia laughed out while Minuette just shook her head with a smile on her face.
'Leave it Vinyl to jazz up a first dance,' Lovestruck mused, watching the couple as they whirled across the floor.
Lovestruck had been to only a hoofful of weddings in her lifetime, despite how much she loved going to them. She never really got the chance to go because she didn't have a lot of friends and the ones she did have didn't seem to have any interest in getting married. That, and she always had something come up whenever she was invited to weddings. She didn't even get to go to Shining Armor and Cadence's wedding in the end because her father had gotten sick and was confined to a hospital for a couple months.
Suddenly, the dance was over and everypony was clapping. Lovestruck clapped along, feeling awkward as she did so.
Octavia and Minuette retired to their table together, whispering with each other. They giggled together as they sat down and Lovestruck could only wonder if that's something all couples did or if just the happy ones did. She wouldn't know.
"Let's get on with the toasts!" Vinyl announced. "Yo, Frederick, get your tail up here and say something for the brides!"
Frederick. The name held some familiarity to Lovestruck, but she wasn't sure how. She still hadn't figured it out when a brown-coated stallion stepped up the booth and took the microphone. He was wearing a tuxedo and he was smiling warmly at the married couple.
"So, Tavi," Frederick began. "I guess this means that Twinkleshine owes me 20 bits, then."
Lovestruck heard Lyra laugh from across the room and saw Twinkleshine smack her hoof over her face. It was something she saw her do a lot back in Canterlot, when she was visiting the castle.
Frederick's laughter broke through Lovestruck's bitter thought. "So, I'm not very good at giving speeches. I'm usually playing the piano instead of talking onstage, anyway." He smiled a bit. "But, I'm glad that Octavia chose me as her best stallion. I figured that she'd choose Beauty for that one." A bread roll flew in the air and just narrowly missed Frederick as he ducked down with a laugh. "Just kidding, B.B.!"
Lovestruck nearly rolled her eyes.
He took on a more serious face. "But, I really am honored to be given this spot in the wedding. Octavia, you've been one of my best friends for a long time, and I'm glad that we've managed to keep this going for as long as we have. I love you, Tavi, and I'm glad that you found somepony who loves you even more than I do."
Lovestruck's expression softened a bit. 'That's actually really sweet...'
Then, Frederick put on that goofy grin he had on before. "As for Minuette... Well, honey, I think you and I have shared enough drinks to call ourselves friends."
Lovestruck frowned. 'And we're back again. Geez, are toasts supposed to be this innappropriate?'
Still, Frederick continued on with his speech. "I wasn't about you and Tavi when we first met each other, but, once I saw how you really were, I realized that you really were and are the mare that Tavi was meant to be with. The mare can hardly have a good time without you!"
Laughter filled the room and Octavia rolled her eyes in a playful manner, smiling all the while. Minuette was giggling along with the rest of the occupants of the room, but she at least had the grace to show her kidding by kissing Octavia on the cheek.
'I wonder how they met...' Lovestruck mused. She shook her head. 'I shouldn't even be here! I have to get out of here, before they see me and try to--'
"Well, I've never been that good at speeches, so I guess it's time for all of us to dig into the main course!" Frederick announced. "Expect more speeches from the lot of us during the meals!"
'--Great. That's one opportunity gone.' She sighed. 'Do these ponies even know how a wedding works? Where are the blessings from the parents and the thanks for coming speeches?'
"I heard that their parents wouldn't come because they were too ashamed to," she recalled one of the guests saying earlier.
Lovestruck's ear fell flat on her head as the thought bounced through her mind. 'Oh... Well, don't I feel like a jerk?'
She found her eyes glancing over to the newlyweds' table, where they were both smiling and giggling as they had been before. She wondered how a couple that was so happy could have anypony against them, especially their own parents.
Her musing was interrupted as the loud clamor of conversation resumed and she blinked a bit before remembering where she was. She felt a pair of eyes bearing into the back of her head and turned to see the waiter that had lectured her from before was glaring at her. She looked at her tray, realized how inadequate the food was for the main course, then rushed away from the tables and back into the kitchen.
"Come on, everypony, get those plates out!" the chef ordered. She frowned at Lovestruck as she walked in. "Well, if it isn't the late arrival." She nodded her head at the trays. "Get your trays and serve the appropriate guests."
"Yes, ma'am," Lovestruck responded, taking a tray with a couple plates and a note card on it.
As she exited the kitchen, she looked at the card to find out who she would be serving. Table 13, it read, though it gave little clarity about where that was. She sighed a bit and peered around the room, but relief washed over her a bit as she found the numbers written onto the table cards.
That relief was short-lived, however, as she found out where Table 13 was. Or, rather, who was seated there.
Lovestruck might have stopped breathing, if only her body would allow her the kindness to do so. Seeing them the first time had been a shock, but at least then, she felt she could avoid them. Now, she had no choice.
Or did she?
"What is the matter with you?" the waiter from before snapped. "Why are you standing there, shaking like a leaf?" He nudged her. "Go on, serve your table!"
No, she didn't.
Lovestruck gulped, the waiter leaving her be. "Well, here goes nothing..."
She took a step forward, one step more than she would have liked to take. 'Maybe they won't recognize me...'
Another step.
'Yeah, they can't recognize me. They didn't even know me.'
A pair of steps.
'I mean, why do I even care? None of them cared about me, so why should I care about them?'
Suddenly, she found herself near the table. They all sat there, unaware of her presence, just like it has always been. Lovestruck, growing brave, cleared her throat lightly.
"Hi," she greeted. "Who wanted the sub sandwich?"
"Oh, me!" Lyra exclaimed, waving her hoof. "Ugh, I am soooo hungry! I haven't eaten since this morning!"
"Lyra!" the mare sitting beside her blurted out, and she one of the many ponies that Lovestruck didn't know. She sighed. "Sorry about her. She has no self control."
"I got plenty of self-control," Lyra muttered, taking her plate.
"Oh, is that my salad?" Twinkleshine asked, her eyes brightening up as she had her plate set down in front of her. She groaned happily as she took a bite. "It's so good to actually eat something!"
"My salad!" Lemon Hearts cheered, clapping happily as she got her plate. "Finally!"
Lovestruck didn't know whether to feel offended about them not recognizing her or relieved. "Well, I'm glad that you're happy with the food selection. Have a nice evening."
She trotted off, letting a weak sigh of relief. She couldn't even begin to word how great it felt to get that out of the way.
"Wait!"
She froze. Had she spoken too soon?
"You forgot to serve Bon Bon!"
She felt her heart start again. "Right." Lovestruck took the plate and put it in front of the mare she assumed to be Bon Bon, since she didn't have a plate. "Sorry about that."
"It's quite fine," Bon Bon told her. "I'm just glad I'm getting the food. Haven't eaten a thing all day."
Lovestruck smiled. "Have a nice evening."
But, as she was backing away, her hopes of escaping were soon diminished. "Hey, wait a second!"
'Buck,' she thought. She turned around to face the group once more. "Yes?"
Lyra, the one who had called out to her, squinted at her. "Have I seen you before somewhere?"
'Oh, buck,' Lovestruck thought again, her panic rising.
"Yeah, I think I've seen you before, too!" Lemon Hearts commented. "You seem so familiar!"
'Buck, buck, buck...'
"Wait, I think I figured it out!" Lyra proclaimed.
"You must have me confused for somepony else..." Lovestruck tried to say.
Lyra shook her head. "No, I remember you now! You used to stay at Canterlot Castle!"
Lovestruck felt her blood run cold. 'Oh, buck.'
"Oh, my Celestia, she did!" Twinkleshine realized. "Were you a servant?"
Lovestruck raised both her brows. "Beg pardon?"
"Well, you must have been!" Twinkleshine told her. "I mean, why else would you be at the castle?"
Lovestruck didn't know what to say for a very long moment, nor did she know what to do. She felt angry that they hadn't recognized her, hurt that they would assume she wasn't important enough to be someone who had more than enough reason to be at Canterlot Castle, and she also felt... relieved. Relieved that they didn't know her, because then it would have made them ignoring her all the more painful. At least now they had an excuse.
"I..." Lovestruck started to say. She sighed. "I have to go serve another table.
"Oh, right," Lyra said. "I mean, this is your job, right?"
Lovestruck nodded. "Yes. I'll just... leave you to your meal."
She walked away, her heart feeling heavy as she heard Lemon Hearts ask, "Who was that?"
It lives! I kinda feel bad for her since they didn't recognize her lol
6727255
Their loss! Lovey was a cute filly!
derpicdn.net/img/view/2012/12/27/194469__safe_lovestruck_artist-colon-echo1077.jpg
6727298
I hate to be that person and I really want to write more positives, but I have to begin with this:
The cliches are killing me . . . .
Beyond that there was one, maybe two funny instances; beyond that there wasn't enough for me to find this chapter "good".
... Why was she so paranoid about them recognizing her?
Like, I can think up several different reasons she wouldn't want to, but I'm not sure which of them was important to her.
6730743
What exactly was bad about this chapter? You didn't really specify beyond "The cliches are killing me..." That's not a response I can work with as a writer.
6735935
Ah, yes, mu apologies. I had read your newest chapter early/late in the day and didn't have time to write up a full critique of what I thought was right and/or wrong with it. I only had time to put what I did.
Well, for starters, the cliche I was referring primarily to is the fact that she got into the wedding by the cliche of "was mistaken for hired help". The character even stated that he did not recognize her, which adds almost insult to injury in this cliche. You could have done something else instead of falling back on this trope. Not only that but she teleported inside; you'd think an unknown mare appearing out of thin air via magic would raise suspicions.
I can deal with the garbage bit, but only because that was because it was minor and the only place she could have hidden in such a short amount of time.
Now I do not know for a certain fact if Lovestruck has/is friends with Twilight and her group. I would have to assume she KNEW them in some fashion, probably wouldn't call them friends but enough that she's spoken to them quite a few times, as she worries over being recognized. This raises a question that wasn't answered in the chapter. Why? Why is it bad that Lovestruck gets recognized by her, supposed, friends or acquaintances. If the answer is "because then she would be kicked out of the wedding" then that, to me, is a very weak answer; as I can immediately think of the response, "well they could just say they invited her" and everything would be okay.
Not only that but I understand that you're trying to make Lovestruck not know as much about love as you had in the previous rendition of this story- which I again must state I've never read. Yet in doing so you're making Lovestruck be more abrasive and rude, making one off remarks I don't think matches well with a character who's meant to know when a couple is meant to be together. A better alternative to "not knowing much about love" is that she knows quite a bit, since that is her special talent, but doesn't *want* it to be. Like she is refusing the idea of "true love" and has been sent on this quest by Cadence to show her, yes, "true love" does exist. Make her a cynic who thinks love only serves certain purposes, is a lie, or a mixture of both. Instead Lovestruck is coming off more as a judgemental mare who doesn't know what she's talking about.
Just my thoughts.
6736659
Lovestruck knew Twilight's friends from her time as Cadence's student in Canterlot. She arrived about a year or so before Twilight left for Ponyville and she was there up until the point that the Empire returned and Cadence took residence there where Lovey soon joined her. The reason why it's a bad thing for her to get recognized... That's something to come up in the next chapter.
Oh, Lovestruck wants that to be her special talent. She really does. Her whole issue is that she thinks that the way she was learning before-- with Cadence --was the only way she needed to learn. Lovey has only seen love from a distance, not experienced it, yet she believes that she knows enough to get by. Cadence recognizes this as a problem for her, and, upon realizing that she can't talk Lovey out of her own thoughts, decides that the best way to do this is to let Lovey out on her own and see how this fares in the real world.
Like Twilight, Lovey is going to fall, stumble, and mess up long before she comes to terms that her way isn't the best. Twilight started off as anti-social and friendless(save for Spike), believing that she was fine on her own before becoming the Princess of Friendship. This is not to imply that Lovey will ascend to alicornhood, but rather, she's going to have to take time to make mistakes and learn from them before she can actually call herself a pony of love like Cadence.
Oh, and as for this tidbit:
That was a problem I had in my original story for this(I know you didn't read it, so I'll just tell you about it as best as I can). I made her a cynic in the original, but then I saw that it just didn't suit the plans I had for her. She's pessimistic, but only because: a) she feels as though she'll never be disappointed for getting her hopes up, and b) because she's always pleasantly surprised when things actually go right for her.
But, in the original, I had a lot of trouble with her being cynical. She didn't like her destiny and she didn't understand it, but she put on a show of acting like she knew what she was doing, when, in reality, she didn't really like what she was doing.
Here, I wanted her to be sincere in wanting to help others; I just wanted her main internal struggle to be about learning that her initial way isn't necessarily the best way. Lovey's big problem is that she struggles with empathy, and you need to have that if you want to understand relationship problems. This stems from the fact that her parents split up and it made her life difficult; so, for her, a couple splitting up is the worst thing to her, even if it's the best thing for them.
So, in a sense, you're right; Lovey is a judgmental mare who has no idea what she's talking about. And the whole point of her journey is to overcome that. That's just gonna take awhile.
6736849
Well in my opinion she should be changed from constantly degrading others with what she says or thinks, which makes her come off as rude, in exchange for being confident and saying that a couple should follow her word even if she isn't certain it'll work out. Or, if she is going to talk about things she doesn't know about, have someone call her out on it.
As it stands you have a character that, while she's supposed to be well meaning, says and does the wrong things without much to get behind. I actually liked her snark attitude and cynicism displayed early on. It felt like she was saying, "Yeah, I know what I'm talking about. It's my job. You should totally listen to me."
Add in another character calling her out and having Lovely have to deal with it, would be good.
For a character like Lovely you either need the majority of the situations she finds herself in going against her clearly stated/thought expectations or have someone else to call her out on how narrow minded she actually is.
But again this is just food for thought and not a real critic. I can't do critics on stories to say if I think they're "bad" or "good" until they're finished. This is more notes on how I think the story is going and what might need to be changed/edited to strengthen the story. Take my word at whatever value you see it- be it a bit or a hundred.