• Member Since 10th May, 2013
  • offline last seen March 24th

Harmony Charmer


♪ Kingdom of ships around me and it looks like I'm the queen ♫

T
Source

Everyone knows the story of Princess Twilight; she was taught by Celestia, harnesses the Element of Magic, and she's ascended into her title of royalty with the help of her friends who also hold Elements of their own. But, what of other apprentices taught by the Princesses?

Lovestruck, gifted with the ability to harness Love, has been tasked with a mission by her mentor, Princess Cadence: to travel across Equestria and learn lessons from firsthand experience so that she may learn her talent more thoroughly.

In this journey, Lovestruck will encounter romantic hi-jinks, new friends, potential rivals, and adversity from those who doubt her talents. Will Lovestruck be able to understand the gift she has been granted?


This story has revoked submission and has been resubmitted, so the comments below that refer to events that don't take place in the story are irrelevant. Please keep this in mind.

This story also takes place just before the Season 4 premiere. Events taking place in the season will be mentioned in due time.

Lovestruck is not my OC. She is a character created by Hasbro and is presented in the My Little Pony Gameloft game. Please be aware that this is merely an interpretation of a character presented in merchandise who has yet to be fully developed by her creators.

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 101 )

It loves again in glorious rebirth! Love the new prolog.

Yay! It's back!

I never read the original, but after seeing the blog post, I figured I had to read the new edition. I enjoy it, quite a bit at this point.

The new adventures of bubblegum Twilight

Why cut the bit with the guards?

5659865
Because, I was really uncomfortable with how I made Lovey act. That wasn't cool, and I don't like the whole "love magic is seriously screwed up" thing, mostly because I think love magic is only catastrophic in different instances due to misuse or intent. I have a whole plethora of theories revolving around it, but that's not important right now.

I.... I think I'm going to like this more than the last one.

Dan

"This story has revoked submission and has been submitted"

I think you mean REsubmitted.

Dan

And I was analyzing the romanticism of having stalker coltfriends and obsessive marefriends

Romanticism usually refers to late-18th to early-20th century literature and music or the latin-descended languages. Romance in the love sense is only a small subset of romanticism. The study of love is erotology, though that word refers primarily to physical aspects rather than emotional and social aspects.

The legendary Yamato is quite romanticized, but I don't see many folks falling in love with her. Phallic gunbarrels notwithstanding.

(I hope they release a DVD of the concert)

So far, so similar. Lets see where this goes.

Why would it be bad if she got darts?

5665683
There used to be guards willing to use their time off to play a nice game of darts with Lovestruck.

They are no longer with us. :pinkiesmile:

5693507 ...how can she be that bad? She has a bow as a cutie mark? /sarcasm

I'm going to enjoy this. Thanks for bringing it back. The reboot is something I was waiting for since you said you were making one.

Go Lovey!! Woo!

I love your revamp of the chapters. I can actually follow it easier, as well. Good job :pinkiesmile:

Ohh, this is looking great. :rainbowlaugh:

I don't know why, but I hear her as Jessie Flower/Toph Beifong from Avatar TLA. OK, a little older and more quiet Toph, but I think with a few tweaks, it works. She is supposed to sound young, teenage-like, isn't she?

Dan

Rent? Ugh. More people should get to know the source.

Honestly, I wouldn't worry too much about their actual voice sounding... but on their literary voice. I guess having a clear vision of their sonic voice would do that, though!

I like the way they relate. They start out sorta shaky... and quickly annoy each other, both being rude eventually. Good.

Much better than the original (if I'm just going to be honest), but that should be expected. I'm excited (like, I'm not sleeping until this story is finished) to see more.

I'm gonna suggest Kimberley Brooks for Lovey.

Liking the revamped story ... I enjoy seeing how jaded and snarky Lovey is, and how she and Cherry immediately rub each other the wrong way ...

Dan

Inoue Kikuko for Lovey!

Or Iguchi Yuka.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Morgan Freeman, Samuel L. Jackson, John Stamos, Arin Hanson, etc.

Okay, this is a huge leap forward. The characters have much more depth of personality, and plot flows so much more smoothly. Somehow you managed to address all the criticism you got and are still doing the same basic story. Bravo! :twilightsmile:

"Yes. And I was analyzing the romanticism of having stalker coltfriends and obsessive marefriends, so don't bother asking."

Listening to an 'obsessive girlfriend' song whilst reading this line. What a coincidence!

I like the new re-write. She still has her sarcasm, but her character seems more likeable here.

Very nice. I was surprised to see it all revamped, and a bit worried you'd remove the whole snarky aspect of Lovey's personality. But that didn't happen! I love what you've done with them.

I'm not sure what her voice should be like, I honestly don't know that many actors. I'm sure you'll come up with something.

I'm thinking Ashleigh Ball, sort of like a Blythe Baxter voice...

Okay, I can still read this with my two jam songs.. That's good,

When I first saw it was redone, I was pretty sad at the lost content, but after rereading this first chapter I still find it enjoyable, hope is still alive

I may have ship... just maybe :moustache:

Lovestruck's just getting his name wrong to spite Cherry isn't she?

Good chapter. I liked the original but this one seems more well paced.

Awww, they really love each other

When's the wedding?

5883276 I thought so too until she got it wrong in her head when thinking about him. Suddenly I was unsure.

Before I dive into this... is that seriously a Minecraft bow in the cover art?:rainbowlaugh:

What about Linda Larkin who plays Jasmine from Aladdin? It seems like it'd be a good fit. By the way, great plot, great characters, and great grammar! I give you... wait for it.... FIVE STARS!!!

Keep on going! Your story is AMAZINGLY GOOD! I would hate to see this series die out to the point where it became incomplete for a couple years without any additional content over that time; or worse, CANCELLED!:pinkiegasp:

Aerie
Barry
Carrie
Dairy
Eerie
Fairy
Gary
Harry
Jerry
Kari
Larry
Mary
Nary
Perry
Quarry
Rarely
Terry

Etc...
So many ways to torment the poor colt

That awkward moment when you assume that all of this is based on the Canadian side of the Falls, and are confused when you see the American one. I seriously had this issue just now, as a result of Niagara being one of the few places I have not been to in the US that are of note (Others being California) Seriously, good story, and keep up the good work. Does Lovestruck do the name thing to anypony she meets hat isn't important like Cadence, or is it just to Larry Cherry?

5884151
She doesn't have a tendency to remember names, seeing as how she doesn't have very many friends or ponies whose names she has to remember. Plus, if somepony gets on her nerves like Cherry, she really doesn't care if she gets it wrong. Cadence and Shining were lucky that they're royalty or Lovey would probably never have remembered their names.

It was a good chapter, but it did feel kind of awkward reading "Twilight" instead of "Twilight Sparkle" or "Sparkle".

It's obvious that Lovestruck admires Twilight, and when talking about you're idol you don't often think about their first name unless you know them personally. Not many people would say "Albert" when referring to "Albert Einstein".

Whether or not they know each other beyond acquaintanceship remains to be seen, though, so what I'm saying might not apply.

5884420
She mostly refers to her as Princess Twilight throughout and she has actually spoken to her, both before and after her coronation. But that's for later~

And I do see where your concern lies, since Lovestruck tends to use familiarity with referring to Twilight, who she doesn't really know all that personally, so I'll try to watch out for that.

I liked this chapter, and honestly didn't see Cherry not getting his room coming. Those two are going to have to figure something out, together or not. Excited for the next chapter.

Nice remake of your own story. I kinda miss the whole her saddlebag being stolen accident but we got a Cherry sooner. Lovestruck is still very agressive.

Why I have a bad feeling about the wedding x)

Much improvement! This redo is much more enjoyable.

Shining smiled. "I guess that's your answer." Shining's eyes widened as he saw Lovestruck show no sign of slowing down, and her encased her in a field of magic. "Whoa, there! What did I tell you about running in the castle?

Should be 'he'

I like that the animosity between Lovestruck and Cherry seems more natural now.

I've never read the original but the idea of Cadence having her own pupil intrigued me enough to save this in my "To Read Later" folder . . . . then let it sit for a while . . . then forget about it.

But I've read it now and time for an analytic "review"! Okay, not really a review as those are saved for when the story is completely finished, but more along the lines of notes.

Lovestruck seems to be your typical female protagonist. She is plucky, confident, but only as long as things are going her way. She has the same fault as Twilight, that being the tendency to panic when things *don't* go her way, yet her personality leads her to be more abrasive. Because of this she comes of as slightly rude and uncaring, ironic for someone who's talent is knowing which ponies should be together, as you'd think that kind of occupation would require her to *be* caring . . . yet I digress this is probably just her at the beginning and could possibly change. Either way she's shaping up to be an interesting character nonetheless.

Cherry is your typical stereotype of a writer. Awkward, constantly plagued by writer's block, yet will stand up for what he believes in so long as he thinks he can win the fight/argument- which doesn't tend to be often. Since he hasn't been around much I have nothing more to say about him.

The interaction between Lovestruck and Cherry is decent, but sometimes comes off as cheesy to the point it is grating. The joke of "Lovestruck calls Cherry by everything but his name" wears thin quickly and both are equally rude to each other with very little reason given. Again this is just the beginning of the story and they might grow to be friends, but as it stands the conflicts need to be worked on a bit more- solidify and give plausible reasons why the two find each other irritating. Maybe Cherry is too friendly towards Lovestruck? Maybe Lovestruck is too nosy into what Cherry is doing? Something more solid than what's already been given.

There are also a few cliches in the story that probably should be removed. Chiefly and most offensively for this story is the moment we hear there is a honeymoon suite available yet Lovestruck denies it. We know this is just going to end up with Lovestruck and Cherry sharing a room together while pretending to be a couple. So why drag it out? Instead why not have Lovestruck lie that her "fiance" is on his way or have her convince Cherry into pretending they're married to get a room for the night? Just cut to the chase, give us what we're expecting, and then you'll have plenty of time to give us stuff we *didn't* predict.

Also there are a few spelling and grammatical errors, enough that they should be noted about, but nothing so drastically erroneous that it breaks the story- not any character, not of OC origin, acting Out of Character either so good job.

All in all this is a decent story with quite a few errors but nothing so horrible that I regret having taken time to read it. A solid effort which with a bit of fine tuning could turn out to be a hilarious and very interesting read. I hope to see more about Lovestruck's adventure and hope to grow very fond of her through the coming chapters.

FIRST IMPRESSION GRADED: C-

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