"And why can't I go to the dance?" I asked my mother for the millionth time.
"Finish your scheduling," my mom answered. The same reply every time.
"I already have." I pick up the paper and hand it to her. I hated scheduling games and tournaments for Canterlot High. It wasn't fun at all, but my mom made me do it anyways.
"Okay, you may go, Rainbow Shimmer," mom sighed.
"Yes!" I ran to my ginormous room and grabbed a long, floor-length blue halter neck dress- it was ice blue, so I added some ice to sparkle. I then pulled all my hair back into a high ponytail and ran out the door. I didn't stop running until I reached the school cafeteria, where the Winter Blitz dance was. We would also find out who won the Princess of Winter. Twilight and her friends would also perform a song they wrote. I looked down at my dress- sparkly and not poofy. Just how I like it.
The cafeteria had a table in the front with microphones for the Princess of Winter and Twilight's song. There was also a disco ball in the middle of the room, and punch and cake on the left. The other parts were more dance parts. There were lots of paper snowflakes everywhere in the room and fake snow on the floor next to a drawing of an ice castle.
"Glad you could make it!" Rainbow Dash elbowed me. "But why are you so late?"
"Scheduling,"' I reply. "Bleah."
"Anyways, did you remember your baton?" Twilight asked.
"No, but I'll bright back." I walked out and raided the gym for my baton. I was going to do baton twirling for their song. I grabbed my baton- it had tape around it, mostly school colors- blue and gold. I brought it back to Twilight and her friends.
"Where's Principal Celestia?" One girl asked. "I thought she would be here."
"Oh!" Rainbow Shimmer groaned. "Remember when she made that stupid announcement that our secretary, Cadance, was pregnant? She and Aunt Luna are staying at our house with her!"
"Do something!" Fluttershy whimpered. "It's your-"
"Responsibility. I know." I replied, running onstage.
"Good luck!" Twilight Sparkle, called.
"Guys!" I tapped the microphone. "My mom's gone for now busy. Now we'll hear from Twilight Sparkle, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy and Applejack with their new song Shake Your Tail!"
I moved over to the side and started doing figure eights on the ground in front of the table as the girls began to sing.
"Shake your tail, Cause we're here to have a party tonight!" Twilight sang as I did took the baton around in a circle, threw it up and spun twice. I then smiled and caught it, smiling.
After the song, Twilight came over and said, "You did great." and smiled at me.
"Thanks," I replied.
People started swarming their band. I walked down to the gym and put my baton back. I wasn't jealous of how popular they were! I thought about my mom. Everyone knew her- in the country. In Equestria, most people called her "queen" or "princess," which made ME royalty.
"Princesses wanna have fun," I thought. "Oh, princesses wanna have fun!"
I walked back to the cafeteria, otherwise my friends would know something was wrong. There I noticed Rainbow Dash- in a DRESS. A short, one-strap red dress. And of course Rarity was wearing a floor-length, fancy, poofy purple dress while Fluttershy, on the other hand was wearing a simple yellow dress- not attracting any attention. Pinkie Pie was wearing pink, of course. Applejack had a blue skirt and white top on and Twilight was wearing her Fall Formal dress. They looked like they were having fun. I was, too.
I was away from my mother. Finally. But nothing can stay great- she walked up to announce the Princess of Winter. The contestants were me, Sunlight Breeze and Amethyst. We had to walk onto a table.
"The Princess of Winter is Rainbow Shimmer!" Mom announced. I sighed and walked up to receive the stupid crown, which poked me in the head. After that, my friends were the only people who were fussing about the Princess of Winter. I'm not really popular. Those six girls were my only friends. The other girls were talking about the performance. I knew my secret crush, Moonlit Star, would never like me. He had dark blue skin, black hair and green eyes. In Equestria, he was a pegasus- I had been there once.
A slow song began to play. Twilight and Flash were dancing, Fluttershy and Big Macintosh, Pinkie Pie and Cheese Sandwich, Rarity and Fancy Pants. Rainbow Dash and I didn't have boyfriends, so we just giggled.
"Hey, have you made up the schedule for swimming?" Rainbow Dash asked.
"Yeah, but it's at home," I replied, glancing at Moonlit Star who was over with his buddies. "Why?"
"I'm on the swim team, remember?" Rainbow Dash answered.
Then I saw it. Moonlit Star was gazing at RAINBOW DASH. Not me. It's no wonder that would happen, so I just kept talking.
My tiara fell off my head. I pulled it off the ground and put it on my head. It was a little crooked but I didn't care. The song ended, and my friends walked back over. I sat on the bench a little ways off. I watched more and more people walk over to Twilight.
"Hey, I loved that song you sang!" Topaz, a girl with orange hair and skin, smiled. "Way better than Principal Celestia's daughter... Rainbow Stupid or whatever. She can barely twirl that stick. I have never voted her for Princess of Winter."
I then stood up, turned tail and ran. I heard my tiara clatter behind me and the cafeteria doors slam, but I just kept running. I'm not well liked ever since I accidentally froze the town when I got announced as sports manager, and ran off for a while. My friends had turned tail, all except for the ones I have now. Life's not fair at all. I didn't know where to run, but my feet took me to my secret hideout:
The room connected to my mom's office. A secret hideout for me where I could do anything I wanted.
I detect jealousy...
Also Rainbow Shimmer?... *(cringe)*
I don't know what else to say...
Well I'm out of here.
Also
Well if they are in the Equestria Girls universe that means they are humans, not ponies.
4620581 Yup Rainbow Shimmer's back... And unliked.
Ps I'm 11 so lol
4623273 So what if you're 11. Nobody really cares. And if she is unliked then why don't you fix her character or use another character instead?
>Dat Description
img4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140501150431/walkingdead/images/3/3d/Wat.jpeg
Seriously, what?
4620914 While it's true that they're humans and not ponies, I know what the author meant. Equestria Girls is still My Little Pony. I know people don't like to accept that, but it's true, and if it's clearly marked as the EG universe in the description, I think that's ok.
There are still problems with the fic, and generally the age of the author doesn't make a difference, but I just didn't find it to be all that terrible. The main problems, as I see it, author (assuming you want to fix it or improve in the future), is that Rainbow Shimmer has too many Mary Sue characteristics. She's not bad, but she's friends with and/or related to the whole main cast, she's the princess of the Winter Blitz (if she has no friends, how did she get elected in a popularity contest?), etc. She needs to be toned down a LOT. Same thing with her having been to Equestria once. That's very unusual for residents of the EG 'verse, so you might need to explain that. I gather this is a sequel, but it's a good idea to put in some connective tissue--just enough so a newcomer like me knows what's going on.
A couple of other things -- there's a lot of time spent describing clothing compared to how much time is spent developing character or plot. I want to know more about the characters and about what's happening. I'm assuming you're stuck with the plot of the Barbie story, but maybe that just doesn't have enough to make a real story out of?
Changing it or not is totally your choice, but those are things you might like to think about.
Also, Cheese Sandwich in the Equestria Girls universe--
4645606 Yeah I know what you mean, but I just thought when it said it would be ponifed, it would be about ponies. And you got realy good points right there too. Author, I suggest that you listen to this advice and then maybe it will be better.
That reminds me of My Immortal.
The "Barbie gets PONIFIED!!!" line just makes me cringe. Very fast paced. I was not a fan.
0/5 mustaches for you.
/