Doctor Twilight & Miss Sparkle

by mocandragon5

2 - The Nightmare Awakens

~Twilight Sparkle's Journal, Ponyville Library, April 7th, 12:00 AM~

I have consumed one serving of the formula, and suddenly, I have a tingling sensation in my legs, and I feel unable to stand up for a long period of time. Did I put too much of one of the ingredients in? Only time will tell.

~April 7th, 1:05 AM~

My head has started pounding. I feel as if the entire world around me is going to collapse in on me. However, I feel extremely joyous for an unknown reason. Is this what it feels like to embrace death as if he were a friend?

~April 7th, 1:20 AM~

The world around me has dissolved into darkness, and I feel a loss of control in most of my body, as if I am becoming some pony else whom I cannot control. This unexpected development could mean that I am becoming another pony, and my grasp on certain subjects seems to be loosening. I cannot help but feel less than the mare I was before. Another side effect, perhaps? Hopefully, it does not last long...

~Ponyville Library, April 7th, 1:25 AM~

Not long after Twilight had written her last diary entry of the experience, she started to feel loss of breath, and the world started spinning. She collapsed in a heap on the floor, writhing in agony. Twilight thought about the situation as best as she could, and she once again thought about the possibility of death.

She saw the light at the end of the tunnel, but then she felt another presence inside her head. Her body, which had been still now for about five minutes, stared to change. Her body seemed to become larger, and became darker in colour. Her features changed, so that she looked nothing like the princess Twilight Sparkle. She felt, different. She felt as if chains which had bound her since her birth had finally been broken, unleashing the beast inside. Everything about her was different now, even her cutie mark.

"What is this?" The pony that was once the element of magic asked. Her voice was more rugged,like the voice of one whom had spent their life rummaging through the streets. "Can it be? I am free! I must think of a name for myself... Fallen Star."

Fallen Star walked towards Twilight's wardrobe, and took out a cloak which she had worn one year for Nightmare Night. Surprisingly, it still fit her larger body without much trouble. She glanced out the window, at the quiet and peaceful town of Ponyville, and a smirk spread upon her face. It was time for her to try out her new body.

The only sound that could be heard after that was the faint sound of night animals, and the laugh of Ponyville's newest resident.

Author's Note:

So this is the second chapter. These first ones are short, but I hope the next ones will be longer. Yet again, I hoped you enjoy, and any criticism is welcome.

Comments

[firebirdabirdoffire]

Not bad, I'm a sucker for Split personality stories. Please continue.

[nodamnbrakes]

That fucking cover art just no

[mocandragon5]

@the parasprite I will change it pretty soon. I just needed something for now, alright? It probably won't be that for now,

@firebirdabirdoffire Why thank you. I sure will.

[cptslapem]

seems intresting always liked stories where twilight becomes evil and she either gains so much power no one stops her or some wierd plot twist happens and screws her over. Keep the chapters rolling.

[mocandragon5]

4585746 @cptslapem Thank you. There should be a new one tomorrow.

[Vale Decem]

Yessss a Jekyll and Hyde based crossover! Thank you! I'm going to read the heck out of this!

[mocandragon5]

4590234 Thank you! There should be a new chapter or two today, however, I tried yesterday and I wasn't in the mood Glad you like it.

[Vale Decem]

Just a slight problem, but parts of this chapter feel a bit awkard, especially the fact she's "turning into a different pony". As a Jekyll and Hyde blog runner myself, I understand how hard it is to distinguish how Twi and Fallen are different yet the same. There's nothing wrong with the way you took it, it is fine, it's the way a lot of people view Jekyll/Hyde characters. However, for the story's flow, I would reccomend a bit more subtle. The way I take it (which you don't need to use, this is just a suggestion), Jekyll (or Twi in this case), still wants some of what Hyde/Fallen does. For example, Fallen would kill somepony Twilight has a grudge against, it doesn't take much (Hyde is a madman after all) but whereas Twi is too held back by society's norms to enact her revenge, Fallen has no problem. You did reference this slightly when you said that Fallen was "a monster being released", but I would reccomend taking it further.
Once again, this is just my take! Yours works just fine, I was trying to help it flow better. Thank you for reading my Jekyll and Hyde nerd rant, and good luck with the rest of the story.

[Hairy Konquerer]

Hate to tell ya but Pinkie Pie beat you to it. See below.