Harpflank and Sweets: The Lost Episodes

by Supersheep64

Episode 32: The Drop of a Hat

HARPFLANK AND SWEETS

Created by Arcainum
Written by Supersheep64

Opening Titles

Metropony City! Mighty skyscrapers towering over the millions of ponies going about their lives on the streets below! Working, playing or just taking in the weather, Metropony bustles as only the big city can. But! All is not well in this equine metropolis! Below the streets lies a threat - a threat to the happiness and friendship of good ponies everywhere! And the name of that threat is Luna, the exiled Princess who has returned with vengeance in her eyes! With the aid of Her villainous helper Trixie and her army of terrible Lunatrons, She will stop at nothing to destroy the pony way of life! Standing against her, however, are two heroic mares, known only to the citizens of Metropony as...

HARPFLANK AND SWEETS: EPISODE 32- THE DROP OF A HAT

Scene 1

For once, Metropony was quiet.

There were no gangs rioting in the streets, there were no alarms wailing in the distance, no thefts, muggings or natural disasters... There wasn’t even the dull metallic thuds of Lunatron hoofsteps to disrupt the night air. The city, normally Equestria’s leading exporter of imminent disaster, now rested peacefully... Much like an angry drunk that had accidentally slipped and knocked themselves unconscious.

Along one empty street, the distinctive sound of two ponies trotting echoed off of the sleeping buildings as they made their way back home. Her harp case slung over her withers, Lyra was returning from another in a long line of successful concerts as the current headliner of the Metropony cultural theatre. Although normally focusing on professional theatre productions or major events such as Metrpony’s Hearth's Warming Eve pagent, the theatre had been known to play host to smaller groups and solo acts. Octavia had performed there, as had the Ponytones, the Illusions and even Trixie, back before she became the mare they knew today.

In all, it was a pretty sweet gig and Lyra owed everything to her manager for setting it up for her. Yet it was that same manager that was the source of her current worries.

Lyra glanced askance at Bon-Bon, observing the listless way she held herself, the slight sigh on every other breath, the way her hooves scuffed at the pavement as they walked. From the day they had first met, Bon-Bon had never once missed one of Lyra’s performances, sitting front row as her eyes sparkled with the same awe and wonder as they had since she had first heard her play.

But tonight, when Lyra had looked out into the audience, Bon-Bon hadn’t been there. She had been at the back, standing by the doors, and her eyes were so unfocused and distant that Lyra suspected that she hadn’t been listening at all.

Bon-Bon’s eyes had the same look right now, too.

“Hey, BB?”

Bon-Bon only barely lifted her head as she gave Lyra her attention.

“Hmmm?”

“Do you think it was a good night?”

“Yeah. As good as ever.”

Lyra tilted her head, her eyes darting over Bon-Bon’s face in a twitchy search pattern as her voice lilted into an expectant upwards inflection.

“But it could be better?”

“Sure.”

Lyra huffed, blowing a strand of mane from her eyes.

“Maybe good enough to perform at Princess Celestia’s drunken shotgun wedding to a plate of salted alfalfa soup next week?”

Bon-Bon ground a hoof into her forehead.

“Grahh, Lyra...”

“Oh so you are listening.”

“I just... Don’t want to talk right now.”

Lyra gave her the look of a pony who did not believe that the other pony was in fact, being serious.

“BB, your apartment is in the other direction. If you didn’t want to talk, then why are you walking me home?”

Bon-Bon glared, a faint twitch of pain crossing her face.

“You know why.”

She sighed, letting her face drop back into sadness.

“I just wanted to make sure you got back safely.”

Lyra looked away for a second, remembering the week-old feel of Bon-Bon crying into her coat. Since then, Bon-Bon had hardly left her side. Not normally a bad thing, but this... It wasn’t the same as before. It was sad... Sad and very uncomfortable.

“Bon-Bon, nothing is going to attack me on my way back to my apartment. At least, nothing I can’t handle. My near-death was just a one-time thing, I’m totally over that phase of my life.”

Bon-Bon rolled back her ears, her eyebrows making a fixed line and her face twitching with barely restrained emotion.

“You know that lunatic Surprise is still out there. I’ve searched for her every day since the zoo gassing, but I just can’t find her. She’s out there, planning something and I can’t do anything about it. We know she knows way too much about M.A.R.E. as it is... heck, she even found Derpy’s house! What makes you think she can’t have found yours? That she isn’t there waiting with some sinister-”

Lyra plugged the flow with a hoof to her mouth.

“Look BB, little miss ‘I’m so unpredictable’ isn’t going to do anything so straightforward as to ambush me while I’m in the shower. All we’ve seen so far suggests that she’ll want to go big and flashy and way way out of left field. You’re not going to be able to outsmart her if you expect she’s going to behave like a rational criminal would.”

Lyra moved the hoof from her mouth to her shoulder.

“Go home, get some rest. I’ll be fine.”

Bon-bon took a step back, letting Lyra’s hoof slide away.

“Alright. I suppose that at least with Trixie behind bars, we’re safer than we’ve been in a long while.”

Lyra tensed up, gritting her teeth but trying not to let it show on her face. Bon-Bon slowly turned and walked back the way she came.

“See you tomorrow Lyra.”

As Bon-Bon walked away, Lyra let herself relax, silently hating her involuntary reaction. Her apartment wasn’t far now so as she trotted off, she turned a corner onto her home street and became lost in thought.

If anything, Lyra had thought that the long overdue defeat of Trixie would have brought some sense of closure and satisfaction. But the fact that she had not been responsible, that the arrest had occurred while she had been occupied comforting Bon-Bon, that it had happened so easily...

Lyra bit back a curse. Magically fumbling for her keys, she trotted up the front stairs of her apartment building only to pause and lean against the railing in shame.

Lyra knew her duty. She needed to find a way to apologise for what had happened on Bon-Bon’s birthday, to find a way to blow away all of BB’s worries and fears and mend the damage to their friendship. Yet despite her priorities, whenever the subject came up, she found herself consumed by her irrational jealousy of Maredowell and her successes.

In the paper every day, there were reports of heroic deeds and remarkable feats performed by the mysterious masked mare. It hurt to know that Maredowell has accomplished things that she couldn’t, that she had effortlessly taken the public adoration that Lyra had long desired and most of all, it hurt that she had accomplished this all alone.

That was what really made Lyra sick to her stomach. The fact that one Maredowell could match up to all the hard work of Harpflank and Sweets. That at best Lyra added up to half the hero she was... And that it made her hate herself for wishing that she had been able to make it this far without any of the friends who had supported her.

The fact that she was supposed to be stepping up to the plate and helping her friend get through her issues, and yet she was there thinking about how much she wanted to have not had her fighting alongside her at all?

Lyra rubbed her hoof into her horn in an attempt to ease the pain.

“Oh Celestia, I feel like dirt...”

Though as much as Lyra knew that her jealousy was the biggest dumb loser dumbness in all of the feelings ever to be dumb and useless, that still didn’t mean that her other feelings towards Maredowell were any less valid. She knew that creep was not what she seemed. She knew that there had to be some sinister explanation for the electrifying, spine-grinding, agonising sensation she got every time Maredowell was near. That inherently wrong and vile and unnatural rush of anti-endorphins tingling down her spine and splitting her brain open as her horn recoiled into her skull-

Lyra’s eyes snapped open as she stopped her hooves from painfully rubbing into her screaming forehead.

That sensation much like the one she was experiencing right now.

Lyra actually dropped her precious harp case to the ground as she spun in place, craning her neck up to the third-story rooftop across the street. Lurking, Maredowell looked back at her. She realised she had been spotted and rose to her full height, tilting her head in unmistakable curiosity as the yellowed glow of the flickering streetlights cast contorted, swirling reflections in the mirrored lenses over her eyes.

Too shocked to move, Lyra just gaped up in horror.

“...You?!”

Crouching down, Maredowell turned and hopped off the far side of the roof. There was a flash of light and, with an audible flap of wings, her blurred shadow retreated across the skyline and vanished in less than a second.

Falling to her haunches, Lyra scrabbled for her harp case and held it to her chest, wondering if perhaps Bon-Bon’s paranoia wasn’t so misplaced after all. Working moisture back into her mouth she could only whisper out one sentence.

“She knows who I am.”

Scene 2

Sitting in her office, the Commander tightened her lips and tried her very very best to listen to the dull and exceedingly technical presentation playing out solely for her approval. Although Octavia was surely the best and the brightest that they had, (beating out Vinyl by several degrees and doctorates in the exceptionally rare field of common sense) the fact that Derpy’s imagination was conjuring up tactile sensations of the discussed topics actually flying over her head went a long way towards explaining why Ex-tech’s safety briefings very rarely succeeded in reducing the number of accidents in the workplace.

With the faint light of concentration slowly fading from her eyes, Derpy rested her chin on her hoof and struggled to keep up with the string of technical data and statistics presented to her by Ex-tech’s head of programming. Raising her other hoof, she interrupted the report with an exhausted lack of patience.

“Octavia, could you please just boil this down to an ETA? I’ve got another meeting after this, and the first thing she’s gonna say is ‘How many times have I told you to never to make me wait for you?’”

Octavia sniffed, snapping shut the tiny laptop she was using to present her data.

“Very well. The Nanosuits have been repaired of all systemic damage, but it will take several more hours to properly finish debugging their neural interface and impulse response routines. There’s some bizarre code anomalies that are hampering their processing and causing severe errors. Until I find the source of these problems, I can’t clear the suits for field use.”

She swallowed, looking slightly off to the side.

“Re-issuing them now could compromise the safety of our agents.”

Derpy sighed, but nodded.

“Understood. I’m, sure I don’t need to tell you how vital it is you resolve these issues quickly.”

“No, Commander.”

“Good. You’re dismissed.”

Octavia gathered up her saddlebags and slipped her laptop inside. Turning to leave, she grabbed a steaming coffee cup from where she had left it on the Commander’s desk and wearily trotted from her office.

Left alone, Derpy ground a hoof into her temple and sighed for the thirtieth time since breakfast. Turning her attention to the holographic system built into her desk, she inputted the encrypted passcode needed to contact the EDA’s magically-shielded external communications system. In a blink of blue-tinged light the holographic display activated, revealing the glowering face of a pony who, judging by the complete lack of hesitation or reaction, had been intentionally glaring at her office’s communication camera for some time in anticipation of her call.

Director Harshwhinny opened her mouth and spoke with mingled irritation and disgust.

“Commander Hooves, how many times have I told you to never to make me wait for you?”

Derpy sighed for the thirty-first time.

“Apologies, Director. My previous meeting overran.”

Ever since receiving the go-ahead to begin the creation of M.A.R.E. a few years ago, Derpy had been in regular correspondence with Harshwhinny, as the mare had been assigned the task of acting as a liaison between M.A.R.E. and the Equestrian Defence Agency, which in turn, answered directly to the Crown. Now, even though she had been quite heavily promoted, thanks in no small part to M.A.R.E's success, she still insisted on Derpy reporting directly to her... and also still insisted on generally treating her like dirt.

"I'm going to skip the part where I ask you about your progress in routing the Lunar Empire, because we both know that as usual, there has been no progress."

Harshwhinny seemed to be chewing on the inside of her cheek in thought, an act that made her face even more unwelcoming.

“Instead, tell me about this new super-pony that has been doing your job for you. I understand she rebuked your offer of employment?"

She somehow found a way to make her voice even more dour and snarky than it already was.

"Understandable, seeing as one of your agents assaulted her last week.”

Derpy tilted her head and set her hooves back on the desk.

“An unavoidable confrontation, unfortunately. As for information on her, I sent you most of what we know about her in our initial report.”

Harshwhinny's holographic eyes gained a glint of derision.

“If that postcard I received was supposed to be a report, then I may have to accelerate my plans for firing you, Hooves.”

“Yes, it was small, and that is because we know almost nothing. In fact, when she first appeared I expected that the EDA would have more intel on her than we do, so I sent in a request for all files relating to Maredowell from your head office... And your servers came up with absolutely zero results.”

Harshwhinny rolled her eyes with exaggerated boredom.

“How is this relevant, exactly?”

Derpy slammed her hooves on her desk.

“It’s relevant because even if you really did have no information on Maredowell, the same report that I sent you should have still shown up in the search! The only reason my request would have been met with absolutely no feedback is if you had classified that information above my access level!”

The Director fixed her with a cool gaze.

“Commander Hooves, your organization has one and only one mission that we are paying you to do. You are to combat and predict the actions of the terrorist group known as the Lunar Imperials, to facilitate the arrest or incapacitation of their leaders and to protect and uphold the law of your host city. Anything outside of that mission, be it information or objectives is only your business if I tell you it is! Do I make myself absolutely one-hundred percent crystal clear?!”

Derpy held up a flawless poker face as she answered.

“Yes, Director.”

“That’s what I thought. Now coincidentally, I do have a new objective for you to concern yourself with. Maredowell has clearly refused to operate with your organisation, and that makes her dangerous.”

She waved a hoof in the air.

“As you know, Metropony loves its superheroes, but isn’t quite aware that the city only tolerates their presence so long as they secretly follow orders. A masked vigilante not under M.A.R.E’s command is nothing more than a criminal, and one with those ghastly ‘superpowers’ is a huge unaccountable liability. Send out your agents and capture her before she does something to bring this whole ‘costumed hero’ nonsense crashing down on us, and before she embarasses your sorry little group even further.”

She did something that might have been a sneer if her lips had possessed the capability to turn upwards.

“Surely that can’t be too hard, Hooves. Wow me.”

With that, the Director cut the communication. Derpy pursed her lips, barely lowering her eyebrows into a not-quite frown as her eyes drifted off to pursue alternative avenues of thought from one another. She leaned back in her chair, still thinking right up until she heard a knock on her office door.

“Come in.”

Quietly, Nurse Redheart trotted into the room, still wearing a pouch filled with various medical equipment. Though Derpy had asked her to come well in advance, the medical bay had been busy that day and she had still needed to rush over in the last minute to make the appointment.

Crossing her hooves, Derpy refocused her eyes and cleared her throat.

“Thank you for coming, Redheart. I’m loathe to break you off from your work, but I have a mission for you.”

Wordlessly, Redheart reached into her pouch and pulled out a bandage and syringe, an unspoken question being delivered in the tiny squirt of liquid from the needle’s tip.

Derpy let a small smile cross her face as she shook her head.

“No, it involves your other set of skills.”

Returning her equipment to her pouch, Redheart smiled with her.

Scene 3

Lyra sat in the M.A.R.E. mess hall and played with her food. The mixed salad went along with her games, perhaps sensing that this was simply distraction and that Lyra in actuality had no real interest in eating whatsoever.

Poking at the assorted leaves, Lyra let her mind ponder over the troubling events of the night before.

‘How often has she been following me? What is she going to do now that she knows who I am? Why do I get that painfully unnatural feeling whenever she’s around me?'

Lyra rested her head on the table and sighed. She’d had no trouble sleeping through the last ten hours in a haze of dreamless self-torment, but to call such a thing ‘rest’ would be insulting to the entire concept of relaxation. Now morning had come, and with it, a fast that she felt no obligations about breaking. Her hunger, like her sleep, was something unsatisfiable, and the pretense of eating was more a method of procrastination than of any genuine nourishment.

‘Who do I talk to about this? I’ve gotta tell somepony, right? Would they even believe me?’

Lyra glanced over at today’s headline on the back of a newspaper being read by an agent seated at the table across from her.

MAYOR ISSUES FORMAL REQUEST FOR MAREDOWELL TO ASSIST SECURITY FOR UPCOMING TRIAL OF GREAT AND POWERFUL TRIXIE

Rolling her eyes, Lyra returned to her salad, bemoaning that it was the only thing in her world that still made any sense.

‘All of Metropony thinks Maredowell is the greatest thing since the Chimmycherrychonga... And everypony at M.A.R.E. Would just pass it off as me being jealous and trying to destroy her credibility!'

She bit her lip, rubbing at her chin as she ran through her options.

'I could try telling the Commander, but she keeps insisting on trying to make Maredowell into one of our agents. Oh Celestia... Imagine if she agrees! I’d have to work with her!’

Lyra groaned and put her head in her hooves.

‘This would be so much easier if I could just talk to BB about this. But how we’ve been recently...’

It’s no secret that Lyra wasn't a well-grounded pony. She often did things that were daft, or borderline suicidal... Socially, or otherwise. She needed Bon-Bon to tell her how to act and what to do, a guiding light to lead her in situations when simply being herself only made things worse.

But this time her dependence had now left Lyra adrift. Now that Bon-Bon was the one who had been hurt by Lyra ‘being herself’, Lyra’s only guide on being a normal pony had been cut off. Even though she very much wanted to be given some sort of clue how to make things right, Lyra didn’t much fancy her chances of Bon-Bon being in the mood to give advice on how to fix their friendship to the same pony who had broken it in the first place.

‘Even if she wasn’t still mad at me, I still couldn’t go to Bon-Bon now... not when she’s already worrying about me. Telling her I’m being stalked will just make the whole thing worse! I mean, it’s not like I’m actually in danger right? Maredowell wouldn’t have saved my life if she wanted to hurt me... unless this some sort of creepy love thing.’

Lyra shivered in repulsion.

'Please, please, PLEASE don’t be some sort of creepy love thing.’

Trying to banish that thought from her mind, Lyra forced herself to decide on a plan of action. Like most of her plans, it would most likely be terrible, but at the very least would manage to be decisively terrible.

‘If I can’t talk with Bon-Bon because she’s still worried about, and mad at me... Then I’ll just have to fix our friendship first! I’ll find a way to properly apologise, prove to her that she’s still important to me while easing all her fears about me being in constant danger and conclusively show that she has no reason to worry about me. THEN I can tell her all about the silent, shapeshifting, superpowered, obsessive stalker who can somehow fry my brain with her presence! Perfect!’

With a flourish of unfounded confidence, Lyra got up from the table, leaving the untouched salad to celebrate its continued existence. Departing the mess hall, she trotted down the crowded corridors with a certain frustrated resolve. If she was going to do this, she was going to need some help from her friends, and while they may be a little anti-social themselves, there were still two other ponies she could turn to.

A few minutes later, a set of elevator doors dinged open and allowed Lyra access to the R&D floor. No matter how many times Lyra ventured into this section of headquarters, she never failed to be impressed by the sheer insanity of the place. For while ExTech was the foremost facility of benign scientific study in Equestria, it also had such a large quantity of sheer whimsical junk and ever-shifting marvels that it would put the entertainment value of your average theme park to shame.

To try and describe ExTech was like trying to recall a fever dream. It was such a condensed sinkhole of arbitrary disjointed ideas and fleeting fanciful interests that it may as well have been a life sized abstract sculpture dedicated to the concept of imagination itself. In fact, the real meat and bones of ExTech's ongoing research was so mercurial in nature that ExTech’s Physicists often joked that even the simple act of observing it would prompt it to change.

Weaving her way through the clustered tech, Lyra could hear activity coming from the more recently added nanotechnology department and decided to make that her destination.

Vinyl was hunched over her desk, a massive magnifying lens positioned between her face and the Nanofabric she was so fervently tweaking at with microscopic magical nudges. At Lyra's approach, Vinyl shot bolt upright, hastily scrambling for her signature shades which she jauntily slapped onto her face with a disarming grin.

The DJ swayed on her hooves babbling out a greeting.

"Hey... Lyra! Haha, Lyra, Lyra... Lyra. What... What are you doing up so late?"

“It’s morning.”

Vinyl scoffed.

“What? Ponies don’t wake up in the morning! That’s a crazy time to wake up!”

Lyra glared suspiciously as Vinyl consistently stared at a spot just over her left shoulder.

“Speaking of ‘Crazy Time’, what’s with you?”

“Uh... nothing! Not anything. At all. Very little something could be attributed to what it is that I have. Hey! Get away! Get-”

Ignoring her protests, Lyra stepped up to Vinyl and magically lifted the shades out of the way, leaning in with concern. She frowned as she noticed that Vinyl's eyes were raw, being fractured with countless enlarged veins and highlighted by cheekbones that were adorned with more baggage than your average airport.

"Wow. When was the last time you slept?

Vinyl swayed slightly, her unfocused eyes blinking disturbingly out of sync.

"That depends. Is today Thursday, or next February?"

Vinyl suddenly frowned, flaring up in response to a statement only she could hear.

"What, sleep?! I don't need sleep! I need to fix these nanosuits, is what I need to do. Everypony is at each others throats with concern over Trixie and Surprise... If we just had these suits online... *yawn* ... We could solve everything... And everypony would be happy again."

Lyra's heart warmed ever so slightly.

"Vinyl... You don't have to ruin yourself for our sake."

Vinyl scrunched her face up in annoyance. Also sluggishness.

"Hey, I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to Lyra! Butt out, missy."

Vinyl quickly forgot her grievance at the arrival smell of Octavia, bearing hot beverages.

"There you are Babe! You're... You're the best... And you have coffee... The best coffee."

Vinyl slumped onto the shoulder of her friend.

"... Your mane smells nice..."

Octavia ignored her, carefully dropping the mugs of coffee onto the table. Unlike Vinyl, Lyra was not so sleep-deprived to miss the small pills Octavia had slipped into the Dj's drink. Turning to Lyra, Octavia gave a comforting smile and a tiny wink.

"Yes, well that aside, Vinyl and I may be close to finally de-bugging the software, so you should be back in top form in no time."

Lyra nodded half-heartedly. Taking a breath, she decided that now was the time.

"That's great!... But, uh... Have either of you seen Bon-Bon since last week?"

Octavia shook her head.

"No. Why? Did something happen?"

Lyra flinched a little at Octavia's concerned gaze. She bit her lip, wondering again if it was necessarily the best idea to seek advice from her friends on how to not suck at showing compassion and empathy.

Lyra let out a little sigh, her mind made up.

"So... Me and Bon-Bon... I take it you know about our... Falling out?"

Vinyl stopped leaning on Octavia, lifting her coffee as she scratched at her head.

“Yeah, I heard she was bugging the Commander to have you taken off high-class missions. It was a weird cross between a sort of ‘super protective mother’ and a ‘science nerd paired up with juvenile delinquent on a class project’ sort of objection. Sheesh, what happened between you two anyway?

Lyra felt her ears meekly flatten against her head.

“I almost died on her birthday.”

“Wow. Jerk move, Lyra.”

Ignoring Vinyl, Lyra began pacing back and forth.

“I just don’t know what to do! She’s always the one looking out for me when I screw things up. I feel so useless that I can’t be there for her when she needs it.”

Lyra groaned, running a hoof through her mane in restless frustration.

“I can’t stand seeing her like this...”

While Vinyl mulled this over, Octavia reached under the work table and retrieved a large cushion which she stealthily slid up to Vinyl's backside in preparation for when she collapsed from exhaustion.

Vinyl yawned.

"So go... Go... idunnotalktoherorsummat..."

Vinyl swayed on her hooves for a second, a sharp gasp escaping from her mouth as the sleeping pills kicked in. Drooping with fatigue and betrayal, she turned to her companion.

"... Et tu Octavia?"

Finally coerced into the realms of sleep, Vinyl's limbs gave way, utterly ignoring the readied cushion as she harshly face planted the floor. Rolling her eyes, Octavia stepped forwards and hefted the dozing DJ onto her back.

"Lyra, I think Bon-Bon likely just needs some time to think this over on her own. Go do some crime fighting, clear your head. When Bon-Bon is ready, she'll talk to you."

Lyra felt her spirits fall. Even with her limited knowledge on the subject, she knew she couldn’t dispute the advice she’d been given. Which was too bad because it really wasn’t the quick solution she needed to get back on board with her Maredowell problem. For a moment, Lyra considered asking Octavia about it, but with her currently looking after Vinyl’s forcibly administered wellbeing, it really seemed like a bad time.

"Yeah... I guess I’ll see you."

Head down and despondent, Lyra turned and left from whence she came. Parting ways with her two friends, she found herself envying Octavia for her charm. The mare had a set of unerring, effortless social graces that seemingly rendered her incapable of offending anypony without specifically intending to. Lyra’s life thus far would have been so much easier if she had had that ability.

When she also found herself envying Vinyl for her drug-induced slumber, she wondered if she was taking the self-pity train perhaps a station too far.

As the lab doors slid shut behind her, she barely set hoof in the corridor before nudging horn-first into her commanding officer. She hastily stepped back and stood to attention as Derpy smoothed the poke out of her uniform.

“Oh hey, Commander. I, uh didn’t see you there.”

“I noticed.”

With a flick of a wing, Derpy motioned for Lyra to follow her down the corridor. As Derpy got her ‘leadership’ face on, Lyra recognised that this jaunt was entirely business.

"I need you to suit up and escort me to the police precinct. We've been waiting for things to calm down a bit, but it's time we grilled Trixie for information about the Empire's long-term plans."

Lyra scrunched in scepticism.

"What makes you think she'll tell us anything? We're the good guys, remember? It's not like we can just force it out of her."

"Sadly, no. Redheart has been looking into the herbal properties of something called 'The Seeds of Truth', but short of intentionally infecting Trixie with the Cutie Pox, it doesn't seem like it will yield any results."

Lyra thought about it for about a second.

"That option sounds pretty tempting, honestly."

Derpy let loose a slight chuckle followed by a knowing smirk.

"-But hardly necessary. Even if she won't give us anything big, Trixie won't be able to resist running her mouth about something. You two have a bit of a rapport with her, after all. We could just dangle you on a string in front of her and she'd rant for hours."

Lyra's ears perked.

"Us two? You mean, Bon-Bon will be there?"

Derpy cocked her head.

“Why? Is that a problem?”

“No! Of course not, why would it be a problem?”

Lyra grinned, hoping she bought it.

“Her request to have you taken off of active duty seems like a likely candidate.”

The grin turned into a grimace, reminding her of why she wasn’t a salespony. She hastily tried to change the subject.

“So... What’s the situation at MPD? Surely the Empire must have made some kind of an attempt to free Trixie by now.”

“Not even one. Aside from holding back the media, the cops haven't had any trouble at all in containing our little trickster. They’re moving her into a real prison today, so the transfer between the two may be our only chance to talk with her without anypony knowing about it.”

As the two of them entered the M.A.R.E vehicle hangar, an agent stepped up to hoof Lyra her costume, which she began to slip on as other agents pulled up the nondescript car they would be using to sneak there.

“This is another unfortunate complication brought on by our freelance superhero problem. Thanks to Maredowell handing Trixie over publicly, everyone knows where she is, so we can’t transfer her to a more secure... and more importantly, secret location without the entire paparazzi discovering that M.A.R.E exists. The eyes of the city are watching her like a hawk, and if we want to keep our anonymity, we’re forced to sit on our hooves and let Trixie stay in inadequate incarceration until Luna makes the first move.”

Now dressed for the occasion, Lyra stepped up and popped open the door for Derpy to slip into. As she did so, Derpy paused and gave Lyra a strange look.

"Oh, and Lyra?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Save your personal dispute until after the mission, if you would?"

Lyra flinched.

"Yes Commander."

Filing into the car, she and Derpy departed onto the city roads. Although she was on her way to meet with her partner, Lyra's hope at a speedy reconciliation had been almost shot down at this point.

Steeling herself, Lyra let her determination take hold. Like Octavia had said, she wasn’t going to patch things up with BB any time soon, so she might as well turn her whole attention onto what she could do by herself. Lyra decided there and then that she was going to get to the bottom of this Maredowell thing herself, and if she had to get Trixie to squawk before she could do that, then she'd just have to make her sing.

Scene 4

Luna was not a happy princess.

Even on a good day it often seemed like her immortal life was defined by a feeling of crushing disappointment, usually directed towards Equestria and everypony in it.

In the last year, it seemed that this disappointment was mainly focused on her most valued servant, or sometimes in the mere fact that she lived in a world in which a resounding failure like Trixie could be considered her most valued servant.

Over the millennia, Luna had found ways of dealing with this disappointment. Sadly, many of them were bad habits that she swore she had picked up from her brutish sister, and so she was not the one at fault for these slights on her own nobility.

Some of these bad habits included reading trashy novels, dancing in the shower, and most often, eating entire buckets of delicious Zap-Apple ice cream.

Luna reclined in her massive throne, scowling into the darkness of her massive throne room as an extensive conveyor belt of spoons slowly cycled via her magical grip from the bucket to her mouth and back again.

However, before her sulking could reach peak efficiency, a bright chirping resounded around the chamber. In a blur of light, one of Trixie's communication screens floated down from the rafters to greet Luna with an incoming transmission.

Luna glanced up in surprise, setting down her bucket of ice cream as she noticed the communication being presented to her.

"A STATUS REPORT?"

The screen flickered into focus, giving Luna time to wipe the ice cream from her muzzle before addressing her servants. With no small irritation, Luna squinted at the slack-jawed pair of dorky colts presented to her. Upon taking a closer inspection, Luna recognised them as being those two less-than-brilliant unicorns that followed Trixie around.

She felt her spirits sink. It was youths like these that tempted Luna to give credence to that old propaganda about her eating children.

To be fair, she did very little to disprove this accusation.

"OH, IF IT ISN'T MORSEL AND BITE SIZE. HOW FARES YOUR LATEST HALF-BRAINED SCHEME? A RESOUNDING VICTORY, I'M SURE..."

Snips gave a buck tooth grin that was somewhat similar to a rabbit caught in headlights. Rubbing his ears in discomfort, Luna noticed that he surreptitiously turned the volume down before answering.

"Ah, the mission to restart the Lunatron production lines was a failure, your Supreme Nighttimeyness... Maredowell destroyed our machinery shipments... again."

Snails continued, speaking in such a way that it seemed like his brain was not so much forming sentences as it was slowly melting, and the words leaking from his mouth were the consequences of this liquefaction.

"She showed up before we could get any gizmos out of the crates. And Harpflank and Sweets were right behind her."

Ignoring his droning voice, Luna waved a hoof in irritation.

"AND WHAT OF TRIXIE'S COMPUTER SYSTEMS? HAS THERE BEEN ANY PROGRESS IN UNDOING THE WELL-DOER’S SABOTAGE?"

Snips flinched at her tone, seeming to make an attempt at hiding inside his own shadow.

"Uh... No, oh Astronomical Moonliness. We still can't get the mainframe to stop spewing smoke and the base's fuses keep blowing out faster than they can be replaced. It seems Maredowell has circumvented all of our... Uh, extensive countermeasures."

Luna's ghetto-blasting vocal chords injected a wry tone into her speech as she raised an eyebrow.

"OH REALLY? YOUR GENIUS PLOT TO ‘CALL IN THE ELECTRICIAN’ SOMEHOW FAILED?”

Snips trembled in fright, seeing his life flash before his eyes.

“Uh, yes?”

Luna rolled her eyes.

"FORGET IT, JUST GRAB ANOTHER ONE OF THE BIG LUNATRONS FROM THE SURPLUS HANGAR AND STEAL SOME SUPPLIES FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE."

"Actually, we just used the last one we have... Maredowell already smashed all the rest."

Snails leaned across, nudging the side of his pudgy companion.

"And don't forget the one where we couldn't figure out how to get it out of the door. Ahh, we utterly totalled that one."

Luna placed a calming hoof to her forehead.

"REMIND ME, WHY DOES TRIXIE KEEP YOU TWO AROUND?"

Snails beamed warmly, much like a particularly cheap light bulb liable to serve as a fire hazard.

"We're moral support. Miss Trixie says that looking at us always makes her feel better about herself!"

Luna displayed no emotion.

"... YOU HAVE CERTAINLY MADE ME APPRECIATE HER MORE."

Luna growled, the action producing a noise not unlike an earthquake.

“FOR ALL HER FLAWS, IT SEEMS TRIXIE WAS THE ONLY DECENT UNDERLING I HAD... WE WILL NEED TO GET HER BACK, AND SOON.”

"B-But your Astounding Twinkleyness, Maredowell has been ready and waiting for everything we do! How are we going to rescue Trixie when she's constantly breathing down our necks?

Luna sniffed derisively.

“I AM NO LONGER CONTENT TO LET MY EMPIRE BE SCUTTLED BY A LONE MARE... I HAVE A PLAN TO BE RID OF THIS WELL-DOING MARE ONCE AND FOR ALL.”

She raised a hoof to the screen, harshly typing in a string of numbers and pretending not to notice when it cracked under the force of her taps.

“I AM PREPARING A SECRET WEAPON AT THESE COORDINATES. YOU ARE TO COLLECT IT, TOMORROW NIGHT, AND FREE TRIXIE, IS THAT CLEAR?”

“But... these coordinates are-”

“ARE YOU QUESTIONING MY PLAN, PORK RIND?"

Snips blubbered like a seal.

“N-No, your Grand Nocturnalness...”

“GOOD. NOW MAKE IT SO.”

Snips and Snails cut the feed, returning the throne room to its regular dimly-lit state. Luna distastefully glanced down into her bucket of ice cream, mournfully noting that it was now entirely liquid. As experience had taught her that simply re-freezing the ice cream wasn’t a viable option, she instead levitated the bucket over the edge of her plateau and dropped it into a bubbling vat below.

It would take weeks before her scientists discovered the source of the explosion.

Scowling, Luna waved one of her attendants out of the shadows to take a message for her.

“TELL THE ENGINEERS TO WORK HARDER, SHORT SUPPLIES OR NOT, WE NEED THOSE NEW LUNATRONS TO BE READY FOR TRIXIE’S RETURN.”

“Right away, oh Lunariffic one.”

Luna scowled.

“DON’T YOU START.”

An undisclosed distance away, Maredowell crouched atop a dark roof. This in itself was unsurprising... As a full-time Superhero, she spent most of her time performing activities on rooftops of various light intensities and as such, had gotten quite good at it.

She had also gotten quite good at listening in on Luna’s communication channels.

It was hardly unexpected that Luna was planning to break Trixie out of jail, but the news of this ‘secret weapon’ worried Maredowell greatly. Tucking her hijacked communicator under her hat, Maredowell committed the intercepted coordinates to memory and summoned her wings in a flash of light.

Pausing, she gave the wings an experimental flap, looking them over with slight wonder. While each of her forms was certainly powerful, she found that this one came the most naturally to her.

And, unlike the other two, it didn’t raise uncomfortable questions.

Taking flight, Maredowell cut a path for her new destination. Metropony needed her protection, and she'd never leave it hanging.

Scene 5

As of right now, Miranda Rights was the most important cop in Metropony. Not because of her own merits, not because of her own achievements, but because of a criminal.

Trixie was the most dangerous unicorn in the city, and Carrot Top had chosen Miranda to be the pony to escort her safely to jail.

It was a most unusual transfer to be sure. Normally by this time a prisoner this dangerous would have been sent to Canterlot to face trial in the high courts, but due to the 'high profile' nature of her case, the trial was being pushed back out of fear of interference from the Lunar Empire.

However, she equally couldn't be allowed to remain here. All the media attention was hampering day to day police activity and, being only peacekeepers, they lacked any sort of defense that could even scratch your average Lunatron. So, pending her formal conviction, she was being transferred to solitary confinement in the Metropony correctional facility for the lawfully challenged. Though not ideal, the guards there at least had access to slightly heavier weapons and defenses than they could muster here at the precinct, so that would have to do for now.

Despite being chosen for the task, Miranda had no say in the transport preparations and this lack of control worried her greatly. As she and her partner headed to retrieve the special prisoner, Miranda's wings twitched in instinctual discomfort, as there was something clearly fishy going on with this operation.

She didn't bother to mention her concerns to her partner. Cold Cup could usually pick up on her moods pretty well, and wouldn't have offered any worthwhile response even if it had been news to her.

She wasn't a talkative partner, and rarely expressed emotion whatsoever. Coffee brown, and with a full cascade of smoke-grey curls, Sergeant Cup had been on the force for longer than any of her colleagues... so much so, that newer recruits often joked that she had come with the building. Miranda had been partnered with her since her first day on the job and had benefited greatly from the older mare's wealth of silent experience.

But, even though the stone-faced Earth pony was the closest thing she had to a friend, Miranda couldn't shake the feeling that her absolute robotic apathy was a result of her simply having seen every kind of crime before and being utterly jaded because of it. As much as she burned with a sense of justice, Miranda would sooner resign than ever let herself get to get to that point.

As they approached, Miranda nodded to the officers standing guard at the end of the corridor, brushing past them as she warily evaluated the prisoner who was the source of this whole mess.

Trixie sat in the corner of her cell, resting calmly in the scant 10% of the room not occupied by her ego. The Lieutenant scowled slightly, amazed that the walls were even able to hold back such an unrelenting force of raw arrogance. Catching her eye, Trixie smirked back, intensifying the egotistical aura to the point where she could almost feel it snapping at her through the bars in an attempt to escape.

However, behind all this palpable emotion, Trixie was smaller than she had expected. Her hat and cape had been confiscated upon her arrest, making her as bare and vulnerable as any other pony. If only Trixie could somehow cover up the pungent stench of evil that hugged her as tightly as her own fur coat, then she might have even made the Lieutenant feel sorry for her.

Trixie winked at the two cops, fluffing her mane as much as her hoofcuffs would allow.

"Have you come to escort Trixie, or simply to admire her? For while Trixie applauds your taste in idols, she would really rather get this little road trip underway."

Miranda barely twitched, nodding to her partner to unlock the cell as she moved in to check for any 'funny business'.

Hauling Trixie off the bench, she triple-checked her restraints and magic-dampeners before allowing Trixie to move for herself and be led from her cell.

As they marched out of the cell block, it soon became clear that the prospect of a silent journey was but a distant pipe dream. As she was keeping the prisoner firmly in her sight at all times, she was fully aware of all the snide glances being cast in her direction.

"You really are scared of Trixie, aren't you?"

Miranda gritted her teeth, but said nothing.

"Trixie doesn't blame you. Trixie scares herself sometimes. But then Trixie remembers that she is Trixie, and that makes everything all better again."

Only another four rooms, and then into the van. She could endure this.

"-Of course Trixie feels sorry for everypony who isn't Trixie, as they have no such comfort. And, yes- If somepony is not Trixie, then it's only reasonable that they would be afraid of Trixie. Stupid ponies are always intimidated by those smarter than them, and Trixie is the smartest pony of-"

"Say 'Trixie' one more time, and I will taze you."

The shackled showmare chuckled.

"... Looks like somepony struck a nerve."

After forcibly escorting Trixie through the precinct doors, they approached the armoured transport van waiting at the center of the criminal transfer procession. Everything seemed to be going smoothly, but as they reached the rear of the van, slightly angry muttering could be heard from inside, as if two mares were engaged in a very tense, uncivil discussion. Raising an eyebrow at her partner, Miranda left Trixie in Cup's capable hooves as she reached up and flung open the rear doors.

She was incredibly displeased to find the van occupied by two superheroes and a pegasus in a suit.

"What do you think you're doing in here?! This is police property undertaking crucial police business-"

She was cut off by the wall-eyed mare in the official-looking uniform.

"-Which we are now involved in, with permission from your Chief and authority granted by the Princess of Equestria."

Miranda choked on her own outrage as the grey mare presented a scroll that she grudgingly accepted as bearing Carrot Top's signature, as well as a flourishing scrawl that she could only assume came from her majesty herself.

She and Cold Cup shared a frustrated glare, but said nothing as they closed the doors behind them and led the prisoner to one of the seats lining the side of the car. With no rebuttal to add, she simply resigned herself to staring angrily at the red-clad super pony sitting across from her. For whatever reason, it seemed Sweets was in no less of a bad mood than she herself was.

Miranda had been on the team assigned to uncovering the mystery behind Metropony's vigilante 'protectors' back when the duo had first arrived on their streets. After several false leads, it had finally felt like they were getting close... Until orders arrived from Canterlot to 'stop asking questions' about the lawbreaking heroes. Even at the time it had reeked of some sort of conspiratorial hogwash. Now, seeing the two of them literally being given a free pass into police business, it only confirmed those resentful theories full force.

As the car revved up and the convoy set off from the compound, the government pegasus reached into her suit and pulled out three forms and pens which she handed to the ponies opposite her.

"Oh, and we'll need you to sign these, agreeing that you will not speak to anyone regarding what you may hear during this trip."

As the two cops begrudgingly complied, Trixie took one look at the offered paper and raised an eyebrow.

"... Seriously?"

The pony blushed and stuffed the form back into her pocket.

"Ok, maybe not you."

Trixie settled her shackles into a more comfortable position as she imperiously surveyed the intruders visiting her.

"So, have you come to gloat over Trixie's defeat? To smugly scoff as you pat your collective backs in congratulation that you have finally defeated your greatest nemesis, the Great and Powerful-"

She paused, holding a hoof to her mouth in false shock.

"Oh wait... Except that you had nothing to do with it, did you?"

Harpflank growled a little.

"You're the one who got beaten, Trixie."

She chuckled, smirking.

"Yes, well, Trixie was rather expecting to fight another righteously deluded 'hero' of your pathetic caliber. If it had not been for your pitiable example skewing the average, Trixie would have better prepared for dealing with such a slippery foe."

Her smirk intensified.

"Oh, I guess that means you did assist in my capture after all!... If only by setting the bar so low that Trixie had forgotten what it meant to expect something actually challenging!"

The grey pony steepled her hooves.

"Ok, here's a challenge for you. Luna appears out of nowhere and asserts her claim to the throne. She builds an army of followers and takes you, a disgraced showpony and even more disgraced scientist to build her unstoppable weapons of war and turn them on the populace. But Metropony is just a city. Canterlot is our capital and almost none of Equestria's infrastructure is based here. If she wants the throne, why hasn't she gone and pushed Celestia out of it? Why does she maneuver and scheme, but only send you to do any damage? What is it that she wants from this town?"

Miranda watched as the prisoner's face slowly morphed back into smug superiority.

"... Alright, Trixie will indulge you your curiosity."

The showmare leaned forward in her seat, licking her lips as she settled into the grandiose role of a true storyteller.

"Luna says that this town has a history that runs deeper than any grudge that you or I can conceive of. That this place has been her battlefield since before any of us could even draw breath."

Harpflank glared at her.

"-and what is that supposed to mean for us, exactly?"

"It means that you are a pawn in a game that is millennia in its progress, and will drag on equally long after you are gone."

Sweets snickered.

"If we're pawns, then what does that make you?"

She actually stopped to contemplate her response.

"Hmm, a rook, a bishop... Trixie certainly wouldn't settle for anything less than a knight, at least."

She snorted.

"At any rate, regardless of the larger nation, the fate of all the world is, and always has been decided on the land where this city rests. This is why you and I are here, the combined brains and... Urgh, brawn of Equestria's ‘finest’ ponies dedicated to holding back the ambitions of one mare and her patron goddess... Until somepony tried to interfere, that is."

Harpflank stated the obvious.

"Maredowell... She kicked your ass."

Trixie’s eyes narrowed.

“That one is truly unnatural. Even more of a freak than you, though I can’t deny that there are similarities.”

Sweets leaned forwards.

“You think her powers are from the same source as ours?”

Trixie waved a hoof dismissively, her restraints jingling as she did so.

“Trixie took a scan of her the one time she was caught running through our base. The magic that runs through her is almost indistinguishable from yours, albeit twisted and intermingled somehow.”

“She was in your base?”

Trixie rolled back her eyes and ‘uggghed’.

“She took everything. Everything that Trixie allowed to be stored on our main computer systems at least. Granted, they were trifling things that Trixie had backups upon backups for, but concerning enough as to why she wanted them.”

Nopony said anything, but there was an undertone of agreement that this behaviour wasn’t one usually seen in an independent superhero. The question then became, who was it that she was taking it for?

Harpflank forced a smile.

“I don’t suppose you know of any secret organisations that hate your guts and would want to scupper your plans?... besides us, that is."

“None that Trixie considers to be worth her time.”

Miranda noticed Harpflank flinch as the pegasus shot her an angry glare. As they felt the van turn a corner, the grey mare turned to face the officers with a wearied expression.

“I trust you realise that the whole ‘secret organisation’ thing you just heard was also covered by that non-disclosure agreement that you signed.”

Miranda scowled.

“Yeah, I get it. I’ll hold to your bureaucratic, legalistic load of horesapples. Now are you about done shooting the breeze with my prisoner? I’m sure you have a busy day knocking down buildings, or whatever it is you ‘heroes’ get up to.”

There was an insistent beeping sound which prompted the mare to check a small communications device she pulled out of her pocket. Setting it back, she motioned for her companions to rise as the convoy drew momentarily to a halt.

“As a matter of fact, something just came up. Thank you for your time and discretion.”

Harpflank gave Miranda a quick grin as she passed.

“Look after our Trixie for us, would you? She gets cranky when she doesn’t get enough attention.”

Trixie raised a hoof to her chest.

“Moi? Oh Harpflank, did your mother never give you the talk about the pots and the kettles?”

She gave a devilish grin.

“While you're out, say hello to the cape-and-hat copycat for Trixie would you?”

Trixie snickered as she saw the scowl on Harpflank’s face just before the van doors slammed shut and the convoy began moving again. Although the interruption had passed, Miranda still stared at those doors for a lingering moment before turning back to their prisoner.

"Freakin superheroes..."

"Trixie can most certainly sympathize."

To her eternal frustration, Trixie did not seem to take the lack of anypony who cared as a signal to stop talking.

“... But for your sake, You really should have insisted that they stick around.”

Miranda fluffed her wings in irritation.

“And why would I ever do that?”

Trixie laughed haughtily.

“Because now you’re stuck in here with nopony to protect you from Trixie... Those two imbeciles were perhaps the only thing in Equestria who could have averted your suffering! But now, you have no recourse and Trixie will savor every instant of your... Your- Why are you smiling like that?”

Miranda and Cold Cup shared a knowing glance as a rare smile spread across their faces. The normally by-the-books cop instead felt a delectable taste of schadenfreude as she slowly reached for her taser.

“You said the ‘T’ word...”

Scene 6

On Metropony’s south side there stood a warehouse district. It was there where you could find any kind of ware in existence. Silverware, software, hardware, kitchenware, tupperware, shareware, glassware, earthenware, ladieswear... the list just went on and on.

The trouble the city had, among other things, was that with so many warehouses, there was too much ground to cover, rendering it almost impossible for them to keep vermin from moving in.

In short, taking shelter in a rarely-used timber warehouse was a no-brainer for any maniacal pegasus who didn’t want to be found.

Surprise grinned her manic grin. It was finally time. Time for her to decipher the next stage of her totally sweet master plan. Time for her to revel in the joy of being surprised by her own brilliance. Time for all living things who know joy to look upon her with fear as she struck them down, eradicating all forms of light and love from every last hope-filled corner of Metropony city!

But it was also lunchtime, so all that other stuff would have to wait until she had finished making sandwiches.

Making sandwiches would normally be an easy task, but unlike most ponies, Surprise always had trouble buttering the bread. Though not a logically-minded pony, even she recognised that the fact that she was trying to do so with a machete probably had something to do with it.

Ponies often asked Surprise silly questions like 'why try to butter sandwiches with a machete in the first place?' Or 'should you really be putting that much sugar into a HBLT in the first place?' And even sometimes 'how many of these things do I have to eat before you stop waterboarding my grandmother?'

Silly questions like that.

The answer to such ridiculous inquiries was actually rather mundane. The truth was that she used a machete because her years of Commando training had taught her to never bother with any knife smaller than your arm.

Those lessons had never steered her wrong before, so Surprise held herself to them even through all the inconvenience...Though it still confused her why you needed years of training just to learn how to walk around without any underwear on.

Setting the machete down, Surprise took a seat on one of the many stacks of logs and tucked into her sandwich. It was of course, delicious, but Surprise still frowned at the way all the sugar spilt out the sides when she bit down on it.

Surprise tapped at her cheek thoughtfully, then, in a moment of inspiration, reached into her mane and pulled out a roll of duct tape.

This was the scene that greeted Rover and Spot as they shuffled up to their fearless leader. A butter-stained machete being used to cut off strips of tape that were then pasted over the cracks in the sides of a hay bacon, lettuce, tomato and sugar sandwich.

Just an ordinary day.

Surprise dropped her machete and waved to them, mumbling a greeting though cheeks full of sugar.

“Hey guys, what brings you here?”

Rover didn’t look happy. He never really ever looked happy, but his life was so crummy and meaningless that Surprise was really rather used to seeing that expression on him. What was unusual was that he didn’t seem to be happy with her.

Surprise chewed her sandwich in confusion. How could anybody not be happy to see her? She was like the queen of being liked... or rather more like a princess of likeability, seeing as queens were frowned upon in Equestria for some reason.

In any case, the stupid dog began talking.

“While you were taking your mid-thursday hibernation last week, you began leaving us explicit instructions to talk to you at this exact time and place for reasons that would ‘then become clear’.”

Spot nodded nervously.

“It was really creepy. Your eyes were closed, but you still kept staring at me. Even after you went back to sleep you... whispered to me all night.”

He stared into the distance, perhaps re-living that night of horrible, horrible muttering.

Ignoring his distress, Surprise flapped into the air, storing her machete and sandwich in her voluminous tail for later.

“Huh... it sounds like my subconference brain was trying to leave me some sort of clue as to the next stage of my plan... How interesting.”

Lunchtime or no, if this was a specific time-based epiphany, then Surprise would need to act now before her genius plan was lost forever... Then again, her past self had entrusted this important task to these two idiots, so maybe she wasn’t as brilliant as Surprise gave her credit for.

“This time and place... huh. I guess there must be a reason we camped in here... I bet there are more clues to be found! C’mon guys! There’s a genuine patented Surprise-brand surprise somewhere in amongst all these logs!”

The dogs shuddered.

“Lucky us...”

Leaving her minions to trail behind her, Surprise strolled past countless heaped stacks of sizeable logs, absently navigating the cavernous space until, by pure chance, she reached the section of the warehouse she had affectionately dubbed ‘The Nursery’.

The Nursery was no different from any of the other identical rows of felled timber... save for the fact that Surprise had sealed the two entrances with matching sets of olde-timey saloon doors and had held up family tradition by covering all of the nearby log piles with relentless cascades of colorful streamers and balloons.

There were many things that they used the Nursery for, but most noticeably was the massive mountain of stolen stuff that towered over even the titanic log stacks.

It took barely a second for Surprise to deduce that her plan had something to do with something in here. Without breaking her confident strut, Surprise slammed open the saloon doors and, holding them wide open with her wings, smugly surveyed her stash of Ill-gotten gains.

Wedding rings, family heirlooms, washing machines, old comic books, intact bank vaults, a submarine, 16 wallets, a fossilised dragon skeleton, a stack of used clothes, roughly 13% of Metropony's vital plumbing, three lawn mowers, a photocopy of the town charter, a Wonderbolts poster, her entire pony weight in trading cards, a tin of sardines, two forklift trucks and an entire bag of foal's teeth that the Tooth Pixie would never lay her grubby mandibles on!

Not a bad haul for a pony lacking in three major brainwave patterns.

However, it was not the material goods that drew Surprise's attention, but the animal goods... animal goods that were currently using the loot mountain as a makeshift playground.

After all, one does not simply take command of Equestria's largest containment zoo for a multitude of monstrous magical maladies without electing to take some of them home with you!

Surprise trotted over to what was arbitrarily dictated as the kitchen, where her third henchdog was preparing their pet food. To a pony nose, the feed was a repulsive blend of minced entrails and mulchy plant food that made Surprise's disappointingly herbivorous stomach convulse in preemptive agony. Buuuut... judging by the reaction from their new pets, it was the perfect meal for four rambunctious and very hungry Timberwolves.

As Fido finished mixing the horrific slosh, he was bowled off his paws as the pups all simultaneously pounced on him, gratefully licking at his face with their mossy tongues. It was such an adorable moment that even a psychopath like Surprise felt her heart warm at the sight.

It was not an uncommon display of cross-species canine affection. Having been the one to swipe the wolves in the first place, Fido had quickly taken on the role of nanny for their little group, raising the... Impressionable infants with compassion and training them in the ways of a true villainous family.

As the pups rolled around with their adoptive dad, Surprise blinked water from her eyes, idly wondering if the tears had originated from sentimentality, or rather the from the rancid smell of the wolves atrocious breath. Ever interested in ruining a happy moment, Surprise tapped a spoon on the edge of their food bowls, and was soon greeted by a giddy lineup, eagerly wagging their leafy tails in anticipation of a meal.

Surprise looked them over critically, making sure the happy monsters met up to her demanding specifications. Letting out a huff of uncertainty, she glanced back to her minion.

"Are we sure these are real wolves? They're so domesticated they're practically houseplants!"

Fido wiped tree sap from his well-slobbered face as he rose from the floor.

"They are ready. They obey the pack leader... And are ripe for their first hunt!"

Surprise snorted.

"Yeah, they certainly smell ripe enough."

She suddenly clapped her hooves as a lightbulb went off in her head.

"Oh! I just realized! We still haven't named them yet!"

Fido raised a massive paw to his chin as a far-away smile appeared under his sloping forehead. He spoke slowly in his deep, ponderous voice.

"I kind of liked the name Bartholomew..."

Surprise shot him a scathing look.

"Nobody asked you."

The remaining two Diamond Dogs finally caught up their leader as Surprise descended into deep thought. Nodding self-assuredly, she began to float down the line of expectant wolves, naming them from left-to-right.

"I'm thinking... Twig Monster, Leaf Monster, Bark Monster...”

She stared long and hard at the fourth wolf, hoof poised and ready to point.

“And you can beeee... Bulbasaur."

Bulbasaur tilted his head to one side and whimpered confusedly. The other wolves shot him a sympathetic glance.

Surprise floated into the air, posing smugly.

“Yes, now that my new minions meet up to my standards, I can finally begin to recall the possible machinations that my past self may have plotted and proceed my campaign to the third phase of what is probably some sort of master plan, maybe.”

Fido and Spot scratched at their heads, uncertain how to wrap their minds around that many uncertainties. Surprise scratched at her head, struggling to reconstruct her prior thought processes with the defective hardware sandwiched between her ears. Leaf Monster scratched at his ears, wondering when the floaty white pack leader was going to shut up and give him his food.

After a moment of awkward silence, Rover decided Surprise wasn’t getting anywhere and cleared his throat with a hesitant cough.

“Boss Pony, it’s not that I doubt your plan or anything... But while Timberwolves are great hunters, I don’t see how they are going to help against Harpflank and Sweets... They are just too powerful!”

Surprise frowned, ignoring her audience as she mused this over in her head.

“The tall one is right... this isn’t going to help much as it is... There has to be something more to my intentions.”

She spun around, pointing a demanding hoof at Spot.

“You, the chihuahua! What was it I said while I was staring at you in my sleep?”

“But I’m not a-”

“Don’t care. What did I say?”

“Uh, something about mutants?”

Surprise knitted her brows together in concentration, turning over this new, or rather, old information. She looked down at the expectant faces of Twig Monster and Leaf Monster. She looked back at her pack of somewhat-abused minions. She looked around at the colossal rows of wood stacked up all around them.

Slowly, a devious smile broke out across her face.

“Oh-ho-ho! I am a genius!”

She turned to the still very hungry wolves with a smirk.

“You guys thinking what I’m thinking?”

Bark Monster barked in affirmation.

"Our wolves have been such good boys, they look like they deserve a treat... Not this crummy plant feed we’ve been giving them.”

She reached into the stack of stolen goods and pulled out a curious cylindrical device adorned with a pair of hoof-shaped slots on the side. Surprise grinned in recognition. The expo was only two weeks ago, and it already felt like forever since she had last laid eyes on this futuristic pilfered contraption. Chuckling, Surprise unslotted the Cylinder from its base, gazing mischievously at the unearthly glow emerging from inside.

“Luckily, a friend of mine happened to lend me some of her... 'Sweetener'... Hehehe."

She twisted the cap off of the canister before pouring the contents into the food. The sludgy liquid sparkled and coursed with raw magic, emitting a dull glow as it was absorbed by the now-sodden mulch.

Surprise dropped the bowls to the ground, giving an unmistakable signal for her new pets to dig in. As they ate with the ferocity that only wolves possess, the effect was instant. Sweets’ supercharged magic was consumed and corrupted, igniting the timberwolves fragile bodies with newfound strength.

The Diamond dogs looked on in slack-jawed horror as the sickly green glow of the wolves’ magical core slowly flickered into being and rippled across the surface of their bodies, like a tide of cursed luminescence.

The raw power refracted the light around them, casting harsh, imposing shadows on the stacks of logs and distorting the wolves grizzly image to the point where they looked like they were made from slightly-out-of-place CGI.

The force of the mutagenic magic rippled over their bodies, twisting and reforming their shape into something dark and primal. Finishing off their meals, the four wolves, eyes aflame, threw back their heads and howled to the ceiling. As if summoned by the echoing call, their magic cores exploded outwards, spreading like wildfire to ensorcel every colossal log in the warehouse.

The wave of magic crashed over the Diamond Dogs, setting all their fur on end as an instinctual fear trickled down their spines. Resisting the urge to wet himself, Rover called out to their boss for confirmation.

"A... Are you sure this is safe, Pony?"

He turned around, confused.

"Pony?"

Thirty meters away, Surprise poked her head out from behind a wall of sandbags, lifted the visor of her crash helmet and yelled a response.

"SORRY, CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF THIS MINIMUM SAFE DISTANCE! YOU’LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP!"

The Dog’s ears flattened as they heard the cacophonous creak of breaking chains. Throwing themselves to the floor, the Diamond Dogs scampered out of the way as log after log broke free from their restraints and flew towards the enchanted maelstrom occurring in middle of the warehouse.

In less than a minute, the heaping mounds of timber had dwindled into non-existence, the top-notch wood splintering and recombining into colossal lupine forms. Out of nowhere, vines sprung up, snaking and twisting around the fledgling monsters as they took on the appearance of pulsating veins on the surface of their wooden skin. Moss and lichen sprung up in waves, forming the undercoating for shaggy coats of grass and nettles that thickly covered every spare inch of the wolves' bodies.

Twig Monster emitted a growl of satisfaction as the transformation reached his rear, resulting in bountiful palm fronds sweeping the floor and proving new meaning to the term 'bushy tails'. Some truly sinister magic took root in their mouths, as tangled stems sprouted forth poisonous thorns the size of dustbins in lieu of teeth. And, almost as if that definition of 'taking root' wasn't literal enough, a tangled carpet of twisting roots formed a parched, lolling tongue, upon which fungal colonies blossomed, spewing forth clouds of noxious spores with every labored breath that panted from their vegetative lungs.

As the transformation drew to a close, there was scarcely any room left in the warehouse, every available space being occupied by one of four walking forests that snapped and sniffed at each other in sibling comradeship.

Surprise threw her helmet to one side, clapping her hooves in glee as beheld her new atrocities, each one standing taller than an Ursa Minor and twice as ferocious. Her pile of ill-gotten loot had been pretty much trampled and scattered by the massive woodnado, but Surprise didn’t much care about that.

She wasn’t some shallow fool that cared only for material wealth! No, she had no need for such things for she had been given the greatest of all of life's gifts. Greater than love, better than friends, more fulfilling than charity, more satisfying than standing in front of an open fridge on a hot day. None of life’s gifts could quite compare to the sheer, innocent bliss that came from having the firepower to destroy an entire city.

Not that she would, you know. That would be expected of her.

No, she would do nothing so crass. As anypony could tell you, these city-block-sized ravenous plant mutants were clearly a precision instrument.

And she knew exactly where to make the first bludgeon.

Scene 7

It was a sunny Metropony afternoon. With rush hour still 73 minutes away, the streets were quiet for the moment. In a similar trend, the pavements bore only a mere smattering of pedestrians that were probably either tourists taking in the beauty of Metropony’s commercial district, or vagrants, unable to hold down a job that would require them to be at work at this hour.

Rose couldn’t tell which group of ponies was the more lost.

She and the girls had been relaxing for most of the day, just sitting back and gossiping in the absence of any significant customer flow. But now, as ponies would start to leave their jobs and head home, that serenity would soon be gone and their real business would pick up.

So, before the rush hit, the three skittish mares flitted around their flower shop, watering, pruning, gathering, cultivating, fertilising, cleaning... All the odd jobs that they wouldn’t have the time to do when dealing with customers.

Rose was nudged out of her thoughts when she heard an angry clearing of the throat from behind her. Confused, she turned, and was met with Daisy’s frustrated glare. Rose grinned sheepishly as she realised she was mistakenly watering the Manehatten Orchids with the pesticides intended for the Crystal Lilac. Humphing, Daisy snatched the can from her grip without sparing a single word for her ineptitude.

Rose sighed and trotted over to the window. Resting her hooves on the sil, she stared out into the city streets and grumbled in annoyance. Rose loved her friends dearly, but they really were obsessive control freaks. True, their attention to detail could come in handy when running a business, but it was a pain dealing with two ponies who freak out over every. Little. Thing.

...I mean, yeah, Rose also tended to freak out over things... But those were usually when they were in actual dange-

Rose swiveled her head, instantly alert.

“Was that the sound of somepony jumping through a window?”

Daisy looked at her, so very far from being on the same page that she hadn’t even read the prequel yet.

“... What?”

Rose continued to train her ears in the direction of downtown, concern creeping across her face.

“... Now I hear car alarms... And that was definitely the sound of a wall collapsing.”

Daisy trotted up besides her, trembling slightly in fear.

“A-And that strange s-scraping sound...”

“...Is getting closer?” Rose finished for her.

They looked at each other in terror, speaking in unison.

“Where’s Lilly?!”

Too mortified to speak, they turned to the pavement in front of their store. The petrified ponies bit down on their hooves as they saw their blissfully unaware colleague cheerfully humming as she watered the street-side flower stands.

Lilly set down her can with air of satisfaction, looking over the beauty of her work like a proud mother, completely content with the world.

With a boom like the flare of a cannon, the air above her was torn apart by the passage of what could only have been some sort of low-flying purple missile. Half a second behind it, a few dozen flailing robots smashed themselves to pieces on the pavement, though not before tumbling heedlessly through the fragile flower stand, leaving nothing but splinters and petals where it had stood just an eye blink previously.

Lilly stood completely still, not moving an inch as hours and hours worth of floristry slowly rained across the entire neighbourhood. Then, after four seconds of statuesque immobility, she fell over sideways, her utterly rigid limbs having frozen in abject terror. She didn't wake up for five hours.

In the relative safety of their shop, Rose put her head in her hooves and sighed.

Scene 8

Clutching the package to her chest, Maredowell glanced back at the trail of destruction left by the suicidally persistent Drone-class Lunatrons as they tumbled to earth. At least five more remained, clinging to her legs and cape with an entirely mechanical determination.

Piling on the speed of her flight, she stayed low over the city streets, knocking yet another 'bot loose as it clotheslined a waiting streetlamp at mach two.

The Lunatrons had gotten the drop on her as soon as she had taken flight and showed no inclination of releasing her until she surrendered the metallic cube she had taken from the Empire's drop off point.

After overhearing Luna's instructions to her underage underlings, Maredowell had made all due haste to beat them to the punch, tracking the given coordinates to the backroom of a tucked-away Goops-and-stuff all-natural body shop. Though the owner of the store was too spaced out to even notice what was happening, it was clear that the store was being used as a front for the Empire's supply smuggling, including this 'secret weapon' she now had cradled in her forelegs.

Unfortunately, none of the Imperial agents she'd beaten up had any idea what the cube was supposed to do, and neither did the design match that of any files she had stolen from their databanks. So rather than risk the consequences of just smashing a dangerous weapon she knew nothing about, Maredowell had decided that the best course of action was to bring it home with her until she could find somepony to dispose of it properly.

But before she could do that, she needed to shake off these robots.

It was a bit of a tricky prospect to do, what with her forelegs occupied with protecting the cube from anything that could result in it potentially destroying them all. Struggling, she tried to kick one of the Lunatrons in the head, but was tilted off-balance, leading to another near miss as she had to swerve to avoid plowing into the side of an office building.

Seeing that she was getting nowhere by playing nice, Maredowell decided that enough was most certainly enough. Tilting her wings, Maredowell changed angle and shot straight upwards into the sky before curving back into an impossibly tight backflip that flung both the cube and the robots off of her person and into the air.

Finishing her backflip, Maredowell concentrated hard as she reoriented her hooves with the distant ground. There was a flash of light as her wings disappeared and a horn sprouted from below her hat, pointing directly at the soaring Lunatrons.

Maredowell fell from the sky, wrapping her magical aura around the Lunatrons as she dragged them down with her. Landing with her hooves spread in the middle of the road, Maredowell snapped her neck downwards as she added telekinetic force on top of gravitational acceleration to slam the helpless machines into the ground with a crunch of crumpled metal and shattered tarmac.

Rising to a triumphant stand, Maredowell reached out with her magical aura and deftly caught the cube as it fell back down. Feeling proud of the smashing she had just performed, Maredowell smugly adjusted her hat to its preferred angle and swept out her cape before leaping off onto a nearby building and bounding across the skyline back to her base of operations.

A few minutes later and she was home. Abandoned and a bit of a dump, it wasn't the coziest lair in Metropony, but it was isolated and comfortable, which was enough for this caped crusader. Maredowell snorted as she set the cube on a table strewn with other dangerous objects she had confiscated in the last couple of weeks, incredulously thinking of the futility in a mare with her background making any sort of attempt to rent out a proper home.

Imagine, somepony like her, living in a nice flat with a view of Canterlot. Going out and buying groceries, catching the bus, earning some bits, napping on the job, getting in to see a nice concert or a Wonderbolts show without having to sneak in... Chatting and laughing with friends...

Maredowell sat down on her haunches as she let out a soundless sigh.

But that... Wasn't her. She was not a normal pony. She was her city's defender 24/7, keeping the normal ponies safe. She didn't need anything more than that. Except...

Maredowell rose from her thoughts, feeling a familiar tingle in the base of her horn. As if drawn by a magnet, she trotted through narrow hallways, following the pull of her magic. Greatly confused, Maredowell came to a stop outside of the door leading to what she'd claimed as her 'bedroom'.

Blinking beneath her mask, Maredowell wondered why of all places her 'Other sense' would lead her here.

Before she could react, the door exploded into a cloud of splinters and Maredowell got her answer...

Scene 9

After being crammed into the back of an uncomfortably hostile prison van, it was of great relief to Lyra to be back in her superhero natural habitat. Leaping and dashing across Metropony’s rooftops was a guilty pleasure that not even a pegasus could properly appreciate, as the speed and challenge at which this art was performed was a whole league above what a wing-dependant cloud-hopper could reasonably achieve... and there were no fluffy landings in this skyline.

But while a great deal of hostility had been left behind with Trixie and her escorts, The Commander's’ refusal to take Lyra off of active duty had unleashed a whole new wave of seething hostility from a very tight-lipped Bon-Bon.

Feeling these waves flow over her, Lyra couldn’t help but to be uncomfortably reminded of a similar sensation of mounting fury that was present during their journey to the Zoological Center the previous week.

Gulping, Lyra decided she needed to say something.

“Hey... BB, this isn’t going to be like last week's mission, right?”

Bon-Bon leapt across a gap between two buildings, casting a scathing glance backwards as she used her grapple-hook to swing from a nearby skyscraper.

“That depends on whether you plan on ditching me again.”

Lyra gulped twice as hard.

“... No Ma’am.”

There was a crackle of static in their earpieces before Octavia’s calming voice tuned in from M.A.R.E. HQ.

“Good afternoon, agents. This time, one of our agents tracked Maredowell from her last fight and spotted her sneaking into the former Metropony University dormitory halls... Furthermore, he has yet to see her leave. This provides us with a golden opportunity to apprehend her, as the abandoned dorms will almost certainly be clear of civilians and press... the latter of which would certainly leap on the chance to document Metropony’s heroes roughhousing with one another.”

There was the sound of a pony sliding down in their chair as Vinyl groaned in extreme frustration.

"I get that you guys and Maredowell weren't exactly on speaking terms, but this is just stupid! She's been doing us a solid by cracking down on Luna... heck, up until now her only condemning feature is that she gives Lyra the heeby-jeebies."

Even though Vinyl was nowhere within visual range, Lyra felt the need to try and glare at her.

"What, the part where she thrashed BB to a pulp doesn't count on her record?"

In a similar unseen mentality, Vinyl rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, but then she helped you save the city! How the heck can you still not trust her after that?"

"Ladies!"

Cutting in on the comms, Derpy flared her wings imposingly, commanding respect even through an auditory medium.

"Past encounters or not, Maredowell has made it quite clear that she doesn't wish to fight on our side. It's a shame, but given the city only allows Harpflank and Sweets around on the understanding they follow the directives of this agency... It seems we have no choice but to consider her an outlaw."

Vinyl spoke through gritted teeth.

“Yay us! Defenders of friendship, justice and the Equestrian way right here!”

Despite her displeasure, Vinyl was silenced when the Commander fixed her with a cool, misaligned glare.

“You don’t have to like it, but we have a job to do. Our personal feelings and conflicts can’t interfere with our duty.”

Feeling a pit in her stomach, Lyra felt her thoughts drift over the couple of dozen personal conflicts currently interfering with her ability to perform her duty. A quick glance over at Bon-Bon very pointedly looking everywhere but back at her, confirmed that her thoughts were sailing down somewhat similar avenues.

“Yeah, completely focused on the job, Commander...”

The abject silence that followed right up until their arrival at their destination probably meant that she had been unable to keep the lack of belief out of her voice when she said that.

Sliding to a halt, she and Bon-Bon dropped down to street level before casing out the exterior of the building they were most likely about to reduce to rubble.

The former Met-U campus was one of the older collections of buildings in the city. Being made in a time where most of the city’s buildings were composed of stone and timber, the campus had already been experiencing problems due to damp, erosion and general age. However, the final nail pulled out of the woodwork had been when a particularly persistent science lab fire eleven years ago had spread and consumed half the classrooms, prompting the city council and school board to abandon the old location and construct a more modern campus on the outskirts of the city’s suburbs.

Walking almost shoulder-to-shoulder, Lyra and Bon-Bon trotted in through the bent and rusted open front gates of the university campus, attentively scanning the grounds for any signs of trouble. As on-edge as she was about a confrontation with Maredowell, Lyra couldn’t help but frown as she glanced out at the alternately burnt and collapsed remains of most of the campus buildings.

Though it had been left abandoned ever since the fire, thanks to its not insignificant role in the history of Metropony there were quite a lot of ponies campaigning to finally bring an end to its dereliction. Just last year, there had been plans drawn up to renovate the badly abused university and convert it into a museum or historical site.

Unfortunately, the plans had to be abandoned after a certain harp-themed superhero had drop-kicked a Lunatron through the previously-intact arts wing and doubled the number of zeroes on the renovation costs.

After that, the Mayor had made an executive decision that the city’s already-limited renovation funds should be saved for the reconstruction of the various not-abandoned buildings damaged in giant-robot-related incidents.

As she and Bon-Bon approached the one dormitory building still standing, Lyra found herself wilting at yet another poignant reminder of how her superhero career had been substantially less glowing than that of the pony she had come here to apprehend.

Figuring that going in through the front door is for chumps, Lyra and Bon-Bon leapt up to a second-floor window sill and slid in through the broken glass to find themselves in one of the dormitory's dilapidated bedrooms.

Given Bon-Bon's insistence on sticking together, Lyra stayed close behind her partner as they began to search through the dorm's dusty corridors for any sign of Maredowell. After less than two minutes of searching, Lyra reached out and tapped Bon-Bon on the withers, bringing them to a halt.

Wordlessly, she pointed to a single bedroom door positioned at the top of a damaged stairway. It took Bon-Bon a moment to see what she was getting at, but then she noticed that there was a semi-circular groove cut out of the dust on the floor in front of this particular room. Unlike all the other doors on this floor, this bedroom had been entered recently.

Cautiously, Lyra and Bon-Bon opened the door and looked inside.

It was just a bedroom. A ratty old bed in one corner and a creaky wardrobe in the other. Next to the bed was a desk drawer piled up with newspaper clippings and a box of stuff, while closer to the door was a table with a pile of books sprawled across it and a tray of sweets resting on the corner.

Trotting into the room, Bon-Bon wondered if they had even been led to the right place.

"Is this it? Not much of a secret lair, especially when stacked up against the kind if stuff we have at HQ."

She approached the table and looked down, noting a number of open confectionary cookbooks laid out and angled atop a stack of Daring Do novels. She only gave them a passing glance before her eyes were drawn to a hoof-written recipe bearing the marks of numerous corrections and scribbles in an attempt to perfect the formula.

"... Wait a minute."

Bon-Bon stared at the list in shock as the measurements and ingredients began to take on a strange familiarity. Turning to the tray, she grabbed a sweet from the batch and popped in in her mouth, flinching at the powerful sherbet taste.

"This... This is one of my recipes. How did she... How could she know how to-"

"BB... Come here."

Bon-Bon turned around and approached the desk drawer where Lyra was looking through the box of things with a grim expression.

The first few things she saw didn't mean anything to her, just a few trophies and a rolled-up Wonderbolts poster, but then piled around that there was whole stack of things she recognized. There was the program for one of Lyra's concerts coupled with a stack of her records, a chunk of the fake Lunatron armor Bon-Bon had made for that year's nightmare night, the stack of newspaper clippings of Harpflank and Sweets' greatest accomplishments, one of the old models of Ex-Tech communicators from back when they first joined the agency, an old school photo album from before Bon-Bon had even gotten her cutie mark and so, so much more than she could even remember losing.

Lighting up her horn, Lyra levitated Bon-Bon's favourite mane-brush out of the box, still visibly covered in long strands of pink and blue hair. Lyra scrunched up her eyes and spoke in barely more than a whisper.

"She was stalking you too... I didn't even think-"

"You knew about this?!"

Lyra flinched as Bon-Bon looked aghast at her.

"I only knew she was stalking me... I thought if I could handle it myself then I could prove to you that I'm not going to get killed the second you turn your back on me. It’s just that you're so worried all the time I thought I could take care of this for you."

Bon-Bon felt her voice rising in pitch as her stress levels rose exponentially.

"Lyra, this is not the sort of thing you just keep to yourself! This isn't just regular creepy, it's dangerously so! You know the kinds of things that Surprise has done because of her fixation on us and this is just as bad!"

Lyra flinched and looked away.

"I thought if I told anypony, they'd just think I was being irrationally jealous of Maredowell... Again. I needed more proof to convince you."

"Oh, Lyra..."

She slid a hoof over her shoulder and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm so sorry for how I've been treating you. Ever since this stuff began with Surprise and Maredowell, I've been trying to protect you from your own idiotic stubbornness. But I forgot that that idiotic stubbornness is exactly what will get you through anything, and do so far better than any overprotectiveness of mine."

Bon-Bon drooped her ears as her worries struggled inside of her. Eventually, she took a deep breath and tried to smile.

“You may have been an idiot for making me feel as if I can’t trust you to look after yourself, but I’m just as much of an idiot if I made you feel like you can’t trust me with any of your big problems.”

Lyra also tried to smile.

"Does that mean we're cool now?"

Bon-Bon let go of the hug and looked around warily.

"I don't think I can ever be completely 'cool' when I'm in a stalker's bedroom, but in terms of your mess-ups, I think I've punished you enough."

Stepping back, she reached into her saddlebags and pulled out her communicator.

"I should contact the Commander about this... disturbing development."

Flipping open the lid, the device connected through, showing a hologram of the Commander frowning as she looked over some files on her computer terminal. Holding up the communicator so its camera could take in the damning evidence, Bon-Bon took a deep breath and spoke.

"Commander, Harpflank and I have some new information about Maredowell."

"You're not the only ones. Redheart just got back from 'borrowing' some files from our friends in the EDA. I'm taking a look through them now and there's something you really need to know about-"

There was a splintering crash from behind her as Lyra ripped the wardrobe doors off their hinges. Turning around, Bon-Bon looked over in concern and saw that Lyra was standing very still, gripping onto the broken doors with her forehooves as her pupils shrunk to pinpricks.

Lyra began to shake as she stared down at the golden stringed instrument laying at the bottom of the wardrobe.

"I... I was using it just last night... At the concert. Was she just waiting for me to leave my apartment before she... She..."

The wooden doors splintered more as she tightened her grip in cold fury.

"Why?! Why is she doing this? What does she want from- Rrrgh!"

Lyra dropped the doors, clutching at her head as a shot of pain coursed through it. Dropping the communicator, Bon-Bon rushed to her side.

"Lyra? What's wrong? Lyra!"

Lyra turned to the door, her face twisting in anger.

"She's here."

Planting her hooves on the floor, Lyra reared back and pounced. In an instant she launched herself across the room at top speed, exploding through the door in a shower of splinters. Before Maredowell could react, Lyra bodyslammed her at full pelt, sending the both of them flying down the adjacent stairway and clean through the dilapidated wooden steps. A few moments of tumbling and they reached the ground floor, landing hard on the floorboards and bouncing off one another to go sprawling across the base of the stairwell.

Being the first to get up, Lyra towered over Maredowell, reaching down and grabbing her head with both hooves as she lifted her up off the ground. She growled, swiftly dragging Maredowell behind her as she ran at full speed and slammed her face into a wall.

Rearing back on her hind legs, she pulled the masked face out of the dent it had made in the brickwork before putting her whole weight behind a horizontal stomp that smashed her face right back in there. Then she pulled out and did it again. And again. And five more times.

In a few seconds, there was significantly more crater than there was wall.

Just as it looked like the wall was going to crumble, Maredowell lit up her horn and flung her sizable hat right into Lyra's face, blinding and smothering her long enough to let Maredowell slide out from her grasp.

Lyra felt a hoof impacting into her gut and hopped backwards just in time to avoid a follow-up swing to her jaw. Using her own magic, she ripped the hat off of her face and charged Maredowell with a pair of rage-fueled punches. She blocked one, deflected the other and the followed up with a staggering hook to the jaw.

Falling back, Lyra tried to dart away but Maredowell was fast enough to dart in, draw back her hoof and... Take both of Bon-Bon's hind hooves to the ribcage as she leapt from the top of the stairs and drop-kicked Maredowell clean through the damaged wall.

As the dust settled, Maredowell stood back up and shook herself off, eyeing her opponents through the hole in the wall. In a flash of light, her horn disappeared, transforming into an earth pony as she widened her stance and braced herself for combat.

In answer, Harpflank and Sweets dashed forwards in unison, closing on Maredowell and clashing in a frenzied blur of super-speed attacks.

They fought hard, sometimes taking a hit or two when Maredowell simply tanked one of their attacks to gain an opportunity to land one of her own. However, this was few and far between as their teamwork was impeccable, reforged by forgiveness and shared anger. With lightning speed, one of them would dart in and harry their foe and then just as quickly leap back out of range in time for the other to attack from a blind spot or another angle.

Lyra would get Maredowell to chase after her just so Bon-Bon could grab a hold of Maredowell's cape and yank her back, forcing the pony to rear up perfectly in time to meet Lyra's spinning dive-kick to the face. Then, when she recovered with a retaliating move, Lyra would drop a flashbang at her hooves to distract Maredowell long enough for Bon-Bon to soften her up with a string of brutal body-blows.

No matter what she did, they made sure that Maredowell could not focus on either one of them, and through their synergy, made sure that she also could not handle the both of them.

Reaching into her bags, Lyra pulled out a couple of grenades and rolled them across the floor as she magically pulled the pins. Avoiding the explosion, Maredowell leapt into the air, almost scraping the cracked and mouldy ceiling as she glanced up to see... both of Bon-Bon's forehooves come smashing down on her, driving her back into the ground with a hearty wham.

Maredowell stumbled to her hooves, dazed as she tried to stand. She then immediately wished she hadn't when both Harpflank and Sweets leapt in and smashed their hooves into opposite sides of her head at the same time. Experiencing extreme concussion, Maredowell staggered, hardly moving as Lyra and Bon-Bon took a step back and then lunged forwards, spinning around and dealing two combined finishing kicks, striking both high and low as they sent Maredowell flying through a doorway and into the next room where she landed on a cluttered table with a cringe-inducing crash.

Her face consumed by a signature grin, Lyra turned to her partner and raised a hoof.

"Hey, Sweets, are we back?"

Bon-Bon smiled in kind and bumped the offered hoof with her own.

"Yes, Harpflank... We are most certainly back."

Trotting through the door, they saw that Maredowell was lying in a pile of broken junk and broken table, her pointed hat having fallen down over her face as she lay there, presumably ruminating on the chain of mistakes that had led up to this embarrassing moment.

“Hey, eyes up stalker. This is the part where you come quietly with us or we pound you some more.”

Deflating slightly, Maredowell tipped up her hat and nursed some of her bruises. For a second, it looked like she was about to get up, but then she paused, noticing a strange purple glow shining through from under her cape.

Maredowell flipped her cape over her legs and lifted up the small cube object she had taken earlier. Her crash landing seemed to have damaged it, making the outer shell crumble inwards. The damage revealed that the cube was mostly hollow, but with something inside sending the strange glow pulsing out from the hole.

Hastily, Maredowell tore open the side of the box, revealing a small device lined with interconnecting conduits of Moonrock alloy, built around a central crystal that intermittently flashed with arcs of arcane power.

Bon-Bon backed up a step.

“Whoa, what is that? Is that a weapon?”

For a single moment, the image of a draconic eye flashed inside the crystal, and with the echo of a diabolical laugh, the device began to pulse with rapidly increasing regularity. Her eyes widening behind her mask, Maredowell dropped the crystal and ran, darting between Harpflank and Sweets as she raced for a window. With less than a second’s hesitation, Lyra and Bon-Bon followed her.

In one swift instance, night seemed to fall on Metropony as all ambient light surrounding the abandoned university was inexorably sucked into a single point, drained and consumed by the crystal as the full power of its dark master was unleashed onto a reality wholly unprepared for magic of this caliber.

Just as the campus seemed to have been completely lost to the endless void, the crystal shattered. A shockwave of magic erupted from within the dark, spreading out in a blinding ring of galaxies and nebulae that tore through the walls of the dormitory like a hot chainsaw through butter.

As Lyra dived for the window she could no longer see, she felt the telltale feeling of another pony crashing into her, pushing her down as the shockwave passed overhead. Only inches away from an arcane representation of a billion burning stars, Lyra felt part of her mane burn off and her skin break out in painful blisters.

Sliced clean through, the dormitory... and every other previously-standing building on the campus all collapsed in on themselves, finally completing the destruction of the historical Met-University that Harpflank and Sweets had started a year prior.

Let it never be said that those two left a job unfinished.

In amongst the rubble of a wrecked dormitory, Lyra reached up and pushed the cracked remains of somepony’s bathtub to one side, freeing up her battered chest, though unfortunately not dislodging the pony laid over her hind legs. She blinked her eyes up at the night sky, somehow not surprised that a blast of alicorn magic that powerful had managed to end the day two hours early.

“Luna really does give out the absolute worst gifts...”

Groaning in the unique way of a pony with bruised ribs, Lyra ‘pffthed’ and ‘ppbbthed’ at the blue and pink curls of hair that were laying across her face.

“Urggh... BB, could you get your tail out of my face?”

From her left side, Lyra could hear the sound of a collapsed wall being rolled to one side, followed by an equally bruised answer.

“I’m over here, Lyra...”

Lyra brushed the tail from her face and looked over at Bon-Bon in disbelief.

“What?”

Now able to see properly, Lyra sat up and looked down at the pony sprawled over her. Maredowell had been hit really hard by the explosion, leaving a nasty burnt scar across her chest and numerous cuts and scrapes along the various shredded components of her costume. The largest tear along her rear had been what allowed her eerily familiar tail to spill out of its confinement. It was cut shorter than the one Bon-Bon had and was spewing forth from the base of her now bare blue-furred flanks. Like the costume, the flanks were kind of scraped up, but that wasn’t what held Lyra’s attention. Unable to look away even as she slid out from under Maredowell, Lyra couldn’t help but notice how blank they were.

“What?!”

Equally baffled, Bon-Bon trotted over to the fallen pony. She and Lyra locked eyes, silently communicating a ’should I/shouldn’t I’ over the span of three seconds. Reaching a decision, Bon-Bon reached down and grabbed a hold of Maredowell’s mask, slowly pulling it up and off of her head.

Lyra’s brain stopped working. Some part of her registered that Bon-Bon had dropped the mask and stumbled back in shock, but she was too busy with dumbly staring to decide on whether this had any particular relevance.

Her fur may have been light blue, and she... at least at the current time, may not have been wearing her horn, but there was no mistaking that face... or the mint-green mane, streaked with white.

It was the face she saw when she looked in the mirror.

“... What.”

Scene 10

Trixie had a generally low opinion of prisons. On general principle, her preferred method of justice was of the more swift and brutal kind, so the stark contrast of indefinite imprisonment seemed both tedious and impractical.

Having now spent a total of seven minutes inside of a prison, Trixie found her opinion dropping even lower as the drab conditions and contemptible company drained all of her remaining patience for the farcical day-trip they were calling her ‘incarceration.’

Head held high, Trixie barely stumbled as the more easily-irritated member of her police escort physically threw Trixie into her cell and slammed shut the door behind her. Breathing a sigh of belated relief, Lieutenant Rights straightened her posture and spoke, feeling her wings flutter slightly in the satisfaction of a job well done.

“Trixie Lulamoon, your crimes against Equestria are numerous and extensive and demand a higher punishment than our city can readily provide for you. As such, you are to be detained in this cell indefinitely until such a date as Princess Celestia can be present to personally preside over your trial and pass proper judgement.”

Feeling a rush of righteous pride, she then narrowed her eyes and added a personal addendum onto the end.

“For what it’s worth, I hope you rot in Tartarus for all you’ve done.”

Trixie rolled her eyes, making a chewing motion as she worked at the roof of her mouth with her tongue. If anything, the real punishment they were giving her was sticking her with a pony this sickeningly in love with their job.

“Host as many trials as you like, Trixie only recognizes the authority of one princess, and her favor reaches Trixie even here!”

Miranda snorted, resting her head against the bars of the cell.

“What, are you counting on your master to break you out of here?”

Trixie gave the mare a look that would bring to mind the word ‘condescending’ if it were not so overloaded with sensations of contempt.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie is the most intelligent, capable and breathtaking pony in Equestria. My lady Luna respects Trixie too much to simply hoof Trixie her victories free of charge! Neigh, instead she presents Trixie with opportunities to excel and to demonstrate Trixie’s spectacular potential!“

The foundations of the prison shook as the sound of a massive explosion reverberated through the bones of everypony present. Smugly glancing out of her cell window, Trixie beheld a ring of Lunar magic spreading out across the sky from within the heart of the city. Spreading out to the far horizon, the wave of magic seemed to strike the sun itself, hastening its journey beyond the rim of the western horizon, left only to lick its wounded pride after receiving the magical equivalent of a celestial boot-up-the-arse.

Trixie grinned as her captors gave their predictable pathetic response to this demonstration of her gracious benefactor’s obvious superiority.

“What... What the hay was that?!”

Still chewing and working at the roof of her mouth, Trixie deigned to enlighten them.

“Trixie would assume that Princess Luna had laid a trap in retaliation for the constant interference of that foal, Maredowell. A mere trifle of My Lady’s magic should have been prudent to serve as an example, a distraction and...”

Trixie ceased in her chewing as she finally worked the tracking device free from the roof of her mouth, spitting the pill-sized device to the floor shortly before twisting the tip with her hooves.

“... an opportunity.”

Thundering hooves shook the facility as a three-story metal behemoth bounded from the forest surrounding the prison and broke out into a sprint. Alarms sounded and perimeter guards scrambled for their weapons as they beheld the sheer mass and momentum of the Lunatron galloping their way.

This particular model was Trixie's personal prototype rescue and recovery reserve robot. A sleek and nimble model that traded extra armor plating for fully articulated joints and had a long, prehensile tail for additional dexterity and whip-like attacks. Its pointed face bore pointed, luminous blue eyes and the glowing maw of its plasma-emitting jaw hung open in a permanent aggressive hiss. Fitting then, that it was called the PPRRRR, as it was as agile and ferocious as any riled-up wildcat.

As it reached full speed, the PPRRRR leapt clean over the perimeter wall and slid to a halt in the main prison yard, tearing through several fences and a prison basketball court in the process. The guards quickly gathered their wits and opened fire on the Lunatron, but even this model’s lesser armored shell was still strong enough to deflect their bullets harmlessly. Its sensors detecting the hostile action, the Lunatron turned on them with a synthesised snarl.

Quick as a whip, the Lunatron spun in place, lashing out with its elongated tail and slicing clean through a guard watchtower, the slice sending it crumbling sideways and cutting off any firearms that had previously been firing from inside.

The PPRRRR then systematically moved from tower to tower, pouncing with speed and accuracy too lethal to be contested by any of the prison’s mediocre defences. Any remaining forces were cleaned up when rocket launchers slid out of the sides of the machine and loosed a volley of heat-seaking missiles into any pockets of resistance. In a final act, the Lunatron stepped up to the walls of the prison block and vomited a stream of plasma, starting from the ground floor and slowly trailing upwards before cutting out with a flash.

This precision beam melted the magically-reinforced concrete in such a perfect way as to collapse the outer wall of Trixie’s cell and create a hole large enough for the Lunatron to stick its head in and bare open the cockpit for its waiting master. Regaining her wits, Lieutenant Rights fumbled for her gun, whole seconds faster than the other stunned guards. But sadly her best efforts were not fast enough to beat out one of two drone-class Lunatrons that leapt from the waiting cockpit and loosed a explosive plasma-bolt at the cell door, blasting it off of its hinges and flinging Rights and her companions into the bars of the cell opposite.

The last thing Rights heard before she blacked out was Trixie’s mocking voice as the other drone stepped forwards to break apart her hoof-bindings and then get to work on breaking her magic-limiter.

“You see? Trixie told you that you should have kept Harpflank and Sweets around to keep an eye on her. But instead, they’re now too preoccupied to stop Trixie from escaping.”

The drone broke off the limiter, allowing Trixie to light up her horn and levitate the fallen policemare’s taser up before vehemently jamming it into her neck.

She watched the pony convulse for a few scant moments before releasing her grip and turning back to her escape route. Letting loose her best evil grin, Trixie set one hoof on the opened cockpit and prepared to leap inside.

“Looks like Trixie is a free mare once again...”

Completely overcome with her sense of triumph, it came as a complete shock to Trixie when she almost fell three stories from the torn-open prison wall after a living forest plowed into the side of her getaway machine.

The PPRRRR slammed down onto its side, cockpit sliding closed as the AI resumed control. Pounced on top of the Lunatron, Twig Monster ground his thorny fangs into the servos of the Lunatron’s neck, ingrained instinct commanding him to bite harder in anticipation of a rush of blood that would never come. His prey struggled to rise, pinned down by his greater weight as its programming ran through the dozens of attack strategies suited for this larger opponent.

Twig Monster yelped in shock as the Lunatron’s rocket launchers fired upwards into his exposed underbelly, finally shaking him loose as the PPRRRR scrambled to its hooves and rounded on the Titan Timberwolf.

Raising its head, the PPRRRR swept its plasma beam right-to-left across the prison courtyard, mutilating the outer wall and slicing clean through Twig Monster’s leg in a burst of flames. With the wolf off-balance, PPRRRR completed its sweep and transitioned it into a spin, lashing out with its tail yet again as it caught Twig Monster on the face and knocked him sprawling to the ground.

The Titan snarled, nursing his wounds as the Lunatron powered up its plasma for a killing blow.

But before the beam could fire, Twig Monster threw back his head and howled, his dark magic pouring into the ground and calling forth a torrent of rising Plundervines that wrapped around the PPRRRR and locked it in place, re-directing its plasma harmlessly into the air.

Slowly Twig Monster rose back up to his paws, waves of sickly green magic dowsing the fires on his body and seamlessly reattaching his severed leg. The Lunatron twitched and spasmed in the ensnaring vines, watching with helpless eyes as Twig Monster growled from deep within his throat. But rather than pounce, he stopped, glancing briefly over the robot’s shoulder before breaking out in a predatorial grin.

For it was at that moment that Leaf Monster leapt up from behind the Lunatron and bit its head clean off.

Still in her cell, Trixie looked on with mounting horror as the two Titans dismantled her precious Lunatron, their snarls fading into the background of her perception as a third such monster lowered himself down and narrowed his eyes at the tiny pony. At her sides, the two drone Lunatrons tried to raise their plasma blasters, but instead were crushed into scrap by a web of vines that shot out from the towering beast.

Frozen with shock, Trixie let her eyes be drawn to the white pegasus seated atop the creature’s head, gently stroking his car-sized ears with her hoof.

“Woah, easy Bulbasaur... We don’t want to frighten her, after all. This is a jailbreak... of sorts.”

Finding her voice, Trixie spluttered in outrage.

“What... What is the meaning of this?!”

Surprise flapped down from Bulbasaur’s head, spinning her forehooves in a sort of winch motion as she tried to explain.

“You see, I don’t really know myself, actually. But that is the beauty of the whole thing! You and me, figuring out what I’m planning to do to you together! Like a big, happy united team... but not.”

She circled around Trixie, pondering in mid flap.

“You see, this isn’t really the jailbreak you were expecting. Harpflank and Sweets, they’re one side of the coin... You’re the other. Both sides propagate the cycle of predictability plaguing this city.”

She cycled back to the front, cupping Trixie’s chin with a hoof.

“I tried breaking Harpflank and Sweets, but that didn’t pay off so much. So now, I need to work the other angle. If I‘m to break Metropony’s chains, I’ll need to work out how to break... You.”

Trixie’s eyes flashed. She had no gadgets, no smoke bombs, no Lunatrons and no backup. Yet despite being horribly outmatched, Trixie lit up her horn and prepared to fight.

“How dare you lay a hoof on the Great and Powerful-”

At this, Surprise backhoofed her across the face, knocking Trixie down long enough for Surprise to reach into her tail and draw forth a butter-stained machete with the pointy end pressed to Trixie’s throat.

“Ah-ah-ah, no sass-back, Trix.”

Surprise leaned in, just barely avoiding slicing Trixie’s throat at she tilted the blade up against her chin. A malicious grin bled out into her cheeks, as if caused by liquid madness leaking out from the holes in her fractured mind.

“You see, I’m your prison warden from now on.”

[Credits roll

NEXT WEEK ON HARPFLANK AND SWEETS

"Oh wow, you just made it even creepier... How did you manage to make it creepier?!"

“You incompetent, impudent imbecile-”

"Hold on, Trixie! We're here to save you!"

“Yes, you’re both very important to me... I have big plans for the both of you.”

TUNE IN FOR THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF… HARPFLANK AND SWEETS]

-------------------
Coming soon: Episode 33: Surprise Party!
My Little Pony Belongs to Hasbro

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

OK, despite not even knowing what she's doing half the time, Surprise is still f*cking creepy, Harpflank and Sweets are a team again, and somehow, Maredowell is simultanously Harpflank AND Sweets in addition to being able to switch between the three main pony races at will and Trixie is now forced to work with Surprise. Talk about a cliffhanger.

[Dramon Creator]

The Amazing Adventures of Harpflank and Sweets are back! The wait was long, but worth it!

[RTStephens]

Always a fun time when this updates!

More drama and less hijinks this time around, but Surprise managed to get several good chuckles out of me, even through the creepiness.

More Mare Do Well revelations! Now to wait to see just how this all came to be.

Also, Trixie is never NOT entertaining.

[the other sans]

I’m loath to break you off from your work

Loathe.

Lyra’s only only guide on being a normal pony

Extra Only.

chances of Bon-Bon being

Extra spacing.

unless this some sort of creepy love thing

Unless this is some sort of creepy love thing.

“Please, please, PLEASE don’t be some sort of creepy love thing.’

Meant to put an apostrophe instead of the opening quotation mark.

Rixie waved a hoof dismissively, her restraints jingling as she did so

Trixie.

through our base.The magic that

Forgot your spacing.

drew momentarily to a halt .

Extra spacing.

spreading like wildfire to ensorcel every colossal log in the warehouse

Encircle.

the campus had already been

Extra spacing.

Metropony loves it’s superheroes
returning the throne room to it’s regular dimly-lit state
a game that is millennia in it's progress
Surprise unslotted the Cylinder from it’s base
adjusted her hat to it's preferred angle
thanks to it’s not insignificant role
Holding up the communicator so it's camera could take in the damning evidence
for the Lunatron to stick it’s head in and bare open the cockpit for it’s waiting master
re-directing it’s plasma harmlessly into the air
and bit it’s head clean off

Its.

So... Creepy existential crisis created by genetic cloning/splicing of two super powered mares anyone? No? I think it is.

[Supersheep64]

6363527
Dang, really thought I'd exterminated all of those it's. They breed like flies or something.

Seeing as you're checking all my mistakes anyway, could I ask you to be a go-to proofreader? As you can probably tell, it's not something that would require your services particularly often.

[the other sans]

6363582 I don't mind at all but hope you don't mind my own schedule being somewhat erratic as well but mostly due to time zones in many cases. And yeah, the It's VS Its is a common thing around nowadays, happens to everyone.

[Bugsydor]

So Mare-Do-Well is a mash-up between Lyra, Bon-Bon, and possibly Rainbow Dash? Whoa.

Surprise seems like an even less sane take on Dark Knight's Joker. Im impressed, if a little disturbed.

Glad to see our heroes have made up, now. Looking forward to the next prison-break.