Cheerilee Pays a Visit
It was a bright, sunny afternoon in Ponyville– one of those days where the faint breeze whistling past your ears carried new hopes for the upcoming season, and the soft scent of the new spring foreshadowed the joyous days ahead. The small town was adjusting into the new season nicely after the Winter Wrap-Up that had taken place a few days prior. Butterflies flitted by and bunnies hopped through the sweet-smelling blossoms of the newly-grown flowers that had sprouted all around Ponyville. The skies were clear and blue, with not a cloud to be seen as a courtesy of the pegasi. It wasn't too hot and it wasn't too cold. The weather seemed ideal for doing absolutely anything.
It was indeed a perfect day.
A gray pegasus pony who had been sitting in her house, playing with her daughter, cast a glance outside and noticed the lovely weather. She turned to her child and smiled, her lopsided eyes brightening.
“It's quite a nice day today, isn't it, Dinky?” Derpy asked, turning around again to marvel at the seemingly flawless weather. “Don't you think we should go outside for a little bit?”
Dinky looked past her mother's shoulder to see outside the window. “I don't know, mom. I was really looking forward to showing you this new trick I've learned to do with my magic. I think I've finally got it!”
Derpy sighed. “Why didn't you show it to me earlier, before I suggested we go outside?”
“I... uh...” The purple unicorn filly trailed off. “I guess I forgot. But I wanted to show it to you today, and I don't want to lose my chance because we're going to go outside!”
Derpy's taut emotions softened as she looked at her daughter's hopeful face. She couldn't say no to her this time. She'd been having to say no a lot lately when it came to Dinky asking for something, and if she was only requesting something as simple as this, she might as well give in and let her daughter get her way.
“Alright, alright. Show me what you've got!”
Dinky's eyes widened and she grinned happily. “Really?” When her mother nodded, the little filly jumped up from where she was sitting on the rug of their living room and rushed off to grab something from her room. She returned shortly with two of her favorite stuffed animals– Sally Shortsocks and Doctor Bubblemuffin. Sally was a hippopotamus toy clothed in bright pink and white striped overalls, and Doctor was a giraffe toy sporting glasses and a white lab coat. Dinky set the two items in front of her, where Derpy could see them clearly. She adjusted their position many times to make sure it was perfect before she finally cleared her throat.
“And now, I present to you,” Dinky said in a very professional-sounding voice, “The Amazing Dinky and her two assistants, Sally and Doctor!”
Derpy giggled and clapped her hooves together, curious to see what her daughter was planning.
“Be prepared to be amazed as The Amazing Dinky does the impossible– switching the clothes on my two assistants! A feat such as this one can only be performed by the highest level magicians!” Dinky elaborated. “But no fear, my lovely audience. This is a trick The Amazing Dinky can perform with ease!” Dinky turned towards the subjects of her trick, prepared to cast the spell that would swap the clothes on her two stuffed animals. She ignited her horn, the magic glowing a soft blue. The two toys were lifted into the air, and they emanated a soft light that continually grew brighter as the spell progressed.
A loud knock sounded from across the room that caught both Derpy and Dinky off-guard. The stuffed animals immediately stopped glowing and fell to the ground as the light from Dinky's horn disintegrated. The momentary distraction had cut the cord on the unicorn's concentration, breaking the spell off. Dinky whined in disappointment at her failure to achieve her task, and Derpy gave her daughter a look of sympathy.
“Show me in a second, okay?” Derpy smiled at her daughter, trying to erase the crestfallen look that had grown on Dinky's small face. “I'll just be a moment.”
Derpy got up from where she was sitting on the floor and walked over to the door. She opened it hesitantly– she hadn't been expecting any visitors, but it easily could have been a mailmare– it was her day off and another pony would be taking her shift. The pony she saw at the door was in fact the last one she had been expecting.
“Oh, hello, Miss Cheerilee,” Derpy greeted. “I didn't know you were stopping by today.”
Cheerilee, the teacher at the local school about a mile away from Derpy's house, stood at the doorstep, a pleasant smile on her face. “Hello, Derpy. Sorry for the unexpected visit, but I just wanted to talk to you for a little bit.”
Derpy's face fell and she cast a glance at her daughter who was playing with her toys in the living room behind her. She lowered her voice as she spoke. “Is Dinky failing her tests again? I've been helping her study, and I think her grades have been going up–”
“–Oh, no, no. It's nothing like that. Dinky's been doing excellent in school lately,” Cheerilee interrupted. “I've actually come to talk about you.”
Derpy looked a little bit shocked. “Miss Cheerilee, you do know I'm a bit too old to go to your school right?”
Cheerilee laughed and shook her head. “No, Derpy, I wasn't talking about you enrolling to be in my class. I wanted you to come and be a guest speaker.”
The shocked look on Derpy's face grew as she registered what the teacher was talking about. “You... you want me to come and speak to your class? What about?”
The magenta pony smiled. “Well, you see, Derpy, our class is starting a unit in science about the body. We're learning about all sorts of things among cell structure, body systems, genetic mutations, and the like.”
“Well, where can I help with that? I did well in English when I went to school. I never really knew much about science,” Derpy said, an apologetic tone creeping into her voice. She wasn't quite sure what the other pony was getting at.
Cheerilee hesitated for a moment as she tried to word her next sentence. “Well, you see, I wanted you to come in a talk about your disability.”
It was silent for a moment as the gray pegasus took in what Cheerilee had said. She had assumed that the teacher was referring to her lazy eyes, so she tried to confirm her suspicions. “You mean my eyes?”
Cheerilee nodded quickly. “Well, yes. I mean, we are learning about genetic mutations, and really, that is what your lopsided eyes are. Well, you know what I mean. I think the students could really benefit from listening to you speak about them and telling them how lucky they are to have been born without any problems.”
Right as Cheerilee said it, she knew that it had come out the wrong way. Derpy immediately stiffened and Cheerilee rushed to apologize.
“I'm sorry, that's not what I meant. I just wanted the kids to hear you speak and all–”
Derpy held up a hoof to silence her. “No, no, it's okay, Miss Cheerilee. I know what you meant.” She paused for a moment. “Of course I'll come and speak to your class.”
Cheerilee sighed as a relieved smile spread across her face. “You will?” When Derpy nodded, she giggled slightly. “Thank you, Derpy. It really means a lot to me. I'm sure the fillies and colts will love having you there.”
Derpy returned the smile, but it was hesitant. Luckily, Cheerilee didn't catch the emotions behind Derpy's eyes– the hurt and pain. The teacher thanked her once more, gave her the details of the day she would come in, and left, leaving the gray pegasus feeling slightly defeated.
Derpy went back inside and shut her door, heading over to sit by Dinky again. Her daughter had been fiddling with her toys the whole time and hadn't noticed any of the conversation that had just taken place.
“I'll be coming into your class to speak on Friday,” Derpy announced, and Dinky's eyes lit up.
“Really?” She asked. “Oh, that's so cool! All my friends are going to love you!”
Derpy smiled, but it wasn't real or genuine. Fortunately, Dinky couldn't tell and she continued to play with her toys happily. She had completely forgotten about her magic trick at this point, and was simply content with making up stories for her stuffed animals like reality TV shows that Derpy would sometimes watch. The gray pegasus sighed and looked behind her shoulder and out the window, where the now not-so-perfect-day loomed and taunted her for getting caught in such an awful situation.
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... This looks like it won't be a long story, but your writing style is professional quality. Good job, 10/10.
4532443 You are correct! This is going to be a short story. Glad you like it though! Thank you so much!
Can't wait to read more!
I shall give this a read in a bit, just the small description had........................................
weidert.com/Portals/65360/images/curiosity.jpg
...I wish to see more of this.
I... did not notice it said incomplete.
Constructive criticism: It's hard to read your name on the cover pic.
Oh... wow. This sounds like it's going to be so good. Not much criticism to be perfectly honest, except you wrote 'Derpy's taught emotions" instead of 'taut'... I think that's what you were getting at
otherwise... SOO GOOD! please keep going.
4532998 Oops, yes, I did mean taut! I shall change that right now. Thank you!
I'm surprised Derpy didn't turn around and buck her in the face.
You have tapped into the innocence and purity that Derpy and Dinky possess.
Will definitely be keeping an eye on this.
I now have a new-found hate for Cheerilee, I don't know how you made me hate her in that short amount of time but you did.
You have nailed both Derpy and Dinky in my book, well done sir, I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
4537494 To be fair, there's really no polite way to ask someone to make themselves the center of attention just to point out/explain a disability....
4633775 Very true.
4633775 Which is exactly why I thought this would be a good idea. I myself am very against bullying in any way, shape or form, and the next chapter will be all about being who you are and self-worth. While Cheerilee is not intentionally bullying Derpy, the same message will still be passed on.
4634708 huh....and I'm the first to realize this?....
4634723 Haha, I suppose so! Or you're at least the first to mention it. Keen eye!
just one scene in 1,000 words?! woa!!
i.imgur.com/6xDFZgO.png
That line hit like a truck. Ignorance really ends up hurting so many with slights like that. Even with well meaning people.
This flowed really well. At first I almost thought Dinky was hiding something from Derpy not wanting others to see her outside with her mom out of embarrassment or something. Maybe hiding the fact Cheerilee was going to have a presentation and maybe asked Dinky to tell her mom if she could be a quest speaker with a note Dinky was supposed to give her. Already +1 point for not going the usual route. Course that remains to be seen. Though I have to say this is a great start with how Dinky was portrayed to be the short attention span foal most foals tend to be. Great job.
Onto chapter 2 .
Strong start. Great characterization. And very professional writing quality thus far. Setup chapter hit its mark for setting the mood.
I honestly cannot picture Cheerilee asking something so insensitive of anypony, let alone asking it in such an insensitive way.
Strabismus isn't a genetic condition, unless your implying that Derpy has Down's Syndrome and her eyes are just a symptom.
The references to English and TV knocked me out of the story. The ponies speak their own language and we never see a TV in the Pony-World.
¿How does Cheerilee know that the Strabismus is genetic? Many things can cause Strabismus.