Celestia heard a moan as she came to. It was a soft moan, as if to complain about having to wake up early. This was not a moan of pain. She felt her eyes try to twitch open as she heard it again. There was something familiar about the moan she was hearing, she realized, as her mind woke up slowly from her impromptu nap. Let’s see, the voice is feminine, definitely that of a mare, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d think that I was the one-
Her eyes jolted open to see Celestia smiling gently at her, her head at an angle as to look Luna in the eyes. “Are you alright?”
“I-I, Luna?” She asked licking her lips, “Luna, is it really you?” She lifted her head from her forehooves slowly.
“Yes, ‘Tia, it’s me. You didn’t answer me, though; are you alright?”
Celestia considered the question for a few moments as she looked at her now dark blue fur. “I- yes... I’m alright, Lulu, just give me a few moments. Can you tell me exactly what that spell did? I’m really curious. I know it changed our bodies, obviously, but...” She shrugged, hoping that Luna would fill in the rest.
Luna smiled; it was odd for Celestia to see her little sister’s smile on her own muzzle. She blinked and stared. Luna’s mischievous smile had changed to the gentle one Celestia was known for. W-was that supposed to happen? A side effect of the spell, I guess…
“Of course, ‘Tia. I discovered this spell in an old book many ages ago... years even, before my fall to the Nightmare. It can only be used with two ponies who truly care for each other. It is meant to assist in healing the soul. Had you still hated or feared me, then I doubt the spell would have worked as well as it did.” Luna swallowed hard, “Or even at all.”
Celestia pushed herself up to a sitting position, the large wing draped around her back still forming a hug, just as it had been before she performed the spell. Though before the spell she had been the one forming the hug, she was content to be snuggled. “What do you mean?” Celestia had to admit that she felt more than a mild curiosity about this body switching spell. The large wing lifted from her back and she let out a small sigh under her breath. I hope Luna and I can hug each other more often.
She looked up at Luna who stood with her eyes closed, her multi-hued mane blowing softly in the solar wind. She folded her wings up against her barrel. Celestia felt her mouth turn dry at the sight before her, be she forced herself to stand beside her sibling. Though she felt shaky on her hooves, she pushed it back and opted to lay her head against Luna’s broad white chest, nuzzling it softly.
“‘Tia, what are you doing?” Luna asked with a soft chuckle.
“Don’t you know it’s the job of the older sibling to comfort the younger when she’s upset?” Celestia glanced up to look into Luna’s visible magenta eye.
“Then I should be the one comforting you, shouldn’t I, Luna?”
Celestia felt her heart pound within her chest. That’s right, this is real. For all intents and purposes, I am Luna. “Can you please tell me how the spell works, Luna?”
Luna grinned. “Maybe, if you call me ‘Tia,’ I’ll consider it. After all, little sister, think of how many ponies would be confused if little Luna called her big sister Celestia, ‘Luna.’”
Celestia considered as her tail flicked back and forth. Luna has a point, If either of us were to slip, it would be game over. Worse, they may believe that the Nightmare was back and had tricked me... Alright, Tia. From this moment on, until you are back in your own body, you are Luna. Not Celestia pretending to be Luna, just Luna.
‘Luna’ nodded up at her older sister. “You’re right, Lu-‘Tia. Now will you tell me how the spell works? Please?”
‘Celestia’ lifted an eyebrow in surprise. She hadn’t expected Ce-Luna to agree so quickly to calling her ‘Tia. ‘Tia really is one-hundred percent on board with this, isn’t she? She smiled at the thought, closing the large blue book with her right fore hoof. “The spell works by switching the very souls of the participants of the spell. However, this does not always include the caster. As I said earlier, Lulu.” ‘Celestia’ couldn’t help but sneak in the foal nickname ‘Tia had given her. Let’s see how well you like being called Lulu, Tia. “The participants have to care for each other. If the caster does not have any such feelings for the pony the spell is being used upon, his or her soul will not be touched by the switching magic.”
‘Luna’ chewed her lip. “So the only difference now is that we have switched our souls?” Her sister gave a simple nod. “B-but I have all my memories... Shouldn’t I have yours in tha-” She was interrupted by ‘Celestia’s’ joyful laugh.
“I’m sorry, Luna, I don’t mean to laugh like that.” She giggled a few more times before nuzzling ‘Luna’s’ small head. “That isn’t how memories work. Yes, if you were to search, in all likelihood you would be able to find many of my memories inside your brain. However, no pony has been able to figure out where we store the many many memories within the brain.” She considered cocking her head, “And that is simply because they are not willing to accept that the soul is a pony’s self; their love, their joy, their memories, and yes, even their hate and fear.”
‘Luna’ stood there looking down at her hooves, thinking about what she had just been told. Her ear twitched in mild irritation, but she could find no fault in what ‘Celestia’ was telling her. “I think I understand.” She looked up at Celestia’s concerned face with a nervous smile. “It makes sense, now that I think about it, Lu-Tia?”
‘Celestia’ nodded. “It’s alright, just try to keep the slip-ups minimal in occurrence.” She glanced out the window and saw that the sun was hanging just over the horizon. “The day is almost done. Are you ready for the night?”
‘Luna’ snorted; what a foolish question. She was the Princess of the Day. With how stress-filled it was on average, the night could be no worse.
‘Celestia’ looked at the younger in what one could almost call veiled sadness. “Very well, let’s return to Canterlot and I will set the sun.” She spread her large wings and leapt into the air.
‘Luna’ watched in awe as ‘Celestia’ soared into the sky, the setting sun dancing upon her white coat. She looks like a god… some majestic being who is simply gracing us with her presence. Is that how I appear to my ponies? Something bigger than life?
The observation caused the feeling of cold slag deep within her belly. She shook it off as well as she could before spreading her own wings and leaping after ‘Celestia,’ flapping to gain speed.
Okay, this feels odd, and yet at the same moment it feels exactly right. ‘Luna’ considered the fact that the sensation of feeling wrong was slowly beginning to leave her. She doubted she could have held onto it even if she had desired to. She was beginning to feel comfortable and right, and that feeling was growing by the second. She caught up with ‘Celestia,’ who was hovering in the air.
“How are you feeling?” she asked, concern evident in her tone.
‘Luna’ considered the question as she hovered next to ‘Celestia.’ When she had first woken up she had only felt uneasy to the point of almost being ill. That feeling had passed quickly, and now she felt… “I feel fine, Tia. I don’t know how else to explain it other than I feel comfortable and right.”
‘Celestia’ released the breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. “Good, I was worried that with us both being alicorns that the spell may not have been able to finish.”
‘Luna’ cocked her head. “Finish? You mean the fact that my soul is in your body wasn’t finished enough?”
‘Celestia’ considered the best way to explain what she meant from the spell finishing. I guess I should have mentioned how the spell has a delay effect... Oh, Tia, it’s been so long since I used this spell, I hope I’m remembering everything right.
“Well... to put it simply, Luna, there is the main process of the spell which is when our souls were gently removed and replaced. But that isn’t the end of the spell; it can’t be. The place where the soul resides in your body, it is easiest to compare it to a puzzle with a missing piece. For the soul to fit it has to match the open space in the puzzle, or no matter how much you turn it or push on it the soul will not fit correctly, so the spell has to carefully reshape our souls to fit where the missing piece should go. It takes several minutes to an hour for the spell to finish, so there are no mistakes and the souls are not damaged.”
‘Luna’s’ eyes widened in understanding. “So that feeling of comfort and, well, being in the right form, is from my soul being accepted as part of your puzzle?”
“Exactly, Luna!” ‘Celestia’ blinked as ‘Luna’s’ ears fell against her head. “What is it? What’s worrying you?”
“I was thinking, Tia, what would happen if the soul became too comfortable within its new puzzle?”
‘Celestia’ cocked her head in consideration as she looked at her little sister. Finally, she sighed. “Well, there isn’t much research that I know of, Luna. I found this spell in a book written even before Equestria itself was founded. I do know that it’s usually only used for a twenty-four hour period before the counter spell is used.” She nuzzled the dark blue figure hovering beside her. “You need not worry, ‘Tia… I promise the spell is safe.”
‘Luna’ nodded with a smile. “I trust you, Luna.” She glanced up at Canterlot. “We really need to get back there so you can set the sun. Are you ready?”
‘Celestia’ flexed her forelegs subconsciously. “Y-yeah, I’m ready, ‘Tia! I really am!” This is my chance to really help heal things between ‘Tia and myself. I’ll lower the sun now, and when it’s time I’ll bring the dawn! That should rid Tia of that horrible nightmare. After all, what reason would Nightmare Moon ever have to raise the sun?
‘Luna’ smiled. “I know you can do it. Just remember that after you’ve set the sun you need to go to bed and try to sleep.” ‘Luna’ seemed to gaze at nothing and everything at the same time. “For tonight, your night is my domain, little sister.”
With that said, both sisters flew back to Canterlot hoping that they had not been spotted leaving or coming home. It was quickly apparent, however, that even if they had been spotted, the Solar Guard was willing to ignore it since they had returned safely. Just an oddity of the two sisters bonding.
‘Celestia’ glanced over at ‘Luna’ as they stood on the balcony next to each other with a shaky smile. ‘Luna’ nodded her head gently and smiled. ‘Celestia’ folded her wings against her body and took a deep breath, then she slowly she lit up her horn, focusing her magic on cradling the sun. Once she was certain of her hold, she slowly moved her head until her horn was pressed against the stone floor of the balcony. She nervously closed her eyes for a moment before allowing her magic to fade.
“D-did I do it, Luna?”
“Well done, Tia.” ‘Luna’s’ soft voice whispered in her ear as she nuzzled her cheek. “My turn.”
‘Luna,’ unlike ‘Celestia,’ began with her horn pressed against the stone floor. Relax, ‘Tia. You aren’t Celestia, you are Luna. You aren’t taking the moon from Luna, you are Luna. Tonight, it’s your moon. Just breathe... This is right... breathe, just breathe.
‘Luna’s’ horn lit with her magic much as ‘Celestia's’ had, but while ‘Celestia’ had cradled the sun in a motherly embrace to put it to bed, the moon needed to be roused. Her magic built up under the moon, and with a rapid head movement the moon burst into the sky as if it had jumped up. ‘Luna’ surveyed the sky before opening her wings wide and giving a single powerful flap. Stars danced into the sky, twinkling merrily. She felt a wing draped upon her back.
“Wonderful job with the stars, Luna. The star-gazers will certainly appreciate them this fine night.”
‘Luna’ looked up to see Celestia gazing at the night. She swallowed the bitterness in her throat. I should be saying that, I should be out here every night with her, er, my wing around her back. We could stargaze together, just lay here on our backs like we did when we were fillies, and if some pony didn’t like it, well then buck them! I am not going to lose you again, not now, not ever!
‘Celestia’ tried to hide a small yawn but was unable to fool ‘Luna.’ “It’s time for you to go to bed, ‘Tia. Don’t be worried, I will be fine! Equestria will still be whole when you wake.”
‘Celestia’ laughed and gave ‘Luna’ a final nuzzle. “I think you are right. Yo-my body is very exhausted, day court must have been worse than you were willing to admit. Goodnight, baby sister.” Without another word, ‘Celestia’ headed for her sleep quarters.
‘Luna’ sighed, looking over the city as ponies started heading inside already, not a one of them glancing upwards at the beauty she had brought. “Good night, big Sis.”
After a few moments of watching the star filled night sky, ‘Luna’ sighed and turned to go inside. She watched as the yawning solar guards were being replaced with wide-awake thestrals. ‘Luna’ nodded her head to them as she walked past them. ‘Luna’ had never really been very close to the Lunar guard; they seemed to distrust her from the moment Luna had returned from the moon, but they seemed to be good ponies and very devout to her sister. Well, to me, at least for tonight, maybe I can get them to open up about why they distrust me. It’s worth a shot.
A tall mare approached ‘Luna’ and saluted. She was dressed in the normal Lunar Guard armor except that her helmet with was silver, rather than the normal lavender. ‘Luna’ blinked. This was an important guard, but for the life of her she couldn’t remember why.
Captain of guard… Night Blade…
‘Luna’ cocked her head. Where did that come from?
“Princess Luna, are you alright? You appear very distracted, my liege.”
‘Luna’ shook her head, clearing it. “I apologize, Captain. My mind was elsewhere.” She gave what she hoped was a reassuring smile. The mare looked uncertain but gave a nod.
“Of course, my liege. We should proceed to the throne room post-haste, Night Court is due to begin within the next five minutes.” She began walking quickly towards the throne room, which had been transformed to fit the night court. Celestia’s cutie mark and gold color had vanished to be replaced with the crescent moon and dark blue of Luna’s night. ‘Luna’ followed behind pausing in front of the double doors. Alright, so you’ve never seen how the Night Court operates... It can’t be much different than how the Day court does… can it?
“Her Highness, Princess Luna, Diarch of the Night, approaches!”
‘Luna’ was startled at the announcement and calmed her heart upon noticing the crier, who had announced her presence to the mostly empty throne room. Huh… I would have thought there would be more ponies here... At very least Luna’s personal assistant should be here, ready to assist.
No assistant.
‘Luna’ paused mid-step. There was that voice again. Maybe it’s Luna’s brain. She said if I searched I’d be able to locate some of her memories… yes, that must be it. She sat upon the large throne and frowned. Luna really should have her own throne, I feel like a filly playing pretend sitting in this thing... ‘Luna’ nodded towards her guard captain once she was settled.
Night Blade spread her wings. “All ponies having business before this the illustrious court of her Highness, Princess Luna, Diarch of the Night, step forward and be heard!”
‘Luna’ watched the double doors and waited for the ponies to enter.
‘Luna’ had been sitting straight, waiting for a pony seeking a petition for at least an hour. She let out a almost inaudible sigh. How long of a waiting list do I have for the Day Court? There have been ponies waiting for weeks! Why have I never sent any of them to Luna’s Night Court? What is wrong with me!
Fear, distrust...
‘Luna’ froze, there was that voice again. She had been certain it had in fact been Luna’s mind whispering to her, but this? Is that really what Luna thinks? That I don’t send ponies to her because I fear or distrust her? She shifted, trying not to look uncomfortable. Once we switch back I am having a new throne built for Luna my poor sister, having to sit in mine all the time. This is a diarchy, not a monarchy!
“Are there any scheduled petitions for tonight?” ‘Luna’ asked. After a few moments the unicorn stenographer’s head had begun listing. She jolted up and lifted a large book within her aura.
“I’m afraid not, Your Highness.”
“Ahem, Your Highness.” A very neatly groomed and dressed unicorn stepped forward. “I beg your indulgence over my tardiness. I would wish to petition, Your Highness.”
‘Luna’ sat up straighter, keeping her face neutral, but inside she was eager to see what type of petitions Luna saw. “Of course, step forward and introduce yourself?
The unicorn stopped ten feet in front of the throne and bowed. “I am the Barron Hightower, Your Highness.”
‘Luna’ nodded. “You may rise and state your petition, Barron.”
He did so and cleared his throat. “I do not know whether you are aware of certain… interests… who are attempting to mine in the vicinity of Clearwater Lake. Frankly the damage done by conventional mining can be catastrophic to their surrounding environments. While it would be simple to ask for an injunction against this operation, it misses the underlying point that this will not be the last such ill-advised venture of this type. Further, imagine if we had to rely on being able to petition Princess Celestia’s court. Though I am certain she would see the gravity of these situations, Her Highness’s calendar is backed up for weeks! Too long for expedient action, I am afraid.”
‘Luna’ frowned, much of his petition so far had been an excuse about why he had not petitioned the Day court. These are the cases Luna gets? Oh Luna… I’m so very sorry, I will fix this!
Too late… to fix.
“Therefore, I petition Your Highness to establish a commission to evaluate and vet mining activities in Equestria.”
Is he serious? He is! How dare he! “Forgive me, Baron High Tower, but have you discussed any of this with my co-regent?”
“As I have mentioned; your serene Highness, Princess Celestia’s docket is…”
‘Luna’ held up a hoof. “Forgive me, I did not request you to repeat yourself. I simply was curious if you had discussed any part with my Sister, such as the mining certification? Stenographer, can you get me the records to this mining project?”
“Certainly, Your Highness.”
“Forgive me, Your Highness,” Hightower offered. “I did not mean to be obtuse. The truth is that I personally have not spoken of this to Her Highness.”
‘Luna’ nodded once, showing she was still listening as she took the several scrolls within her magical aura, and to her horror saw every scroll had been signed off by Princess Luna. ‘Luna’ blanched. Okay, ‘Tia, stay calm. It can’t be as bad as it looks. She signed off on the mining company, the permission to purchase the land from the original owners at 25% of what it was worth. Everything was signed by Luna! Breath, just breath! Read through what it says.
‘Luna’ carefully looked over the way each contract was written. She felt a migraine coming on. Alright, Luna. I’m not angry, these contracts were written in such a way. If only we were awake together more… if I had just sat down with Luna and asked her about her court. Alright, ‘Tia, you have two choices. One: you could declare Luna not in her right mind and everything she signed would be rendered moot, but if I do that it’ll take years to get her reinstated as my co-regent. Option two: I take the power back. These ponies, whether working together or separately, they’ve taken five, six-two percent of the crown’s power from us in the last two years.
Trust… no trust…
Yes, trust! I will always trust Luna! I will fix this! ‘Luna’ turned back to the baron. “I grant your petition. However, you will make an appointment with my elder sister and she will choose the ponies that will make up the committee.”
The stallion sputtered for a moment, then swallowed hard and bowed. “Of course, Your Highness. Thank you.” He walked out with far less swagger then he had displayed upon entering.
‘Luna’ rubbed under her horn. “Captain, are there any other ponies waiting or nearby who may wish for an audience?”
Captain Night Blade took a look outside before shaking her head. “No, my liege, there is no pony other than the cleaning staff.”
‘Luna’ nodded. One petitioner who was trying to swindle power from the crown... Not only was he trying to swindle power, he was succeeding! That has me very worried.
Failure…
“Stenographer? Please see that every file that has been completed during the night court is sent to my office. I’d like to look them over.”
The unicorn blinked. “Your office, my liege? I was not aware that you had one.”
Luna doesn’t have an office? Why doesn’t Luna have an office? I mean, where does she do her… paper… wor… right, what paperwork? I do it all myself.
Everything… trust.
“Princess Celestia’s office, I mean, she is letting me use her’s while my own office is being set up. A few weeks at most.”
The stenographer nodded after a few moments of consideration. “They will be there waiting for you, Princess.”
“And with that I declare Night Court closed. If anypony needs me I will be in Celestia’s office.” ‘Luna’ got up from the throne as her guards bowed. She trotted out into the hallway and took a deep breath. Oh, Luna…
No trust… again…
‘Luna’s’ ear twitched. It was that voice again, it kept whispering doubts to her. I thought it was Luna’s mind, though now I am unsure. She set her muzzle; she would get to the bottom of this.
The door to Celestia’s office was opened by one of the guards--‘Luna’ wasn’t sure which one--and winced mentally. She was certain that if he had been a solar guard, not only would she have known his name but whether or not he was married or had foals. It hurt how distant she felt to Luna’s guard. ‘Luna’ nodded her head to him and sat behind Celestia’s desk. She had to add a few more cushions but eventually she was both comfortable and able to see the paperwork she needed to get to. ‘Luna’ cracked her neck. Alright, ‘Tia, let’s see just how bad Luna is being played...
As ‘Luna’ looked through the scrolls the news got worse and worse. After a few hours she placed her head in her hooves and let out such an ancient curse that a translation did not exist for it. Twenty-four point three-two percent! They have tricked Luna over two years to give them twenty-four point three-two percent of the Crown’s power. This is a Nightmare!
Nightmare… is it?
‘Luna’ felt her fur stand on end. That voice again, she was certain now that it was not Luna’s mind; it sounded too cold, far too cold. She had to know who was speaking to her. Luna had explained how she entered the dreamscape when they were both fillies. While Celestia was able to do it she was nowhere near as gifted at it as Luna. This time though, she was Luna, and she was going to get to the bottom of this.
After a moment’s hesitation ‘Luna’ spread the cushions on the floor and got comfortable. She closed her eyes and slowed her breathing until she felt almost weightless. Her eyelids twitched once or twice but she ignored them. Finally, her eyes opened on their own accord, glowing a pure white.
Celestia blinked as she looked around. All around her was a great expanse of the black starry sky. “Where am I? Why does this place look so familiar?”
Well, well, well... it seems I was correct; you aren’t dear wittle Woona. I thought you were doing too well at guarding yourself from me, but then again, you always were the stronger sister weren’t you, Celestia Invictus?
Celestia narrowed her eyes, searching for where the voice was coming from. She trotted towards the direction she thought she had heard the chilling voice. Her hooves kicked up a white dust cloud as she increased speed until she was galloping.
Well, I should have known it would not take you long to find me, Celestia. You are much smarter than Woona, after all.
Celestia swallowed hard at the image before her. A tall jet-black alicorn lay comfortably on the ground. A dark blue helm was set next to her, as she seemed to be asleep. Celestia took a hesitant, and she hated to admit, shaky step forward. At the sound of her hoof on the ground, the black alicorn’s eye snapped open, revealing reptilian slits. She stretched and let out a yawn, exposing a mouth of sharp teeth.
Well hello, Sister. It has been some time since we’ve seen you in the flesh. She smiled, looking around the dust covered landscape and shrugged. Such as it is, that is. So sister, what are you doing here in my prison? I didn’t realize my jailer allowed visitation.
Celestia set her muzzle, not certain how this could be happening. “I am not your sister, Nightmare Moon, you stole Luna from me!”
Nightmare Moon got to her hooves and cracked her neck. There, that is a bit better... not so stiff. She took a step towards Celestia with a grin. Took Woona from you? Is that what she has been telling you, Celestia? Is it really? Huh, my jailer is scared, weak, and a liar.
Celestia held her position and struggled to keep her shaking hidden. “I know who you are, Nightmare Moon. You took Luna when she was weak!”
Celestia’s ears fell as the Nightmare began to laugh as if she had just heard the funniest joke ever. As Nightmare took a step forward, there was the sound of metal rattling. Celestia blanched, seeing that Nightmare was chained by her left hind leg to the very ground. “This is the moon, isn’t it?”
Nightmare snorted. How very observant of you, Celestia! Well, yes and no. This is wittle Woona’s mind. Looks alot like the moon, doesn’t it? Oh… Oh my, she never told you, did she?
“Told me? Told me what, Nightmare?” Celestia felt a chill even though there was no sign of a breeze.
I never stole wittle Woona, Celestia. I am Luna, and I’ll always be here. She licked the tip of Celestia’s nose and laughed.
“Princess Luna? Princess Luna, your sister sent us to find you!”
‘Luna’ groaned as she opened her eyes to see Silverbelle of the Solar Guard standing over her. “Find me, whatever for?”
The mare hesitated but gulped. “Well, Princess, y-you are ten minutes late lowering the moon. The whole guard is looking for you.”
Late! I’m late lowering the moon? Ugh, I can only imagine what Luna is thinking… That vision... What was that I needed to figure it out? Maybe sleep will help… Yes, sleep. “Is my sister in our normal place?”
“Yes, Your Highness, but I believe she is getting worried!” The unicorn back-pedaled quickly. “I mean, about you n-not about lowering the moon!”
“I understood what you meant.” With a final glance at the terrified mare, ‘Luna’ allowed herself a snort. “Well, come on, let us go to my sister so that I may perform my final duty this night.”
If this is how the guard still treats Luna…
Nice little observation to see that Nightmare Moon was more than an invading force on Luna
Why do they fly back to the castle? From earlier it made it sound as if the were in Luna's room or some study.
The way it is presented is that the petitioner was worried about what conventional mining would do to the lake. The area being mined had already been sold away at 25% it's worth. I do not see how this pony was swindling power other than being a whistle blower.
Is Luna schizophrenic or does she suffer from Dissociative Identity Disorder?
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They were at the Castle of The Royal Pony Sister's to find the spell so they had to return to Caterlot.
It was in the way that the petition was written. Luna being used to olden ways of mining would be led to believe there was much more danger then in reality. Celestia as Luna figured quickly this noble was tricking Luna.
She has DID yes
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Open pit mining, depending on the geography would allow for unneeded runoff to enter the lake. I guess I still have some confusion over what the noble is asking for in regards to the mining around the lake. It is plainly obvious that Luna was used to get the land around the lake, but I am confused as to the angle of the petitioner.
Would a separate personality have a soul in this case or just be an issue of the mind? Also, would this condition have existed before Luna went Nightmare Moon on Celestia or did the lack of attention and perceived scorn push a pony that was susceptible to mental disease over the edge?
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Is it alright if I PM you? Some of this will be coming up in a sequel but I see no reason not to discuss it privately ^^
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Sure thing.
Just to bring it to your attention, there is no mention of them actually being at the Castle of the Royal Pony Sisters. Adding it to the beginning of chapter 2 would be good. Possibly adding more detail when they are leaving the castle as well, those were two points of confusion for me and when looking back, could tell they were not as well explained as I would have liked.
SUSPENSE!
How disturbing would that be for your most feared enemy to go up and lick your nose?
Not bad. Not bad at all Errand.
Sufficient to say, you have caught my interest in this story and its premise. To a degree I find my imagination stimulated to a degree that I have not felt in a while. Though it appears that plans for the sequel have been put on an undetermined hiatus. A pity, but understandable if you have lost interest here.
Since you have caught my interest, I will take a gander at critiquing this story to consider for future use. In this I hope it assists in rendering an impact that is most potent to not only aid you, but even perhaps rekindle a fire to resume haste in this series. With that said, I shall begin.
NOTICE: The structure of this critique will largely be unformulated and free form, so the end product may become somewhat bloated and disorganized. Nevertheless an endeavor will be made to maintain some measure of order throughout.
Furthermore, I myself have not caught up with the show itself since halfway into Season 3 due to my own personal dislike of where the show was heading and due to how the franchise was being handled, so some of this critique objectively speaking will be invalidated in some capacity. To combat this, brief research runs will be made while this comment is being written when comparing information gathered in the story itself. Additionally, attempts will be made to reduce bias to a bare minimum where possible to negate its influence in this critique. That said, it will be present in some noticeable capacity. However even despite all of this, you have captured my attention in a positive way. So with that, I hope that at least some of what is here shall be relevant in some way, shape or form.
Spoiler Alert: To any reader who just stumbled upon this story before reading it whole, or are on Chapter 3, I WILL be spoiling some major aspects of the story. Read the story itself before reading this comment or you will regret it.
Part 1: Analysis of the Premise, Pre-planning, and Focus
Firstly lets begin by examining the premise. This will include my subjective observations and guesses to follow.
Celestia is plagued by nightmares shortly after the recently christened Princess Sparkle handed Tirek his own hind on a silver platter. Within the confines of her mind, she is tormented by visions of her sister turning back to the dark sides, that all of her recovery and pleasant demeanor was but a mere facade to trick her while she bide her time to overthrow Celestia. All further compounded by the fact that it appears her guilt has been further exacerbated by other sources.
Thus when her sister Luna catches notice of this, she suggests a form of soul swapping/(melding hybrid?) to erase such terrors from her elder sibbling's heart by attacking it at its source through a direct and literal connection of empathy.
My guess is that that by the way you show it, something with the event itself unseated some deep buried memories and other woes that up until this point, was under control. In which case, I must ask why has Celestia become so angsty all of a sudden at this point in time? Surely the events of Cadence's wedding could have also easily triggered them as well, what with being defeated by Queen Chrysalis. There, I would imagine the failure of not only protecting her ponies, but not even noticing the deception of her niece being taken and replaced would have triggered it earlier, what with it being somewhat analogous to her own failures (Perceived or otherwise.) to prevent her own sister's fall to darkness.
So why here? Both Celestia and her sister not only were able to percive Tirek's imminent attack in time, but also prepare for it as well. Ala by giving Twilight Sparkle a major power boost and handing off responsibilities to deal with it for her. While I may have my own opinions as to how the show conducted this threat and how it was handed off to a junior to deal with, I see no reason why Celestia should be triggered by this event when others just as proportional in their own way occurred twice before. First with Discord, then with the changeling invasion. Hell, even Sombra could count in some capacity. The very former was also pacified by Fluttershy by the suggestion from Celestia herself. Arguably, even though Tirek presented a significant threat via the draining of magic, AND incapacitating Discord, it was resolved in a manner that left Ponyville with a spanking new castle, much to the detriment of the local landscapers.
My point is, why here? The threat was handled. Luna's recovery was being made swiftly by that point. In my own personal opinion, something big and drastic would have to boot Celestia from her comfort zone. Based upon the fact that at Equestria was relatively in a prosperous state by the time of Nightmare Moon's return, we can assume that she has a good handle on her emotions. At least mostly. Not that I have anything against you having it occur here personally, as it is your story. I just find it somewhat odd that you have it here of all places. Why not forge something much more unnerving to drive her into being a nervous wreak?
Like a bitter fight with her sister? Perhaps set it earlier, the events diverging from the timeline in the show itself in a bold manner? Despite the difficulties shown in show, Luna appears to have made a surprisingly swift recovery at the end of Season 4. In earlier seasons, this could have been held in doubt. I am going on a wing and assume you have read stories where bitter fights were fought between sisters, and are basing your version of Celestia's fears upon this, as they seem similar in appearance to what I have read.
With that in mind, this adds up to moving your story in a different direction than what the show has taken, especially in a sequel. That means as a writer, creating new enemies, greater threats, be they different or much greater from the show in order to unhinge Celestia's mental state. Hell, perhaps have a foe sow doubt within her, someone extremely capable in mental gymnastics and breaking down their opponents mental state. Something... Like a Nightmare. Or at least something similar.
Interlude: Initial Impressions, Observations, and Proposals
Now, moving on to the premise itself before I move onward to the 2nd part of this critique.
As mentioned earlier, I have seen stories whose main focus was on healing/strengthening the bond between the two sisters, had scenes where such events took place, or Celestia dealing a cataclysmic fallout of her mental state going haywire and affecting the outside world in a negative way, necessitating a period of recovery for the solar diarch.
The key difference with your story that sets it apart from the others is the fact that you have both sisters bonding in a most unorthodox but intriguing way. Perhaps even more effective than initially planned.
I have little idea on where you want to take this story based upon this premise, but if I may I would like to hazard both a few predictions of mine, and where I think the story might go to enhance it all.
Firstly, you have impressed that this spell swaps the souls of the participants with the other. To further complete and enhance this, each individual's souls are remolded to fit the other's body... However that works. Also mentioned, this spell was never in effect for more that twenty four hours, so the effects of going beyond this time are unknown. Concerns are raised by Celestia on this itself.
To say Luna jinxed it hard would be to say that an alicorn is formidable.
Needless to say, it would appear that the spell was more effective than anticipated. Perhaps too much. So why has the soul swap failed at this particular instant?
I have a couple hypothesises based on what I can infer from the story.
My impression is that each individual soul carries some key essence of identity that allows for one's own existence to be solidified.
The rules for this spell to work, the soul is remolded to fit the body they have been swapped to so that no damage may be sustain, and make it natural. (What damages though?)
However, it would appear this comes with a catch. Something that Luna has failed to anticipate for, and which may lead to both paying for it in some manner. Permanently too depending how this story might go.
Scenario 1: Simply put, linger too long in a foreign body, and the soul itself may become in danger of being warped to the point of beyond all recognition. Essentially it becomes a carbon copy of the initial inhabitant's soul, a complete personality and mind wipe of the user's own soul. Experience can help negate and even prevent this from happening, but for the inexperienced and more emotionally volatile...
Scenario 2: The user's self identity can become compromise, depending on how self aware of the influences of the memories, feelings, emotions, and other stuff of the body they have been swapped to at the time, and how willing they are to embrace it. Exterior influences, the user's emotional stability, and other factors can exacerbate this effect if not handled carefully.
Scenario 2 allows for more flexible drama while avoiding the very grimdark possibility of death for all intents and purposes. In this respect, you can throw the reader in through a hell of a rollercoaster of emotions along with both Celestia and Luna as they struggle to deal with all of this mess.
In contrast while less flexible, Scenario 1 can be more immediately poignant emotionally, depending on how the story plays out.
I will begin elaborations on the 2nd Scenario first, as it is one I personally prefer and have a greater idea of the possibilities of how many branching paths it could take.
To begin with, Celestia appears to emotionally compromised on a much graver scale than either Luna or Celestia herself could have realized. As in though Celestia may have initially buried the guilt of hers for the good of the nation she was leading, this spell coupled with the nightmare scenarios bringing out her feelings into the open may just end up causing her to become more viciously hateful of her own perceived mistakes. A greater sense of self hatred by the influence of Luna's memories and turbulent emotions of the time. Not to mention, Nightmare Moon in as a major manipulator.
Combined, this could lead to any number of things, none of them good for Celestia.
In essence, time is her enemy. Over the passage of time, I see a build up of self resentment becoming hatred the longer she lingers in this form. Her identity may become clouded, not to the point of beyond recovery. But enough that prodded in a direction that encourages it by a certain villain, she may lose her sense of self. Perhaps even be fully willing to avenge Luna, blinded by it even to the point that she may "become" Luna for a short while.
As in the the bitter, emotionally compromised one of a thousand years passed.
The memories of Luna in the present day will not be enough to stem the deluge of the many little and big injustices done to her over the years (Decades?) in a fact where all other obligations of Celestia will become buried. She will be in there, somewhere I imagine. But in order to recover it, "Celestia" (Luna) will have to dig her out of that pit of self despair and hatred, as well as overcome the influences of Nightmare Moon so that the healing process may begin.
Speaking of whom...
Luna I suspect will be more readily be able to adapt with this change. Although Celestia's memories may be just as turbulent, her demeanor and personality have kept them under control for the most part, meaning Luna will be in a greater stable sense of mind to take action and preserve her own identity and self state. At least in this particular scenario, I don't see it very likely that Luna will struggle with this just as much, as she is both in a stable "shell" and appears to have overcome a significant chunk of her doubts and fears. Say around 40% to 50%.
That said, the main worry that she will have to focus on is the distinct possibility of losing her own sister and being left as a sole monarch of a grieving nation. Perhaps to the point where Celestia may have to be killed, a fear that is no doubt a great motivator to recover her sister. Or face the possible timeline that 'Celestia' will have to reign alone, forever this time. 'Luna' will be once and for all vilified as Nightmare Moon, while 'Celestia' herself will have to move on and keep up appearances, thrusted into a role where she may be initially ill prepared, but with her sister's shell of experience ruling these long centuries without her, it is possible for her to do so, albeit in a semi-permanent state of traumatized mourning for a sister who died.
Quietly. Alone.
Again.
It was just a spell that was supposed to help both of the not only recover, but become much stronger in bond than even the pre-Nightmare Moon times. Instead, Luna must rule alone in her stead. This is all assuming of course nothing makes it out to the public.
Or assuming that Celestia does not perish in the traditional sense along the lines of Scenario 1, Luna herself will be forced to face with the fact that she will essentially be dealing with a carbon copy of herself. Luna will be able to maintain her self-identity, but it will be with the knowledge that her sister is now gone. Luna herself stuck ruling as her sister, and dealing with the irony that 'Celestia' will be stuck with helping her 'younger' sister recover in a twisted sense of horrible irony.
Needless to say, this can have all the makings of a terrible tragedy, a long running one too if one were to go that path.
You could go all out, being able to manipulate the reader's heartstrings. Make them wretch in horror as Luna finds herself alone. She has both day and night, she is most adored by her subjects. But it will all ring most hallow, for a piece of herself will have died.
The irony will be most thick indeed. Forever she will be haunted of nightmares of these dark days. Perhaps not able to even confide with anyone in the name of stability.
And what if this were to be revealed to the public in the worst possible way? That alone opens a slew of other potential routes the story could go. Even if Celestia were to recover, there would be a long worn road to restoring the diarchy, as several vicious parties move in like vultures to take advantage of the chaos.
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All of this is assuming that the swap has become permanent by this point.
Hell, even if the minds are kept intact, I can see both their special talents and inherent identities shift to accommodate the changes. Both Celestia and Luna will be in a permanent state of a flux some kind, their talents now woven inbetween both their host bodies and their own self prime ones from before the swap.
Their cutie marks, their physiology, even personalities would shift to reflect that. Such can be accelerated and/or triggered by major traumatic events, the simple passage of time, or even their bonding become stronger during the healing process. They will ultimately be different from the mares that they were before, but ultimately it will be of a happy one. They are still themselves, yet different. But in the end they still have each other, able to understand each other better than ever before. Perhaps stuck in each others bodies, but all good otherwise.
Speaking of the healing process, in Scenario 2, if Celestia were to fully lose herself, Luna can likewise remind Celestia of the good times they have had together, combating the bad ones with the good ones present a meaningful, significant, tearjerk way that ultimately leads to both having a good cry or two as Luna takes on the role of being the elder comforting the younger through such a tumultuous experience, cuddling her under her wingspan as she whispers sweet nothings to soothe her.
And speaking of memories and Luna, I also see further opportunity for Luna to understand just how badly hit Celestia was by Luna going to the way of the dark side, only magnifying her own sense of horror, dread, and fear for the safety of her sister when it comes time for Celestia to completely break down and lose herself. In the same token, with the stable sense of mind brought along with Celestia's vessel and memories, she can bring back her sister.
What you have is a many varying paths for this story to take.
A many nightmares, both possible and real to viciously toy with both characters and they try to overcome their respective trials.
To pull at the audience's heartstrings to make them hate you for bringing such ruin to such beloved characters. To make them love you as you bring sweet, sweet relief as they manage to pull through the worst of it. To forever be impacted by the tragedy of the spell backfiring in the worst possible way, leaving Equestria a monarchy.
All of this will hinge having focus centralized around both Celestia and Luna each.
Hell, you could even manage to make another dedicated fanverse with the likes of the Conversion Bureau, Fallout Equestria. Unlikely, but it could be possible if you were to maintain the momentum of it all.
This also gives you the opportunity to experiment with several what if scenarios. What if Luna failed to retrieve Celestia and was forced to kill her? What if Celestia kills her sister? Will there be eternal night? The possibilities, thought not unlimited, are many.
With that, I move on towards the 2nd part of this critique.
I suspect that the influences of this spell hinges on how strong the user's self identity is at the time.
Part 2: Execution of Story Overall
Bearing Part 1 of this critique in mind however, I know that this was just the pre-planning stages. What's done is done, and despite all of this I found this story most intriguing. That said, there are a few nitpicks here and there that I found a little wanting, such as emotional scenes that you could have included, expanded upon existing scenes in a more dynamic fleshed out manner, and so forth.
Part 2 of this critique will be dealing with this story's execution overall.
Later though, I will be commenting on individual chapters themselves in more explicit detail.
Now, starting off with is how well you are capitalizing on the emotional aspect of scenes in the later two chapters, and all the subtleties therein.
Thus far you have been competent. More or less, most certainly better than the grand majority of the trite that is submitted to this site. That said, it feels that you fail to expand upon certain aspects of a few scenes.
Throughout Ch.3, I can see what you are going for. Celestia experiencing the bitter experiences and emotional baggage of Luna.
In that regard, a little more spice could be added in regards to having certain moments more pronounced. Or having scenes that engage said emotions. You did it with this scene here to a degree.
In particular, the bottom paragraph. We get a hint of Celestia beginning to feel the bitter resentment that Luna feels, perhaps shortly before the pre-Nightmare Moon era or soon after returning. Perhaps even coupled with that of her own insecurities and anger as well. It definitely has some punch.
But it feels... Thin to be honest. A little more punch could be added in. Perhaps more "instinctive" thoughts from her "Luna" side tripping her up. First to make her worry, recoil in a little shock and doubt. Then maybe slowly weave it where it becomes hard to distinguish who is thinking what. Is it Luna's thoughts? Her own? Are they even her own?
Perhaps not in this certain scene, but sprinkle throughout in brief but very poignant bursts of emotion.
Something like that.
We get hints of it, like the following.
Or...
Here.
Each scene, we get these emotional snippets. Opportunities to expand upon later perhaps to give more punch to later ones certainly. To build up momentum too for such bitterness as well. We also get a sense of uncertainty from Celestia about all of this, hint more of what may be to come.
The same applies to Luna as Celestia as well.
Here in the third paragraph, you give voice to Celestia. But not a sense of that the words are coming Luna's 'Celestia" side of things. At least, not until those last thoughts of hers in it.
Other examples...
Here we get a little more substanence.
"Celestia" is showing concern for her younger sister that is quite like herself. "Luna" meanwhile demonstrates anxiety, shame, uncertainty.
To punctuate this point.
In here, you do admirably. The beginnings of further doubt for Luna. A feeling for what her older sister may be feeling. Still an enigma, still so much that still has not shown itself. But what little we have, is quite telling.
Less is more applies here quite nicely. In that regard, you leave it up to the reader to interpret this on their own. Something quite nice, and the sign of a competent author too.
Still furthermore.
A further demonstration of "Celestia" slipping in, is it? Perhaps you could have demonstrated her dwelling further upon this little factoid when "Celestia" was in her office.
Moving on to anther example.
A fine scene. But perhaps you could have slipped in a hint to Luna that something didn't quite feel right about it all. Perhaps in the facial expressions. "Luna" isn't quite as capable of hiding her own emotions compared to that of her sister. There are more hints to it, where Celestia is well practiced in hiding them, demonstrated how Luna remarks in wonder that she is able to maintain her demeanor while concealing her true emotions that not even she noticed them before the swap.
Here, "Luna" should show signs of a couple slip ups. Nothing too major of course, but hints that will catch "Celestia's" careful eye.
To me, Celestia is more adept in catching subtle body language, as well as concealing it when it suits her. The reverse applies to Luna. Thus, such should bleed off to the respective swapees. Luna being more careful, while Celestia slipping up and not even noticing it. Little intrinsic details and quirks help define a character. Such actions, demeanor, little details all build up for the reader to form an overall solid impression of who is who in the story.
Granted, you did somewhat better in the following.
Such subtleties, like "Luna" not responding immediately, showing her own hesitation, gives us hints of what is to come.
The more direct and heated response from "Luna" is characteristic of the her. But not Celestia, giving further indication to the reader of what might be in the future for both her and Luna. All the while, Luna is acting as the guardian like Celestia would here by wrapping her wings in a protective embrace around her.
In fact, that is just how I would envision it myself. It fits in character with both of them. Yet not, for it is different players who occupy the body. "Luna's" outburst is quite in character for her person, at least if any common characterizations across the fandom are of any indication.
In other words, you nailed that particular piece .
Such little details help pave a path for character interaction. Here I think it could have be more strongly punctuated, perhaps a little aside to Luna feeling the urgency to comfort her "younger" sister.
Not sure with what though, but something perhaps. Or maybe not. It all depends on how the next story plays out I suppose.
Also in the 2nd above quote, we get a sense of Luna's concern for her sister, a taste of what Celestia feels without even realizing it. One of these moments can be a good one to have her realize just much of an impact this spell is having on both of them, much to her shock.
In turn, we see Celestia's hesitation of reverting back. We get a sense that she wants this. Perhaps even feels the need for it. All the more signs that perhaps this spell is having more of an adverse effect than realized.
I do like how direct and to the point Luna is about reversing all of this before it goes to the dogs. But it is just dialogue. I feel a little bit more detail could paint the scene more wholly, for the lack of a better selection of words. By that, like describing a cold chill going down her spine at Celestia's insistence on staying like this. Shock and a need to comfort when Celestia becomes agitated and irate, perhaps in turn reminding Luna of herself to build up momentum for the shock emotion, especially as she moves to comforts Celestia in a way that her sister is supposed to be doing. The roles are flipped.
I believe I have demonstrated where I am going with all of this most sufficiently.
Wow... This comment sure got bloated. Nonetheless I hope it will help in some capacity in the future.
I am going to take a break for now and rest. Been writing this thing non-stop since 9:35 AM. It is now 1:05 PM right now. Huh.
Didn't think time passed that fast. Just goes to show how much potential I see this story having in the future.
Well, good day to you then Errand. I hope this may help in your future endevors.
Ciao.