Kyle Brofloski: The Mystical Earth Pony

by MittenPatty

Let's Visit the Laundry Basket

Kyle approached the fancy building hesitantly, gaping at the amount of femininity radiating off of it. He could hardly tell it was a shop, it was covered in so many frills. He trotted up the stairs and lifted a hoof to the door, which had swirls and fancy thingies engraved into it. He gave a slight tap, and waited for a response.

Nothing. He frowned at his stupidity. Why the hell did I do that? That was softer than Butters! He knocked harder, and heard shuffling from behind the door.

"Coming!" A mare's voice sang from the other side. The rustling grew louder, indicating she was trying to make the place more presentable. Kyle rocked back and forth on his hooves, whistling as he waited for the pony to greet him. Finally, the door swung open to reveal a white unicorn with a deep purple mane, that was neatly combed to have a cute curl at the end.

"Hello, my name is Rarity," she chirped proudly. "How can I help y-" she stopped short when she saw his hair. And hat. She gasped and pulled him inside, slamming the door behind them. Kyle stood still in shock over what just happened, as Rarity dug through a pile of outfits and cut-up fabrics.

"Oh, darling!" she cried, pulling out a tuxedo. "You look absolutely atrocious!" Kyle wrinkled his nose. Gee, thanks bitch. He turned to leave, but stopped when he felt something being pulled from his head. Oh fuck, she didn't just-

"Give that back!" he bellowed, spinning around to face the thief. Rarity jumped, taken back by the sudden aggression. She levitated the green hat with her magic, bringing it closer so she could examine it.

"Is this important to you?" she asked, pointing to it. "It's extremely dirty, and it has a hole on the back." Kyle flared his nose, seething with anger.

"I don't care," he growled. "I've had that hat since I was a little kid, so give it back to me!" Rarity frowned. She lifted the hat higher, and turned back to the pile of clothes.

"Well, maybe if you ask nicely I'll return it to you." She hovered a brush and a suit closer to him. "And until you do, how about you try this on?" Kyle stepped back. She better not mess with my hair, and there is no way I'm putting that on.

"Look, can I please just have my hat, and get out of here?" he asked, holding out his hoof to grab his only article of clothing. Rarity pouted and brought the tux closer.

"Come on, just wear it for a couple minutes?" she pleaded and started to comb his hair. Kyle swatted her away with an annoyed grunt. Rarity sighed.

"Fine. If you put you this on, you can leave with your ugly hat." she shook the green object like a ragdoll. Kyle bared his teeth. You leave one mark on my hat, your fucking dead. He groaned.

"Alright, but just ONE." he agreed reluctantly. "And that's it." Rarity squealed with excitement and immediately started to comb out his curly hair.

"Oh, wonderful!" she tugged at the knots, pulling Kyle's scalp. He winced.

"Hey, hey easy!" Rarity slowed her pace.

"Oh, I'm sorry darling." She put some kind of gel on his head. "I was just a bit too excited." Kyle rolled his eyes. Yeah right. A "bit" my ass.

After Rarity was satisfied with how neat and straight she had made her client's hair, she moved on to the outfit. She levitated a measuring tape from her work counter, and proceeded to calculate the length of his legs and chest. Kyle shifted uncomfortably. I don't like this... She just "exploring" my body. It's weird. Rarity wrote down the measurements on a clipboard and tapped the pencil on her chin. She scrunched up her nose and furred her brow in thought, before perking up with a smile.

"You're approximately size seven." she trotted up the stairs to the top floor. "Let me find something extravagant!" Kyle waited until she was completely gone, before racing over to a nearby mirror. He almost fainted when he saw his reflection. I-I look like... He lifted a trembling hoof to his face.

"I have Cartman's shitty hairstyle," he muttered turning his head to check out his mane further. "What the fuck."

He jumped when he heard hooves pounding down the stairs. Rarity was by his side at an instant, trying to get the green tuxedo on him.

"Ugh, hey stop that!" he wrestled with the fashionista, who was forcing a bow tie around his neck. She gave up and dropped suit with a huff.

"Well, you have to put it on eventually!" she whined. Kyle snatched the outfit with a grunt. He looked around the room for something to conceal himself in, but the whole space was wide and open.

"Do you have anywhere I can, y'know. Change?" He asked hopefully. Rarity stared at him blankly, as if he was talking gibberish.

"Why would you need to do it somewhere else?" She cocked her head in confusion. Kyle sighed and face-hoofed.

"Because I would like some privacy," he explained, annoyed. "Also, I don't want you watching me." Rarity nodded, still unsure of the stallion sudden need for personal space. Then again, he'd been wanting it ever since he'd arrived.

"Okay, um..." She tapped her chin. "There's a bathroom upstairs, you can change in that if you like." Kyle let out a sigh of relief. The quicker I get this done, the faster I can get my hat and go. He trotted upstairs and peered into the empty hallway. There were a couple doors, so it shouldn't be that hard to find a stupid bathroom...

*******************************************************************************************

Kyle sulked down the stairs, ears down in embarrassment. He hadn't gotten a good look at the suit he was supposed to wear, and once he did he instantly regretted entering the boutique. It was green, of course, and Kyle was fine with that. It was the sequins that really pissed him off. The whole thing was covered in them, along with the white frill around the neckline.

He stepped into the living room where Rarity sat making another dress. She turned at the sound of his arrival.

Kyle gulped as the mare before him studied the suit with thought. She narrowed her eyes and looked him up and down, deciding whether it fit or not. After a couple minutes, ( They seemed like hours for Kyle ) she smiled and got down from her seat.

"I rather like that look on you," Rarity chirped and trotted over to a closet in the other room. "Green is your color!" her horn lit up and emitted an mystic force. She levitated a silver key from her desk over to the paddle-lock, and carefully lined up the two. She un-did the lock and opened the door, revealing rolls of fabric, extra thread, and-

"My hat!" Kyle pointed excitedly at his beloved item, urgently jabbing his hoof in that direction. Rarity snorted and lifted the hat out of the closet with her magic. She walked over to Kyle and dropped it at his hooves.

"There. Are you happy now?" She asked crossing her arms. Kyle ignored her and placed the hat in it's rightful place. Just the feeling of the thing brightened his mood. Rarity trotted back to her work station, satisfied.

"You can keep the suit," she informed him, sewing two pieces of fabric together. "as thanks for helping me with that new style." She waved goodbye, signaling for Kyle it was alright to leave. He shrugged and walked out the front door, the cool air brushing past. He looked around, seeing it was getting dark and everyone would be going to bed. I need to find somewhere sleep, cause there is NO way I'm sleeping outside again. He started down the road, keeping to the side and in the shadows.

After walking around the edge of Ponyville, Kyle stopped at a large tree. He raised an eyebrow at the wooden door before him, not sure if it was abandoned or occupied. He examined the rest of the massive oak, and found it had windows and a balcony as well. There were no lights on, then again why would there be. It was a TREE, but it was obvious it had to have been inhabited by something, as plants don't grow windows.

"Well, here goes nothing." He raised a weary hoof, and knocked...

Author's Note:

Just a little side-note, I'm not planning on having Kyle meet all of the mane six.
That is all.
Screw you guys, I'm going home...

Comments

[Zaralann]

Interesting.

[LtMajorDude]

4380535
Tear it good.