Twilight: The Consulting Detective

by A Wise Pony

The Pony in Pink: Three Patch Problem/Here You Are

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 1st episode, A Study in Pink. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

***
The car pulled up to the curb in front of Baker Street. Applejack unbuckled, glanced at the grey unicorn. “Listen, your boss, any chance you could not tell him this is where I went?”

'Anthony' shook his head no as he answered. “Sure.”

“You've told him already, haven't you.”

“Yeah.” The unicorn smiled apologetically.

Applejack sighed, and started to climb out of the car. Then she paused and looked at the unicorn again. He wasn't half bad looking...oh, what the hay. “Hey, um, do you ever get any…free time?”

“Oh yeah,” the unicorn laughed. “Lots.” Applejack looked at him expectantly, until the unicorn glanced up from his phone. “Bye,” he said, the returned to texting.

“Okay.” The earth pony clambered out, cane in hoof, and closed the door again. She watched it drive off, then limped to the entrance of 221B and knocked on the door.

***

Ms. Matilda had answered the knock quickly; apparently, she'd been expecting the earth pony. Applejack made her way up the stairs and stepped through the door of the apartment. She stopped on the threshold. Inside, Twilight was stretched out on the couch, eyes closed, a look of bliss on her face and several circular pads affixed to one leg. She groaned euphorically as the substance contained within the pads took effect.

“What are you doing?” Applejack asked. The unicorn opened her eyes slowly.

“Nicotine patch,” she explained, holding up the leg with the patches. “Helps me think.” She inhaled deeply. “Impossible to sustain a smoking habit in Canterlot these days…bad news for brain work.”

“Well, it's good news for breathing,” Applejack commented.

“Oh, breathing, breathing's boring.” Twilight said dismissively.

Applejack limped over to stand by the couch. She counted the pads on the leg. “Is that three patches?”

“It's a three patch problem,” Twilight replied. She brought rested her hooves together and closed her eyes again. Applejack waited for a moment for the unicorn to tell her why she'd been summoned.

“Well?” she asked. Twilight kept her eyes closed, seemingly oblivious. “You asked me to come,” Applejack reminded her. “I'm assuming it's important.”

The unicorn's eyes shot open. “Oh, right! Can I borrow your phone?”

"My phone?" Applejack asked in disbelief.

“Don't wanna use mine,” Twilight explained. “Always a chance that the number will be recognized. It's on the website.”

“Ms. Matilda's got a phone,” Applejack reminded her.

“Yes, but she's downstairs,” Twilight complained. “I tried shouting, but she didn't hear.”

“I was on the other side of Canterlot,” Applejack said, annoyed.

“It was no hurry,” Twilight said, as if it was her own convenience that had been at stake. She closed her eyes again.

Applejack frowned, then reached into her pocket and held out the phone to Twilight. “Here." Instead of magicking it towards herself, the unicorn extended a hoof towards Applejack and held it there for a while. Irritated, the earth pony finally slapped the phone into the proffered hoof. Twilight withdrew the hoof, then lay there with the phone resting unused atop her leg. Even more aggravated now, Applejack stomped over to one of the comfy chairs and flopped down. “So what's this about,” she demanded. “The case?”

“Her case…” Twilight muttered.

“Her case?”

Twilight opened her eyes again. “Her suitcase, yes, obviously. The murderer took her suitcase, first big mistake.”

“Alright, they took her case. So?”

Twilight paused, deciding something. “It's no use,” she finally said. “There's no other way. We'll have to risk it.” Applejack waited for the unicorn to elaborate. Twilight held the phone out. “On my desk, there's a number,” she told the earth pony. “I want you to send a text.” She waited for Applejack to take the device.

Applejack smiled doubtfully, then realized that Twilight was serious. “You brought me here…to send a text.”

“Text, yes,” Twilight said. “The number on my desk.”

Applejack hesitated, then limped back over and snatched the phone. She walked towards the desk. Then, on a whim, she glanced out the window, checking for black cars.

Twilight noticed the detour. “What's wrong?” she asked.

“Just met a friend of yours,” Applejack told her.

Twilight's brow scrunched in confusion. “A friend?”

“An enemy,” the earth pony clarified.

“Oh,” the unicorn said, as if this was perfectly normal. “Which one?”

Applejack glanced at the detective in surprise. More than one? “Well, your arch-enemy, according to him. Do ponies have arch-enemies?”

Twilight dodged the question with another. “Did he offer you money to spy on me?”

“Yes,” Applejack admitted.

“Did you take it?”

The earth pony balked at the insinuation. “No.”

“Pity,” Twilight said. “We could have split the fee. Think it through next time.”

The unexpected levity brought a brief smile to Applejack's face. “Who is he?”

“The most dangerous stallion you've ever met,” Twilight said. “And not my problem right now. On my desk, the number.”

Applejack limped to the desk and read the scrap of paper there. “Fleur de Lis...that was-” She eyed Twilight suspiciously. “Hang on…wasn't that the dead mare?”

“Yes, that's not important,” Twilight said impatiently.”Just enter the number.”

Applejack blinked, then started typing.

“You doing it?” Twilight asked.

“Yeah.”

“Have you done it?”

“Ye-hang on!” The earth pony finished the number and waited for the message.

“These words, exactly,” Twilight instructed. "What happened at Canterlot Gardens? I must have blacked out. Twenty-two Northungulate Street, please come.”

Applejack paused, worried. “You blacked out?”

“What?” Twilight asked in confusion. Her eyes shot open as she understood the misunderstanding. “No, no!” She sprang up from the couch and walked jumped over the coffee table as she made her way into the kitchen. “Type and send it. Quickly.” As Applejack continued typing, Twilight returned from the kitchen with a bright pink suitcase. “Have you sent it?” she asked.

“What's the address?”

“Twenty-two Northungulate Street,” the unicorn repeated. “Hurry up!” She set the case down on the table in front of the fireplace and unzipped it, then perched on the other comfy chair and stared into the contents.

Applejack finished the message and sent it, then turned and noticed the case for the first time. “That's…that's the pink lady's case, that's Fleur de Lis's case.”

“Yes, obviously.” Twilight still was peering into the open case. The earth pony's brief silence caused her to roll her eyes. “Oh, perhaps I should mention, I didn't kill her.”

“I never said you did.”

“Why not?” Twilight asked. “Given the text I just had you send, and the fact that I have her case, it's a perfectly logical assumption.”

Applejack remembered what Derpy had said. “Do ponies usually assume you're the murderer?”
Twilight smiled wryly. “Now and then, yes.”

“Okay…” Applejack limped to her chair and sat down. “How did you get this?”

“By looking.”

“Where?”

“The killer must have driven her to Canterlot Gardens. She could only keep her case by accident if it was in a car. Nopony could be seen with this case without drawing attention to themselves, even a mare, which is statistically more likely, so obviously she felt compelled to get rid of it the moment she noticed she still had it. It wouldn't have taken her more than five minutes to realize her mistake. I checked ever backstreet wide enough for a car five minutes from Canterlot Gardens, and anywhere you could dispose of a bulky object without being observed. Took me less than an hour to find the right skip.”

“Pink,” Applejack marveled. “You got all that because you realized the case'd be pink?”

“Well it had to be pink, obviously.”

“Why didn't I think of that?” Applejack muttered.

“Because you're an idiot,” Twilight responded. The earth pony looked sharply at her. “No no no, don't be like that,” the unicorn admonished. “Practically everypony is.” She nodded at the case. “Now look. Do you see what's missing?”

“From the case?” Applejack asked. “How could I?”

“Her phone.” Twilight stated. “Where's her mobile phone? There was no phone on the body, there's no phone in the case, we know she had one.” She waved at the desk. “That's her number there, you just texted her.”

“Maybe she left it at home.” Applejack suggested.

“She has a string of lovers, and she's careful about it.” Twilight said as she scooted off the chair and onto the floor, at eye level with the case. “She never leaves her phone at home.”

Applejack considered this. “Um...so...” She looked at her phone. “Why did I just send that text?”

“Well, the question is,” Twilight said, “where is her phone now?”

“She could've lost it.”

“Yes,” the unicorn admitted. “Or…” She looked expectantly at the other mare.

“Or…the murderer…” Realization dawned on Applejack's face. “You think the murderer has the phone.”

“Maybe she left it when she left her case. Maybe the killer took it from her for some reason.” Applejack nodded; those were both reasonable possibilities. “Either way, balance of probability is that the murderer has her phone,” Twilight finished.

“Sorry, what are we doing?” Applejack asked, looking at her phone again. “Did I just text a murderer? What good will that do?”

As if in answer, the phone rang. Applejack checked the caller idea: (withheld).

“A few hours after her last victim, now she receives a text that can only be from her.” Twilight said. “Somepony'd just found her phone, they'd ignore a text like that, but the murderer…” The phone stopped ringing as whoever was calling gave up. The unicorn grinned in triumph. “Would panic!” She snapped the case close and stood, grabbing her jacket from the sofa by the door.

“Have you talked to the police?” Applejack asked.

“Four ponies are dead,” Twilight said, donning the jacket. “There isn't time to talk to the police.”

“So why are you talking to me?!” the earth pony exclaimed.

An expression of utter sadness passed over Twilight's face. “Ms. Matilda took my skull.” She lifted her overcoat off the door hook.

Applejack glanced at the mantle; indeed, the grinning visage was gone. “So I'm basically filling in for your skull?” she asked, peeved.

“Relax,” Twilight assured her. “You're doing fine.” She whipped her scarf out of a pocket, then noticed that Applejack was still sitting down. “Well?”

“Well what?”

“Well, you could just sit there and…watch television.”

Applejack realized what the unicorn was suggesting. “You want me to come with you?”

“I like company when I go out,” Twilight informed her. “And I think better when I talk aloud. The skull just attracts attention, so…” Applejack smiled as she pictured the unicorn chattering while walking next to a floating skull. She wondered if Twilight had given it a name; Yorick would work. The unicorn tied on the scarf. “Problem?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Applejack said. She'd been warned to stay away from Twilight, after all. “Sergeant Hooves.”

“What about her?”

“She said, you get off on this,” Applejack paraphrased. “You enjoy it.”

“And I said 'dangerous',” Twilight retorted, “and here you are.” She walked out the door.

Applejack hesitated for a moment before getting to her feet. “Buck it,” she muttered, and limped after the unicorn.

***

Comments

[Three-Patch-Problem]

Three Patch Problem, hee

[singuycalc]

"Yorick"
I see what hath transpired here.