Twilight: The Consulting Detective

by A Wise Pony

The Bridled Banker: Just Formalities/Could Start With This

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

The door of the flat slammed open as Applejack entered. Twilight was standing in front of the mantle, once again staring at the pictures, which had multiplied in the earth pony's absence. “You've been a while,” she observed, not even looking away from the jumble of printouts.

“Yeah, well, you know how it is,” Applejack said bitterly. “Policeponies don't really like to be hurried, do they? Just formalities… hoofprints, charge sheet...and I've got to be in misdemeanor court on Tuesday,” she finished angrily.

“What?” the unicorn asked distractedly as she compared symbols in a book to the ones in the photos.

“Me, Twilight, in court, on Tuesday,” Applejack repeated lividly. “They're giving me a Disharm.”

“Good, fine,” Twilight said, still not really paying attention.

“You can tell your little pal she's welcome to go and own up any time,” Applejack fumed.

Twilight clapped the book shut in frustration. “This symbol, I still can't place it.” She replaced the book on a shelf, then turned and saw the earth pony about to remove her jacket. It glowed as Twilight held it in place. “No.”

“Hey!” Applejack complained.

“I need you to go to the police station and ask about the journalist,” Twilight requested. “His personal effects will have been impounded. Get a hold of his diary or something that will tell us his movements.” She grabbed her own coat and walked out the door and down the stairs. Applejack followed her resignedly.

“I'll go and see Blueblood's PA,” Twilight continued as they exited the building. “If we retrace their steps, somewhere they'll coincide.” She walked on up the street. Applejack waved at an approaching taxi. As it approached, she noticed a grey-maned mare in shades across the street pointing a phone camera at her. The cab pulled off, blocking Applejack's view of the stranger.

Writing it off as a coincidence, the earth pony leaned in to give a destination. “Shetland Yard.” She got into the cab, then glanced back across the street. The mare was gone. Eerie.

***

“He flew back from Daleian Friday,” Blueblood's PA told Twilight. The detective glanced over the purple-maned mare's shoulder as she scrolled through her boss's schedule. “Looks like he had back-to-back meetings with the sales team.”

“Can you print me off a copy?” Twilight requested.

“Of course,” Rarity answered.

“What about the day he died?” Twlight asked, pointing at the date. “Can you tell me where he was?”

“Sorry, there's a bit of a gap,” the PA admitted. Twilight frowned, until the other unicorn offered another source of information. “I have all his receipts.”

***

At the Yard, Applejack was having an easier time. Although Gilda hadn't been overjoyed to see the detective’s colleague again, she had at least deigned to locate Namby Pamby's diary for the earth pony. “Your friend…” the griffon began as she rummaged through an evidence bin.

“Listen, whatever you say, I'm behind you one hundred percent,” Applejack assured her.

“She's a total dweeb,” Gilda finished.

“Well, that was mild,” the earth pony said, surprised. “Ponies say a lot worse than that.”

The griffon found a booklet. She offered it to Applejack. “This is what you wanted, isn't it, the journalist's diary?”

Applejack flipped it open to confirm. She found a boarding pass for a Chineigh Airlines flight out of Canterlot airport.

***

“What kind of a boss was he, Rarity?” Twilight asked. “Appreciative?”

“No,” the PA said, laughing lightly. “That's not a word I'd use.” Twilight noticed something on the desk as Rarity continued. “The only things Vladimir appreciated had a big price tag.”

“Like that hoof cream?” The detective nodded at a bottle on the desk. “He bought that for you, didn't he.” Rarity didn't answer, and Twilight let it drop. She sifted through the receipts and found one that stood out. “Look at this one. Got a taxi from home on the day he died, eighteen bits fifty.”

“That would get him to the office,” Rarity suggested.

“Not rush hour,” Twilight said, disagreeing. “Check the time: mid-morning. Eighteen would get him as far as…”

“The West End,” Rarity finished. “I remember him saying.”

Twilight found another receipt from that day. “Underground, printed at one in Palomino.”

“So he got a subway back to the office.” The PA paused, puzzled. “Why would he get a taxi into town and then the tube back?”

“Because he was delivering something heavy,” Twilight said, sorting through more receipts. “You don't want to lug a package up the escalator.”

“Delivering?” Rarity asked.

“To somewhere near Palomino Station. Dropped the package, delivered it, and then…” The detective found another receipt from that day: one for a cafe. “He stopped on his way. He got hungry.” She left to pursue this new lead.

***

The cafe was easy to find. Twilight checked the name against the receipt, then looked around as she walked. “So, you bought your lunch from here en route to the station,” she muttered. “But where were you headed from?” She turned as she walked, looking for some clue. “Where did the taxi drop you—oof!” She grunted as she bumped into Applejack.

The earth pony looked up in surprise, then noticed it was Twilight. “Right.” Of course the unicorn would have found her way here, too.

“Vladimir Blueblood brought a package here the day he died,” Twilight said. “Whatever was hidden inside that case. I've managed to piece together a picture using scraps of information-”

“Twilight,” Applejack said, trying to get a word in. The unicorn kept talking.

“Credit card bills, receipts. He flew back from Chineigh, then he came here.”

“Twilight.”

“Somewhere in this street, somewhere near. I don't know where, but-”

Exasperated, Applejack pointed a hoof across the street. “That shop, over there.”

Twilight stared at the shop, then back at the earth pony, astounded. “How could you tell?”

“Pamby's diary,” Applejack explained. “He was here, too. He wrote down the address.” She started across the street.

“Oh,” Twilight said quietly, then followed.

***

The window of the shop that Namby Pamby had mentioned was filled with waving cat statues. This section seemed to be predominantly Chineighse in persuasion. Applejack walked into the shop. Inside, an veritable army of cats graced the shelves. “Hello,” she said politely to the owner.

“You want lucky cat?” the owner asked.

“No, thanks, no,” the earth pony declined.

“Ten bits, ten bits,” the shopkeeper insisted. “I think your husband, he will like.”

Applejack just shook her head with a polite smile. The earth pony noticed a set of teacups, and inspected one. She turned the cup over and froze. The label on the bottom matched the sign that had been on the wall by the portrait. “Twilight?” Twilight put down a statue she'd been looking at and trotted over. “The label, there,” Applejack said.

“Yes, I see it,” the unicorn agreed.

“Exactly the same as the cipher.” The earth pony watched as realization flooded Twilight's face. The unicorn left the shop hurriedly. Applejack caught up outside.

“It's an ancient number system,” Twilight explained. “Suzhou. These days only street traders use it. Those were numbers written on the wall at the bank, and at the library…Numbers written in an ancient Chineighse dialect.” She stopped at a street cart, and picked up a fruit that had a similar label attached, only with the equivalent Equestrian numerals provided as well.

“It's a fifteen,” Applejack said. “What we thought was the artist's tag, it's a number fifteen.”

“And the bridle, the horizontal line,” Twilight continued, finding another fruit. “That was a number as well.” She held up the label. “Chineighse number one, Applejack.”

“We've found it.” The earth pony grinned in triumph, then stopped. She'd seen that mare again, again with the camera phone; or at least, she thought she had; she was gone now. Odd.

***

“Two ponies travel back from Chineigh,” Applejack recapped. They were sitting in a restaurant, as usual, by the window. Also as usual, Twilight hadn't ordered anything. Instead, she was writing out a list of Suzhou numbers and their equivalents on a pad. “Both head straight for the Lucky Cat Emporium. What did they see?”

“It's not what they saw,” Twilight said, finishing her scribbling. “It's what they both brought back in those suitcases.”

“You don't think souvenirs,” Applejack said. A server brought her food and she started eating.

“Think about what Moondancer told us about Blueblood,” the unicorn reminded her. “About how he stayed afloat in the market.”

“He lost five million,” the earth pony recalled.

“And made it back in a week.” Twilight looked back out at the Lucky Cat Emporium. “That's how he made such easy money.”

“He was a smuggler.” Applejack nodded and took another bite.

“A guy like him, it would have been perfect,” Twilight muttered. “A business pony making frequent trips to Asia. Pamby was the same, a journalist writing about Chineigh. Both of them smuggled stuff out.” She nodded at the shop across the way. “The Lucky Cat was their drop-off.”

“Why did they die?” Applejack wondered. “It doesn't make sense. If they both turned up at the shop and delivered the goods, why would somepony threaten them, and kill them, after the event, after they had finished the job?”

Twilight thought for a moment. “What if one of the was sticky-hoofed?”

“How do you mean?”

“Stole something,” Twilight explained. “Something from the hoard.”

“And the killer doesn't know which of them took it,” Applejack realized. “So she threatens them both, right.”

Twilight looked outside again, then noticed something on the ground outside the shop. “Remind me, when was the last time that it rained?” She stood and exited the cafe, leaving Applejack to hurriedly swallow what she'd been chewing and slap some bits on the table to cover the half-eaten meal.

She followed Twilight across the street, where the unicorn picked up a phone book. The pages were dampened by rainwater. “It's been here since Monday,” she observed. She rang the bell of the door the bag had been in front of: the name tag said Inkie Pie. No one answered, so Twilight trotted into the alleyway next to the door, with Applejack following. “No one's been in that flat for at least three days,” the unicorn said.

“Maybe they've gone on vacation,” the earth pony suggested.

“Do you leave your windows open when you go on vacation?” Twilight asked, pointing. Applejack followed the gesture to the open window of the flat, situated above the fire escape. Before Applejack could dissuade her, Twilight had leapt up and seized the fire escape. She clambered up it, then walked carefully along the free moving ladder until it swung so she could jump onto the window sill. The ladder stayed where it was, too high for Applejack to follow. The earth pony realized this and kicked herself mentally.

“Twilight!” she shouted. The unicorn was already entering the flat. Applejack ran back around to the front. At least if Twilight was inside, she could let her in.

***

Inside the flat, Twilight stepped off the sill and onto the floor. Her tail caught a vase, and she seized it with magic before it could hit the ground. As she replaced it, she noticed that it was mostly empty. A glance at the floor showed her where it had spilled before. Thinking Applejack was still in the alley, she called out. “Somepony else has been here. Somepony else broke into the flat and knocked over the vase, just like I did.” She listened for movement in the flat, but heard none. The laundry machine stood full next to the window; she opened it and sniffed.

The doorbell rang. “Think maybe you could let me in this time?” Applejack called. Twilight ignored the plea and kept searching. Below, Applejack was yelling through the mail slot to be heard. “Can you stop doing this, please?”

Twilight opened the fridge and withdrew a bottle of milk. She sniffed it, then recoiled at the strong odor. “I'm not the first,” she called down to the earth pony.

“What?” Applejack asked, not quite hearing.

“Somepony's been in here before me,” Twilight shouted back.

“What are you saying?” Applejack asked.

Twilight meanwhile noticed the disturbed rug where somepony had trod. “Size eight feet, small, but…athletic.” She noticed a picture of two fillies on the sideboard.

“I'm wasting my breath,” Applejack muttered. She rang the bell again.

Inside, Twilight noticed something about one of the fillies. “Small, strong hooves…our acrobat,” she concluded. She set the picture down again and thought. “Why didn't she close the window when she left?” She registered what this meant. “Oh, stupid, stupid,” she berated herself. “Obvious. She's still here.” A changing partition stood in one corner of the room, the perfect cover. Quietly, Twilight approached it, waited a moment, then flung it aside. A stuffed animal greeted her eyes. Somepony grabbed her from behind and wrapped a cloth around her neck, choking her. Twilight gasped.

Applejack continued her complaints, unaware of the struggle upstairs. “Any time you want to include me!”

The unicorn tried to throw her assailant off, but to no avail. “Applejack!” Twilight called for help, but the strangling reduced her voice so that it was impossible for the earth pony to hear her.

Applejack, still convinced she was being ignored, began muttering mockingly. “'I'm Twilight Sparkle,' she said bitterly, “and I always work alone, because no pony else can compete with my massive intellect!” she shouted through the mail slot.

Twilight stopped struggling and collapsed, completely out of breath and starting to black out. The attacker released her and slipped something into her pocket as the doorbell rang again. The other pony exited the room as Twilight coughed violently and gasped for air. The metallic shriek of the fire escape swinging down told her how her attacker had made their getaway. If only another pony had been there, they could have caught them. It had been stupid not to let Applejack into the apartment, the unicorn admitted to herself. A check of her pocket revealed the object the attacker had placed: a folded black paper diamond, just like the two she’d already seen. She got unsteadily to her feet, then proceeded down the stairs.

Downstairs, Applejack glanced at her watch, then turned to walk into the alleyway and try to somehow scale the wall. Just then, the door was flung open. Applejack turned to see a disheveled Twilight leaning against the door frame. “The milk's gone and the laundry’s starting to smell,” the unicorn said hoarsely. “Somepony left here in a hurry three days ago.” She stifled a cough.

“Somepony?” Applejack asked.

Twilight nodded. “Inkie Pie. We have to find her-” a coughing fit cut off the last syllable.

“An how exactly are we supposed to do that?” the earth pony inquired.

Twilight stooped and picked up a note that must have been dropped through the mail slot. “Inkie,” it read, “Please call me. Tell me you're okay. OK, Written.” She unfolded the envelope on which the message was written, and found a return address: the Equestrian Antiquities Museum.

“Well, we could start with this.” She walked out the door, clearing her throat.

“You've gone all croaky,” Applejack said with concern. “Are you getting a cold?”

“I'm fine,” Twilight coughed as they went to find a cab.

***

Comments

[Legatus]

Inkie Pie?
But Pinkie!
and

Scootaloo?