Twilight: The Consulting Detective

by A Wise Pony

The Bridled Banker: A Date/Something To Show For It

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

At Baker Street, Twilight was still sifting through books. “A book that everypony would own,” she muttered. Abandoning the victims' books, she pulled a dictionary and a few others off of her own shelves. “Fifteen, entry one...” One at a time, she eliminated the reference books. Add, nostrils, and I. None very threatening words. She clapped the last one shut and ran a hoof to her head, trying to stir up new ideas. Applejack trotted in, and Twilight seized on the distraction. “I need to get some air,” she informed the earth pony. “We're going out tonight.”

“Actually, I've got a date,” Applejack told her.

“What?” Twilight asked, looking up at her flatmate. She noticed that the earth pony was dressed nicer than usual.

“It's where two ponies who like each other go out and have fun,” Applejack clarified.

“That's what I was suggesting,” the unicorn said, puzzled.

“No, it wasn't,” Applejack assured her. “At least I hope not.”

Twilight paused in thought. This turn of events could prove useful. “Where are you taking him?”

“Movies.”

“Oh, dull, boring, predictable,” the unicorn denounced. She levitated a flyer over to Applejack. “Why don't you try this? In Canterlot for one night only.”

Applejack read the flyer: The Yellow Dragon Circus. She laughed. “Thanks, but I don't come to you for dating advice.” Although, a circus would certainly be a change of pace...

***

“It's been years since I went to the circus,” Soarin' said as they walked.

“Right, yeah,” Applejack said with a laugh. “Well, it's…a friend recommended it to me. She phoned up.”

“Ah. What are they, a touring company or something?” her date inquired.

“I don't know much about it,” the earth pony admitted.

“Oh.” The pegasus glimpsed the banner advertising the act. He pointed it out to his companion. “I think they're probably from Chineigh,” he laughed.

“Yes,” Applejack agreed. “I think…I think so, yes.” This was...strange. A Chineighse circus, just now, when they were working on a Chineighse mystery... “It is a coincidence.”

The two of them walked up to the ticket booth. “Hi,” Applejack said. “I have two tickets reserved for tonight.”

“And what's the name?” the pony behind the counter asked.

“Uh, Sparkle,” the earth pony answered. She fished out her wallet to pay.

“Actually, I have three in that name.” The ticket pony held out three vouchers.

“No, I don't think so,” Applejack said, a sneaking suspicion at the back of her mind. “We only booked two.”

“And then I phoned back and got one for myself as well,” said a voice that the earth pony was all too familiar with. She and Soarin' turned to see Twilight walk up. The unicorn held out a hoof to the pegasus. “I'm Twilight.”

“Uh…hi,” Soarin' said, shaking politely.

“Hello,” Twilight returned, then trotted off towards the stairs that led into the theater. Applejack looked after her, perplexed and annoyed.

***

“You couldn't give me just one night off?” the earth pony grumbled to the detective. They were standing on the stairs, waiting for Soarin' to return from the restroom.

“The Yellow Dragon Circus,” Twilight whispered. “In Canterlot for one day. It fits. The Tom sent an assassin to Equestria.”

“Dressed as a tightrope walker? Come on, Twilight, behave!”

“We're looking for a killer who can climb, who can shinny up a rope,” Twilight pointed out. “Where else would you find that level of dexterity? Exit visas are rare in Chineigh. They'd need a pretty good reason to get out of that country. Now all I need to do is have a quick look around the place.”

“Fine,” Applejack agreed. “You do that, I'm going to take Soarin' for a mug.”

“I need your help,” Twilight insisted.

“I do have a few other things on my mind this evening,” the earth pony protested.

“Like what?”

Applejack blinked at the unicorn's obliviousness. “You’ve gotta be kidding.”

“What's so important?” Twilight demanded.

“Twilight, I'm in the middle of a date. You want me to chase some killer when I'm trying to…” the earth pony hesitated.

“What?” the unicorn pressed.

“While I'm trying to get on with Soarin'!” The pegasus walked around the corner at that moment. Applejack shifted awkwardly. A gong signalling the start of the show broke the silence. “Hey…ready?”

“Yeah,” Soarin' said. Apparently, he hadn't caught the end of the conversation.

The three of them walked up into the theater. A circle of candles was on the floor of the auditorium. No chairs, no tent, just a decorated wood panel, a cloth shrouded object, and a very small audience.

“You said circus,” Applejack muttered to Twilight. “This is not a circus. Look at the size of this crowd. Twilight, this is…art.”

“This is not their day job,” the unicorn reminded her.

“No, sorry,” the earth pony shot back sarcastically. “I forgot: they're not a circus, they're a gang of international smugglers.” She winced, remembering the company, but Soarin' didn't seem to notice.

A drum started. A mare in traditional Chineighse garb trotted into the circle. She surveyed the crowed, then held up a hoof for silence. The drum stopped, then another, deeper beat replaced it. The mare walked to the shrouded object and pulled away the cloth, revealing a large crossbow and a basket of arrows. Applejack glanced worriedly at Twilight. Suppose this wasn't a show, but a trap? The costumed mare drew an arrow from the basket, and presented it to the onlookers with an accompanying bit of string music. Then she loaded it into the already primed weapon. The beat increased in speed as the mare plucked a feather from her cap, held it out, and dropped it into a bowl resting on the weapon's trigger mechanism. The string twanged, and the bolt shot across the makeshift stage and embedded into the wood panel on the other side. Several ponies gasped. Soarin's wings flared in surprise at the sudden launch before he calmed himself.

A stallion in a fearsome mask trotted out onto the stage. He stood in the center and allowed two of the stagehoofs to wrap him in chains. They then led him to the wood panel and affixed him too it. “Classic Chineighse escapology act,” Twilight commentated. “Crossbow's on a delicate string. The warrior has to escape his bonds before it fires.”

The costumed mare reset and reloaded the crossbow as the stagehoofs tightened the chains. The masked stallion grunted as the chains were cinched, then padlocked. The key was tucked into the chains where it could only be reached if both his hooves were free. The beat increased. A cymbal sounded, causing Soarin' to jump and cling to the nearest pony, Applejack. He laughed nervously. “Sorry,” he said. The earth pony chuckled as well.

The costumed mare withdrew a dagger and showed it to the audience. Then she lifted it up towards a canvas sack that hung from the ceiling. “She splits the sandbag, the sand pours out,” Twilight explained. “Gradually the weight lowers into the bowl.” The costumed mare stabbed the bag, releasing the sand slowly. A weight at the other end began moving down towards the trigger of the crossbow.

The chained pony bellowed, struggling against his chains. He got one hoof out, but the weight was already halfway to the bowl. Struggling more, the pony finally freed his other hoof, then seized the key. He fumbled with it for a moment, then brought it to the lock and tried hurriedly to undo it. The weight grew ever close. Just as the weight touched the bowl, the lock fell free and the warrior ducked. The arrow pierced the panel exactly where his head had been. The audience erupted in stomping. “Oh!” Soarin' breathed in relief. “Thank Celestia.”

“Dear Celestia,” Applejack agreed, impressed. She applauded as well. The warrior reared back triumphantly, then bowed to the audience. Applejack turned to ask Twilight what she'd thought, only to find the unicorn had slipped away.

***

Twilight snuck backstage, the applause masking her departure. She peered low to the floor, looking for any feet, but saw none. However, when she walked around a costume rack, she froze. A ferocious pony stood before her, clad entirely in ancient looking armor. She glanced at the threat's feet, only to see that there were none. Just a dummy.

***

On stage, the costumed mare, apparently the leader of the troop, held up a hoof for silence. “Fillies and gentlecolts,” she intoned. “From the distant moonlit shores of the Yangtze River, we present, for your pleasure, the deadly Chineighse bird spider.” She looked up, then stepped aside as a pony descended gracefully from the ceiling, held by an unrolling length of cloth. The audience applauded again. “Did you see that?” Applejack asked Soarin'. The pegasus nodded as the performer began running around the circle, rewrapping the cloth, until they took the air again, gliding on the streamers of fabric. Something was bothering Applejack, though. She frowned. Bird spider?

***

Backstage, Twilight heard the applause and peered out through a gap in the curtain. She saw the performer and recognized them. Zhi Zhu. “Well, well.” A door opened behind her. Twilight ducked behind a costume rack as the ringleader trotted over to a bureau. The costumed pony withdrew a mobile phone from the desk and checked something on it. Twilight tried to get a better look, but disturbed some of the hangers. She ducked back, hoping the other pony wouldn't notice any movement. A moment later, the costumed mare left the room. Twilight's head turned toward the side door as it closed. She noticed something on the ground: a dufflebag, not dissimilar to the kind Scootaloo carried her art supplies in. A bit of magic unzipped the bag, and she found a can of paint. An examination of the spray can confirmed her suspicions: Cloudsdale yellow. “Found you.” She exited her hiding place and approached the illuminated bureau. She gave the can a shake, then sprayed a line onto the mirror. An exact match. Movement in the mirror caught her eye. One of the dummies was turning towards her. She spun as the 'dummy' attacked her, swinging a sword. Twilight backed away from the blow, into the curtain.

***

Outside, Applejack watched as the Spider continued her act. As Zhi Zhu looped around the ring once more, she thought she saw the backstage curtain move as if struck.

***

Twilight blocked the sword with the paint can, then turned and kicked her attacker, only to meet the resistance of armor. The warrior returned the favor, kicking the unicorn in the side. Then he slashed at her again, only for her to duck, causing the attack to slice the curtain instead.

***

The glint of metal rent the curtain as Applejack watched, no longer focused on the Spider. She started to circle around the ring towards the curtain, ready to lend help.

***

Twilight struck the warrior's swordhoof with the can until they were forced to drop the weapon, then brought the can up and sprayed her attacker in the eyes. She shoved the other pony onto his back, then pressed the advantage, only for the other pony to leap back to their feet and kick her square in the chest. She sailed through the damaged curtain and onto the stage. The attacker followed, sword retrieved, ready to strike. As he raised the blade, Applejack tackled him from the side. The audience screamed and fled, realizing that this wasn't part of the show. Zhi Zhu stopped flying and returned to earth, then ran away. The warrior pushed Applejack off, then raised the sword over Twilight. Before he could strike, the shaft of an arrow struck him in the face. Soarin' had grabbed one of the spare arrows in his mouth and was striking the warrior with it. Another two blows to the head left the attacker stunned. He collapsed. Twilight got back to her feet and brushed aside the fur and armor from the attacker's right leg. A black diamond tattoo greeted their eyes. The unicorn urged the other two ponies away. “Come on, let's go!”

***

At Shetland Yard, a very annoyed Detective Inspector Gilda entered the offices, followed by Twilight, Applejack, and Soarin'. “I sent a couple of cars,” she told Twilight. “The old hall is totally deserted.”

“Look, I saw the mark in the circus,” Twilight insisted. “That tattoo that we saw on the two bodies, the mark of the Tom.”

“Pamby and Blueblood were part of a smuggling operation,” Applejack asserted. “Now, one of them stole something, when they were in Chineigh, something valuable.”

“These circus performers were gang members sent here to get it back,” Twilight told the griffon.

“Get what back?” Gilda demanded.

Twilight was silent. “We don't know,” Applejack admitted.

“You don't know?” The griffon sat down, feathers ruffling. “Ms. Sparkle, I've done everything you asked. Rainbow, she seems to think your advice is worth something. I gave the order for a raid. Please tell me I'll have something to show for it, other than a massive bill for overtime.”

The unicorn remained unspeaking.

***