Twilight: The Consulting Detective

by A Wise Pony

The Bridled Banker: Move A Bit Quicker/Abandon Them

SPOILER WARNING: This Ponified episode contains heavy reference to the BBC Series Sherlock's 2nd episode, The Blind Banker. DO NOT READ IF YOU OBJECT TO THESE SPOILERS! Sherlock © the BBC
All MLP Characters © Hasbro. Unofficial names used where real names are unknown.

Gilda was annoyed. Twilight Sparkle had all but barged into the Yard and had insisted on seeing her. Of course, she'd allowed it; Rainbow had said that this unicorn was helpful. Though the pegasus had failed to mention the abrasive nature of the detective.

“Namby Pamby, a freelance journalist, murdered in his flat, doors locked from the inside,” Twilight said. She turned Gilda's laptop around, the relevant news article on the screen.

“You've got to admit it's similar,” Applejack added. “Both stallions killed by somepony who can walk through solid walls.”

“Inspector, do you seriously believe that Vladimir Blueblood was just another city suicide?” Twilight chided her. Gilda looked down. That had been the initial report she'd passed on... The unicorn sighed in exasperation. “You have seen the ballistics report, I suppose?”

“Mmm hmm,” the griffon admitted.

“And the shot that killed him, was it fired from his own gun?” Twilight demanded.

“No,” Gilda confirmed.

“No,” Twilight repeated scoldingly. “So, this investigation might move a bit quicker if you were to take my word as canon.” Gilda rolled her eyes as the unicorn continued, speaking insistently. “I've just given you a murder inquiry,” she informed her. “Five minutes, in his flat.”

***

Twilight ducked under the crime scene tape at the foot of the stairs to Namby Pamby's flat. The inspector had reluctantly allowed them access, but had naturally insisted on accompanying them. Inside the flat itself, Twilight noticed a suitcase lying open, a piece of black paper folded into a diamond, and a window with a curtain. She peered out and grinned at what she saw. “Four floors up. That's why they think they're safe. Put a chain across the door, bolt it shut, think they're impregnable. They don't think for one second that there's another way in.”

“Well, I don't understand,” Gilda said.

“We're dealing with a killer who can climb,” Twilight explained. She turned away from the window and started looking around the flat. The small hallway from room to bath was crowded with some stray boxes. Twilight looked along the ceiling, then climbed up onto a box.

“What are you doing?” the griffon asked.

“She clings to the walls like an insect,” Twilight said. She pushed against a hinged skylight. There was no lock, and it swung upwards, leaving just enough space for a pony to fit through. “That's how she got in.”

“What?” Gilda said skeptically.

“She climbed up the side of the walls, ran along the roof, dropped in through this skylight,” Twilight detailed.

“You're not serious,” the inspector scoffed. “Like Mare Do Well?”

“She scaled six floors of a Docklands apartment building and jumped the balcony to kill Blueblood,” the unicorn added.

“Oh, hold on!” Gilda exclaimed. This was getting ridiculous.

“And of course that's how she got into the bank,” Twilight continued, ignoring the objection. “She ran along the window ledge and onto the terrace. We have to find out what connects these two stallions.” She hopped down from the box and back to the stairs. There, she picked up the stray book lying there. A quick check revealed the book's origin. She clapped the book shut and pocketed it, then left. Time to visit their local library.

***

A quick consultation of the Canterlot Library catalog revealed where the book had been taken from. Applejack and Twilight made their way into the stacks and found the spot it had been taken from. “The date stamped on the book is the same day that he died,” Twilight said. She started pulling books off the shelf, looking behind them.

Applejack repeated the process on the opposite shelf. A splash of color peeked out from behind one. She pushed the books aside to reveal a familiar sight. “Twilight,” she called. The unicorn turned and saw it as well. Painted on the back of the shelf was the same yellow sign that they'd seen at the bank.

***

“So, the killer goes to the bank, leaves a threatening cipher for Blueblood,” Twilight said, looking at the picture of the portrait. They had returned to Baker Street. “Blueblood panics, returns to his apartment, locks himself in. Hours later, he dies.”

“The killer finds Pamby at the library,” Applejack continued. “She writes the cipher on the shelf, where she knows it'll be seen.” She nodded at the latest addition to the picture collection: A shot of the shelf with the yellow sign. “Pamby goes home…”

“Later that night, he dies, too,” Twilight finished.

“Why did they die, Twilight?” Applejack asked.

“Only the cipher can tell us,” the unicorn replied. She tapped a hoof on the photo of the portrait, thinking. The sign had been spray painted, there was no question of that. An idea occurred to her. It would have to wait until tomorrow, though.

***

Hurricane Square was crowded as always as Twilight and Applejack walked up the steps of the Equestrian National Gallery. “The world's run on codes and ciphers, Applejack,” Twilight began. “From the million-bit security system at the bank to the checkout machine you took exception to. Cryptography inhabits our every waking moment.”

“Yes, okay,” the earth pony agreed. “But…”

“But it's all computer generated,” the unicorn lamented. “Electronic codes, electronic ciphering methods. This is different. It's an ancient device. Modern code breaking methods won't unravel it.”

“Where are we headed?” Applejack asked.

“I need to ask some advice,” Twilight admitted.

“What? Sorry?” Applejack stopped, shocked. Had she heard that right?

“You heard me perfectly,” the unicorn said. “I'm not saying it again.”

“You need advice?” the earth pony asked in disbelief. She started walking again.

“On painting, yes,” Twilight allowed. “I need to talk to an expert.” They turned to the left and walked away from the Gallery.

***

The expert in question was busy in an alley nearby, a bag of supplies on the ground by her. A magenta-maned pegasus in a hoodie was shaking spray cans, then applying their contents to a nearby wall. As Twilight and Applejack approached, the younger pony spoke. “Part of my new exhibition!” she said proudly.

“Interesting.” Twilight said.

“I call it…” The pegasus thought for a moment. “Urban Bloodlust Frenzy.”

“Catchy,” Applejack said. She looked at the work in progress. A police pony with a pig's snout had been sprayed onto the wall. Not very original...

“I've got two minutes before a patrol officer comes around that corner,” the filly said, continuing her work. “Can we talk while I'm working?” Twilight held her phone out. The pegasus hesitated for a second, then tossed one can she was working with towards Applejack. The earth pony caught it reflexively. With the now free hoof, the artist took the phone and looked at the picture of the yellow sign.

“Know the author?” Twilight asked.

“I recognize the paint,” the pegasus said. “Looks like Cloudsdale, hardcore propellant. I'd say zinc.”

“And what about the symbols,” the unicorn prodded. “Do you recognize them?”

The filly shook her head. “Not even sure it's a real language.”

“Two ponies have been murdered, Scoot. Deciphering this is the key to finding out who killed them.”

“What, and this all you have to go on?” Scootaloo asked doubtfully. “Not much, is it?”

“Are you going to help us or not?” Twilight asked.

“I'll ask around,” the pegasus agreed, nodding.

“Somepony must know something about it,” Twilight muttered.

“Hey!” The three ponies turned to see a pair of policeponies running down the alley towards them. Scootaloo kicked the bag towards the police (and Applejack), then grabbed a scooter propped against the wall and raced off. Twilight galloped after her. Applejack simply stood there as the officers slowed to a stop. “What the hay do you think you're doing?” the first demanded. “This gallery is a listed public building.” She glared at the can in Applejack's hoof.

“No, no, wait, wait,” the earth pony protested. “It wasn’t me who painted that, I was just holding this for…” She turned to indicate the younger pegasus, and realized that both Scootalo and Twilight had fled. The officer meanwhile had noticed the bag. She opened it and saw the rest of the art supplies.

“Bit of an enthusiast, are we?” she said disapprovingly.

Applejack glanced at the fresh graffiti on the wall. This didn't look good for her at all.

***

“She was right in the middle of an important piece of restoration,” Written Script said as he walked after his boss. “Why would she suddenly resign?”

“Family problems,” his superior said, not looking up from her clipboard. “She said so in her letter.”

“But she doesn't have a family,” Written protested. “She came to this country on her own.”

“Written,” the curator said warningly, trying to get him to drop it. The unicorn ignored her.

“Look, those teapots, those ceramics, they've become her obsession. She's been working on restoring them for weeks. I can't believe that she would just…abandon them.”

“Perhaps she was getting a bit of unwanted attention,” the curator said icily. That shut the unicorn up. But he still was sure that something else had caused Inkie Pie to leave her work. But what was it?

***