Sweetie Belle Accidentally Becomes Famous on the Internet

by bahatumay

Avenged

“And you know your lines?” Scootaloo asked.

“As good as they're getting,” Sweetie said, adjusting the pink shirt she wore. It was a little bit big on her, but not too big. Then again, it was actually Diamond Tiara's shirt that Scootaloo had stolen from her room, so there was a good explanation for that.

“All right. Into position.”

Apple Bloom watched as Sweetie's… er… filly bits came into focus.

“And… action!”

Sweetie paused long enough to give the camera a good look before sitting down. “Hello, internet!” she said cheerfully. “Pantsless Wonder here. I've been getting lots of mail from all my fans and so I figured I'd make a video answering some of the questions I've gotten.” She pulled up some notecards with questions on them. It was slightly awkward for her to read them, as she had a lampshade over her eyes, but then again she's memorized the lines anyway. “This one I've gotten a lot. 'Hey Pantsless, what's your policy on private shows?' I'm open to negotiation; but I gotta warn ya, something this good-” here she gestured playfully at her body “-doesn't come cheap.” She winked cheekily as she flipped to the next card. “'Are you really Silver Song?'” She giggled. “No, I'm not. And I'm not going to answer any questions like this one. I'll just say that I'm not who you think I am. I don't sound like this normally, and I even-” here she began beating at the fur on her forearm, releasing a white powder, “dye my fur,” she finished. “That's why I take so long to make my videos. I don't just drop my pants and find my lampshade and sing, after all. That's why I wear a shirt, you know? To hide my cutie mark. And no, I'm not showing you my cutie mark.” She flipped to the next card. “'Do you have lots of friends in real life?' I have something better! I have all of you online fans!” She laughed. “Ok, yes. Don't tell her I told this, but I do have one really, really good friend. She's an earth pony, like me. I tell her everything, and we do everything together. Braid each other's hair, talk about colts…” She paused, scuffing her hand against the chair nervously, “and maybe possibly in my case, fillies… uh… we poke fun at ponies without their cutie marks yet, we just have a great time together!”

Scootaloo grinned. Having found some magazines under Diamond's bed that left no doubt about her orientation was just icing on the cake.

***

Filthy Rich paused. Didn't his daughter have a shirt like that? And an earth pony best friend? How long had it been since he’d last seen her, anyway?

***

In another room in the same house, Diamond Tiara could only stare in abject horror as Sweetie Belle continued answering questions and giving answers that made her vaguely sound like Diamond herself. Right now anypony from their class who was watching (and she was more than a bit certain that their class happened to be full of perverts) would be thinking of Diamond Tiara.

The coup de grace came unexpectedly.

“She even forgave me when I broke her glasses in gym class in third grade!”

Diamond shrieked and slammed the laptop shut. Anypony who had been there in the school would have remembered that, even though it sounded intensely personal. She needed to think of something good to shut Sweetie up… and fast.

***

Diamond Tiara refused to look at any of the crusaders the next day, which they all considered to be a positive thing. She didn’t even have Silver Spoon throw scraps of paper at Apple Bloom’s bow, so she must have been really rattled at Scootaloo’s plan.

The uneasy peace lasted until about first recess. Surprisingly, it was not Diamond who drew first blood.

Archer snickered as she passed Diamond. “So, I’m glad to see you’re wearing pants today,” she said.

Diamond jumped. “What?”

Pipsqueak chimed in next. “Nice try, Diamond Tiara; but we know it’s you.”

“It’s not! Who, the Pantsless Wonder?”

“I knew it!” Snips proclaimed, pointing a finger accusingly. “It is you!”

“No, it isn't! I swear! I can’t even sing!” Diamond protested.

“That’s exactly what PW would say to hide her tracks!” Snails proclaimed triumphantly.

“No! I- I’ll prove it!”

“But Diamond, you can't sing,” Silver Spoon hurriedly pointed out.

“Exactly!” And she turned to the crowd, opened her mouth, and proved just that.

Apple Bloom covered her ears. She was certain she'd heard cats in heat that sounded better. Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle could only stare in a mixture of delight and horror as Diamond Tiara made a complete idiot out of herself. Somewhere in the distance, a dog began to howl as if in pain, alley cats yowled and fled, and flocks of birds flew away, chirping as though a terrifying predator was after them.

Sweetie Belle giggled.

“Eh,” Snips shrugged. “I still think she's faking.”

“She could drop 'er drawers and we can check that way,” Pipsqueak suggested.

This earned him a well-deserved slap upside the head. “Are you insane?” Diamond demanded. “I'm not showing you my privates!”

“Why not?” Snails asked. “It's pretty!”

The surrounding ponies murmured an enthusiastic agreement.

“What?” Diamond nearly shrieked.

Twist, with her powers of social ineptitude, chose to answer. “It'th probably a combination of your small labia minor, plump labia major, perfect combinathion of pudge without being too fat and your perfectly thaved…” Her voice trailed off as she realized ponies were staring. She cleared her throat. “It'th theckthi?” she tried.

“That's a test,” Snips said brightly. “Do you shave your pubes?”

“Oh, come on!” Diamond said, grasping at straws. “Everypony shaves their downstairs! Featherweight? Dinky? I bet even Twist does it!”

Twist flushed about the color of her mane. She looked down, scuffed a hoof on the ground, and mumbled something about liking it when the carpet matcheth the drapeth.

“Ugh!” Diamond shrieked for real this time. “You’re all insane!”

Archer stepped in front of Twist. “Your misdirections won't work this time, Tiara,” she said accusingly. “We know it's you!”

“It's not!”

Unseen by any of them, the three crusaders had slunk away, out of sight of the crowd.

Scootaloo nudged Sweetie Belle. “Does it not bother you any that it’s actually your filly bi-” She paused, then turned and whacked Apple Bloom on the back of her head. “Dang it! Now you’ve got me saying it!” She turned back to Sweetie Belle. “That it’s actually your vagina they’re talking about?”

“Vulva,” Sweetie corrected. “Vulva’s the exterior genitalia; vagina is the inner canal.”

“Gah!” Scootaloo grumbled, throwing her hands into the air. “You know what I mean! Question still stands!”

“I dunno,” Sweetie said. “It’s… kindof nice.” Her voice trailed off, mumbling something that sounded vaguely like “feels kindof good”.

Scootaloo’s eyes narrowed. “You need serious help, Sweetie Belle. Serious help.”

Comments

[ShadowLDrago]

Scootaloo you Magnificent Bitch! You have all the makings of a future evil mastermind! Discord would be so proud of you! Sweetie, you're a dictionary. A fun one, but still.

[Ninelives]

Filthy Rich paused. Didn't his daughter have a shirt like that? And an earth pony best friend? How long had it been since he’d last seen her, anyway?

Ooooh. Well. That was certainly a thing. That happened.

One way or another, going to be some serious consequences!