The Legendary Tales of Barney Stinson and Rainbow Dash

by Rwanda Boulevard

The Gay, The Bro, and The Alcohol

"You're going to do what now?"

Barney took a sip then set his mug down. He looked at Rainbow Dash. "Since you claim to be the most awesome person, um...

pony in all of Equestria, I have decided that you, miss Rainbow Dash, will be my Bro for the duration of my stay in the mythical land

of magical ponies. Congratulations." He ended with his best game show host impression.

"I don't get it. What's a Bro?" Rainbow Dash asked.

Barney let out a gasp, then face palmed. "Oh Dash, you have much to learn. But fear not, for I will teach you the finer skills of

Brodom." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small book and gave it to Rainbow Dash.

"This is a miniature but it will do. It is now the most important thing you own, your copy of the Bro code. I always have one just in

case. You must read this and follow its teachings. It is the law that guides all us Bros. These laws trump even that of federal laws. It

in essence is th-"

"Ok, I get it, it's really important. I'll read it and do my best."

"You must above all else obey the code."

Rainbow Dash was getting a little annoyed. "I will Barney, now shut up!"

"Alright then, now let get down to business." He got up out of the booth and grabbed Dash's hoof and started dragging her over

to the bar.

"Hey! What are you doing?"

"Since you are my Bro, I am your wingman. It is my sworn duty to get you laid. Now you see that women...or um what's the term,

oh yeah, mare over there?" Barney pointed at the mare with the electric blue mane and red shades at the end stool.

Rainbow Dash look over and her face turned a deep crimson. She looked back at Barney and raised an eye brow. "Ok first off,

how do you know I'm gay? I could be straight, jackass."

Barney looked at his cyan protege and laughed. "Snarky, I like that, but come know Raindow Dash the key word in that sentence

was "could", that and the fact that you're practically a walking gay rights poster. Trust me, I have been doing this for a long time, I

know when someone, or in your case somepony is gay. Don't worry, I don't judge. My own brother's gay. After all, if there weren't

people or ponies that were into stuff like that, we wouldn't have pictures like this."

He took his phone out and showed Rainbow Dash a picture of two naked girls cuddling on a large bed. "You got to admit it's hot.

Haha."

Rainbow Dash looked at him like he just told a bad joke. "Barney, you're evil." Then she sighed and looked over at the mare sitting

on the edge of the bar. "But you're right, I am gay. So what's the plan?"

"I'm glad you asked. Wait, how do you know she's gay?"

"Her name is Vinyl Scrach and she's pretty open about it. This is a small town. Then hold on, if you didn't know she was gay and

you were going to try and hook me up with her, I could've been walking into a trap. You know for a wingman, you suck just letting

me fly in blind."

"I would never do that. I was going to slap her ass and you're going to rescue her from big bad me. After you do that, you will strike up a conversation about how all men are stupid then see how she responds. I think you can handle it from there."

She looked at him with admiration. "You're a bucking genius." She stretch out her wings and popped her neck. "Let's do it."

---

Rainbow Dash was making out heavily with Vinyl Scrach in the bathroom. They slowly made their way into a stall, still in each

other's hooves. Dash grabbed Scrach's hips and slammed her against the wall.

"You're hot, Rainbow Ass," Vinyl said in a slurred tone.

"It's Rainbow Dash, you crazy bitch."

She ran her hoof through her new friend's electric blue mane. Things started getting heavy as they began making out again.

However, things were starting to get a little too hot and they both had to stop so they could breath.

"Hey, you want to take this back to my place?" Scratch asked giggling.

"Of course we can. But hey, I got to take care of something real quick." She left the stall with a goofy smile plastered to her face.

Rainbow Dash made her way back to the bar and she stopped. The scene in front of her very much resembled her college days. A

crowd had gathered around the bar with Barney in the center. His coat was gone and his tie was tied around his head. On the bar

was Winney the waitress with a some pony pouring some Applejack's whisky into her navel. Barney then took a swig of cider then

threw the mug behind him and knelt down and sucked all the whisky out of Winney's hole. He stood up and faced the crowd.

"That, my fellow horse people, is a body shot." The crowd started cheering in a drunk array. Rainbow Dash laughed. She was glad

to see that he was enjoying himself. She made her way through the blasted crowed and stood in front of Barney.

"Hello miss Rainbow Dash. How is that Vinyl girl working out?" His breath reeked heavily of alcohol.

"Great, awesome actually. We're going back to her place. Thanks a lot." She said her cheeks flushed.

Barney smiled at his success.

"I m going to send you to my friend's house ok. I'll pick you up in the morning."

"Alright, where's the place?"

"It's the Library right down the street shaped like a giant tree. Just tell her RD sent you and that I'll return Daring Do next

Wednesday."

Barney nodded. "Down the street, got it. I will see you tomorrow. Or in a couple of hours I don't know." He raised his hand at

Rainbow Dash and smiled. "High five."

"Alright, then don't freak her out, she is a bit high strung if you know what I mean." She high fived him knowing that even if he was

as calm as possible Twilight would still probably freak out.

Barney nodded and grabbed his coat off the bar stool and headed for the door. The crowd that crammed the bar dispersed and

Dash headed to the back to grab her new friend and take her home.

Barney made his way onto the street and looked around for the tree shaped library. He couldn't help shaking the feeling that tree

libraries were probably normal around here. He saw the big tree and started stumbling toward it. He fell down a couple of times,

regretting that he lost his motor skills but knowing they went with good purpose. Once he reached the door he grabbed the frame to

steady himself. He raised his hand slowly and knocked. A couple minutes past and no one answered so he banged loader.

" Alright I'm coming don't get your nidgleisblifer..." The voice behind a the door turned to a quiet mumbling.

A purple glow enveloped the door knob, turning it and opening the door. Barney saw that Dash's friend was a purple unicorn with

wings and wearing a night gown. She yawned and rubbed her eyes.

"What is the meaning of this? It's two in the morning! I was...." She stopped midrant as she took in who was at the door. She took

a couple of steps back and slowly reached for her giant Marester dictionary.

"Hi, my name is Barney Stinson I am very drunk and I need a place to stay. RD sent me, she said she was going to return Daring

Do on Wednesday, I think?" He looked at her grinning stupidly.

Twilight looked at Barney for a second disbelief still lingering. She set the dictionary down and opened the door wider.

"Well, I guess you can come in then." She sighed. She could not believe Rainbow Dash was still sending over her drunk friends.

Barney made his way inside the library. He looked around the library. He noticed the kitchen in the back and the stairs that led to a

higher level. There was also another hallway with a door at the far end. Barney looked down at his host and she looked up back at

him.

"Ok Barney, you see the hallway down there?" He nodded.

"Well, open the door, down there is the basement. It has my chemistry stuff and a couch. You can crash there for the night." She

pointed at the hallway. Twilight turn the lights off and went back to her room.

"Thanks." He yawned and made his way down the stairs and on to the soft sofa. Besides the smell of dust, everything felt perfect.

He slowly drifted off to sleep, thus ending the night.

Author's Note:

Always go home after 2 am. Nothing good happens after 2 am. Well it was a bit cramped and I didn't get to edit much. I'm busy and I have to hang out with my family because of Easter and stuff. Please come back next Saturday night for the next chapter. Bro hoof.

Comments

[The Gamer Master Archive]

That was legend, wait for it, dary! Author, Author Author right here!! High five for an excellent job, what up!. One little piece of advice, if you feel sad, stop feeling sad and feel awesome instead!

[Rwanda Boulevard]

4265915 wow. The next chapter should be better but it might not get posted next Saturday due to unfortunate circimstances beyond my control. Please forgiviths thou. Thanks for being awesome. Promise to update when I can. Derpy tounge

[Rwanda Boulevard]

4265915 hight five return*slap*

[Iroh Legoman]

to your:

(\

[Luna Secret Stallion]

Its funny he calls Rainbow gay when Neil Patrick Harris is gay. Oh the irony!