Set In Stone

by kudzuhaiku

Chapter 7

It was the dawn of a new day. The last day had been very embarrassing, and the day before that had been very long. Sandow wondered what awful thing would happen this day. His mood felt a bit more sour than usual.

He didn’t like that.

He was alone. He’d taken steps to make sure he was alone. He needed to be alone. He sat in the still quiet, all around him the darkness retreating, birds chirping, all of the indicators of serene pastoral bliss all around him.

He didn’t feel like crying. Not yet. He was sad, he knew that, but he felt strangely at peace.

He had cried plenty last night. He’d fallen asleep doing it. Granny Smith had hobbled into his room and had kissed him goodnight, saying nothing. Just simple kindness. Sandow was grateful.

Today, he was supposed to talk to somepony about learning how to read and write. He knew how to count, but reading and writing were completely unknown to him. He couldn’t understand the importance of such a thing, but the Apple family had put their collective hooves down. And Applebloom had promised to help him.

Sandow supposed the distraction would be good for him. He had found a surprisingly comfortable tree branch. The stars retreated overhead as the daylight took hold.

With a nod and a snort, Sandow fell back to sleep.

Sandow snorted and awoke. He heard a voice on the edge of his mind. A somewhat raspy voice.

“Isn’t that a great branch for napping?” The raspy voice questioned.

Sandow opened an eye and saw the rainbow coloured pony from yesterday.

“A rare sight,” she commented, “seeing an actual Apple in a tree. Except for Applebloom, and I don’t know how she gets up there.”

Sandow opened his other eye and stared at her intently.

“I fall asleep on this branch all the time.” Rainbow Dash said, staring back at him.

“Was I in your spot?” Sandow asked, somewhat apologetically.

“No, not really. But I do sleep there a lot so I can bug Applejack when she comes through the orchard.” Rainbow Dash said.

A silence began to build between the two.

“That was really nice of you, what you did for those mares. Fillies. Your wives. A lot of colts, er, stallions, they wouldn’t have stopped. They would have just kept going not caring who got hurt.” Rainbow Dash said, hovering, and looking at him with a faint smile.

Sandow intensified the silence with a raised eyebrow and drooped ears.

“Well you said all kinds of stuff yesterday, and today you aren’t saying anything. What gives?” Rainbow Dash demanded.

“That was private. Between Big Mac and I. I had no idea all of you were back there.” Sandow explained, somewhat sheepishly.

“I’ve never seen Pinkie Pie that quiet for anything.” Rainbow Dash said. “Anyways, I came by wondering if you wanted to help out the weather team a bit. We’ve got a big storm to move in soon. This area is scheduled for rain.”

“I can’t help you.” Sandow said.

“Is it because you are embarrassed?” Rainbow Dash asked, concern on her face.

“No.” Sandow said slowly, the first faint hint of a drawl taking seed.

“Well then, why not? Pegasi help with the weather.” Rainbow Dash said, her voice becoming somewhat raspier with irritation.

“I can’t.” Sandow said, as if that explained everything.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Rainbow Dash demanded.

Sandow sighed. He supposed this would come out sooner or later.

“I can’t. I am unable to stand on clouds or kick them around.” Sandow heaved a sigh and looked skywards. “I’m an earth pony with wings. I have earth pony hooves.”

“Oh.” Rainbow Dash said, the irritation falling from her voice, and something else replacing it. “We’ll, if you can’t, that’s OK. You should probably hang out here and help Applejack.” Her voice was filled with honest concern. “I gotta go.”

And then she took off, flying away in a rainbow coloured blur.

Sandow dropped out of the tree, landing on his hooves, and shook himself off. It took a moment to get his direction, but he headed back towards the house, on hoof, taking time to take in everything around him. He felt a little guilty about falling asleep. There was no doubt much to be done. It was almost noon.

“Have a nice nap?” Applejack drawled as he approached the house.

Sandow froze, saying nothing.

“Aw shucks sugarcube, it’s just a little nap. You’ve had a rough go. Stop being so uptight. You’ll turn out like Rarity and get yerself a complex.” Applejack said, looking him in the eye.

Sandow nodded.

“You put me in a bad spot Sandow.” Applejack said, her voice low.

“I’m sorry?” Sandow offered, not knowing what he had done.

“I done had to explain some of the facts of life to my sister after what she heard yesterday.” Applejack drawled.

Sandow stood there, utterly confused and bewildered.

“Sandow, this is a different age. We explain this sort of thing to little fillies and colts. Try and save them from some embarrassin’ situations, like what you found yerself in. Applebloom had questions. I imagine Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo did as well. But I wanted to thank you. You taught them something, even if’n ya didn’t mean to do it.”

“I did?” Sandow asked, perplexed.

“Yeah ya did. You taught them quite a number of things. All good. We’ll talk about it sometime after dinner. Which is in a little while. Applebloom will be out of school in a bit, and should be home. And we’ll be eatin’ when she does. Miss Cheerilee will be along with her to have dinner and then you two will be gettin’ situated so you can learn yer letters. No slackin’ off ‘bout that, ya hear?”

Sandow nodded, and then paused. He looked at Applejack. “How did you know I was napping?” He asked.

“I done found you on Rainbow Dash’s tree branch.” Applejack drawled smoothly. “I saw ya up there and left ya be.”

Sandow said nothing in reply. Instead, he sniffed.

“Smellin’ that, ain’t ya?” Applejack said, sniffing with him. “Apple fritters. My favourite food. I done made a name for myself eating them.”

Sandow’s stomach rumbled fitfully, causing Applejack to back away from him, her eyes narrowed with concern.

“You sound powerful hungry. I’m goin’ to go tell Granny to make more.” Applejack, turning and leaving into the house.

A brief time later…

The family had gathered around the table, Miss Cheerilee joining them for the meal. Sandow noticed that she kept looking at Big Mac and smiling. Something was clearly up between the farmer and the school teacher. And it caused Applejack and Granny Smith no end of amusement to tease Big Mac.

“Apple fritter?” Sandow asked, looking at the fried dumpling in front of him. It steamed. It smelled delicious, unlike anything he had ever smelled before. Sweet. Fragrant. Sandow found himself drooling. He took a bite off of the corner, chewed thoughtfully, and then ate the whole thing in a single chomp.

Granny Smith nodded. “None of this namby pamby corner chewin’, a proper Apple just gobbles ‘em down.”

“And there ain’t no pony that can eat more fritters than me.” Applejack boasted. “And I have the ribbons and the trophies to prove it.”

“I bet I could.” Sandow said, watching as his plate was being filled.

Silence fell over the room. Applebloom’s ears dropped, her eyes narrowed, and her head ducked low.

Big Mac’s silence became suddenly amplified, becoming almost deafening.

Granny Smith sucked in her breath sharply, almost causing her to choke on her false teeth.

And Applejack sat with her eye twitching, the corner of her mouth jerking up and down in a frightful motion.

“Is that so?” Applejack said, glaring at him.

Sandow suddenly realised that this was serious. There was nothing playful at all about this exchange. He slowly came to the understanding that he had pricked Applejack’s honour.

Sandow understood about honour.

No backing down now, he thought to himself. Might as well throw down the horseshoe. He raised his head defiantly. “Applejack, mares are only so big. There’s only so much room. I’m bigger, I know I can eat more.”

Big Mac hurried away from the table. “I’ll get to cookin’.” He muttered as he escaped.

“Is that so?” Applejack repeated, her eyes narrowing dangerously, her teeth bared. “Applebloom, keep count.”

Applebloom nodded, saying nothing, fear filling her face.

Cheerilee realised she had picked a terrible day to visit to the Apple farm.

Granny Smith shook her head sadly. “Sandow, yer ‘bout to get the stuffin’ kicked out of you.”

Big Mac began cooking more apple fritters as his sister began to stretch her jaw.

Sandow looked at the pile of fritters on his plate. He looked at Applejack. And began to realise that perhaps he had stumbled into something he shouldn’t have. Too late, he realised, he had just committed himself to something that he would probably have a story to tell about later.

Applejack stuffed a whole fritter into her mouth, chewed a few times, and swallowed. She stared at Sandow, her green eyes glittering. She scowled. Sandow hesitated before he did the same, reaching down with his head, biting into a fritter, pulling it all in, and then gobbling it down. It was sticky and delicious. And still hot.

And more were cooking.

Applejack took up two fritters in her hoof, and jammed both into her mouth, an impressive display of Apple family determination. She chewed a few times, swallowed, and took a small drink of milk, leaving a faint white line on her lip.

Two could play that game, Sandow realised. He opened up his mouth as wide as he could and took in four in a single bite, all attempts at good manners forgotten. Granny Smith made an odd sound, a sucking raspy wheeze, her eyes wide. Sandow chewed, fritters hanging from his mouth, gnawing away noisily on the fried dumplings.

Applejack looked positively angry after Sandow’s reckless fritter gobbling display. She set to work cramming the fritters in, one after another, taking one in before one was swallowed. She chewed with disturbing alacrity. Sandow slumped slightly after seeing the rapid noshing.

Sandow threw himself into his meal and ignored his saucy relative, focusing instead on his own plate. She couldn’t unnerve him if he didn’t look, he figured. He heard sizzling as more fritters were made.

He also heard Applejack enthusiastically smacking her lips, loudly chewing on her fritters, going at it as noisily and possible. It was a sound that couldn’t be ignored. Sandow imagined that what he heard must be what it sounds like when a dragon eats a pony. It was a horrible sound.

Sandow began to stuff fritter after fritter into his mouth in an impressive display of gluttony, using his wingtips to shovel them in, getting his feathers sticky. One, two, a chew, three, four, a chew, a few more, he strained to pull his lips back from his teeth, made a horking sound, and then managed to shovel in a few more for the impressive number of eight. He struggled to breath, struggled to chew, but somehow, he managed to get them down.

The sounds of Applejack’s gobbling ceased. Silence fell upon the table.

“Oh, it’s on now sugarcube.” Applejack said. “I didn’t know you’d fight dirty against family, Rotten Apple.”

Sandow felt a guilty twinge for a brief moment.

Applejack swallowed a whole fritter without chewing, washing it down with a gulp of milk. “You brought this on yerself!” She exclaimed, wiping her muzzle with her foreleg.

“Granny, I’m scared.” Applebloom whimpered.

“We’re all skeered youngin’.” Granny Smith replied. “This is gonna end badly, if it ends at all. We might see us a ‘sploded pony!”

“I do not wish to see an exploded pony.” Cheerilee said, her school teacher sensibilities under assault by the Apple family drawl.

Sandow flipped a fritter into the air with his wing and snatched it with his mouth. He swallowed with a gulp.

“And now yer getting all fancy!” Applejack said, taking umbrage. “Applebloom! Fritter whip!”

Applebloom rose from the table slowly, holding a fritter carefully in her teeth. She walked through the room, near the wall on the other side, tossed the fritter into the air, and then whipped her self around, smacking the fritter with her tail.

It soared through the room, trailing sticky goo.

Applejack snatched the high speed pastry projectile from the air with her muzzle and gulped it down.

Cheerilee sat in awe of what she was seeing.

The exchange continued for quite some time, Sandow and Applejack finding new ways to eat fritters, until that failed and they resorted to simply stuffing them down in desperation. It became a violent contest of wills, and nothing suffered more than the innocent apple fritters.

“Murr affle fwitter?” Applejack asked, her muzzle coated in sticky sauce and crumbs. She was sprawled out over the table. Her eyes were glassy. She didn’t look well. Her belly was fat, protruding, and she clearly had trouble breathing.

Sandow had fallen to the floor, laying on his back, unable to move. He was confident in his victory. He smacked his lips loudly, unable to goad Applejack about her loss with any spoken words.

“Sandow has forty nine. A new record.” Applebloom said in a small scared voice. “Am I right Cheerilee?””

Cheerilee nodded, her face full of terror. She had never witnessed anything like this. Granny Smith’s warning about an exploding pony was fresh in her mind. She would have never thought such a thing possible, until now. Now, she was a true believer.

“And my sister Applejack only has forty seven.” Applebloom said, ducking low, and hiding under the table.

“Oh dear…” Granny Smith said, looking concerned. “Jackie?” Granny Smith said, her wrinkled brow furrowing. “You gonna lie there like a limp noodle and take that?”

Applejack lie there, unmoving, her breathing heavy. After a few minutes gathering her will, she leaved over on the bench, farted loudly, and then raised her head, looking at the tray of fritters in front of her. “Mmmbleblumb.” She mmmbleblumbed wordlessly.

“Yeah Applejack?” Applebloom said, her voice full of worry, still under the table.

“Uflufloo.” Applejack ufluflooed.

“I love you too Applejack.” Applebloom responded. “I speak Apple Crumble Mumble.” Applebloom explained, coming out from under the table and looking at Cheerilee. “Are you gonna die Applejack?”

Applejack didn’t respond. She raised her head wearily and gobbled four fritters rapidly. She chewed a few times, halfheartedly, and her head fell with a groan and thump. She belched, hoping that she wouldn’t be a ‘sploded pony. And then she belched again, fear crawling through her fritter addled brain.

“That’s fifty one, a new record.” Applebloom said, nodding.

A groan came from Sandow on the floor and he shook his head no.

“Applejack, no ‘splodin’ indoors. You go on outside if yer gonna ‘splode.” Granny Smith warned.

“How is Sandow going to get any work done this afternoon?” Cheerilee asked, being a practical pony.

“He ain’t.” Granny Smith said, her green face looking sour. “Durn fool tried to take my grandfoal in a fritter eatin’ contest. Applejack is the fritter eatinest pony ya ever did see.”

Author's Note:

It only makes sense after all. She began training from an early age. Of course she is the fritter eatinest pony you ever did see. Now hush.

Feedback, as always, is appreciated.

Comments

[ShadowsAndDust]

This. I love this

[Texus]

Could you say how old he have to be? I want to know how old Applebloom, Applejack and Sandow in your story are.

[-Brutus]

That's too much food for my own good.

[Majk]

Big Mac’s silence became suddenly amplified, becoming almost deafening.

I had a sudden and extremely dangerous case of the stupid at that and couldn't stop laughing for a bit. Glorious.

[Geminii]

By Twilight's quill, I summon typos!
Sandow intensified with the silence

[NobleValor]

I really thought Sandow would take her. That match reminds me of Green Lantern Hal Jordan losing a fight against Green Lantern Ch'p. (For the record, Ch'p is a squirrel and beats Hal to the point of him tapping out yelling "No mas! No mas!")
Although shouldn't "We’ll, if you" be "Well, if you" and "Now backing down..." be "No backing down..."

[Truthseeker]

'Now backing down now, he thought to himself.' *no*

[trooper7051]

I rolled out of my bucking chair and hit the floor somethin awful i was laughin so hard.

[McBehrer]

“Mmmbleblumb.” She mmmbleblumbed wordlessly.

Best dialog ever.

[Science-Mare]

5021201
“Uflufloo.” Applejack ufluflooed.

WHAT??? I DIED

[Emperor]

Well, given his heritage is nearly entirely Earth Pony heritage, it makes sense that he's probably not as capable of weather management as a mostly or completely pure Pegasus would be. He probably won't even be able to fly at all after putting away 49 apple fritters

Poor Big Mac, though. The one time he brings over his maybe-maybe not special somepony for lunch, he gets put on doing cooking duty for a marathon eating contest, and she's subjected to the less polite side of Apple family manners. Pity Big Mac