Orpheus, Thestral Guard

by Majin Syeekoh

Peering into Percipience

Orpheus had followed Luna to a dining area, which was completely empty. Luna pulled out a seat at the table in the middle and sat down. She then pulled out another seat and nodded at Orpheus. Orpheus stared at the seat, then approached and sat down. A servant rushed up to the table. “What’ll it be for the two of you?”

Orpheus stared down. What should I have? He then looked up to the servant. “I’ll have a piece of apple pie.” The servant nodded and looked at Luna.

“Nothing for me before Princess Celestia gets here, thank you. I’ve got to save my appetite.” The servant nodded and briskly trotted away He soon came out with a piece of apple pie, drizzled in caramel and placed it in front of Orpheus. Orpheus nodded.

“Thank you, Medium Rare.” The servant smiled and nodded, then trotted off. Orpheus began to chow down on the pie, lost in its gooey goodness. He raised his head to see that Princess Celestia had joined them. He quickly leapt out his chair and bowed deeply. “My apologies, your serene highness. I didn’t notice you come in.”

“Well, the pie is exquisite here. I’m glad you've enjoyed it so much. Now rise and take your seat.” Orpheus did as commanded. Luna then eyed down Celestia.

“You ready, sister?” Celestia eyed down Luna back.

“I’m ready if you are.”

“Well then,” Luna said as she slammed her hoof on the table, the thrum vibrating throughout, “bring out the main course!” Two servants brought out two huge trays of breaded goods and placed one in front of each princess. What’s this? Orpheus raised an eyebrow.

“You may be wondering what’s going on right now, Orpheus.” Princess Celestia said.

“Yes, quite, your serene highness.” Orpheus said, not caring how she knew his name.

Luna had a smile on her face. “Well, Tia is going to Neighpon tomorrow, and it appears that one of their favorite pastimes is competitive eating, so she and I are going to have an eating contest!” Orpheus facehooved at that. What in the hay is wrong with royalty these days?

“You may be wondering what’s wrong with us right now, Orpheus,” Celestia said, which Orpheus sat straight up at. How did she know? “Usually when somepony facehooves, they’re wondering what’s wrong with us.” Orpheus turned his head and stared at Celestia, sweating. How did she know that? Celestia giggled. “Years and years of experience have taught me how to read a pony like an open book. As for what’s wrong with us...being immortals gets boring after awhile, so we try not to limit our activities.”

Orpheus nodded “So, what are you eating today?” he asked as he smelled the fried goods in front of him. “It doesn’t smell like any vegetable I’ve ever tried.”

Luna giggled. “That’s because it’s not a vegetable.”

Orpheus smelled again. There was something familiar about it. “Is it a fruit?” Luna shook her head. “Well, then, what is it?”

“Rattlesnake,” Luna said, at which Orpheus recoiled.

“Rattlesnake!? Can you even digest that properly?”

Celestia nodded her head. “Alicorns are omnivorous in nature, but we try to limit ourselves to fruit and vegetables in order to better connect with our people,” she said as she lifted her lip, revealing a canine. Orpheus nodded.

Luna giggled. “Yeah, you really connected with the people the day you ate pony.” Orpheus shot straight up at that.

Celestia glared at Luna. “I thought we agreed to never speak of that in front of ponies…”

Luna shook her head. “No, he’s cool.”

Celestia kept glaring at Luna. “I don’t think you understand the meaning of that word.” Luna then got up out of her chair, trotted over to Luna, and whispered something into her ear. Celestia nodded, then her cheeks bulged out as she tried to contain her laughter, then quickly collected herself. Luna trotted back to her chair and sat back down, obviously pleased with herself.

“So, tell me, how did you happen upon eating pony, your serene highness?” Orpheus asked.

Celestia chuckled. “Well, we tasked ourselves with finding survivors after one of Bloody Mary’s attacks. I think it was Saraneighvo, and we found this dead earth pony, when Luna dared me to eat a piece of it. So I ripped off a leg, cooked it with my magic, and ate the whole damn thing.”

“How did it taste?”

Celestia shook her head. “Terrible. It was tough and gamey. Never had the urge to eat pony again.” Orpheus sighed in relief. At least they’re not secretly cannibals. “What, were you worried we were secretly cannibals?” Orpheus shot up in his chair again. How did she do that!? “Centuries of experience, my little pony.” Orpheus facehooved. How do I get myself into these messes? “Because you deign to associate with royalty.” Orpheus’s eyes widened at that. Why do you torture me so? “Because I can.”

“So...Luna said that you needed a judge. I guess it’s for the eating contest?” Orpheus said, quickly changing the subject.

Luna nodded. “Yes. You are here to count how much rattlesnake we eat. Ready, Tia?”

“Ready.” Celestia seemed bored.

“Then begin.” Orpheus said. Instantly, the two alicorns seemed to morph from beautiful creatures into disgusting pigs before Orpheus’s very eyes as they shoveled the fried rattlesnake down their throats. When their plates were empty, they both slammed their hooves into the table and shouted, “MORE!” almost simultaneously. Two servants quickly came out and put down two more plates of rattlesnake in front of the alicorns, whereupon they started pigging out again. “”MORE!” they shouted simultaneously as they slammed their hooves on the table once again. Two servants expediently came out with more rattlesnake, whereupon they started stuffing their faces again.

This process continued for quite some time, where they would wolf down rattlesnake and slam their hooves into the table, and more servants would serve them rattlesnake. Eventually, their pace slowed down as their devouring turned into chewing, and their chewing soon turned into pecking. Finally, their pecking was done as both sisters were done. They kept trying to put another bite of rattlesnake in their mouths, but would quickly veer away at the last second, afraid of what eating more would do to them. Luna finally said, “So...who won...Orpheus?” Orpheus was staring in shock at the gluttonous display he had just witnessed. “Orpheus? Who won?”

Orpheus quickly shook his head, then stood up. “Well, Princess Luna, you’ve somehow managed to eat one thousand, five hundred bites of rattlesnake.” Luna grinned at that. “However, Princess Celestia has eaten one thousand, five hundred, and one. I’m going to have to declare Her Serene Highness the winner.” Celestia grinned weakly at that. Luna glared at Celestia.

“I demand a recount!” She blared.

“And how do you suppose we do that? Weigh our vomit?” Celestia asked.

Luna giggled. “I suppose not. Heh, I guess you’re the better mare.” Luna weakly offered a hoof to Celestia, who bumped it back. “Good show, Tia.” Celestia giggled.

“Good show indeed.”

Luna then turned to Orpheus. “Orpheus, you’re relieved for today. You may go home. It was a pleasure having you around.”

Orpheus nodded and bowed. “The pleasure was all mine, my liege.” He then trotted out of the dining area and walked out of the castle, when the sun was raised. Orpheus then took flight and headed home.

Comments

[Dark Star the Crazed]

My fist thought when I saw the title.

Thou art I and I am thou. From the sea of thy soul I awaken. I am Orpheus, Master of Strings.

[Majin Syeekoh]

4119232 Thank you.

What did you think of the story?

[Europa]

*blinks*

Pony.

Huh.

*runs in terror*

[Razzy]

Yeah, I never get why ponies sometimes think they griffons eat ponies, pony meat really isn't good.

Cya
Raziel-chan