"Great, the only chance we have to open this damn door is with magic, that, thanks to the empire, no longer exists in the face of the earth" Rag states angrily, "so, old timer, now what?"
"may be true that the empire made the attempt to eliminate all unicorns, but it really was not, Rag, Applecobbler, I need you to forgive this old stallion, since not all unicorns were killed in the purge that the empire made, I am one of the last descendants of the clan Starcaller "North Star looked up, getting glances of total shock both youngsters, because both came to the village through the hard work of the same stallion elder and Gerome, the boss of the village, but, for many of the refugees, they had been pirates, renegades or even victims who fled the empire, the old North Star always won the other villagers, either was telling stories of the past or lending a helping hoof if the situation was dire, and generally being friendly to everyone.
Ignoring the looks of betrayal of both young, North Star approached the door, biting a finger until a little blood passed the old white fur, and the mage began to draw a complex magic circle inscribing runes here and there untill they got into a coherent pattern, stepping back to study his work from time to time,and have spent about twenty or thirty minutes, finally,with a faint smile,the now revealed magician took another step back, pointing to both adventurers do the same, and whisper "that are ready, now comes the hard part"
"What do you mean hard part?" Rag questions offhandedly, "if you are a unicorn, you can cast magic easily no?"
"It is not so simple, Rag, North Star, if you're a unicorn, you should not it have a horn on your head?" asked the young mare, to which was followed by a quiet laugh that came from the sorcerer.
"Right, my young friend, however,in order to hide and try to help future generations, I got to use a drastic measure," the old wizard said as he began to remove his bandana, that all villagers had seen on him at all times placed on his forehead, when the last part of the band fall, Applecobbler emmited a small grasp of shock, because in the forehead of the once proud unicorn, there was only a small stump of what, in his time, would have been a vision of hope for the whole pony comunity on the remains of the planet.
"Lesson for you kids, is not always what you want, but what you have to do, what ultimately makes a difference, "said North Star solemnly, before letting out a chuckle," Well, now, if I remember correctly, I need something to channel my magic, lucky for you, I learned in my youth that magic also can be channeled through gems, and right here in my staff, I have the answer to this predicament "with a mischievous look, he moved his staff under the light for both adventurers could get a better look, at first glance, it looked like a fairly common oak staff, but after a while, Rag observed that between the oak, tiny specks of light could be seen, also, the tip of the cane had a diamond of about 15cm on it.
"Old Crafty stud, so you have the diamond that i found in the ruins" the human exclaims, with a little resentment against the magician, after a while, the boy relented, "I wish you have said it before, after I lost the diamond, i even come to think that Haze had stolen it to pursue his dream of joining the sky Pirates, and ... "Rag stopped suddenly, looking at Applecobbler, the mare with a smile from ear to ear, "why are you smiling, Applecobbler, this is serious!"
"I can not help it" the mare said, stiffing her smile, but after that laughing, "I remember that you even make a bet against Gerome that you could look for Haze and beat him up for stealing the diamond, by the way, you owe me 50 bits."
"Aw man, I did not think you'd remember that," Rad said, renewing the giggles until North Star interrupted the two youngsters.
"Well, no more distractions, let's open this door."
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The magician stood in front of the door, watching it carefully , after a while, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and began to twist his face, grimacing as a blue aura began to appear in the cane and wrap the door, after several attempts, some metallic clicks were heard, and the structure gave way, moving to one side with a metallic rumble, and generating a small echo in the now open room.
After that, North Star entered first, blinking several times, and emitting a little cry of pain when his foot found a metal ledge, cursing in several languages, the hermit just got upset a little more when in response to his misfortune , just listen giggles were heard, while the two young adventurers entered the chamber with lighted lanterns.
"That's right, laugh at the misfortune of others, damn brats " managed to say the old stallion, before analyzing in detail the large chamber, in it, there were several sealed tubes at regular intervals, and they all had the marks of fate that only have ponies when they discover their function or talent in the world, but what finally managed to finish the mage's protests were the first 6 containers, which are more protected , and the marks they had, since they were the marks of harmony.
"You two have just discovered one of the best kept secrets of the ancient kingdom of Equestria, Rad, Applecobbler, this ship has the spirits of harmony, these tubes are magical stasis chambers, and now I can feel the magic in this site, when we entered, we just release them. "
"What do you mean, "we just release them"?" Rad said an apprehensive way, making quotations in the air to illustrate his point, which go unnoticed, since a strong hiss echoed through the chamber, while the top of the first tube moved sideways, falling with a loud thump, and a purple alicorn slowly rose from the container, looking a bit dissoriented at first, then her look switched to one full of surprise while she looked at the other two ponies, and then the human that was slowly turning around to see what had happened.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! A MUTATED MONKEY"
After a 2.000 year gap, those where the first words from the alicorn of magic, Twilight Sparkle
Eyup us humans .
Hit it Twilight! Hit it with a stick!
i1.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/544/659/1e0.gif
4097566 WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MARE!
WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MARE!
WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MARE!
WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MARE!
WACKY WAVY INFLATABLE ARM FLAILING TUBE MARE!
4101881 uhhh... wat ????
to all the ones who are following this story, a big thank you, i am needing a proofreader and an editor badly, as Jirodyne stated, sometimes i mess up (still i wanna apologize again, i wrote chapter 4 drunk up to my ass, not a very nice thing to do) anyhow anybody interested PM me and ill send to you anything that i have planned, also, Jirodyne...
static.comicvine.com/uploads/scale_super/12/126902/2686258-2655691_2648082_thor_come_at_me_meme_generator_be_you_enraged_approach_me_brethren_0324a1.jpg
Just kidding, thank you for the time you invested in correcting me, i am working overtime to do a better job for the reedition of chapter 4
peace!!
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I can agree with that. It's a good start, but more explanation is required as to why Celestia and Luna could/would fail to protect Equestria, let alone what the overall situation is and how it ever got so dire as this. I'll leave it at that since someone else clearly shredded things over major plot issues, etc. Also, high technology spaceships/airships???
I don't mean to seem exceedingly critical, but in the future you may want to consider writing stories with three or less tags as adding more tags generally indicates a lack of focus as to what the story is really about. Also rolling crossovers and alternate universes together is pretty intense.
-- Corrections Central (some quick things) --
** Proper Nouns -> http://www.chompchomp.com/terms/propernoun.htm
griffon empire
> That should be 'Griffon Empire', since it's a proper noun (it refers to a specific empire, The Griffon Empire).
4
> In most cases you should spell out numbers when writing, so make that 'four'.
equestria
> Proper nouns again here, Equestria, it is the name of a nation.
queries
> you've got the wrong word here, you're probably thinking of quarrel (either a dispute or another name for a crossbow bolt).
the general Blackbeak
> Just make it 'General Blackbeak', would you? General is a military rank/title rather than the word general. Or perhaps you mean '... the general, Blackbeak'.
griffonia
> Really? Not Gryphonia? Oh, well, anyway, capitalize it! Griffonia is also a proper noun, the name of a nation.
coup the grace
> You mean coup d'etat (see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coup_d'%C3%A9tat). The phrase you've used here should be spelled coup de grace, and sometimes refers to mercy killings. I.e. you end the suffering of a person who was mortally wounded in battle and will die shortly so they won't have to suffer as much. When you use phrases with specific meanings from other languages, you should keep them in that language to avoid confusion.
---
You have a fair number of spelling and grammar issues. Considering this, unless you are just bursting with story you should really consider editing and revising the existing chapters before moving on to the next one. That is, unless you'd prefer someone to just edit it for you and then you just read through it and then put up the edited version.
Do you use a word processor? (ex. Microsoft Word, OpenOffice/LibreOffice, Abiword) If not, you should consider it as they often have spellcheck and sometimes grammar checking built in. Just set the language to English before you start. I'd heartily advise against writing this in your native language (if you aren't a native english speaker) and then just ramming it through google translate or some other such tool.
I'd edit it for you, but last time I edited something for you, you never did anything with it and just left the original up. I don't mind helping, I just like to know that it was useful.
P.S. This story has a number of the same shortcomings of your other story, despite being a little more put together at the beginning. It would help a lot if you wrote a first chapter or a blog post that explained the source material, since you seem to pick pretty out there crossovers.
P.P.S Is this related to this -> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skyland ? In what way is it a crossover?
P.P.P.S I've only read chapter 1, so I'll cross my fingers and read the rest now.
P.P.P.P.S If that anthro tag means that modern day ponies are somehow bidpedal,you should probably just drop that. Short of violent magical reconstruction, or some serious genetic modification ponies would never evolve into a bipedal species, much less in a mere 2000 years. Even with those things, it's very unlikely that they would be a viable lifeform having been altered thus.
4112334 as told you and jyro, im working in it on my own, still trying to get one editor and a proofreader, bedrriden with a damn stomacal flu so i dont be updating this for a week
4112347
Sorry to hear that. Hope you feel better soon.
4112334 ok im back (more or less) if you are still interested in editing this, how can i send you the originals from the first 3 chapters in order to correct and edit them ????
4177976
I'll send you my email address via PM.
I don't want to be anoying but plz update, you just left us on a clifhanger
4253281 thanks for the interest im trying to get one editor in order to follow this, i have been busy but i think i can send it to stormyventure for corrections and then ill have it updated
4253334 The only thing that I can say at this point is thank you
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im waiting to update this, whenever stormyventure replies to my PM and edit this story ill be updating, i have all the story planned, but i dont have an editor or a proofreader and i dont want to dissapoint you guys, thats why i dont have updated this one or my other story (BTW if you want check that one too) anyhow as soon i get an editor ill update, pinkie promise!!!