Guest Chapter - Maud About You (By The Letter J)
“This next one is about rocks. They're all about rocks.”
But alas, poor Twilight would not get to hear another of Maud’s thousands of poems about rocks. For before Maud could begin, the front door of the library opened, and a certain unicorn entered loudly. “Twilight, I’m home!”
Twilight’s mood improved immediately, and not just because she was spared from the beautiful poems that she just didn’t understand. “Flare! I thought you weren’t going to get back from Canterlot for another few hours,” she said as she wrapped him in a hug and gave him a quick kiss.
“I wasn’t, but Luna and I finished our training earlier than expected, so I took an earlier train.”
At this point, Pinkie decided that she had given the couple enough uninterrupted time to be all cute and mushy, so she started doing what she did best. Or at least what she did best in situations that met the guidelines her friends had laid out for her to explain when it was not okay to throw a party (she still wasn’t sure why “this is a regular and not exceptionally unusual occurrence, and it’s been less than twenty-four hours since your last party” was a good reason, but she went along with it because apparently there are times when not throwing a party will make ponies happier than throwing a party will), namely enthusiastic interrupting. “Hiya, Flarey! I’m so glad that you’re back from Canterlot now, because now you can meet my sister Maud and become best friends with her with all my other best friends!”
Twilight winced slightly and awkwardly looked away, but Pinkie and Flare were paying too much attention to each other to notice. And Maud, if she noticed, did nothing to show it. Not that she ever did. When Twilight looked up again, she realized that Pinkie had somehow managed to remove Flare from her hug without her noticing and had dragged him over to Maud so they could be properly introduced and what would undoubtedly be a lifelong friendship could begin.
“Flare, this is my big sister and best sister friend Maud. She lives back at the rock farm where I grew up, and she’s the best rock farmer I know, except for maybe my dad, but he’s basically a legend in the rock farming community, and even then it’s kind of a close call, and she’s visiting me before she goes off to school to get her rocktorate in rock science, and I won’t see her again for a long time, and now I’m helping her and all my Ponyville friends to become best friends! Maud, this is my best Pokémon friend Flare Blitz. He came here a few months ago from another world, and he was something called a Ponyta, which is a type of Pokémon and is a lot like a pony, except his mane and tail were on fire, but they didn’t burn anything, and they actually felt pretty nice, and then some crazy magic stuff happened, and he grew bigger and stronger, and then he fought off the god of his world so that he could stay here, and then some more crazy magic stuff happened, and he became a pony!” Even though he had known her for several months, Flare was still constantly amazed by how much Pinkie could say in a single breath.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Maud.”
“It is a pleasure to meet you as well, Flare Blitz,” is what Maud said next, except she said it in a language that was comprised almost entirely of silence and that only she was fluent in. So Flare just thought it was a normal awkward silence.
In an effort to fight off the perceived awkward silence, Flare latched onto the only thing that stood out in Pinkie’s introduction. “So you like rocks, then?”
“Yes. They’re just about my favorite thing.”
“Oh. I never really learned much about rocks. Back home, they were rather hazardous to my health. Part of being a Fire-type, you know?”
According to traditional Equestrian means of communication, Maud did not reply. So Flare was left to awkwardly push the conversation along by himself.
“Umm...But I don’t have any problem with rocks, of course. In fact, A good friend of mine, Terrakion is his name, was a Rock-type. He was a bit of an old guy, but he was a lot of fun to prank and was pretty good sport about it.”
Flare continued to not understand Maud’s response, or even realize that she had given one.
“And...uhhh...I met a Graveler once. He was a nice guy, very laid back. Though we didn’t exactly meet in the best of ways.”
Flare took Maud’s silence as a sign to continue.
“You see, I was walking along at the base of Mt. Mortar when I heard some rumbling and crashing sounds getting louder and louder. I started looking around to figure out what was making the sounds, and pretty soon it hit me. Literally. Turns out it was a Graveler rolling down the mountain, and I had unintentionally wandered directly into his path. I was knocked out before I hit the ground.
“But like I said, this Graveler was a pretty nice guy, so he felt bad about accidentally knocking me out like that. Luckily he had some Revival Herb with him, so he was able to get me healed and conscious again pretty easily. He was really sorry about the whole thing, and showed me how to get around safely in Graveler territory. ‘Rocks gotta roll, so watch out while you stroll,’ he liked to say. I wonder what he’s doing these days.”
At this point, Maud decided that traditional Equestrian methods of communication would likely suit her purposes best. “So this Graveler was a rock?”
“Yeah, Graveler are basically just big, four-armed, living boulders. Oh, and they tend to explode a lot, for some reason.”
“Are all the rocks in your world alive?”
“Of course not. But there are plenty of Rock-type Pokémon. Onix, Boldore, Solrock, Lunatone, Nosepass, Rhyhorn, Sudowoodo...Oh, let me tell you about Sudowoodo. They’re rocks, but they look a lot like trees and like to pretend to be trees, for reasons that are completely beyond me. So it’s really easy to mistake one for a tree when you first see it. But believe me, you only make that mistake once. You see, I had just left the National Park when I first ran into a Sudowoodo…”
*****
“It was nice talking with you, Maud. We’ll see you later,” Twilight said as Maud left the library. Flare and Maud had spent almost two hours talking, mostly about Flare’s home-world and the rocks there. Between the intelligent rocks that lived there and the apparently magical stones that had all sorts of effects on the Pokémon that used them, Maud thought that Flare’s world was amazing (though it would have been hard to tell from looking at her). Twilight and Pinkie Pie had joined in too, as Twilight was always interested in learning about Flare’s world and Pinkie never liked being left out while her friends did anything. They would have kept going all day long, but Maud still needed to spend some time with Applejack and Rainbow Dash before it got too late.
“I enjoyed talking with you too. Goodbye.”
Pinkie, meanwhile, had pulled Flare aside so they could talk without the other two hearing them. “Thank you thank you thank you so much!” Pinkie said as she wrapped Flare in a tight hug.
“Huh? I didn’t do anything special.”
“I know, but Maud just wasn’t clicking with the girls, and I was afraid that my best sister friend and my Ponyville friends weren’t going to become friends at all. But thanks to you, Maud is friends with you and Twilight now, and I know it’s just a matter of time before she’s friends with the rest of the gang too!”
“Oh. Well, I guess you’re welcome then. But are you really sure Maud sees Twilight and me as her friends now? She didn’t really seem to like us all that much.”
Pinkie giggled. “Are you kidding? Of course Maud likes you. I’ve never seen her flirt so much before. She totally wanted to jump your bones back there. Though she probably would have wanted to fossilize them first so they’d be rocks. I mean, I really love my sister, but she’s just a teensy bit obsessed with rocks. Then again, who am I to talk? I’m obsessed with sugar, and sugar is a type of crystal, so it’s basically a rock too. I wonder if this runs in the family or something. My parents are kind of obsessed with rocks too, you know. You have to be to live on a rock farm if you don’t want to go crazy. Ooooh, I just thought of something! Rarity is obsessed with gems, and gems are a type of rock too! I wonder if Rarity is one of my surprise cousins! Ooooh that would be the greatest thing since the time I found out that Applejack is my surprise cousin!”
Flare had stopped paying attention to Pinkie’s rambling after she revealed that Maud had been flirting with him. Everything he knew about Equestrian and Pokémon social interactions suggested that Maud was completely apathetic towards him and just about everything else. Even when it came to rocks, she seemed to have a sort of apathetic fascination. But Pinkie was insisting that Maud had been flirting, and he did trust Pinkie to understand her sister. And that only left one logical conclusion. And, with a sigh, Flare finally accepted that inevitable conclusion.
“I will never understand mares.”
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What no sex?
5773817 - That's Lucky's department.
5773825 - Flare: You're just jealous
This chapter is funny as hell. Especially with how Maud "flirted" with Flare.
Oh, wow. I had completely forgotten that I wrote this thing. Turns out that it can be really entertaining to read something you've written when you don't know what's going to happen in it.
6090376 - I get the biggest smile everytime I read this. You need to write more bro.
6090652
Yeah, I really do.
And honestly, I think that this and my other contribution to this little story collection are probably the funniest things I've written (though I've always felt that the ending of this one is kind of weak). It all seems to just depend on what sort of mood I'm in and what inspiration strikes me as I write.
Hope you post more, hopefully a chapter with sex.
6121839
Lol, yeah I agree. A chapter with just Flare and Twilight, "Hanging out" in the bedroom.