The Flareverse - What if's, Could have's and Should never have been's... but we did them anyway.

by Ausbrony

Chaos decides that things were more fun down on the ground, so it stops rising, goes back home, and finds something else to do for the rest of the afternoon. By TheLetterJ

Chaos decides that things were more fun down on the ground, so it stops rising, goes back home, and finds something else to do for the rest of the afternoon.

Flare had a deep-rooted hatred of the Void, the name he had given the space between Equestria and Earth. Twice before he had nearly died travelling though this place, so he figured that the hate was justified.

But this time…?

“Something’s… different.” This thought ran through Flare’s mind as he and Sparkler floated through the Void.

It wasn’t cold like last time, and despite being in an endless, open space, Flare didn’t have that feeling of being closed in and trapped.

“Is it because of the different method of getting here?” Flare didn’t really have much time to think about it as a white speck of light rapidly grew larger. “I guess that’s our stop. I wonder if everypony will be surprised to see us.”

Then Flare realized that there was a reason the Void didn’t seem as cold has it had before. “Umm... Sparkler, you don’t have to hold on to me so tightly.”

Sparkler pouted. “But I want to make sure we don’t get separated in this dark, empty void.”

“I think we’ll be okay,” Flare replied.

“Are you sure? I really don’t trust this place. Last time we traveled through it we almost died.”

“Sparkler, that was because Darkrai was trying to kill me, not because the Void is out to get us.”

“Well it doesn’t hurt to be safe.” After a brief pause, Sparkler continued in a voice that was barely a whisper. “And I almost lost you once. I won’t let that happen again.”

“What was that?”

Sparkler squeaked in surprise and her face reddened noticeably. Her hooves would have shot to her mouth, but they were busy with the much more important job of holding Flare either uncomfortably or incredibly comfortably close, depending on who you asked. She hadn’t expected Flare to actually hear her whisper, but alas, that’s one of the unfortunate consequences of holding somepony close and refusing to let go.

“Did you say that you’re afraid of losing me?”

“Ummm...No?”

“So that’s not why you’ve been Wrapped around me with your hooves Clamped on my flank like Shelder on a Slowpoke’s tail the whole time we’ve been here?”

With her metaphorical hooves caught in the metaphorical cookie jar and her literal hooves caught on Flare’s metaphorical cookies, Sparkler found herself trapped between a rock and a family of lost and rather mixed-up metaphors. There were only two things she could think to do. And Plan A was irrational denial.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Sparkler, your hooves have been all over my flanks for the past twenty minutes,” Flare deadpanned.

“No they haven’t.”

“Yes, they have. They’re massaging my cutie marks right now.”

“That’s preposterous.”

“Well then, where do you think your hooves are?” A small community of pans erupted in panic as the tone of Flare's voice spontaneously killed several of its citizens.

“At the ends of my legs, of course.”

“Okay, I think you’ve been spending too much time around Pinkie. Or possibly Mew. But that’s not important right now. So where are your legs then?”

“Ummm...hanging down loosely as we float through the Void?”

“Not wrapped around me?”

“Well, maybe a little bit wrapped around you.”

“So then where do you think your hooves are?”

“I suppose they must be somewhere around you then.”

“Try checking my flanks.” The death toll was rising.

“You know I’m not the type of mare to go staring at my friends’ flanks, but I’ll do it if you insist.”

“...Sparkler?” She didn’t respond.

“Sparkler.” Still no response.

“Sparkler!”

“Hold whatever creatures it is that we hold, Flare. I need to do a very thorough check to make sure I don’t miss anything.”

“How about you tell me what you’ve found so far?”

“Well, you seem to have rather nice flanks.”

“Really.”

“Oh, yes. They seem to be very firm and muscular. And they’re just the right shade of white, too.”

“You don’t say.” Pans gathered with their families to tell their loved ones how much they loved each other, to hold each other close, and to wait for the end.

“Oh, I do say. And your cutie mark is quite nice too.”

“And is that all you’ve noticed about my flanks?”

“Of course not. I’ve also observed that your tail, while not strictly a part of your flanks, does offset them quite nicely. And it really brings out your cutie mark too.”

“Anything else?” A once small, but thriving, community of pans was now devoid of all life.

“Not at the moment, no. But I’m sure I could learn more about your flanks if you give me some more time to study them.”

“Do you even remember what you were supposed to be looking for down there?”

“A way back home?” Anypony who didn’t know any better would think that Sparkler had learned how to lie from Applejack.

“Your hooves.” Pans in nearby communities fled as he curse of Flare's voice spread. Not all were lucky enough to escape.

“Oh. Right. Those.”

“...Well?”

“They do appear to be in the general area of your flanks, don’t they?” Sparkler’s hooves had been caressing Flare’s flanks during their entire conversation.

“Now are you going to do something about it?”

“I suppose I must enact Plan B.”

“And what, exactly, is Plan B? Actually, what was Pla-” Flare was cut off by Sparkler placing her lips over his. She finally removed one of her hooves from his flanks so that she could instead hold his head against her own.

One unintended side effect of this kiss was that it finally freed the pans from the curse of Flare’s voice. But the cost was steep. Many good pans lost their lives that day, and those who survived were never quite the same.

Eventually Sparkler broke the kiss. “I’m sorry,” she said sadly. “I know you and Twilight are happy together, but I just can’t help but feel jealous. Twilight and I aren’t that different, so why couldn’t it have been me?” She sighed and looked away. “Maybe it could have happened if you’d never met Twilight. Or Rainbow Dash. Or my mom. Or the princesses. Or half of the other mares in Equestria, it seems. She stared off into the Void, which they were still floating in for some reason, as tears started to form in her eyes. “Maybe there’s another world out there somewhere where that happened. Where things worked out in a way that would let us be together. But that world isn’t ours, and it never will be.”

Flare gently lifter Sparkler’s chin up until they were staring in each other’s eyes. “Well, we’re not exactly in our world right now either.”

Sparkler gasped. “Y-you don’t mean...But what about Twilight?”

“Hey, we Pokémon have managed to keep our methods of reproduction a secret from the humans for millennia. I think we can manage to keep a little secret from Twilight too.”

And with that, they began to kiss again, and soon two pairs of forehooves, which actually only adds up to four hooves, managed to find their ways back to as many flanks. They would have kissed until the need to come up for air made them stop, but there wasn’t actually any air in the Void to begin with, so somehow they managed to get by without breathing at all. So instead they stopped when their tongues got too sore to continue because of all the wrestling they were doing.

They looked into each other’s eyes and-

***

“There you are, Discord!” Fluttershy yelled at the very handsome draconequus who was floating through the clouds that covered the ceiling of Luna’s room. Well, by Fluttershy standards, she yelled. If it was anypony else, it could barely be considered talking at an above-average volume. “What are you doing up there? Don’t you know we’ve got a war going on?”

“Of course I do. I’m playing a very important part, you know.”

Fluttershy, for some unfathomable reason, did not seem to trust the completely trustworthy spirit of chaos. “What part is that, umm, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I’m the one keeping track of troop movements and the like on the map!” And with a snap of his talon, Discord teleported a startled Fluttershy (or as she is often known, a normal everyday Fluttershy) up above the cloud layer, where she saw what appeared to be the board from a game of Candyland, covered with game pieces from just about every other board game imaginable. Fluttershy thought it looked like Discord had just dumped out the contents of Pinkie’s game closet. (He hadn’t. It was actually Luna’s game closet.) “See, this is me and you over here,” he said as he pointed to a Molopony top hat and a dark pink Ticket to Ride train. “This is Chrissi,” a beetle waved its leg at Fluttershy as Discord motioned towards it. “And over here we’ve got our good friends Flareon and Firework.” He gestured towards what appeared to be surprisingly accurate small plastic models of Flare and Sparkler hugging each other in a not-quite-platonic way as they floated through the air.

“Ummm...What are they doing?”

“Hopefully heading back towards the board. I don’t know what I’ll do for entertainment if that stallion doesn’t get back here soon. But in the meantime, I made a story about what they’re up to. Want to hear it?”

“Umm, shouldn’t we help the others defend the city though? If you don’t mind, of course.”

“Don’t worry, I just won’t move any of the pieces on the board until we’re done. Now then, Flare had a deep-rooted hatred of the Void…”

***

By the time Flare and Sparkler returned to Equestria, Discord and Fluttershy had written most of a novel about what the two unicorns had been up to (Fluttershy turned out to be a huge help with the romantic parts). Flare and Sparkler denied every word of it, but it still managed to become the best selling book of the year.

Oh, and that whole invasion thing worked itself out too.

Comments

[WildStallion]

Discord: So random he makes Pinkie look normal.

[ZeroChill]

Discord you glorious troll.

[Omava]

Based on the title, I came into this chapter thinking that Discord was pretending to be Sparkler at the start, so you can probably imagine my reactions as things... progressed...

[Moongaze14]

Funniest chapter in this story.

[The Letter J]

4166744
That certainly would have made things odd. But don't worry, I'm pretty sure that Discord is immune to Flare's charms, even if nopony else is.
And if you couldn't tell, the chapter title is mostly just a joke based on chapter seven and chapter eight's titles.

[Derpy_Dragon]

fimfiction-static.net/images/story_images/103611.gif?1368439287

[Ausbrony]

4169732 4168371 - Hey, Look Letter, this guy hacked your webcam!

[The Letter J]

4169732
4170655
t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTKmrt3FgQGGlmptlOeYwf65j_yDvp2G2-XB27JN52m9GjBQSTg9g

[Ausbrony]

4175590 - Y'know, I don't know how many times I've read this fic but it makes me grin like a madman everytime.

[The Letter J]

4728422
You flatter me. But I admit that it did turn out rather well for something I threw together in a few hours because I was bored on April Fools' Day. I really need to write my own story one of these days.

[112mag211]

I thought that you said you would never write post clop stories, or is this an exception since you didn't write them.

[Ausbrony]

5266957 - More or less. I said I'd never write them myself. If I said that I'd never post them, well... I guess I did.

[112mag211]

5267079 Derp

[112mag211]

4166539 By Ponyville standards everypony (and one draconequus) is normal