Old Friend
I finally got to have a rest after being dragged onto the dance floor for over an hour, and my feet were killing me. Now I don't usually mind dancing for over an hour but when you're dealing with somepony like Pinkie, it exhaust you after ten minutes. Once I sat down though I let out a sigh of relief as I stretch out my legs.
"How you doing?" I hear someone ask, and I look to see Twilight there.
"Tired, feet are about to fall off, and I'm not looking forward to classes tomorrow with a hangover," I answer.
"Yeah, Pinkie's party's will do that to you. But don't worry, you'll get used to it hopefully," the purple mare said jokingly. "So, any mares here you think are cute?"
"Twilight, we just got to see each other again after two years and that's what you ask me?" I reply with an unamused tone.
"Sorry, but we it's only been two years since we seen each other, not it's been two years since we last talked. So come on, you can tell me if you like any girls here." I then feel her giving me a poke to cox me into answering.
"Twilight, you really are still as stubborn in person as I remember. But to answer the question, I really haven't had the time to look around since that pink ball of energy kept pulling me around." I answer.
"Speaking about Pinkie, how have you two gotten along so far?" Twilight asked, giving him a curious look.
"Pretty good I think, I mean besides one moment where she tried to pry into my past." I answer, giving a depressed sigh. "I know that I shouldn't really be afraid of that anymore, I mean I know a lot of these people and ponies won't care who I am. But I just don't have trust in others not to use me like before."
"Don't worry about it, like you said you're in college which should have mostly mature enough adults in it. You'll be ready to tell them when your ready, though I do suggest telling Pinkie since she is your roommate a bit sooner. You be surprise at how helpful she can be when she knows what's bothering you." Twilight said, looking over to where the pink mare in question was. "So, that means you like her though?"
"Yeah, she's pretty nice. I think we could be good friends, though it's strange. She said she's met wizards before, and yet she doesn't really seem to know a whole lot about them." I said.
"I assume you mean the whole cutie mark thing? Because quite a few ponies don't know about that." Twilight replies, and then a cup drifts in front of me. "But here, have a drink."
"Thanks, but will you be leaving anytime soon?" I ask, taking a nice long drink.
"Actually, I'll be staying in the nearby city for a meeting with King Battalion." Twilight answers, taking a little sip of her own drink.
"You mean the king of the Minotaur's?" I ask, feeling a little embarrassed about asking the obvious question.
"Yeah, we'll be talking about the student exchange programs in Ponyville." Twilight answered.
"Cool, but you know I liked your old house there a little better. I mean no offense, but your castle looks like a reject or older design for the Crystal Empire." I said teasingly.
"How can you say when you never visited me? I mean we are fam...." Before she could finish, a pink blur passed by and she was gone. "Hey, let me go Pinkie!"
"Nope! I have somepony who says they would like a dance with you!" I heard the pink mare say before disappearing into the crowd, making me laugh.
"What's so funny?" I hear someone above me ask.
"Oh, your Rainbow Dash right?" I ask, after calming down a little.
"The one and only, now what's funny?" The blue pegasus ask.
"Oh, just Twilight being pony napped by Pinkie for someone to dance with her." I say, making the rainbow maned mare give me a look before snickering.
"That mare has been doing her hardest to find a date for Twilight. Also, you can just call me Dash, and Pinkie already wore ya out huh?" Dash asked.
"Yeah, she wouldn't let me get off the dancing floor. I mean, even when I thought she wasn't looking, she just appear in front me if I tried to leave and give me a death glare." I shivered a little.
"It's lucky then that she finally let you go, because sometimes she doesn't let anypony go until they practically pass out. Though that's mostly because they get drunk as heck. Which are you drinking?" Dash ask me.
"Yeah, but I'm trying to take it easy since I have classes tomorrow. If you want to know, I'm drinking some of that hard apple cider and I must say that it's some of the best I've ever had." I said, drinking the last drop.
"That's because she got it from Sweet Apple Acres." Dash said, licking her lips.
"You want some then? I'm sure we got plenty, even if I don't know how much she actually brought." I said, giving another sigh.
"Sure, I'll go get us both some...." Before she took off, I levitated a cup to her. "Your a wizard?"
"Yeah, I don't normally use my magic in front of other's though. Only reason why is because my feet need the rest right now." At that she just nodded.
"You know I could of gotten them in like ten seconds flat?" Dash said, her tone one of pride.
"And let you destroy half of the apartment? I don't think so." I said, and gave a quick laugh.
"What?" She asked.
"You have some foam on your nose." I said, pointing to a spot on her nose.
"Hey, I can't help it! I'm addicted to this stuff!" Dash exclaims.
"Well, if you're so addicted then you need to go to one of those Alcoholics Anonymous groups," I said a little teasingly. "Here, let me get that for you." Using my magic, I took the foam off her nose and put it back into her drink.
"Um, thanks." She said, blushing a little but enough where I noticed making me raise an eyebrow.
"Say, you wanna dance a little bit?" I ask, knowing that was more of the alcohol talking.
"Yeah, let's go!" Dash said, getting a huge cocky grin and jumping in the air.
As I got up my feet started to protest, but I ignored them knowing I should at least try to give someone a chance even if it's more or less the alcohol talking. To be honest, I'm not even sure at the moment as I don't really know how much I had to drink. But what's the harm in just dancing with somepony?
"Man, you sure you're not some kind of professional or using some magic to make you a better dancer?" Dash asked after a few songs.
"Like I said, I don't really like to use my magic in front of others and I've taken a few lessons." I answer, giving her a smile. "But hey, I'm gonna take another break or else I think my feet are gonna blister."
"It's cool, you mind if I hang around you for a little bit more?" Dash asked.
"I don't see why not?" I said, giving a shrug walking over to the refreshment table grabbing a new cup and filling it up.
"You can really put that stuff away can't you?" I hear her ask.
"Yeah, I'm a pretty heavy drinker when it comes down to it. How about yourself?" I ask turning around leaning against the table.
"I can hold my liquor when I need to." She answers. "Say, do you think if we're gonna talk we could do it somewhere more private?"
"Yeah, let's go to my room." I reply, and started walking towards my room door unlocking it with my magic before opening it. "Come on in."
"Thanks, but why is it so quiet in here?" She asked in slight confusion.
"Simple, I put up a sound barrier earlier so when I go to bed I wouldn't have to worry about the nose." I answered.
"That's cool, but that reminds me. I heard a rumor about wizards." Dash said, another blush coming up.
"Which rumor?" I ask, raising my eyebrow.
"Well, it's a rumor mostly for the male wizards that are born." At that, I knew which one she was talking about. "And, well I wanted to know if it was true."
"You gonna tell me what it is then?" I ask, knowing there was one she could be talking about considering how nervous she seemed about asking about it.
"Is it true that your thing is bigger because you don't have a horn like a unicorn?" She finally spits out, making me drop to the floor laughing. "What? I just wanted to know, you don't have to be a jerk about it."
"S-sorry, but y-you do know the reason why it's called a rumor right?" I manage to say, in between breaths and after calming myself down I explain a little more. "No, it's not true. I mean a male wizards private isn't going to be bigger just because they lack a horn on their heads. You can typically tell when a wizard is using magic when their eyes glow a different color, so in other words it's our eyes that act more like a catalyst than our privates."
"But what about all those wizards who are blind and can still use magic?" She ask.
"Look, wizard magic acts differently than unicorn magic. It's a bit complicated to explain, especially when I'm not a hundred percent sober right now and you being a pegasus and all." I answered.
"Right, um, sorry I made myself look like an idiot." Dash said, kicking herself.
"Don't worry about it, that rumor got started because of some wizard like seventy years ago who made himself bigger with his magic." I said, laughing a little.
"Really?" She asked in surprise.
"Yeah, and before you ask one of my teachers in high school caught some of my classmates talking about it. So she gave us a lesson on the subject, lucky it was a sex ed class anyways." I replied.
"Well that sounds really embarrassing for them, mostly because I know how it feels to be caught talking about something. Though it sounds like they got off easier than what I did, I had to write a report on it and read it out loud to the entire class!" The blue pegasus then gave a huff.
"What was it about?" I ask, letting my curiosity take hold.
"I rather not say, but are you alright you seem to be shifting a little bit?" She ask.
"Yeah, I just need to sit down. Guess when we started to talk I forgot about it." I reply, blushing a little sitting down on my bed. "Ah, that feels better. You want to sit?"
"Um, sure if it's fine with you." Dash said, hopping onto my bed turning around hitting me with her tail. "Sorry, didn't mean to do that."
"It's fine, I'm just glad that I don't have one." I say taking a drink of my drink.
"Right, your part pony. So if you don't mind me asking, which side is pony? Or are you one of those second generation Wizards?" Dash asked.
"My mother's a pony, though I don't know who my dad is." I answer, wanting to hit myself for saying that.
"Why? I mean weren't they together when you were born?" She ask.
"No, and I rather not talk about it." I replied, getting slightly defensive.
"Oh, well hey I can understand a little. My mother ran out on my father when I was only three." She admits, putting a hoof on my leg. "So, we have something a little in common."
"Yeah, I guess we do. I just hope whoever he is, he's in prison right now for what he did." I mutter that last part, making Dash look at me in slight concern.
"What do you mean by that?" She ask.
"It's nothing I want to talk about, but do you think you could uh, remove your hoof?" I ask, reddening at where she placed it.
"Oh, why? I mean I can tell you need a little release, and you don't have to worry. We can just have a one night stand and never do it again if you don't want to." She said, her tone making me gulp.
"I'm not that kind of guy, sorry. If you want a one night stand with somepony then I'm sure you can find someone else out there who'll be willing." I said, removing her hoof standing up giving her a serious look. "But I suggest if you want to do that, you actually build up a relationship and not just jump into bed."
"I was just asking, and like I said we don't have to do it once. If you want we could go out a few times before we get into bed together." She said winking at me.
"Yeah, sorry I'm not looking for a marefriend right now. Especially since I just broke up with my last one just a month ago." I said, wanting to punch myself again for letting myself drink this much.
"Wait, you just broke up with your marefirend? If you would have said that in the first place, I wouldn't even have suggested anything! I'm sorry, really and know that I'm not normally so forward." She said, hanging her head.
"It's fine, I'll chalk it up as a drunken mistake. Now, if you don't mind I like a little privacy or if you don't mind finding my friend Georgie for me?" I ask, softening my glare that I hadn't realized I was giving.
"Um, sure no problem. She's that Angel chick with red wings right?" She asked.
"Yeah, that's her and tell her to find me in here." At that Dash nodded, and walked out of my room with me quickly shutting the door behind her banging my head against the door. "I shouldn't have had so much to drink if it'll make me tell somepony I just met a few hours ago stuff like that."
I decided to go and lay down in my bed until Georgie comes, and why did I ask for her? Well she is my best friend, and knows how to get me out of my moods even if she sometimes can be a bit hot tempered. She does have a soft spot for me though, she's always has since the time she had seen me getting bullied when we were younger.
"Brandon, you in there?" I hear her call, and before she get's an answer she walks right in and gives a sigh. "Just as I figured, how much did you tell her?"
"Told her about how I didn't know my dad, and hoped he was in prison for what he did, and about my last marefriend." I answer, sitting up wiping away a few tears.
"I assume you didn't tell that Rainbow hussy all the details?" I shook my head. "Yeah, figured otherwise you might have been in worse shape. I mean your father I can understand you going into an angry fit about, I think anyone would. But that bitch of your ex is another story, something I wish you let go by now. Even if it's only been a little less than a month."
"I know, and I do want another relationship but not what that Dash girl was offering." I said.
"I know you don't, after all you wouldn't be your mother's son if you did what she suggested and I wouldn't be your best friend. But you should at least try to open up a bit more, it might help get a new relationship started even if you don't realize it. I mean at least try to make some more friends, and start from there." Georgie said, sitting down.
"You're starting to sound like my great aunt. I know, but you know how much I rather not say." I said.
"Yeah, I know and keeping secrets is only natural. Especially what you've been through, but you know I'll always be there to protect you from making any bad or stupid mistakes and I might even save your butt again if you get into a fight." She said, giving me a smirk.
"That was when we where younger, you're not the only one who got training since then." I said, returning the smirk.
"There we go, now are you ready to out and have some fun? Because I think I met a few cute single girls who you might be interested in." I let out a groan as she says that.
"Seriously?" I ask. "After what I just been through?"
"Like I said, you need to get back in the game. Now come on, before I kick your butt out there." She said, standing up.
"Fine, but there's no guaranteed alright? And I'm curious, how is it going with Applejack?" I ask, remembering seeing them dancing together a lot.
"Oh, it's going great actually. I invited her back to my dorm." She answered.
"What about your roommate?" I ask.
"Eh, from what I remember she said she was going to another party at a frat." She said, making me roll my eyes.
"Well, hope you have fun." I said, walking out of the room behind her.
Let me tell you this, Georgie really is my best friend but when she tries to help me out in the dating department she usually looks for what she's interested in. Now she does flirt with guys, but that's only to get a free dinner. She really is only interested in girls, but like I said when she tries to set me up she only picks ones she likes.
"There ya are, you want to dance again?" I thanked god as I heard the familiar southern accent.
"I love to, but I have to help him out since your friend kind of made a bad impression." That caught my attention, usually she would not hesitate telling someone when one of their friends ruined a night of fun, at least not the way she just phrased it.
"Well, he's in college I'm sure he can find himself a dance partner..." That's when I got my chance and snuck away, and I reminded myself to give my thanks to Applejack later for her providing the right kind of distraction.
"Man, I really hate it when she does this." I say to myself, getting myself another drink only this time I got regular cider.
"I bet you do, from the looks of it your friend was just using you as an excuse to meet girls for herself." I hear someone say beside me, and as I look I see a zebra looking at me.
"I'm used to it, I mean we've been best friends since we were young. She does have my interest at heart, and I don't think she realizes that she picks them out of her own interest." I said, taking another drink.
"Still no excuse for it though, she should let you do things on your own. Especially finding a marefriend." The zebra said.
"Well trust me, last time I tried on my own it didn't go over too well." I said, giving another sad sigh.
"How long ago?" The zebra ask.
"It's been less than a month, I broke up with her after she found out I was going here for college. As it turns out, she was only going out with me because of my money. It's a good thing she never asked for any before because if she had she wouldn't have gotten anything. I would have broken up with her before, too bad I bought her an expensive necklace before though." I said, not really caring who I tell about it now since it's been eating at me since I brought it up to Dash.
"It's girls like that that gives us a bad name, I mean dating someone because of social status or money is shameful." The zebra spat.
"Cheers to that." I said raising my cup, as she did the same. "What's your name by the way? I'm Brandon, Brandon Jenkins."
"I'm Korona, though you seem familiar. Have we met before?" Korona ask.
"No, I don't think so unless you were one of the people Pinkie introduced me to. Not unless you've heard about me before, wouldn't surprise me." I mutter, knowing that in all likelihood she probably had if she wasn't from one of the surrounding towns or the city.
"Hmm, you used to live in the Crystal Empire right?" The sudden question made me raise my eyebrow.
"Yeah, but how did you figure that one out?" I ask.
"Simple, because I think that's where I saw you. I think we used to be in school together, before I moved away." Korona said, making me look at her more closely.
"Wait, Korona Kiki?" I ask, and she nodded. "Oh man, I remember you now. You only went to my school for like a semester right?"
"I believe so, it's amazing that we got to met up here in college. What are the odds of that?" She said, with a big smile.
"Yeah, I remember we used to talk a little bit." I said, remembering her first days and how hard it was for her.
"Yes, you were one of my only friends back then. I just can't believe it took us this long to recognize each other." She said.
"I know, it's good to see you again." I said, giving her a hug which she let out a surprise squeak to. "So, how have you been?"
"I've been doing just fine, especially after I made friends with you and Georgie. Once I moved, I had no trouble making new friends. But from the sounds of it, you still suffered from your heritage." She said, and I only nodded.
"Yeah, they never really stopped. Shoot, I was lucky to have a few real friends like you even if we were only friends for two quarters." I said.
"Well, it's good to see Georgie and you are still best friends. Though that's another thing I'm surprised at, I mean me not even recognizing one of the top wrestlers in that school." Korona said.
"It's been awhile, memories can get fuzzy after a few years of not seeing each other. But this does bring back some pretty good memories from us hanging out." I said.
"Then how about me and you hang out and catch up? I mean we could do it here, but I think there's to many ears and noise even if you do a sound barrier." Korona said, and I nodded.
"Yeah, I think I like that. But do you mind if we still talk? I mean I think it would help me avoid Georgie for a little while." I ask, giving a nervous smile.
"I like that." She answered, and they took a seat against the wall.
They began talking about what made them decide to apply at this college, what they were majoring in, and how the party has been for them. Which lead to another discussion about when Georgie was trying to get him to dance with girls before they ran into each other. After that, they started talking about the past.
"So, she still flirts with guys to get free meals huh? You know that's why I didn't like her at first?" She said, making me chuckle a little.
"I remember, and yeah she does." I replied.
"I'm surprised that you haven't rubbed off on her, or vise versa." She said.
"We've always been our own person, and I don't think either one of us will rub off on each other. Though she does let her soft side come out more." I said, taking a drink.
"That's good to hear, how's your aunt doing since she became your aunt?" Korona asked, giving a little evil smile. "Does she still not like it when you call her auntie?"
"Not one bit." We both burst out into laughter. "But in all seriousness, she's doing fine."
"I know, I ran into her already." Korona said, making me look at her. "Don't worry, we just talked a little."
"Good, because I rather keep that part of my life a secret so I can focus on my studies for right now." I said, and saw her nod in agreement.
"I promise not to say anything." Korona said, and let out another surprised squeak when I leaned over and gave her a peck on her cheek.
"Thanks, it really is good to see you again and I wished you could have stayed back then. Maybe things would have turned out for the better for me." I said, giving her another hug.
"Y-you're just drunk." She tried to say.
"I haven't had a drink in at least a few hours, I've been drinking regular cider and you know how alcohol affects me." I said.
"Yeah, if you don't get flat out drunk you sober quickly. I remember, but does that mean what I think it means?" She asked.
"What I said about if how if you managed to stay back then? Yeah, I had a big crush on you and it seems I get a second chance. That's why I wanted to catch up with you sometime, and that's why I didn't really hesitate accepting your offer." I said.
"Well, I'm open tonight and tomorrow at four." She said, though when she got to the tonight she gave me a little wink.
"Hey now, that's what got me into this." I said, making us both laugh again before I knew it though our lips locked and our eyes widen in surprise. "Well, now how did that happen?"
"I don't know, but I'm not really complaining." Korona said, and despite me wanting to look around to see who made us do that, as I did feel magic, I couldn't take my eyes from hers.
"So, um, uh, y-you want to head to my room?" I ask, my voice shaking her sea green eyes having a trance on me.
"Yeah, I think so." She said, both of us already completely red from what just happened.
---
"Well, that seemed to do the trick. See I told you it would work Twilight, all they needed was a little push." Georgie said, smiling proudly to herself.
"Hmmph, you just got lucky. I mean I know Brandon felt my magic pushing them together like that, I'm just surprised he didn't even break eye contact with her." Twilight said, admitting defeat.
"That's because you don't know him like I do." Georgie said, smiling even more as she saw an old friend and her best friend make their way to a place a little more private.
"True, but his mother isn't going to like hearing about this." Twilight said.
"She'll get over it once she hears how happy he is, and if she doesn't then she'll probably just blame it on me getting him drunk even though you're the one who gave him the most to drink." Georgie said.
"I thought he needed help to relax." Twilight defended.
"Yeah, all he needed to relax is like four cups but it did it's job. It did make him relax a lot more than I've seen in awhile." Georgie said.
"Well, I'll be going back to my hotel room. I've got to get up early and it's already eleven, time fly's when you're having fun. Tell Brandon bye for me tomorrow." Twilight said, as she teleported out.
"Yeah, I better get a few more dances with Applejack before we head out." Georgie said, and looked towards my room door and smiled to herself again. "He better thank me for this, took a lot to convince Twilight to do that." She mumbled to herself as she walked back to the dance floor.
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3998491
Actually, that's not what governs the use of commas vs. periods in dialogue at all. The deciding factor is whether or not the text immediately following the closing quote is a dialogue tag that describes who said the dialogue and how, or a separate action which is performed after the dialogue is spoken and is not connected to it.
Both of your examples:
must use a comma at the end of the dialogue, and not capitalize "she", because "she sighed" is a dialogue tag describing who said it ("she" said it) and how it was said (she "sighed" it.)
If the character's dialogue ends in a ? or !, you use those marks as normal inside the quotes, but you still must treat the following dialogue tag as part of the sentence and not capitalize the first word unless it's a name.
Only when the text outside the quotes is not a dialogue tag, but an entirely separate action, do you end dialogue with a period and start a new sentence:
In this case, the bolded part is a separate action -- Mr. Hetch speaks his first lines of dialogue, then stops speaking, gives a little smirk, and resumes speaking. So it isn't a dialogue tag, and is not connected to the previous sentence.
4139150
Such as the fact that you're still punctuating your dialogue incorrectly, as totallynotabrony already pointed out to you back in chapter 1?
WRONG:
CORRECT:
(Note that in the third example, the "Using my magic" part and the preceding "Here, let me get that for you" dialogue is punctuated correctly, because his act of removing the foam from her nose is a separate action performed after he finishes speaking, not a description of who said the dialogue and how.)
You also keep confusing things like "your" vs. "you're", "its" vs. "it's", and so on. "You're" is the contraction of "you are", not the possessive pronoun ("your" property, "your" house); "it's" is the contraction of "it is", not the possessive pronoun ("its job", "its color").
4466561 Thanks, this is the kind of criticisms that I look for. As for the your, you're, its, and it's well that's a mistake that I don't normally catch until someone goes over the chapter. By that, let me clarify that I mean I don't catch them while writing and even if I do go over it myself I may end up skimming pass them.
4466624
Hmm tell me about it...
4482591 Hey, you volunteered to be the proofreader for this.
4482626
Im not denying that fact
MORE
you switched writeing formats. you went from I entered my room to they entered my room. but the they was still the character himself.
also i was expecting pinkie pie romance.
4655115 Hm, I never promised that it would be a Pinkie romance. Though, who knows what goes through my head.