A New Teacher

by Sparky Brony

Chapter 8. Pinkie Pie

"As you can see, this house has everything you need," the realtor said.

I looked around, the house was exactly what I needed, one bedroom, one bath, a spacious living room and kitchen, and it was furnished. I opened the appliances and looked around, either the previous tenant was a neat freak, or they had one hell of a cleaning service. I turned at looked at the mare. "I'll take it."

A huge smile from her. I followed her out of the house and down the street to her office. She also had an office in the town hall, just down the hall from Rainbow Dash's. After signing the paperwork and gathering the keys, I trotted by the Weather Mare's office. Rainbow Dash was sitting there, the pencil was certainly shorter than when I had left earlier, and I could tell the colorful mare was a bit frazzled.

"Paperwork is the same in every universe Rainbow Dash," I said as I poked my head in, eliciting a flaring of the wings in surprise.

"Oh, it's you."

"Yup, and I hate paperwork as much as you probably do. Add to that, you have to hold your pencil in your mouth to write, I had hands to do it, and I hated it."

"Oh really?"

"Yeah, one thing they didn't tell me when I signed up to be a pilot is exactly how much time I would have to spend behind a desk filling out reports. Old Uncle Sam is fed with bits of paper apparently."

She laughed at that.

I pulled my much lighter bag of bits out and bounced it in front of her. These wings are surprisingly dexterous. "I'm hungry, how about you? Want to get away from the paperwork? My treat?"

She was out the door so fast she jumped over my head through the door and was halfway down the hall before I caught up with her.

"I'm guessing the answer is a yes."

She rolled her eyes, "Duh."

I followed her as she walked down the road. "What are you in the mood for?" I asked her.

"Fish."

That stopped me in my tracks. "Aren't you guys herbivores?"

"Duh, we're pegasi, dude."

"And that's different how? We are still ponies."

"How many other ponies do you know of that has an extra limb girdle for a third set of appendages? We are different dude. Almost every pony city has a restaurant that caters to not only pegasi, but griffons and a few other omnivorous species."

"I could kill for a beef steak wrapped in bacon."

She stopped in her tracks. "That would be murder dude. Cattle talk, we don’t eat animals that think."

"Uhh, I really didn't mean it that way, it was an expression, from home."

That earned me a punch to the shoulder. "Dude, I knew that, I had to mess with you though. That is seriously not something you would say here. A little tidbit of information for you."

"Oh," I looked down. "Well, back at home, I hunted for my own meat. I always liked venison. Do deer talk in this world?"

"Nope, in fact, you can order a venison steak if you want. I've never had that before, I don't come here regularly, but I usually just order fish."

"I get enough fish, I haven't had a venison steak in over a year."

After we arrive and are seated Rainbow Dash slaps her menu down.

"So, are you going to tell me why?"

"Why what?"

"I know you are not attracted to me, why did you ask me to have dinner with you?"

I couldn't do anything but stammer for a moment. She smirked as the waiter came up. She ordered for both of us. And she ordered exactly what I wanted. I don't know how she did that, but a venison steak cooked medium rare with a loaded baked potato was exactly what I was in the mood for. I shook my head. After the young stallion walked off with our order she turned her attention back to me.

"So?"

I looked down at the table for a minute. Trying to gather my thoughts.

"Hi Dashie!" A very excited voice says.

I look up and see pink. Not just a little pink, but an entirely pink pony. Light pink fur, darker pink mane and tail, just a whole bunch of pink, the only part of her not that is not pink are her eyes, which are a deep and vibrant blue. She's got her attention focused on Rainbow Dash.

"Oh, hi Pinkie. He's a new weather pony now. You remember being told about Nick, right?"

She bounced up and down a couple of times, "Of course I remember Nick. He's the pony that was a…mfph." Her words were muffled by a cyan hoof. She pushed Rainbow's hoof out of her mouth, and much quieter, said, "Oh, sorry." Then she turned to me.

"Well, since you are new here, I can't wait to throw you a welcome to Ponyville party. Or maybe it should be a welcome to Equestria party. Or should it be a…" her voice fades as she bounces out of the restaurant. I look over at Rainbow Dash.

"Uh…"

She smiles at my discomfit. "Well, Nick. So, why did you ask me out to dinner?"

"Can't a guy be nice?"

"Yeah, they can, and you aren't wearing a cyan flower, so anyone who's looking can see this can tell I'm not courting you. I know I'm awesome, but I have the feeling that I'm not your type. So again. Why did you ask me out?"

"Well, I was hoping for your help."

"You mean other than getting you a job, a generous bonus, and even a meal on my treat?"

I had to seize on that, "I'm paying you back for the meal."

Another smirk from Rainbow, "Come on dude, I'm not stupid."

"There is a pony I'm interested in."

"Wow, I can see why you are a pegasus. You don't go slowly. Full throttle from the time your hooves hit the ground. So, who is it? Oh, I know, the prettiest pegasus in all of Ponyville."

"You know it's not you, Rainbow Dash."

"Dude, I wasn't talking about me, I'm not ugly, but I'm too skinny. I was talking about Fluttershy."

I simply shake my head.

"So, not Flutters." She made a show of tapping her hoof on her chin.

"No, not Fluttershy."

"You haven't met AJ, or Rarity, yet. So she would have to be on the weather team. Flitter? Cloudchaser? Cloud Kicker? Blossomforth?"

"No, No, No, and No."

"Boy, you must have been busy meeting ponies between last night and when you showed up for work today."

"Nope." I smiled at her.

"So, dude, don't keep me waiting."

I felt my face growing hot. I wasn't used to saying such things out loud. "Uhhh, Twi-"

I jumped as she slammed her hoof down on the table.

At first I thought she was mad, but the look on her face was comical, she was trying not to laugh. And failing miserably at it as well.

"You, want," she laughed, "to date," she was gasping now, "purple smart?" She couldn't hold on anymore, she laughed so hard she fell out of her chair and was rocking on the floor holding her barrel with her hooves, laughing. All I could do was sit there red faced. At least I think my face was red, being covered with brown fur and all.

"I can't breathe!" She fell to new peals of laughter. I waited, none to patiently, for her laughter to die down. It took way too long for my taste.

Our food finally arrived, Rainbow Dash was still chuckling, though she had managed to make it back into her seat. I finally decided to ignore her, and took a bite of my steak. The flavor spread across my tongue. I had to close my eyes. I've noticed since I got this new body, my senses were different. Smell, hearing, eyesight, all much stronger than I ever had as a human. I have now discovered that the sense of taste was similarly enhanced. I was chewing on ambrosia. Oh my God, this is awesome. Everything else fell away as I devoured my steak. Her salmon linguini looked good, but this steak, nothing beat this food.

"I don't think I can afford to eat every meal here, but oh my God," I said finally as I swirled the last bit of potato in the juices and popped it into my mouth. I pushed my plate away and sat back. Now that was a meal.

"Well, they have a butcher shop, if you want to buy some to cook at home, this is pretty much your only source for animal protein." Rainbow Dash had finally gotten control of herself while we ate.

"I'll have to remember that."

"So, Nick," She stifles another laugh, "are you aware that as a new princess, Twilight has a line of suitors miles long?"

"No, she didn't say anything about that."

"And she's turned down every one. What makes you think you'll be different?"

I look down at the plate. I don't know what to think. After a minute or two of brooding silence, I look back up and am startled by her bright cerise eyes.

"Well, dude. It's your funeral. But if you want, I'll help you. You might just get lucky and have a lavender flower in your hair before too long."

"That is the second time you've mentioned flowers. What is so important about flowers?"

She leaned back. "You have no idea about courtship here in Equestria. When a mare asks a stallion out on a date, she typically presents him a flower the color of her coat. Pegasi sometimes offer a primary feather, but that has a deeper meaning, I'm not going to go into it now." She stops for a moment as her cheeks glow. So, blushing shows through our fur, good to know. "Well, when she offers the flower, it's his option to either wear it, usually behind an ear, or to reject it."

"What about a, uh, stallion, asking a mare out?"

"Oh, dude, I don't know where you are from, but that's really rare."

"Oh." I looked down.

"Don't worry dude, we'll figure out a way."

I looked hard at her. "Why do you want to help me?"

That question caught her unawares. She was in the middle of taking a drink of her water, my wing took the brunt of the water as she reflexively spit it out, I was lucky to get it in front of my body in time.

She coughed a bit, then looked at me. "Because Twilight is my friend. I love her as a friend."

"That's not enough Rainbow Dash, and you know it."

She sighed. "Yes, I know." Silence.

I waited as patiently as I could. But finally, "Rainbow…"

"She came to Ponyville to make some friends at Celestia's order. And she kind of fell in with us, me, Fluttershy, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie. We just became friends so easily. But I've seen her at times, when I'm resting on a cloud. I've seen the look on her face. Sometimes, just friends isn't enough. She needs a true confidant, someone to address those things even a good friend isn't good enough for. And I want her to be happy."

"Oh," Well, that was a good reason, I guess.

Dessert offers were politely declined, I tried to pay for the meal, but once again, Rainbow Dash preempted me.

"This may not be a date, but I’m a well mannered mare pays for the meal." She said over my protestations.

We walked in blissful silence to my place. I found myself reassessing the cyan pegasus. She wasn't a jerk, she was fiercely loyal to her friends. And I discovered to my shock, she was coming to recognize me as a friend as well. Well, I've been able to make two new friends here in Equestria. Maybe it won't be all that bad.

I reach into my small side bag for my keys, then open the door. Then stop. I just used my hooves the way I used my hands. How in the hell did I do that? This world just gets crazier and crazier. Just as I get the door open, the light snaps on.

"Surprise!!!" yelled dozens of voices. I look back at Rainbow Dash, a big grin on her face.

"Dude, you are new here. For your information, everypony new gets a welcome to Ponyville party from Pinkie Pie."

"Oh." I turn back into the house, briefly wondering how everyone made it into my new house without the keys, or for that matter, how Pinkie knew where my new house was. Rainbow Dash could see the confusion in my face.

"Dude, just remember it's Pinkie Pie, and you won't go nuts trying to figure it out."

Comments

[Nordic_Icewolf]

Hmmmmmm I wonder why this is getting so many thumbs down its an excellent story

[defunct321]

4225589 It's because, unfortunately, it's a cliche premise. Military human goes to Equestria, meets the Mane Six, and attempts to woo Twilight Sparkle, fails, possible hydra fight or something similar, actually woos Twilight Sparkle, the end. And most people cannot look past a cliche premise on this site. Other cliche premises include alicorn OCs and seventh elements of harmony.

[Sparky Brony]

I know the basic premise of the story seems cliche, but I'm not planning on going that direction. No big battle or anything to make Twilight fall in love with him. And Luna is going to make this more difficult than he realizes. I'm trying my hand at funny, and I hope it works out. I like the story as I've conceptualized it, and I'm going to roll with it as of right now.

[Phenrys]

"Dude, it's pinkie pie" Eeyup, add usual that explains almost anything, hehehe.

[ThEvErYdErPyBrOnY]

Just pinkie being pinkie

[SuperwhoPegasister]

4227585 Just for the record, I think it's awesome.

[The Cosmic Consciousness]

"Hi Dashie!" A very excited voice says.

Perhaps add "Who's your friend?" at the end of this so that the next line of dialogue makes sense.:

"Oh, hi Pinkie. He's a new weather pony now. You remember being told about Nick, right?"

[Titan Commander Sebaste]

It's Pinkie, ya don't question it!

[Truthseeker]

How in the world are these Ponies understanding and using figures of speech and references from the Human world?