Unexpected Symptoms of Tatzlwurm Flu

by novianprincess

Chapter 4

Fluttershy decided that the backyard was a good a place as any to read The Tome of the Tatzlwurm so that was where they stayed even after Pinkie had departed. Without the hyperactive earth pony’s antics to keep him awake, Discord spent most of the afternoon drifting in and out of sleep, occasionally awakening to Fluttershy reading out a relevant passage from her book (“They’re actually generally very friendly, but they hate surprises…like unexpected visitors,” she’d read, looking at him pointedly.) The chimera was content to merely mutter ‘yes ma’am’s at her and drift off again, until he heard the sound of the bubble’s zipper being undone. His ears pricked up.

“Does this mean what I think it means…?” he asked, half-sleepy, half-cautious not to get his hopes up.

“Mmhmm,” she said, “There wasn’t anything in the whole book about Tatzlwurms carrying viruses any different than the type anypony could get – just that their particular strains are more contagious to magic-users. So I think you’ll be just fine if I let you out. We’ll just have to warn Twilight and Rarity to keep their distance.”

The bubble collapsed around him and he stretched as if he’d been encased in stone again. “So good news all around then!” he exclaimed.

She rolled her eyes.

“Oh, come now,” he reached out and ruffled her mane, “After the past weekend, it’s not like Her Highness would want to see me anyhow.”

She smiled wanly, “You know, it’s a new day…maybe you want to tell me what exactly you were thinking with that stunt anyway?”

He stiffened. “Not really, no.”

“Aw, come on,” she started slowly towards the woods that lined her backyard. “Let’s go for a walk. If you want to talk, no one else would hear.”

Discord frowned. He flapped his mismatched wings a few times, but found they wouldn’t lift him. Without his magic they were purely decorative. He grumbled, but followed after her on foot. After the warmth of the open yard, the shade of the forest canopy was a drastic enough change to shake the last vestiges of sleep from his brain. He glanced around him as they walked, observing how many of the birds and other critters seemed to be following them, from a distance, in the tree branches. “Certainly a lot of eavesdroppers around,” he said, scowling.

Fluttershy looked back, brows furrowed into what he recognized as ‘The Stare’, and the woodland interlopers scattered. After they had gone, she smiled at him. “Sorry about them. They’re a curious bunch.”

“Yes, well, I suppose I am a curiosity,” he mused. As if being made of a dozen different creatures weren’t enough, his fur and scales were still green and spotted. He plucked at the tufted fur on his chest. It was slightly matted, and he couldn’t recall a time it had ever been so before. Could it be that his magic had kept him clean all these eons? (Sure he’d been in the bath when Twilight had summoned him back when the Plunder Seeds were sprouting, but that was just to make her uncomfortable.) He sighed. Green and grungy. The levels of pathetic just kept piling on.

Fluttershy had paused, waiting for him to catch up so they could walk side by side. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s not like they haven’t seen you before, or even that you’re strange looking – which I don’t think you are – it just that usually when they see you, you’re turning the trees into candy canes, or you know, something like that.”

The corner of his mouth twitched upwards. “Yes, I suppose not having their homes disturbed is the anomaly. Even the rodents can tell I’m not myself. On that subject…did you book happen to mention how long this is going to last?”

“No longer than any other flu,” she answered, “So, as long as you take it easy – and do what I ask – you should be back to your old self in a week or two!”

He didn’t like the look she gave him when she’d said ‘do what I ask’…what exactly was he going to be instructed to do? And how could he refuse anyway? He desperately wanted to get things back to normal; he’d try just about anything. Maybe the book had given her a recipe for some kind of disgusting tonic he’d have to ingest. He resolved to put up with whatever she had in mind. “That’s excellent news, my dear, though you don’t have to glare at me like I’m some disobedient school colt. Whatever it takes to knock this thing out, I’ll do it.”

She smiled, “Sorry about that. Angel gives me the hardest time whenever he’s sick. He hates his medicine, even when I hide it in food he likes.”

Discord smirked, wishing the damned little fluffball had been within earshot. It was silly to fight with a rabbit over Fluttershy’s favor, but did Discord care? Not in the slightest. “Well you’ll have no such trouble from me. The sooner I’m well, the better.”

“That’s the spirit!” she said.

The two fell into a comfortable silence after that. As silent as a sick draconequus could be, anyway. After the third coughing fit, he stopped walking. “Might we head back now?” he asked, rubbing his throat with his paw, “I’m getting awfully tired.”

“Oh! Of course,” Fluttershy said, “Actually, this path goes in a ‘U’, so we’re almost home. I’m sorry if this was too hard – I just wanted you to keep your strength up.”

He could see the path brightening ahead, signifying the end of the tree line. “That was good thinking,” he told her, “I’m glad I can count on you for that.”

“C’mon,” she said, circling around so she could nudge him from behind, “You can take another nap and I’ll get dinner ready.”

“Actually…” he said as they reemerged onto the lawn, “Would you mind if I washed up while you did that? I…er…” he rubbed the back of his neck with his paw, the sentence trailing off. The escalation of his level of vulnerability over the past twenty-four hours was staggering.

She smiled, “You don’t have to ask about that sort of thing – my home is your home, remember?”

“Well I…” Discord took a deep breath, and then exhaled a “Thank you. I’ll just…I’ll just be upstairs then.” He slinked off before he could make an even greater fool of himself.

* * *

Safely behind the locked bathroom door, Discord rested his back against it and slid to the floor, pouting. He was being ridiculous, there was no need to be awkward around Fluttershy. She was Fluttershy for Equestria’s sake. This being sick and tired and magicless was wearing on him and he knew it. With no pun-based transformations or prop-comedy summoning spells to spice up the conversations he was stripped bare – not a Spirit of Chaos, just Discord, the draconequus. The thought made him shiver.

With a groan (every inch of him still ached), he picked himself up and set to work running himself a bath. Fluttershy’s tub was pony-sized, and would be a bit of a squeeze, but it would have to do. He made sure to run the water extra hot. The steam would be good for his stuffed snout, and the heat good for his muscles. Climbing in he almost regretted it – tail-end first might not have been the best choice – but after a moment he was used to it.

He couldn’t exactly lounge or relax. No matter what some part of him was sticking out of the basin. If he slunk down so the water covered his shoulders, his legs and tail stuck out over the edge. If he pulled them in, he had to sit upright, the water only coming up to his stomach. He sighed. Just another reminder of how little he fit in to the world of his new friend. He fumbled for the soap and began scrubbing.

It wasn’t anyone’s fault, just the way things were, but the thought lingered. One that, like his observation about Fluttershy’s being well-suited to motherhood, came to the forefront of his mind now that there was no chaos magic to occupy him. Being the only one of his kind hadn’t bothered him for eons…not since he’d first been spat forth into the world – from where even he wasn’t quite sure – and had embarked on his original quest for purpose.

The image of a small, white unicorn filly with pale pink hair popped into his head and he dropped the soap. It bounced off of his knee and onto the floor. Grumbling, he retrieved it. ‘Damn it, Tia…’ he thought bitterly, ‘Aren’t I miserable enough as it is without you floating around in my head?’ He forced himself to focus on the task at hand. Once he was clean, he could go back downstairs and sleep, and his idle brain could quit pestering him with things better left forgotten.

Finally finished, he climbed out of the tub, fighting the urge to shake himself dry. Fluttershy wouldn’t appreciate the mess, and he was too tired to be a good guest and clean up after himself, so the less mess that got made, the better for them both. He did use every towel on the rack, though. Being nearly three times bigger than your average pony would necessitate that. And that she wouldn’t mind.

He ran the last towel over his head and then caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror over the sink. He almost baulked, then stepped closer. ‘Who is this wretched creature…?’ he mused, poking at his own face. His eyes were bloodshot, the dark circles that normally framed them even deeper. And the green tinge to his…his everything was worse than he’d imagined. ‘Sweet Tartarus, it’s as if I were a vomit-flavored jellybean.’ The thought of conjuring such a thing and slipping it into the general supply cheered him some. He made a mental note to remember that once he was well again.

Feeling a bit better, and certainly fresher than he had before, he draped the towel over the bathroom door and headed back downstairs.

No sooner had he set foot on the ground floor than he heard a voice that was distinctly not Fluttershy’s coming from the kitchen. Even without being able to make out the words, the twang was familiar enough to make him twitch.

“Well lookie here,” Applejack stepped out of the kitchen, and apron tied around her front, and her hat missing, “Don’t you look fresher than a daisy in April? Betcha smell like one too.” She grinned and waggled her eyebrows at him.

He bristled, the fur along his back standing on end. “And to what do we owe the pleasure of your visit, Miss Apple?”

“Getting’ yer sorry hide well again, that’s what,” she answered, strolling into the living room. “While you were tendin’ to yer ablutions, Fluttershy sent word that she needed my help mixin’ up the medicine in that there book she got from Twilight. Between the two of us, we had all the ingredients. Once ah brought ‘em here, she asked me to stay on fer dinner.” He grimaced, and her smirk faded. “Not that ah ain’t still sore at ya fer makin’ me sick and causin’ all that trouble, but it’s not like yer the first friend ah’ve had to make boneheaded decisions. So ah’m gonna try and let it go.”

He snorted, “Please, as if I care at all what you–” He stopped, blinked twice. “Did you say ‘friend’??”

She pursed her lips. “Well…friend of a friend anyhow.” She drew closer, poking him in the stomach with her hoof. “And if’n ya want the upgrade, ah think an apology would be a good start. Ah never did hear one before.”

Discord rolled his eyes, but inside his head was spinning. What was she doing, giving him this out? He’d expected her to stay mad for at least a few months…or until he did something new to incur her wrath, whichever came first. This…extending of an olive branch, especially from a pony known for her stubbornness, was a surprise. Best not to let that show, however. He leaned down towards her. “You’re right, Applejack. I’m sorry you didn’t appreciate my sense of humor the other day.”

She poked him again, harder this time. “That’s a cop out an’ you know it, ya big galoot!”

He gasped, the wind knocked out of him. He let out a wheezing laugh as he straightened back up. “Right you are. But that’s all you’re getting out of me right now.”

The earth pony squinted at him. “Suit yerself. But ah’ll be waiting.” She turned sharply to head back to the kitchen. At that moment, they heard the back door open and close and Fluttershy appeared in the kitchen doorway.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, “Is everything ok in here?”

“Fine,” Applejack said. She stuck her nose in the air.

“And dandy,” Discord added. He mirrored her movement.

Fluttershy frowned. “Applejack, you look just like you did back in the labyrinth…how come you’re fibbing?”

The orange earth pony’s face flushed red. “Ah…well, ah’m just tryin’ to keep the peace, that’s all. Didn’t want’cha getting’ upset.”
The pegasus trotted into the room, looking from one to the other. “There’s no need to pretend you get along for my sake,” she said gently, “But I did think that it would be good for you both to spend some more time together.” She turned to the chimera. “Sorry if it was a bit of a surprise.”

“That’s putting it lightly…” he grumbled, then, seeing her expression saddened, he did his best to smile. “Er, that is, nevermind. Surely you girls have things in the kitchen to attend to, hmm?” He put a paw to one ear, “I think something might be boiling over in there.”
“Dagnabit!” Applejack hurried into the other room.

Fluttershy looked torn about following her. Discord patted her head. “Go on, I’ll just be resting in here.”

She nodded, “Ok,” and then walked off as well.

The draconequus draped himself over the couch dramatically, though no one could appreciate it but Angel, who had to scramble off of it to avoid getting squashed. The bunny chattered angrily at him from the floor. “Zip it, furball,” Discord sneered, “I’ve had quite enough aggravation for one day.” ‘Though I fear this day’s not over yet…’

Comments

[Kendandra]

I love this story, it definitely deserves more views.

[Nstone53]

Yet it's still going.

[novianprincess]

4386108

Thank you! I'm not sure how to let more people see it - any ideas?

[Kendandra]

4388315
Groups are usually your best bet, thought I struggle with the view count thing myself.

[novianprincess]

4391661

Thanks! I'm still a relative newbie on this site...I'll have to look into that!

[Anmynous]

Ablutions? More a word Discord would use than Applejack...

[novianprincess]

4399341

Haha, true, but it's such a fun word! And imagining it in Applejack's voice convinced me to put it in - it was too funny. I imagine, just as she was able to go all fancy in "Simple Ways", she's not dumb just no-frills, so if she heard a big word out of someone else (she spends time with some smart ponies after all) she might remember it and pull it out for use once is a while.

[Nordlichter]

A very good story.

[Frazzled Pony]

Another thing: “That’s excellent news, my dear, though you don’t have to glare at him like I’m some disobedient school colt. Whatever it takes to knock this thing out, I’ll do it.” I think it should be "glare at me", not "glare at him".

Everything else is just dandy.

[Jordan179]

Alara J Rogers' Love, Friendship and Chaos is an interesting take on Discord's motivations in "Three's A Crowd." You should check her out -- among her works are Traitor, which is Twilight's Kingdom from Discord's POV and is one of the best Discord fanfics I've ever read.